Need for Recognition and Deep Insecurity

The infinite creation pours out through me in abundance and infinity.
Another person may acknowledge my creative work(a portion of it).
In fact it would be even better if someone acknowledged my potential vs. work, after seeing all my work.
Because then I could get bolstering for the potential itself vs. a specific piece created by me.
Ideally I would want to be seen/admired/revered/loved/wanted for being an infinite god (my highest conceivable potential).
Because that would bolster that reality, and give greater security (stability, solidification) for that version of reality experience.
But what is evident here is that I am still then attached to the pole of plenitude and am seeking this as an effort to move away from emptiness.

I see all need for recognition, coming from DEEP INSECURITY.
Because when it comes to your social image self, it is entirely sustained on others’ validations of you.
The ego = social self = socially conferred identity, and most of it is the internalization of what people told you you were.
Even the so-called high self-esteem people are simply the ones who have received enough affirmations of their potential (as a formative age, and beyond), which has reified in them as high self esteem.
The point is, the whole social self/ego reality is insecure.
If you have received a lot of positive social food, you are secure and probably forwarding that reality as an independent agent, and supporting others who have not received enough social validation food and are therefore living parasitically.
But for most people, the social self/ego is their only identity.
So giving up upholding/maintaining and forwarding the social self, will cause its total collapse from lack of feedback.
This self survives on FEEDBACK.
This self is inherently maintained by – EFFORT.
The social self/ego is inherently insecure, for it relies on external validation and continual reinforcement to survive.
The counter of this reality is to live in the effortless what is, and let everything else fall away, and thereby let the EFFORT created realities fall away.

So recognition is a kind of outer initiated solidification, security – of my own work, in my own mind space.
My creations are entirely validated by me, when I create them, but without external validation, they do not become concrete but rather pass away quickly like a dream. And then I dream another dream.
In a certain sense, recognition might add limitations to my creativity, because it might create a gravity towards those kinds of works.
To be totally free is to be totally free of such forces.

Recognition might hold me back from the perspective of infinite creation, because it will crystallize those formations, and I am likely to live up to them so that I can get security of 1000 people supporting/appreciating/liking/admiring it.
If I ever start relying on external support, then I am back in the insecure reality, and this social reality will EXTRACT/EXACT its price from me for conferring this security/support/solidification/feedback in its machine.
I will be forced to BE SOMEBODY and that will be a limitation.

I see seeking recognition as an attempt to hold on.
Recognition allows you to hold on, because your creation is held onto by others.
You have replicated that formation in others and that is solidifying your own creation in your own mind.
It is all coming from your DESIRE TO BE SOMETHING/SOMEBODY.
We are always BEING without effort.
But this is coming from the desire to BEING a specific ideal/somebody/something, not just BEING.
In essence it is coming from a desire to BE A “THING”.
To give up/let go/relinquish/move beyond being a “THING” = ENLIGHTENMENT.

Love and Knowledge

All real knowledge is from love. To love is to BE.
Consciousness can be experienced from any point of view, and full knowledge can be gained about anything in existence, by unioning with it and BEING IT.
Some things/people are easy to BE. Some others are much more difficult.
But full knowledge can only be gained when we BE something totally – greater the extent to which you can immerse your energy in something, greater will be the knowledge you can gain about that thing.
Knowledge is therefore your capacity to BE.
Capacity to BE = Love = Knowledge = Empathy
Empathy is the expression of our shared being.

Spectrum:
Dharana—————– Dhyana—————– Samadhi (union)
In order to union with something totally, you first have to be entirely formless and empty, only then can you completely union with form.
Else your capacity to BE will be reduced accordingly, and thereby your capacity to love and know will be lower too.
Love is the ability to BE something, putting your substance into something, infusing yourself with it, unioning with it.
To the degree to which this can be done, your love is greater, and accordingly your knowing will be greater too.

Energetic Principle of Ego

The ego works primarily on assertion and denial.
There are a lot of profound facts about assertion and denial.
1 – What you assert, is exactly what does not already exist.
In other words, the energy that MAKES the assertion DOES NOT CONTAIN the asserted thing which is precisely why it is making the assertion in order to bring into being that which is not already present.
2 – You can only deny that which already exists.
The energy that makes the denial, already contains the denied object. How can you deny something that does not even exist?
These 2 rules above have profound implications for the understanding of our own psyche and other peoples’ psyche.
So assertion, brings into being that which is not effortlessly present and denial shields that which is already effortlessly present in being.
These are the 2 obfuscating mechanisms, that prevent you from seeing/feeling/experiencing the deeper reality/self.
Both assertion and denial is to be let go, in order to dwell/be/see into the deeper reality.

Two kinds of relationships

I broadly see 2 kinds of relationships:
Ego relationships: Based on reciprocal exchanges from each others’ reservoirs, transactional relationship.
Source relationships: Based on direct flow from the source.
If you get exhausted/tired/depleted and as a result resenting/angry/demanding – then it is a sign that: 1 – You are in a transactional relationship and the transaction is not really working, like withdrawing cash at an ATM and the ATM deducts the money but does not dispense the cash or gives out only a fraction of it. It is living in scarcity.
2 – Source relationships: Your relationship and investments in it are coming directly as a flow from the source which is abundant and infinite. So that way your reservoir tanks of will are full and you are filled with energy.
Your movement does not drain your resources at all because it is directly working from source energy.
To give another analogy:
Point 1 is like using the laptop battery for power.
Point 2 is like plugging it to an A/C source. So not only is the battery full, you can also do whatever you want without worrying about LOSS of power, or depletion of your battery (reservoir).
Another way to put it would be:
Point 1 is Ego Relationships (fundamentally work on scarcity, just like the money system)
Point 2 is Source Relationships (fundamentally work on abundance, there is only celebration)
Ego relationships though can also be very harmonious and fair, its not wrong or anything, like we see in many of the successful marriages around the world. That would be basically akin to a fair trade system.
Source relationships on the other hand happen when you flow with the source energy and not with your stored reservoir of will. They are effortless and retain fullness at all times.
One way to tune into this reality would be, imagine there are no others at all and there is only you. Now what would you do then? If in such a state of being, you choose to have a relationship and invest in an other(spontaneously), then it is a source relationship.

About power

Power is invisible, and resistance is visible.
So if you “see” resistance, you are basically seeing powerlessness.

Center of being

single-point2

All suffering/pain is from not being in alignment with one’s true self/frequency/center of being
All pleasure/happiness is from being in alignment with one’s true self/frequency/center of being
– (inspired from Bentinho’s work)

We always have a pull towards our true being/alignment/center.
So resisting that pull is suffering, and all the structures that impede this movement towards that pull create resistance and therefore suffering.

The truth is always flowing as a river, at every moment…
Even our resistance is created/upheld/maintained/supported by us at every moment by the structures we hold on to that impede this river.
Every moment is an opportunity to let go.
A fresh opportunity is available at each moment.
We are given infinite chances.

The diagram illustrates standing in the center of your being.
The farther away you are from that, the less power you will have, the less happiness you will feel, the less alive you will feel and the more disconnected you will feel.
We are always pulled towards this center, and I could say, all our life and all our seeking is to find this center and live from there as the infinite abundance.

Journey to home

“Keep you eyes on the real goal” – I keep telling myself
As I navigate this territory without the ego structure
Sometimes higher goals appear, at other times chaos appears
Various gross and subtle fragments of identification fill up my entirety and pass through/change.
I cannot yet sense a ground.
I fall through various fragments/shifting identifications -> and shifting worlds.
I am like a true traveler, a psychic nomad, moving through various landscapes of the mind.
This is my journey towards home.
This is a unique territory that is to be navigated with my own intelligence.

I tell myself:
Trust that for each fragment encountered, life knows what it is doing.
Nothing is ever wasted.
No effort is ever in vain.
Flow with the divine will.
There is nothing to do, but to get out of the way
And let thy be done

Parents are the life enabler for the child

Parents are the life enabler and mentors for the child – they have lived here longer, and introduce the child to society and nurture the child’s INHERENT potentials.
Parents who are blind to their children’s potentials, not only thwart the child’s deeper inherent flows, they also impose a DEAD operating system (dead in the sense, not based on the reality of the child, which they are blind to).
This dead operating system might mainly serve the parents and the factions of society the parents are connected to.
Parents impose these “dead/hard and fast/rigid/militaristic/inflexible” systems by using GUILT AND FEAR because OBVIOUSLY the child’s natural inherent potentials would abhor and resist such a system being imposed.
Imposing such a dead operating system is a good way to guarantee depression for the child who has to not only GET RID of this toxic system (filled with guilt and fear) but also rebuild a system that supports his inherent potentials.

Parents usually do this, because they themselves are disconnected from themselves and are simply perpetuating a dead failing system providing by their parents onto them. A chain of “dysfunction/abuse/neglect/misdirection of energy/faulty beliefs” simply passes on and on, until someone has the intelligence to LOOK AT IT SQUARE and remove this toxic programming.
Until one’s cures one’s own dysfunction, it will simply PERPETUATE.
Unhappy parents, will most like impose their unhappy algorithms on their children too.
Not only that, needy unhappy parents are even worse, because they isolate and trap the child into serving them.
There is no limit as to how bad this can get, and therefore, it is never too late to take responsibility.

The creative void/Brahman

No experience I have ever had could be otherwise.
Everything is exactly the way it is, and experience is free-falling from the void and returning to it.
“I myself” as an apparent controller/agent am an appearance and part of this free-fall of experience.
It is as if life(manifest) spills out from death and returns to death(void) – The creative void.
This creative void endlessly spills out movies of experience and apparent subjects and points of view.
Also the world, other people, objects are all arising in consciousness which is the real substance all of it is made up of.
Consciousness or the manifest arises from this creative void – like a media player visualization.
This creative void has no substance, or nature, or form. Just as your eyes should not have any color in order that you see all outer colors clearly (else if your eye itself were tinted with a color, then everything would appear to take that color) – similarly, the Brahman/creative void is qualityless, quantityless, substanceless, natureless, formless.
The creative void is truly “Nothing” and “Everything” that is manifest now, is only 1 of its boundless/infinite possibilities.
The creative void/Brahman is even beyond concepts of ONENESS and INFINITY, because both of those are subtle mentations/ways of seeing, and that is only one of the possibilities of the creative void.
I can endlessly describe the creative void, but none of the descriptions ARE IT, because each description is only one of the forms of this void.
All that I write about is about the mystery of this creative void. It is a celebration of its mystery and wonder.

Pondering on “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.”

This aphorism is deeply intriguing to me.
It points at such a profound truth that I can intuitively grasp, but to touch this truth to all of my experience and to understand all of its implications is an endless fascinating contemplation.

I wonder about what this “no-thing thing” is.
This question makes me look.
The deeper I look, the more I silence myself to see finely (like how we hold our breath when threading a needle)
I am trying to silence myself enough to see the substrate space.
At a point, I can see, that along with what I am looking at, I am looking at my own looking.
I then see that, this looking is my own desire, the deepest desire in me, to feel and know the ultimate reality.
So me as the whole having a desire to look at itself (awareness turning back and seeing itself), is a desire like any other, that appears and passes.
Which means, this whole quest to know the ultimate reality is from my own deep desire.

This has mind-boggling implications of the impossibility of me knowing anything.
If all knowing and knowledge accumulation is driven by desire (the desire/heart drives the tuning into that particular manifestation of reality), and if desires appear and pass like all phenomena, then my very ground is swept off my feet.
Reality is even more crazily mysterious than I had previously considered.
So then, the quest of mine to find the ultimate ground is in itself driven by a specific desire, and therefore the manifestation that I paradoxically do by non-doing, is not the ULTIMATE GROUND of experience but rather a ‘Specific experience’.

On the negative side: Everything can be threatened. I mean EVERYTHING.
On the positive side: The truth/real can never be threatened. So nothing of true value is ever lost.

So what is the TRUE REAL? – it is inconceivable, ineffable, unimaginable, unfathomable, undetectable, unnoticeable, un-objectifiable, insubstantiateable. It is “…THAT…”.