In a way the only thing I am looking for is:
Intense/Immense/Profound meaning/voltage(PD)/current/movement/flow.
Be it additive, subtractive/dissolving, transforming.
Motivation is needed only when the reward is not intrinsic
Motivation is needed only when the reward is not intrinsic to the activity itself.
When aliveness itself is enjoyed, it penetrates everything.
It is like when the subatomic particles are singing, all matter is enjoying.
Intensity is the only measure of reality
More intense = More real.
Less intense = Less real.
Nothing is only a concept, not an existential reality
Existentially, there is never nothing present.
There is always something.
It is never the case that nothing is happening.
It is always the case that when we say ‘nothing is happening’, it is more like ‘what I want’ is not happening,
Maybe nothing interesting, sensible, useful, meaningful, worthwhile and so on (as you see it).
That should not remove the pure awareness of what is happening.
Never mix pure cognition and judgment.
The same applies to all our senses (seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling) and the mind itself.
There is never nothing happening, always something is going on.
Nothing is only a mental concept, not an existential reality.
Happiness is an elusive paradox
Happiness is like sleep.
I cannot study it,
Because when I am in it,
I am not there.
Some insights on change and free will
Generally, when we think of change,
We think of it in objective/external terms,
Like day-night cycles, season cycles, the rusting of iron, and so on.
So in this context,
We can study these changes, and make prediction models.
Here the subject stays as a relatively stable witness to the changing objects outside.
Changes of this kind are actually fairly superficial in our experience.
The subject is relatively unchanging while the object is changing a lot more.
Like when some people go on a vacation,
They are mostly the same people in different outer situations.
They mostly feel and act the same.
But there is another kind of change,
That is not objective, but subjective,
That is not outside, but inside.
Here, since the very subject changes,
This kind of change is unpredictable and profound,
It feels more like magic.
This kind of change is like when a person takes a medium dose of LSD.
There is a dramatic internal change that changes everything in their experience.
Childhood also is like that,
Where we go through dramatic shifts in our very view of reality itself with every passing year.
I am using the words objective and subjective in a more loose and colloquial sense here.
If I look at it deeper, all objectivity too would collapse into the subjective,
Where only the “Subjective” would exist.
Similarly I could also argue, that every subjective experience could theoretically be determined by objective factors that we still do not yet have the necessary subtle-enough instruments to define, study, and alter.
Objectivity = 3rd person perspective (3rd pp)
Subjectivity = 1st person perspective (1st pp)
All 3rd pp could be said to be subsumed into 1st pp.
I tend to look at all change as change in your state of consciousness (SoC).
Birth and Death are times of great change in consciousness.
Could equate it to sunrise and sunset?
While our Lifetime is more linear and less dramatic?
Could equate lifetime to day-time and after-death to night-time?
After death could be some unfathomable mystery though.
I think what is generally called free-will is the situation where:
We have a relatively unchanging subject in a changing outer world.
So then the subject is able to exert his/her steady will on the changing outer world and build things.
There is much less free will when we are undergoing any transformations of subject.
Here the subject changes relatively much faster than the outer world rhythms.
Transformation times are like kayaking in rapids.
The free will then has to be mostly used in service of the transforming force,
In navigating the rapid change,
So as to keep maintaining order and balance through the changes.
Free will feels like the mirage illusion
Free will feels like the mirage illusion in my experience.
If I don’t pay close attention to it or without close examination,
It feels like it is always there.
But once I really concentrate on it and pay very close attention,
I find that it vanishes.
Then once again, once my mind moves over to other things,
The free will component seems to reappear.
It reminds me of the illusion of solidity we experience.
When looking deeper and deeper into the atom,
We find 99.99% empty space.
But yet on returning to daily life,
We once again experience solidity everywhere.
The 2 variables of environment and control
There are 2 variables: Environment, Control
This could apply to the external (outer-circumstances) or internal (identity) domain.
From the most pleasant to the most unpleasant, I can think of 4 levels:
1. You could have an environment so good, that is not only already pleasant, but more and more pleasantness keeps outpouring/blossoming from it. No control is even needed in this case. Blessings are simply overflowing without any intervention.
2. You could have an environment that is stable and neutral, such that, you can use your effort to get more and more pleasure. This would be the realm of hobbies, passions, explorations, romances, achievements, endeavours, adventures etc.
3. You could have a hostile environment, that is quite unstable, such that it imprisons and enslaves you even to just maintain stability. Here there is constant struggle, using control just to keep things ok.
4. You could have an environment so hostile, and so unstable, that everything around you devolves and worsens, and even the exertion of all your control only slows and makes somewhat bearable this unstoppable fall.
I could call the first 2 levels as heavens and the last 2 levels as hells.
The 1st world, 2nd world ——vs—— The 3rd world, 4th world
The blind men and the elephant analogy describes our experience with time
Time = Kala/Darkness/Blankness.
When it comes to time, we live like blind men.
Unable to see beyond the present moment,
Living moment to moment.
Someone whose time is good says life is good,
Someone whose time is bad says life is bad.
Who is right?
Someone who is dying says life is destruction.
Someone who is at a thriving stage says life is constructive.
Who has the correct view of what life is?
This reminds me of the analogy of the blind men and the elephant.
Depending on what they feel,
They create a model of what life is based on that.
We live moment to moment, unable to sense time itself.
With our eyes open we can perceive reasonably large amounts of space.
But when it comes to time, we have no such sense.
The longer we live, the more we use our memory to model what life is like.
But we only base our idea by retrospect.
If time changes in a way that is different from our immediate past,
We cannot know.
Identity and the world projection, relaxation and evolution
The world that is seen,
Is not the real nature of the world,
Rather, it is that which is filtered through the identity structure and gets projected as ‘out there’.
The identity is the prism that breaks down the universal white light into the world projection.
The world that one sees and lives in, is really a reflection of the nature and structure of one’s identity itself.
Grosser the identity structure = Grosser the world projection i.e. the world that is experienced/seen/felt etc.
Identity is a kind of tension, a kind of flexing.
This tension makes up its very structure.
The “I” is the unconscious.
It is the unconscious tension held and identified with.
When one relaxes, one loosens this identity.
Theoretically, if one relaxes “Totally”,
The identity tension itself would get relaxed,
The identity would disappear, the world projection too would consequently disappear,
And there would be a fall into Samadhi.
Though, generally when people relax,
They never relax past the identity structure/tension itself.
They only relax until the foothills of their identity tension and stop there.
After all, it is that identity that initiates the relaxing itself right,
Why would it relax beyond itself?
It would only relax until itself and stop there.
The LOC (level of consciousness) is the sophistication/subtlety level of the subtle body.
‘David Hawkins’ has explained this in great detail, outlining various LOCs levels from 0 to 1000.
There are various structures, world views, orientations, occupations, that are germane to these difference LOCs.
A person in the 100s LOC would experientially live in a totally different world compared to someone whose LOC is in the 400s.
The higher the LOC, the more rarefied and subtle the identity structure would be.
The capacity to understand, see, know, intuit would increase with the increase in LOC.
Thinner/subtler the identity, more of the world and its information pours in.
The veil is thinned, and now it deals with way more information and reception.
Generally put, subtler the identity, higher is the level of information received.
The identity structures span from gross to subtle.
The movement of the identity structure/tension into the subtle is accomplished by relaxation.
So the different levels of gross to subtle identity structures are attained by progressively higher and higher levels of relaxation.
Initially the relaxation simply moves to the foothills of the identity struct.
If this is taken further and further, it will start to dissolve the very identity tension itself.
One would then enter a period of chaos of not knowing anything – a dark night of the soul would happen.
This would persist until the new subtler station is reached, and a new identity would form and function at that level.
To give an idea of the subtlety and complexity difference,
Imagine the difference between a Nokia 3310 and an Iphone 15 Pro Max.
The difference is in the sheer subtlety and therefore complexity.
The Iphone 15 Pro Max is like a wholly different dimension of complexity and capability, right.
The subtleization/sophistication of identity is the process of spirituality.
It is the conscious/voluntary yielding more and more of the identity into the ultimate subtle (the movement towards no-thing).
The rules of identity dissolution by relaxation and its reconstruction are demonstrated very well in the field of ‘Cymatics’.
To demonstrate the ‘Cymatics’ principles, there is a metal plate with sand on it, and a frequency generator is placed below the plate.
As the frequency is raised, the sand particles form various geometric patterns.
There are different milestone frequencies where a clear geometric pattern is formed.
In between these milestone frequencies however, the sand on the plate is in a state of chaos, with no clear discernible pattern.
All these terms are connected.
For instance, “Infinite frequency” is essentially a state of “Absolute Rest/Absolute Relaxation”
So the more one relaxes, higher is one’s frequency.
Those in-between periods of disarray are the different ‘dark nights of soul’ that the person has to to pass through, before the new subtler structures emerge.
A very advanced spiritual seeker may go through many such ‘dark night of soul’ periods,
As he/she moves through multiple milestones of identity subtleization and evolution.
This concept is also explained well in “Dabrowski’s theory of positive disintegration”.
Generally what carries a person through such periods of chaos/disarray is faith.
This faith comes from the beyond.
It may come from one’s own hidden spiritual potential, or this process may be initiated by a Guru at a higher level.
The identity by itself will never initiate a relaxation beyond its own structure/tension.
Only something beyond it can move it beyond itself.
We see the world as we are, not the way it actually is.
The more subtle our identity is, the richer the world will appear to be.
Journey to the Abstract 