Tag: Enlightenment

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I AM …THAT…

infinity-art-2-thumb-475x346-243418-660x280

I am not the following:
space, time, avatar, 6th density being, infj, wanderer, imagineer, realist, practicalist, wordly, other-worldly, dreamy, immanent, abstract, literal, metaphoric, son of god, god, sun, moon, healer, mystic, traveler of worlds, psychonaut, loner, lover, hater, socialite, good, bad, proud, humble, mystical, cooperative, competitive, technie, citizen, warrior, genius, vague, clear, fog, bright, dull, dark, life, death, creation, destruction, black, white…
I am none of the concept-association-meaning-infused-worlds.
All meaning worlds appear in me.
Even great integrative life-near super meta-concept worlds appear in me.

All of this, appears in me, and as me, and it is me, and not me too, because I am infinitely greater than any one formation.
My mind is like tape playing linearly in time, various formations, one at a time.
They are all plays in the realm/screen I call my mind.
The part of me outside of this grand mind screen, the dimension above, is learning that “I AM NOT” deeper and deeper, and this understanding is gradually getting infused and pervading my mind-dimension experiences too.
This higher knowledge is organically and gradually infusing and spreading.

The knowledge of “I AM NOT” is the greatest knowledge I can ever possess.
Another way to describe this would be:
I am the MIRROR, whatever appears is me, but I am eternally free of my reflection images.
I am “Infinite unborn potential & the Infinite born manifest”.
“All is Empty”, “All is a form within me”, “I am the formless containing all the forms”, “I am the infinite nothing that contains all possible somethings”.
But whatever I say I am, I am narrowing the infinite I am down to that conception (This conception might be incredibly inclusive and vast, but it still excludes the equally vast pole/world of its opposite).
For instance, even if I say I am the universe as an assertion, then what about the infinite non-universe/beyond-universe?
So, no thing/word/concept/idea/thought/world defines me.
“I AM THE CREATOR AND DESTROYER OF ALL WORLDS”
“I AM BEYOND and INSIDE/WITHIN”
“I AM TRANSCENDENCE and IMMANENCE”
…
“I AM…THAT…”
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Contemplation on the unity of opposites

Structuring vs. De-structuring Forces
Good vs. Evil
Right vs. Wrong
Positive vs. Negative
Day vs. Night
Solid vs. Emptiness
Something vs. Nothing
White vs. Black
Improving vs. Degenerating
Existence vs. Non-existence
Birth vs. Death
Known vs. Unknown
Past vs. Future
Voluntary vs. Involuntary
Doing vs. Happening
Inbreath vs. Outbreath
Self vs. Other
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Following the Desire to change something never works

My desires and emotions are giving me a message about reality like “mathematics”.
I will listen to that directly without “resistance” or “desire to change it”.
“Desire to change something” is always a “Reaction” and not an “Action”.
This can be understood, by looking at “Forces” and Structures”
( Martial arts clearly demonstrates this principle in a tangible physical manner
Here is a wing-chun video that demonstrates this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r85CAAxJfQ )
A structure generates force, no structure = no force
So, desires and emotions are “forces” generated by an underlying “structure”.

The reality I experience is analogous to where I put my focus/attention.
When I INVEST in the DESIRE to change something, then I am investing my attention energy into the FORCE and not the STRUCTURE generating the force.
So as a result, I only become aware of the FORCE and the places it takes me to, and not of the structure itself that generated the force in the first place.
Consequently, the “STRUCTURE” which is the very thing I want to change, never enters my awareness (because I am too busy chasing the FORCE), and change is as a result – IMPOSSIBLE.

That is why Einstein said “A problem can never be solved at the level of consciousness in which it originated”.
Only transcending to a subtler level allows the structure to enter your awareness.

Letting go of the desire to change something, and BEING with the something, is the only way I can see the very structure and not get caught up by the paths created by the forces generated by the structure.
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Causeless winds vs. effort(caused) winds

Are you following the divine effortless winds? OR creating winds via. egoic effort?
Often, when there is no divine wind, the ego puts efforts and generates winds to compensate for the emptiness created.
This has the flavor of [draining, suffering, effort, struggle, desperation, pushing].
Its as if you are depleting your reservoir.

Instead I intuit that, when there is no wind, ideally one should just sit, and move only if a causeless wind is present.
I would like to move only from the causeless, and not from any generated force from any structure. Because every structure is a reservoir of divine energy and this stored energy is depleted as the structure exerts its own force and generates winds.
– When you are generating force with belief and investment, you are generating karma.
– When you are generating force, but belief and investment is not there, then it has the background of emptiness and there is no karma. It is like a de-clutched car, still moving from the momentum and structures of winds but without a powering force.
– When you are not generating any force, and when all the modulator wind generating structures (samskharas) have been atrophied and dissolved to just point potentials, you rest in the causeless and are moved only by the causeless wind.

* Karma is nothing but Becoming
* Living in the causeless is like living without becoming anything
* Structures in your consciousness that I speak about, are like entities inhabiting your experience field, that collect divine energy, and then accordingly generate/modulate winds in your consciousness, seeking to grow their structure. They are like viruses that trap divine energy – when the sun shines – and then generate forces from this stored energy in order to further themselves. That is the principle of ego (which is the mothership structure) and samskharas basically.
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Interdependence Insight

What makes a thing beautiful is the relativity around it.
It is all total interdependence.
For example, the girl who looks beautiful in the beach, has to thank:
– the people who made her swimwear,
– the swimwear cloth material existence itself
– the beach (for being a desirable place for people, and which puts them in the mood capable to such body admiration)
– the beach for being a socially accepted place to celebrate the body,
– thank the culture that permits that,
– thank the sunlight for shining on her,
– thank the “eyes of others” that allow them to perceive her at all
– her mom dad for telling her that she is beautiful,
– all the food that has gone into building her body,
– thank the gym space and equipment for giving her the tools for shaping the body
– all the other people who project ‘beauty’ on her and validate it (both historically and currently present in the beach)
– Her own genes, lineage
– Caste/Creed/Race, Health, Nationality, other such status symbols
– All the microorganisms in her body allowing her to stay like that
– She would have to thank her entire history, which is connected to everyone else’s history too.
And so on…
Its total interdependence.
Finally she has to thank her own consciousness for being alive to even be aware of all of this and to witness all that came together in creating the feeling of being beautiful.
Each and every object exists interdependently with all the other objects
Like the Indra’s web dew drop reflections.
Every essence is dependent on every other essence.
No essence stands alone.
It is the “relationship between all the essences/reflections” and interdependent relationships that allow the existence of the object essence itself.
Everything needs everything else.
No thing stands by itself.
All things stand because of the existence of all other things.

Like take the diamond in a velvet box –
the diamond has to thank all the lights around it,
the velvet box which contrasts it well,
the perceiver/observer of its beauty,
and its qualities come out with the movement of the observer, so it should also thank the observer’s movement.
(The diamond’s brilliance is omni-directional, however its qualities of FIRE and SPARKLE are visible only if the observer moves relative to the diamond)
Also the diamond has to thank all the other stones for not having these qualities such as sparkle, brilliance and fire.
The diamond’s specialness/uniqueness/value should give thanks to all the other non-quality possessing stones.
The diamond must also thank the observer’s consciousness which observes all of these qualities and admires it.
Everything is interdependent.
Similarly self-other, self-world, self-situation all go together too.
It is all the situations/others in your life that bring out your mysterious qualities.
You are what you are, because the universe it what it is, they both go together.
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Potential of pain/loss, the abyss of change

I think it is the potential of pain/loss that matters.
Every being has something he/she values whose loss will impact the same way.
It is loss of what you love. All pain is that.
What is this cruel place, where things that you love are given to you, only to be taken away?
That causes me to withdraw all investment from all things.
Because ALL can be lost.
You can only love when there is security.
In my case, I feel the most profound insecurity imaginable.
The insecurity has infiltrated every nook and corner of my being and all I can do is shrivel and contract in fear.
Also, the more I look into existence, I see that EVERYTHING can be lost.
If all ‘things’ can be lost, all ‘experience things/objects’ can be lost.
If all experience potentials too can also be fundamentally and irrevocably lost, then loving any thing, that kind of investment, is going to come with the full-blown pain of losing it too.
If that is the case then all investments will bring the full pain of loss.
All can be lost, its only a matter of time, before a thing can be taken away from you. It is inevitable.
That is the truth of death, which is a subset of the truth of change.
I feel I cannot hide anywhere from this, its not like I can hide my money in a safe, ‘things’ are experientially taken away from me.
Change just makes them disappear.
This truth of emptiness is terror for my ego which is in charge of emotional investments.
I live in fear/contraction/tightly-grasping to what I have at every moment.
This is profound insecurity.
I live like I’m in an exile, a hostile place all around.
The most intimate things too can be taken away from you.
As a result, I experience both passing pleasures and pain with this background deep insecurity and contraction of my investments. I’m terrified in the background at these sweeping tsunamis of change of state.
Nothing can be hidden from the higher frequency subtler source/god.
Its not a matter of trust or mistrust anymore.
Its a question about fully imbibing the truth of CHANGE, and that I am no-thing. All the terror is about the digestion of this potion in your being.
The “now you have it, now you don’t” game has been so so intense for me from the deepest to the grossest levels, I am frozen with fear/mild terror and hard grasping for security.
I don’t have a leg to stand on, the ground is being removed from my feet all the time.
I must die into and become the abyss of change itself.
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About ‘Doing’ and its implications

Another way to put across the principle would be:
Every assertion requires an assumed denial (as base state)
Every denial requires an assumed assertion (as base state)
This is the inherent dilemma with all “Doing” itself

Another way to put it would be: Doing is secondary to the structure that causes and justifies the doing.
For example: If I want to help someone, I have to first assume that he needs help and cannot help himself, and that I know what help he needs, and that I know the best thing he should do to help himself. All this is the narrative/background structure behind my action of helping.
Doing is like watching the ball roll down a mountain. But there are lot of things that have to be in place for that – the mountain, the slope, the gravity force and so on. That is the background set (as in cinema parlance)
The narrative I create behind the doing is the higher dimensional structure. That is my creation too. That is why it is said “Belief creates reality”.
Doing is simply the manifestation/symptom of the structure I have assumed/believed in.

Surrendering of all “Doing” is to live in the causeless
Where everything simply happens and doing happens too, but there is no “Doing” by an agent/ego/self(with small ‘s’)
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End of self image and self esteem

Do not save/help/rescue people as self-esteem points.
Do not achieve/conquer/surmount as self-esteem points
Do not suffer/endure pain/face fear as self-esteem points
Do not develop skills as self-esteem points
Do not build social status/power/prestige/material accumulation as self-esteem points
Do not live up to any image of nice person/kind person/spiritual person etc. as self-esteem points
Do not count your “monetary assets(liquid/solid)” as self-esteem points
Do not accumulate memories/experiences/adventures as self-esteem points
Do not create works of art/music/writing as self-esteem points

Drop the burden of all notion of a “substance” self.
BE bereft of any form or substance.
Make self-esteem 0, dissolve the accumulated self.
Rather live as the “Empty of Substance – NOW – direct truth”.
Live in the utter obviousness of direct perception/direct experience.
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Passing through various selves

Earth is a realm, not a defined place. It is like a particular dream-scape.
I also see that all enjoyment comes from the desire of the soul.
This desire then mobilizes us -> towards its actualization in this plane.
The desires of the soul themselves are given to the soul by a subtler higher power.
Without desires, a soul is dry. The soul (individualized consciousness) then dies into the larger self.
Awareness fades, along with fading desires.
Awareness/focus is maintained by desire only.
The greatest focus/memory/power is available when one is conduiting one’s highest desire.
This greatest desire present mobilizes/utilizes all resources (memory, intelligence, action) towards its actualization.
There is always a highest desire present at every moment (notice it).
This highest desire keeps changing/evolving too, at every moment.
The very very subtle desires tend to stay more constant, just like the scenery at horizon slowly moving as you look out of the window of a fast train.
To find your truest self is to find the subtlest/deepest/most pervasive self that is almost (tends to ->) unchanging.
Is there such an unchanging self? It is a journey of [tends to] -> infinity.
So as we delve into what is unchanging relatively in the spectrum present in the screen of consciousness:
(gross) Changing ————–|self 4|———|self 3|—–|self 2|——|self 1|—- Unchanging (subtle)
Self 1 might be the self that is the oversoul
Self 2 might be your spirit force (spanning many realms)
Self 3 might be your individualized soul
Self 4 might be your ego identity structure in this earth realm
And so on…
The point to note here is that, all selves exist and operate together, one superimposed on the other.
The gross selves superimpose themselves over the subtle selves and are more limited and coarser than the subtler ones.
So we go through varying degrees of dissolution to reach higher selves/higher realities.
For example: If self 4(ego) dissolutes, we reach self 3(individualized soul)….and so on.
So we can assume that after every death of a grosser self, a subtler self is present behind it.
It might also be the case that we are veiled from the subtler selves.
Which means, it would not be possible to even feel the presence of the subtler self in your grosser self state.
So if you dissolute self 4, you may encounter a blank nothing/wall/abyss in the veil until you fully pass through it and only then will the awareness of self 3 be available to you.
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“Nothing” is only a pointer

I think the bottomline is: “Nothing” cannot be given a word.
So whatever word is given, that conception becomes it.
No matter how rarified, it is still just a word and invokes just a particular formation and that “particularity” is NOT IT.
The same dilemma holds true for words like “God” or “Infinite”.
A word can only describe particulars, things, conceptions.
So words like – God, Infinite, Nothing – are only pointers and have no essence/substance/structure of their own.