Category: Insight

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The creative void/Brahman

No experience I have ever had could be otherwise.
Everything is exactly the way it is, and experience is free-falling from the void and returning to it.
“I myself” as an apparent controller/agent am an appearance and part of this free-fall of experience.
It is as if life(manifest) spills out from death and returns to death(void) – The creative void.
This creative void endlessly spills out movies of experience and apparent subjects and points of view.
Also the world, other people, objects are all arising in consciousness which is the real substance all of it is made up of.
Consciousness or the manifest arises from this creative void – like a media player visualization.
This creative void has no substance, or nature, or form. Just as your eyes should not have any color in order that you see all outer colors clearly (else if your eye itself were tinted with a color, then everything would appear to take that color) – similarly, the Brahman/creative void is qualityless, quantityless, substanceless, natureless, formless.
The creative void is truly “Nothing” and “Everything” that is manifest now, is only 1 of its boundless/infinite possibilities.
The creative void/Brahman is even beyond concepts of ONENESS and INFINITY, because both of those are subtle mentations/ways of seeing, and that is only one of the possibilities of the creative void.
I can endlessly describe the creative void, but none of the descriptions ARE IT, because each description is only one of the forms of this void.
All that I write about is about the mystery of this creative void. It is a celebration of its mystery and wonder.
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Pondering on “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.”

This aphorism is deeply intriguing to me.
It points at such a profound truth that I can intuitively grasp, but to touch this truth to all of my experience and to understand all of its implications is an endless fascinating contemplation.

I wonder about what this “no-thing thing” is.
This question makes me look.
The deeper I look, the more I silence myself to see finely (like how we hold our breath when threading a needle)
I am trying to silence myself enough to see the substrate space.
At a point, I can see, that along with what I am looking at, I am looking at my own looking.
I then see that, this looking is my own desire, the deepest desire in me, to feel and know the ultimate reality.
So me as the whole having a desire to look at itself (awareness turning back and seeing itself), is a desire like any other, that appears and passes.
Which means, this whole quest to know the ultimate reality is from my own deep desire.

This has mind-boggling implications of the impossibility of me knowing anything.
If all knowing and knowledge accumulation is driven by desire (the desire/heart drives the tuning into that particular manifestation of reality), and if desires appear and pass like all phenomena, then my very ground is swept off my feet.
Reality is even more crazily mysterious than I had previously considered.
So then, the quest of mine to find the ultimate ground is in itself driven by a specific desire, and therefore the manifestation that I paradoxically do by non-doing, is not the ULTIMATE GROUND of experience but rather a ‘Specific experience’.

On the negative side: Everything can be threatened. I mean EVERYTHING.
On the positive side: The truth/real can never be threatened. So nothing of true value is ever lost.

So what is the TRUE REAL? – it is inconceivable, ineffable, unimaginable, unfathomable, undetectable, unnoticeable, un-objectifiable, insubstantiateable. It is “…THAT…”.
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Everything is God

Everything is God.
Everything and Every person and Every living being.
Why should I reject any manifestation of God? In whatever form?
All attachment, desire, and addiction is the desire for repetition of [past images].
We are looking for the concretization of past images or mental fantasies – all of which create the “kohut tension arc”, which we attempt to move towards and seek as ideals (which is almost like a problem we are are constantly engaged in solving).
But greater life is about:
change/novelty/newness/unknown/unimaginable/miracle/aliveness/freshness/mystery
Desiring past images, is like ghost images controlling the show where they are always trying to rig and manipulate reality to fit these images.
The past is dead, the known is dead, these images are dead.
All the unchanging is dead.
To convert this unchanging dead into the alive changing is the transformation process.
Behind this transformation process, is a deep desire for greater life, and the process satisfies our own deep wish.
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Entropy and Anti-Entropy, States and Stations

Having a specific meaning/story in your experience is still ‘lower entropy’ than changing meaning/story/timelines themselves.
That total shifting of everything is what is called madness.
In-fact greater the extent of shifts and discontinuities – greater the madness.
Whereas when a specific timeline/meaning is retained day after day (the same persistent story), interestingly whatever theme it may take, it is still be lower entropy.
In a sense ego(a persistent self) retaining continuity at almost all times, represents coherence and anti-entropy.
It seems like any DELTA/CHANGE would involve energy expenditure.
Like if you are in dissolution and discontinuity, then to maintain continuity would take a lot of energy.
Similarly if you are highly solid and coherent, then, trying to access ideas of totally changing realities, again will take a lot of energy for you to maintain such states.
It is like states and stations.
Station A ——-x——– Station B ——–x——– Station C ———–x——– and so on.
For a person in station A wanting to reach station C – he needs 2x free energy.
Station C is State C – for a person in station A.
Similarly a person in station C wanting to reach station A again needs 2x energy.
Station A is a State A – for person in Station C.
So the implication of this is that, it is as hard for a 5-D creature to live in our reality(congealing their vibration into a definite form) as it is for a 3-D create to have a 5-D experience (to dissolute yourself and let go enough to reach that).
The 3-D reality is a state attainment for a 5-D creature and the 5-D reality is a state attainment for a 3-D creature.
Another analogy would be of Steam -> Water -> Ice.
It takes a lot of energy to compress steam into ice, just like it takes a lot of energy to vaporize ice into steam.
So, it can very well be, the Gods in the higher dimensions would need a lot of energy to come down and live in earth, just as someone on earth needs great energy to rise to the dimension of Gods.
Which means, both represent distinct realities, and any DELTA/CHANGE OF STATE would require energy – and probably from a transcendent viewpoint, both are creative forms, and both are equally desirable (the god state and the human/animal state).
Another implication of this would be, if any change of state takes energy, then what you effortlessly are – represents 0 distance.
Trying to be anyone/anything else or in any other state would exhaust you and create another cycle of […recuperation -> expenditure/attaining -> exhaustion…]
So freedom in a counter-intuitive way, represents 0 distance, when you remain exactly as you are (If you do not do that, you exhaust that freedom energy by moving elsewhere).
If you are an animal, you stay exactly as that.
If you are a God, you stay exactly as that.
Any attempt to move away from your natural state, will enter dualistic cycles, and there will be periods of seeking/attaining recuperation/exhaustion.
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High/Low psyche energy duality

Intense psyche energy – moves experience, increases possibilities, novelty, wonder and creates anticipation, joys etc.
When the psyche energy is low – there is flatness, dullness, disenchantment, disinterest, loss of consciousness, loss of interest/passion/desire/love/focus. Such a person falls into a stupor-like state almost only driven by bare survival and when even survival is surrendered, he falls into the unknown void/blankness.
When very low on energy, the strain is on survival only, the deepest desire, attention/focus is pulled from the reserves to do the bare minimum to survive. It is a hard desperate struggling state.

The best way to illustrate this duality is – ON PSYCHEDELICS vs. the next day PSYCHEDELIC HANGOVER.
The psychedelic awakens the soul energy, that is precisely the feeling of high interest/curiosity/wonder/passion/love/joy/abundance/overflow/sparkles of energy/impressions(impressiveness).
The exact opposite happens in the hangover:
disinterest/flatness/dread/deadness/discontent/struggle/scarcity/low energy/depression/unconsciousness.
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Desire comes from lack

All desire is from lack.
Lack -> (puts out) Desire force outward to seek the lacked quality.
We repress qualities in ourselves and then seek it in others or enhance it with others.
Its as though, we vicariously live those qualities through others (the ones we denied in ourselves, that is)
This repression/denial of quality potentials is unconscious (and might be part of the whole play of existence to believe you do not possess a quality yourself and need an other to get it from).
It is part of the childhood programming, when these structures are formed.
These structures decide, what you will find in yourself and what quality you will seek in an other.
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The connection between power and resistance

The experience of power is possible only when overcoming resistance.
Power is when you push(force) against a resistant force – could be a medium/field/object etc.
So power needs resistance.
If there is no resistance, power is irrelevant.

Power also needs separation.
Power is a relational quality between 2 separate forces.
The relation of one force with another force.
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Are creative and destructive forces symmetric?

Initially, I figured that, creative and destructive forces are not symmetric.
The reasoning was that, I saw creative forces as anti-entropic, and destructive forces as entropic.
With that definition, definitely, the creative forces win over the destructive forces.
Because if the destructive forces won, we would not have anything, we would have ‘nothing’, we would not even have the ‘something’ you see all around you.
If the creative forces won, suppose, then we would have ‘everything’ and nothing would ever be lost or destroyed.
From this reasoning, it followed that, life/love is winning over death/loss, that is why all the creation(something) around you even exists.
Another way, to look at is that existence(life) wins over non-existence(death).

But then, this reasoning though it makes sense logically, I always intuitively felt something was off.
Because, by the law of duality everything is bipolar, and therefore creation and destruction would have to be symmetric.
So for a long time I was unable to reconcile the law of duality and the conclusion I had logically come to that anti-entropy is winning over entropy or creation is winning over destruction.

Today, I had this insight that gave me much more clarity and a new perspective.
The logical conclusion I had come to was based on IMAGES of “Nothing” and “Everything” – which were all abstract concepts.
But then I dropped all these images, and looked at actual experience.
I saw that all that there was, was flow/change.
(Note: Even flow/change are concepts but concepts that are closer to our experiential reality)
So imagine a flow:
(infinity)…1 -> 2 -> 3 -> 4 -> 5 -> 6…(infinity)
From this flow perspective, there is creation and destruction at every moment.
The concept of symmetry does not even arise here, because there is only ONE SPACE in which all is happening.
So creation and destruction are simultaneous and total at each moment.
It is not half creation and half destruction.
At every moment there is simultaneous 100% (total) creation and 100% (total) destruction.
For instance, in the flow shown above, when 1 changes to 2, seen from the point of view facing 1, 1 disappears and dies, seen from the point of view facing 2, the new is born. But both happen simultaneously and are 1 event.

Later I realized, that the previous understanding was 4-D based.
I can take this even further to the 5th dimension, to the level of understanding where we can realize entire timelines are spawned and changed in the NOW.
We are the NOW(5-D), dreaming multiple timelines in the NOW.
To visualize this, it is like:
NOW … –Timeline1———Timeline2——–Timeline3— … NOW
And if I zoom into Timeline1, we would get back our 4-D spectrum:
(infinity)…1 -> 2 -> 3 -> 4 -> 5 -> 6…(infinity)
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Noun, Pronoun -> Verb -> Adjective

I had a big shift earlier, where I started to see that there were no real Nouns/Pronouns in existence.
Rather, there were only verbs and processes everywhere.
Today, on deeper thought, I had a flash of an even greater shift from Verbs/Processes to Adjectives.
Everything now can be seen as an Adjective/Quality/Is-ness.

I can correlate it to the dimensions of Space(3-D), Time(4-D) and the Platonic world (world of platonic forms) (5-D).
Space(3-D) = Nouns, Pronouns
Time(4-D) = Verbs, Processes
Platonic(5-D) = Adjectives, Qualities, Essences, Is-nesses, Archetypes

So the Adjective/Quality is the higher dimensional essence which manifests as processes and when you take a snapshot of the process, you get nouns/pronouns.
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Rant: The higher reality is the ultimate humiliation for the Ego

Learning about the intricate workings of the human body and its workings is paralyzing me.
Its like the centipede thinking about how it is moving all its legs and it is thrown into chaos.
The body is insanely fragile and taking care of it means a total 100% commitment to it, causing 100% loss of freedom, from all its accumulated dos and donts.
The vulnerability of the body is enormous.
Everything and anything can potentially go wrong.
There is potential for endless hurts, injuries, pain and debilitation.
Pain ends all freedom.
Also the part that even if I perfectly take care of it, it is going to deteriorate and perish one day anyway right?
How does everyone ignore this plight of existence?
And what can really matter in this plane being such a paralyzing prison?
Reality is a paralyzing prison when seen by the thinking mind, as it tries to hold on to all of its knowledge in order to prevent damage, injury, pain, suffering, agony.
So how helpless I am, I have this fragile-fragile-body that can be destroyed by just about anything(innumerable forces)?
How can my intellect ensure my protection with this kind of existential condition?
My fear of pain and suffering – paralyzes me – because it can come from anywhere.
How can I fearlessly go about my activities, when I know that damage can come from anywhere?
It is also true that pleasure, growth, ecstasy, involvement, and great adventures too can come from anywhere.
But I have no idea what is what.

My mind is simply helpless against this infinity.
How much can it do and hold and strategize?
My mind must become a servant to god and simply handle whatever situation is given to it and whatever capacity it is given at that moment.
This is extraordinarily humiliating for my ego(mind) – My ego has to live like a total slave and submit to whatever reality the higher chooses at each moment.
What is the use of doing anything, when I can be broken down at any time, at the whim of the higher power?
The higher power does not show itself to most people, and so their ego is mostly in charge and quite confident.
But even if the higher power gives me one sweeping strike, my ego realizes how it can be pinned to the ground and debilitated completely by this force.
So yea then I am a servant of god, my ego and mind are servants of god/’higher reality’ inaccessible to me now.
How can I feel happy about this?
This is like abject servitude and enslavement.
What freedom do I as the ego have?
I am completely utterly enslaved.
I’m relegated to simply being a witness.
This is like being totally and utterly helpless and powerless.
The higher could give me a measly power and take it away anytime too, like a bully can corner a student, take away his stuff, and then say offer to give him back his pencil, only to pull it away from him when he reaches for it, and then have a laugh. What a humiliation it is.
The vulnerability I have to live with is that all of the worst hellish realities can happen, I can be mutilated, tortured, thwarted, cheated, ridiculed, overpowered, destroyed, disabled – anything can happen.
My own history is a testament too, to some of this.
I mean the dilemma here is, how am I stuck with a fragile body in a kind of unpredictable universe.
The other can be cruel/brutal to me or be kind/compassionate and I have no control. All I can do is put up a tantrum, start a non-cooperation and measly defenses against these forces.
And even if the good times come, how can I rest at ease thinking the tortures are gone forever, they are only a breath away and the entire reality can flip in an instant.
Such is my existential condition with its fragility, vulnerability and humiliation possibility.
On the other side, strength, power, toughness and grace are also possibilities, but it doesn’t damn matter because “I AM NOT IN CHARGE 😦 :(”
I will have to helplessly receive and do my part for whatever is given.
This is horrific humiliation.
How is this different from having a crazy huge dinosaur in your house, which sometimes licks your face, but you know very well, if he chooses, he can bite the shit out of you in seconds.
How can you feel good when he is nice to you and licks your face?
Won’t you be perennially terrified? and in fear? and in defense? and in a clenched contracted state? no matter what is given to you? – be it status quo, be it pain, be it pleasure, be it growth, be it death?
The point is, the very fundamental core of my existence is insecure.
I am like an ant walking happily on the street where it would only take a fraction of a second for a human to stomp on me, and even if I see it coming, I will have nowhere to run.
How can I live in such a scary existential situation where EVERYTHING can be taken away in an instant?
This is worse than serving Hitler, because at-least he could not take away your deep beliefs and philosophy.
Here in this case, the higher power can take away EVERYTHING and even ANNIHILATE you totally.
Not only that, we already have a death sentence, each and every human being, we are just standing on the death rows and even the time and place of our death is not revealed to us.
It will happen anytime when we are unprepared.
It is like your friend telling you that he will shoot you with a sniper anytime and you will never know when.
Now in this kind of existential situation, how can I feel assured, safe?
And what is trust really? God is both the creator and destroyer. So where is the question of trust when TOTAL destruction and the very elimination of all of you is only a matter of time?
Even what is good or bad, what is a blessing or curse, I cannot know with my measly mind.
I feel like an ant living inside an ant colony in the middle of the street, totally vulnerable to what the humans around me do to me.
A small boy might just come and kick the hill and destroy the colossal effort I put in to build it.
OR they could just throw a bucket of water, ruining everything leaving me gasping for my life and most probably dying.
How can I enjoy life in such an existential condition?
Every moment of this situation is terror and fear.
I cannot live like this, I want to be the creator and live as the creator and not as this severely humiliating pawn who is utterly at the MERCY of the unknown.
Children are like that, when they are born.
They are utterly at the mercy of their parents.
Utterly helpless.
In the grander scheme how are we different from the new-borns in the hands of the higher power/God? We are completely and utterly at its mercy.
Without faith, not even 1/billionth of enjoyment would be possible.
Without faith, one would be cowering in fear and frozen into an unmoving ball – like the only man standing in front of a world of zombies from the “I am legend movie”.
But this faith for God cannot be for self-preservation because God is both the creator and destroyer, so it follows that you will be destroyed.
Death is inevitable for each and every one and every thing.
Imagine you created a puppet and that puppet has consciousness.
That is analogous to our condition, we are the puppets.
The puppet is us, and the creator is like the higher power.
When this terrifying condition of the ego is seen, the only quest is to find the higher truth and live as the deeper reality instead of living as the helpless ego.
This condition otherwise is the ultimate humiliation for the ego, its ultimate mockery.