The feeling ‘I do not like what is there’ is so persistent in all the appearances. I keep dreaming of finding that experience/thing that would atleast temporarily give me the feeling of ‘Yess! this is exactly what I want’. Then once I get that, I would try to seek it permanently.
But I can see the traps here. Life keeps conveying it to me again and again, that reality and what I imagine are forever different. Imagination is part of an ever changing reality. Reality is moving from uniqueness to uniqueness. If it were to exactly follow my imagination, that would actually be boring.
Life in essence is the unexpected.
The expected is dead.
Change is life.
Non-repetition is life.
It seems like it is possible to truly live only when we truly die. Just like at a smaller level, only when we have seen the depths of sadness can we apprehend the depths of joy.