Satisfaction from healing

Personal healing gives me immense satisfaction. I realized that this satisfaction/meaning would have not been there had I had a perfect childhood. Those unresolved issues and suppression is what is giving me this pleasure. My dad for example, is not that interested in such stuff, because he does not have any major issues to heal. My upbringing, conditioning, childhood has created this blueprint and identity character. Each of my bad/unresolved experiences provides a potential for pleasure, meaning, satisfaction and closure. I would presume my motivation for 80% of things is actually coming from there. In the yin-yang fabric of life the 2 sets of threads representing duality seem to be inextricably woven OR like 2 sides of a coin. My identity character, with all the suffering has left opportunities open at the other side of duality for pleasure, meaning and satisfaction. So they are inseparable just like light-dark, good-bad etc. One cannot exist without the other.

There are so many experiences in my life that validate this. It seems that all meaning is derived from some form of comparison.

When I bought the ‘Korg Pa500’, since I dint have my old keyboard for comparison, I must have lost almost 60-70% of the pleasure. In childhood my dream of owning this was magnitudes higher, and I would have been ready to get up even at 3am to play it for just 10mins. It has somehow diminished quite a lot from that intense state. However, the 40-50% of pleasure which I got from using my memory was quite a lot. Another friend visited me and he had unreasonable expectations from the keyboard, for e.g.: the grand piano should sound like a real grand, so he immediately remarked with condescension. That’s what made me think, the keyboard was uniquely valuable to me because of my own experience blueprint with previous instruments and music in general.

I uniquely enjoy certain activities and I can clearly see how my blueprint of experiences creates this for me.