While watching movies etc., I cannot seem to generate a “feeling” of attraction towards all the typical idols people have in their minds. For e.g..: Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox etc. My thinking mind would look at their proportions, skin texture, facial features and conclude that they are beautiful. But surprisingly, I would get no accompanying feeling of sexual attraction. In other words, I just believe that they are sexually attractive but do not feel the sensation. I can appreciate white women aesthetically, but I just don’t get the tingle of sexual attraction. Considering the fact that I usually feel attraction only when I see girls face to face, I thought if I saw them in real life things might be different.
Now, I am here in US. Everyday, I see people from different races, Asians, Americans, Mexicans and Europeans who have almost perfect bodies, but I do not feel the attraction. Its almost like I’m looking at aliens/wax dolls. I feel absolutely no connection. I haven’t been able to relate to anyone here beyond a superficial level, be it emotionally/physically, this could probably be one of the reasons. The boners seem to have minds of their own, driven by biology.
I even wondered if I’m racist, but then I guess sexual attraction has nothing to do with racism. As long as we don’t consider our choice to be objectively more beautiful than everything else, it would not be racism.
Journey to the Abstract 