Self armor

I am really attracted to people who do not have a ‘self armor’ on. Its a kind of openness, vulnerability (not the same as naive at all). People who face their feelings squarely and who can clearly express it without feeling threatened. Also people who have understood what anger really is and have learn’t to control it. Since they have controlled anger they tend to be more polite and diplomatic. Its kind of like a rose, its totally open, helpless yet so pure and beautiful.

The reason for liking these attributes traces back to my childhood. I had some abusive(verbal) relationships of the extreme kind. It was powerful enough to really shatter me. So I had to generate this really powerful self armor, examine each weakness and patch it up with some defense of offense. Later I realized how terrible this self armor and how much better life would be without it. Then once the environment got less threatening, I started loosening it up and I can imagine how good it would feel to almost give it up.

It may not be practical in life to totally let down armor since you might meet many people who would influence you in undesirable ways. But I think its possible in a 1-1 relationship where both the people have experiential knowledge on this fact and agree to let down their armors at-least in front of each other. It takes a lot of deep intra-personal understanding of a philosophical kind, knowledge on varied perspectives and lastly free thinker abilities from both the parties. That would make an incredible difference in the ease of opening up.

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