The descent into chaos

chaos

Essentially this experience of mine,
Is a descent into chaos,
Where my body loses its coherence,
And organizes itself around a swarm of chaotic desires,
That form the full backdrop of my experience (as shown in the picture),
While the foreground has me doing all the usual jobs to survive.

It feels like the state in-between lives,
Like a kind of bardo,
Like the night sky full of stars (unlimited possibilities),
Vs. the sunny sky (few overruling possibilities).

But this chaos is also the breeding ground,
For offshoots of creativity,
Because of the sheer awareness of swarms of possibilities.
I feel like I’m swimming in the very same ocean of chaos,
That the psychotic drowns in,
Because my eyes are open here in this ground.
I intuit that this seems like the precondition for psychological rebirth,
Where when the season is right,
A certain powerful creative influx will spring me out of this place/phase,
And organize my life into the next higher freq struct.

This lack of organization diminishes vitality though,
And puts me in a state closer to death.
Birth is really a state where an desire/inspiration seed is sprouting.
So in this case, one sort of returns closer to the seed,
Which is likely to sprout again from a new desire/inspiration,
When the outer conditions are favorable, like the Spring season.

Birth is like Spring, Death is like Winter, for the seed.
The cycle of seasons continue,
Resulting in cycles of birth and death continuously,
Until one transcends in their identity,
And when all desires are sublimated.

Birth and Death follow each other.
Every death heralds a birth following it.
This is the principle.
How long it takes is not as relevant,
That is only a matter of degree.

The seed and the tree

life-cycle-apple-tree-stages

The seed is the innate potential.
The tree is what the environment allows in the seed.
This seed-tree analogy could be applied to multiple truths/contexts.
For instance:
Your DNA/Biology is like your seed,
While your social ego/self/identity/conditioning would be like the tree.

The seed’s responsibility is to give out all of its potential.
The tree’s responsibility is to stay a match/align to its environment.

What is hell?

hell

RULE: “Hell is the extent to which you believe things must be otherwise.”
This creates enormous resistance.
But resistance also awakens consciousness.
And the seed of overcoming the resistance through letting go into transformation is hidden inside the resistance.
So the hell itself contains the seed to come out of it.
Hell is like getting into a deep adventure and finding your way back home.
To the degree to which you are far away from home/your source, to that degree the intensity/suffering and thereby force for getting back home will be greater.