Boundary violations in relationships

There are 2 poles to this:
Incoming boundary violation —– Distancing boundary violation.
The oppressor —and—- The abandoner.
The bully —and—- The hermit

The two are many a time a sort of a response to each other.
The one expecting incoming boundary violation, preemptively distances himself.
The one expecting distancing, pushes in as rapidly(oppressively) as possible.

In the extreme case of distancing, it would feel like the movie “I am legend” i.e. ambushed in a house by millions of zombies wanting to eat you up.
In the extreme case of the pursuer kind of person, they would get desperate and cling to every last straw of possible relation. Like a hungry hunter lost in the forest, and where every animal he tries to catch outruns him.

The distancing kind of relationship person is caused by trauma and fear of enmeshment.
The pursuer/chaser kind of relationship person is caused by trauma and fear of abandonment.

Another analogy for empathizing with these 2 positions = Police and the Thief.
The police chases, while the thief runs.
So we have a chaser and a runner.
Hell for the runner = having a million people chasing him everywhere.
Hell for the chaser = having a million runners but all faster than him.

For the distancer person, it is like hiding in a cave.
Since he actively avoids all relationship with any animals, the animals entering the cave to have a relationship with him would mostly be predators right? Who would sniffed have him from the outside itself and then entered the cave.
So this then reinforces the idea that the world is predatory, to the distancer person.

For the chaser person, they are like the starved-hungry wild animal,
Ready to devour anything in sight because they are super hungry, but every animal runs away from them.

The chaser person is essentially in a state of being starved.
While the distancer person is essentially in a state of being food-poisoned.
So both of them are living in 2 separate hells.
But they attract each other from being denizens of the same hell polarity.

Disharmony or harmony among humans is relative to the collective

Health = Harmony.
Disease = Disharmony.
Harmony or disharmony, health or disease, is wrt. the collective.
Being under or over the collective is going to create:
isolation, alienation, separation, disease, disharmony, pain, suffering etc.

# If you are a hellish creature in hell = You are in harmony.
# If you are a heavenly creature in heaven = You are in harmony.
# If you are a heavenly creature in hell = You are in disharmony.
# If you are a hellish creature in heaven = You are in disharmony.

That is why the regressives and progressives hang out together sometimes.
That is because they both have the commonality of being outcasts and out of tune with the collective.

Also there is social harmony vs. existential harmony.
Society may not be in harmony with existence.
That would create the collective suffering.
But you may be in harmony within society.

Conversely, you may be in existential harmony if you are enlightened, but be in disharmony with society.
If you are stronger than society, you will transform it.
If you are weaker than society, it will oppress you.