The mechanics of fear, desire, love, and hate

The mechanics of fear and love,
Is such a massively deep topic to explore.

I often wonder:
Is it possible to really be indifferent?
Is it possible to be without relationship?
Is it possible to really stay separate?
Is it possible to be neutral?
Is it possible to neither love nor hate?

From my intuition, it seems like that is not possible.
Life being a dynamic verb, nothing it still.
So everything has to move towards expansion or contraction?

It feels like that force that maintains and forwards unconsciousness and ignorance,
Is in the hate (contraction) direction,
While the force that maintains and forwards consciousness and knowledge,
Is in the love (expansion) direction.
Since all things are in polarity,
Whatever we invest and expand into, will inevitably disinvest and shrink its opposite?

I see everything is a state of pulsation in nature,
Like the heart beat, expanding and contracting.
Birth is like the expansion influx (like the inbreath),
Death is like the contraction deflux (like the outbreath).
I see birth and death as the alternating pulse between sound and silence.
The sound of creation booms into the manifest as birth,
And at death there is the return to silence/uncreated?

I feel like the experience of life is like music.
With multiple overlayed pulses of all kinds of instrument and voice timbers.
A multidimensional flow of pulses.
So then, both fear and love are as natural as expansion and contraction?

I have noticed that,
I fear all that I have an antagonistic relationship towards.
So maybe the presence of fear itself…,
Is revealing the antagonistic relationship present?
I wonder,
Is fear the ‘anticipatory recreation’ of the experience,
Of the repercussions/reaction from the other,
To my own antagonistic attitude towards the other,
Being mirrored back to me?

So then are fear and love, direct experiences,
Of the mirrored attitudes/relationship we hold towards the other entities we encounter?

Another aspect is self-hatred.
That is a condition where there is a projection of value and worth on the other,
While the self is cast to the shadow of unconsciousness/hate/shame.
There is then a constant focus on the other or on transcending oneself.

So here there are some interesting relationships I see.
When there is self-hatred of one’s body and its strength,
There is fear of other bodies and their strength.
I think here, the fear comes from the war with the conscious and unconscious identifications.
Unconsciously there is identification with the body,
But that is not supported by the conscious identification which is caught up with the other,
So the unconscious identification generates fear as resistance,
When you pursue the other.

So somewhere I wonder,
If we take extreme cases,
Like fear of a ghost/monster,
Is that the dissociated unconscious fragment of us,
That we have disowned,
That is getting attracted to us,
Because of our deeper desire for integration and wholeness?
Isn’t our worst fear that we will become the ghost?
That total assimilation/transformation is the terror.
What will happen to us,
If we let everything in?

Also I used to wonder about the fear of falling.
I have that fear because somewhere I desire to fall like that.
So is my intensity of fear of falling proportional to the intensity of desire I have to fall?
Is the intensity of fear I feel for death proportional to my own desire for death?

Fear and Desire seem inseparable like 2 sides of the same coin.
It seems like each is a resistance to the other.
Desire is a resistance to Fear.
Fear is a resistance to Desire.

Another thing I am reminded of is the story of the beauty and the beast.
The beast gets converted into the prince out of love.
Would this be true for all that fear?
That all that is feared if consciously loved,
Will become flowers from filth?
The ground of filth when nurtured by nature,
Becomes flower and fruit right?

Are all that we love/hate/desire/fear,
Are they all nothing but our own Self?

Supposing we want total wholeness and totally open ourselves up,
To attracting all of the unconscious to us back into our consciousness,
Will it result in a total war and destruction of all of our identity?
Is that what happens in enlightenment?
Is that the ultimate transformation?

The self here is the subset of qualities owned vs. the superset of all qualities in existence.
That division is what created self-other and the concept of relationship itself.
Love-Hate are like Yin-Yang.
The black fish has a white eye,
And the white fish has a black eye.
So total love and total hate do not exist and cannot exist.
Just like no absolute quality can exist without its opposite.
Going into total-hate or total-love,
Will result in transcendence to a dimension beyond duality.

These are some of my contemplations.
I’ll stop here for now.

The seeds outside and within

You can only connect with or experience the seed outside you, 
If it awakens the corresponding seed inside you.
Let’s put a scale of 1-10 to this seed aliveness.
Generally there is also a threshold of aliveness needed for you to become conscious of the seed aliveness and its activity.
People who get overwhelmed and overstimulated easily, have a lower threshold,
While people who gravitate to extreme levels of stimulation, have a higher threshold.

Resonance with others (i.e. between your seed and their seed activity) will excite your own seeds.
This excitation, amplification, or enhancement is then felt within.
If you have a low threshold for consciousness of these things,
The resonance will often appear to bring back to life, seemingly dead seeds within you.

We often seek others or cues that will stimulate the seeds within us we identify with and want to enhance.
For instance, say you have a seed desire within you that wants to go window shopping at the mall.
Let’s say it is below your threshold of consciousness (threshold: 4, and this seed is at 2)
If someone else, a friend say, comes along with the same seed desire but at aliveness level 8, he/she will be clearly conscious of this want.
If they then ask you whether you want to join them in a trip to the mall, this proposal will now increase your seed aliveness temporarily in their presence to 6 because of resonance, and you will become dimly aware of your own desire to join them and may likely say yes to it.

If you have a very limited ego identity you will only identify with some seeds and try to get rid of most of the others.
Accordingly you will also have a very narrow relationship with the outside world, limited to only things and people that maintain or grow those ‘identified-with seeds’.
If your ego identity is diffuse and vast, you will be an empath and be able to connect through many many more seeds.
That is about identity.
The next variables are about energetic activation and consciousness threshold.
If your consciousness threshold is very low, say 1/10, then you are like an owl, super sensitive and can see in the dark. You will probably get overwhelmed easily and perceive a ton of things.
If your consciousness threshold is very high, say 7/10, then you will only feel seed activities within that cross that threshold. So there will be a constant need for very high stimulation.
If your net seed energies and activity are at a low ebb (<3/10) then you will feel depressed, empty, and blank.
Whereas when your net seed energies are high (>7/10) you will feel alive, rich, and euphoric.

Some drugs enhance the seed energy which are generally called stimulants.
While certain drugs lower the consciousness thresholds in different ways like LSD.
The drugs could do both too.
Both result in an enrichment of experience we call high or euphoria.
Meditation in silence generally is to lower the consciousness threshold, so that you end up feeling rich even with lowered activation.
Whereas LSD might stimulate the energies to a higher pitch causing a bunch of seed activity to cross your consciousness threshold.
Also, if you already have lower consciousness threshold coupled with LSD, then your euphoria and richness will be overwhelmingly higher than someone with the higher threshold.
Meditation lowers the threshold, while psychedelics raise the seed powers.
So they both assist each other.

The morphogenetic field is also the influence by resonance from others to us.
It is sort of like a quantum entanglement.