Tag: Life

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The ultimate innocence looks out through every being

From the highest context, even evil is innocent, “They know not what they do”.
“I forgive the sinners, and I repent and forgive myself too for all these acts”.
I also see the innocence of it, because everyone ultimately acts from their deepest wisdom and frame of reference at that point of time.
There is no force and power greater than compassion, because it is the truth.
Compassion comes from the recognition that the other is just like me, as innocent as me. The same formless innocence does everything.

More than evil, guilt or punishment, my destructive acts were from “ignorance/blindness”.
Blind to the fact that those beings are the same as me and I could have very well been them.
They deserve no worse treatment than the way I treat my self.
All of them are god’s bodies/avatars.
To treat them badly is pure ignorance/blindness and failure to acknowledge and see the same god looking out through the other being.
It also implies identification with the form and therefore seeing all other forms as other.

It is not the same innocent formless looking out at me from the other forms?
Once your form is seen in its entirety along with the heart and psychological matrix, the eye that sees that is the [innocent formless eye], and that is the one that knows and has the gnosis that it is that same eye that looks out of every other form – be it an insect, animal, thing etc.
What could I possibly use my power for? – but to understand the other which is understanding of my own other avatars/forms?
The best thing I can do is understand how life works, the highest context, and let that play out.

My seeing of unity, makes me unconditionally work to improve/enhance life and understand it.
I do not want to exploit any ‘other’.
That is like my one hand exploiting the other hand.
The eye of the heart sees/feels RESONANCE.
Here seeing and feeling are ONE.
I will first give my self all the possible love/care/attention/nurture/guidance/affection/play/understanding/inspiration/hope and then let my being spontaneously overflow to others.
My self is the only project, and when I understand the infinity in myself, I can understand that infinity in all the others too.
Because ultimately I can contact any other only when my eyes are clear, only when my heart is clear, only when my body is clear, only when I am WELL.
Let me perfect my own instrument, and then perfectly serve from this perfected instrument.
I work on clearing my instrument.
There is no difference between the way I treat others and the way I treat myself.
The work I do on understanding myself -> will translate into the same deep level of deep understanding of others.
When I am perfect and empty -> that seeing will RESONATE with the perfect and empty in the other and I will INTERACT with them from this HIGHEST CONTEXT.
All action will be done from this HIGHEST CONTEXT and in ALIGNMENT with the highest truth.
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Realize your source and live from there

My ego is mostly about – detect threat -> ward off threat
If there is no immediate threat around me, I try to foresee threats and start preparing for them.
What is fear?
Fear of being attacked.
The anticipation of being attacked.
Now I fear everyone and everything.
This fear forms the bricks of my heart prison.
As I remove each brick, I see each corresponding fear.
And I can see huge common clouds of increasing size.
Which means all these fears are coming from a “common large archetypal threat” whose class spawns the “individual instances of people/insects/situations” whatever they may be.
There is a hierarchy I perceive here too – from literal to the abstract.
Archetype is the class -> whose influence is carried by the beings who serve as its agents.
So I feel and make friends with the archetype itself or ask for forgiveness/contemplate on it, and live through whatever message that has for me, and I feel that dissolves the nexus of the multifarious threats coming from it.

All resolutions happen in the deep archetypal realms I feel.
The general context of our lives only reflects the larger puppeteers’ actions of moving the strings of the many characters and situations.
Fear and control go together.
Someone can control you, only once they install fear in you.
I thought – Create the correct environment in your psyche, use the correct deterrents and defenses to repel all parasitic beings.
Just like how one can keep one’s backyard clean – avoid wasp nests etc. – by planting repelling plants, coating with soap water solutions, and adding decoys, and so on.
Let the predator go about his business and leave you alone to do yours.
I think the purpose of the predator from my pov is to learn to transcend and protect myself from it – it’s a game.
Add beautiful repellents in your backyard (metaphor) -> and when there is a will there is a way -> there are so many things waiting for me to adopt them and cleanse myself of all the predators inside -> be it subtle ones like viruses in my gut and body, or overt ones like painful people around me.

I however see another issue, that my action will simply send the predator to someone else.
So should I be the great one, and withstand the predator, to save someone else?
That doesnt make sense in the larger picture – that looks like martyrdom, and it doesnt serve anything.
Others are tough enough, the creator upholds them, not me.
I am not responsible for protecting others from the TRUTH – that the world has both light and dark forces, and creation and destruction forces.
Such a protection harms them rather than help them.
They are going to live in dependence and fear anyway.
My responsibility is to affix myself with my own oxygen mask first.
This will allow me to overflow with power.
Then I can stand as an example as to how to be stand on your own feet, with vitality, with your own strength and knowledge, having conquered all your parasites/shadows/destructive, impairing, disabling, fears, and forces.
My service is my living example and exposition to others.
My being and commitment to abide with god/truth is my service.

Now there are some philosophical questions here.
Is the predator bad? —————- Is the exterminator bad?
Is the virus bad? ——————- Is the anti-virus bad?
Is action bad? ———————- Is re-action bad?
Is attack bad? ———————- Is defense bad?
This is like the chicken and egg problem.
It is cyclic.
What comes first?
Because the issue is that -> If I take the position of the “predator/virus/action/attack” -> It sees the opposite force “exterminator/anti-virus/re-action/defense” as the enemy.
If I take the position of the self-sufficient one -> then the enemy is these parasites who live dependent lives by hunting/attacking others.
So it is war of forces of desire/force.
Light desires/forces ———– Dark desires/forces
The linearity is only in the mind’s conception, in reality it all happens now instantaneously.
We have to take a position that transcends morality.
Because in the duality there are both:
life enhancing forces/intrinsic power ——— life diminishing forces/parasitic power
First I have to realize my own polarization.
I definitely identify and feel intrinsic life enhancement as the core in me.
All actions that I do, serve this.
So my task is to simply be more of my own true desire and let all my actions reflect who I am.
In other words, I “BE” THE CHARACTER I am meant to be and play the “God’s will role” fully.

Every fear is a call to toughen up/see/understand/conquer/master.
Develop and nurture your force until it rises above everything.
The enneagrams, myers briggs type, archetype identification, numerology, astrology – star signs etc. all serve in finding your source/power in the field.
These maps may initially serve as a guide to orient and triangulate your true position.
One has to FEEL one’s way through resonance.
RESONANCE is the compass.
It is all in FEELING your way through.
Each person’s “source/home position” is different, and that source position is their source of spirit.
When operating from there you are operating from what the creator intended you to be vs. this strange disconnected ego pov we find ourselves as which feeds from the source from afar, like faint moonlight.
Move towards your source, and journey into the dark night until you find it.
Find the “infinite power point” within yourself and then live from there as an example to show ‘WHAT POSSIBILITY EXISTS for each person”.

I want to be in alignment with the highest truth/highest will/highest vision/highest context – call it truth/love/god etc. that is secondary to me.
I want to dissolve all creation and BE the unmanifest/the highest solvent and live from there in absolute freedom.
Find the sun within you, and live from there.
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Can you imagine the power of god?

power-of-god

Fear exists.
Fear is a protective system.
Protection from what?
Protection from destruction of what I believe is ‘me’.
And what is this ‘me’ that needs protection?
And Protection from what? Life itself?
So life itself looks like an enemy because it threatens ‘me’.
That means the very existence of me itself is anti-life energy to a great extent.

This ‘me’ is the limiter of life energy itself -> and I am afraid life will go beyond these limits -> which would then not serve the preservation or expansion of me.
So then I am terrified of an infinite unlimited power.
Let’s call that god.
Because what would prevent it from breaking my structure?
The energy of life being finer than us fears nothing we know, it is no-thing, and extremely finely structured.

Like quarks are not afraid of an atom bomb.
Because the atom bomb can do nothing to the structure of the quark.
But every other gross structure is terrified of the power of the atom bomb.
Isn’t the fear of god exactly that?
I stand as a mortal structure with the knowledge that I am going to die and I don’t know when and how, and I do not even know what lies beyond?
Would that not put me in the PERMANENT state of anxiety and fear?
How can I know what lies ahead?
Is there any way of knowing apart from BEING THAT?

Imagine you met a trans-dimensional alien, who could materialize in a physical form or de-materialize and occupy a frequency spectrum subtler and beyond our perception. How would you react to this?
How long would it take for the alien to decimate your entire structure, or how long would it take for the alien to exalt you into perfect health?
OR Lets imagine a bunch of nano-bots.
Imagine if these were not bots, but some kind of extraterrestrial nano being forms.
Well the range of actions they could perform on you could be anything from:
Atomic bomb like decimation of you [Destruction] ———OR——— They could make you into the finest imaginable sculpture of a structure [Exaltation]
All these analogies are to point at the power of god.
Could you think of more such possibilities?

What relationship would “I” have to the infinitely subtle power?
Well that depends on how life has treated me so far, right?
What if I’ve had assault after assault of diseases after diseases with no cure and I am suffering in isolation and despair, desperately trying to just live the barest life possible, how would I then feel about the power of god?
Compare this to another person, who has lived the usual formula, some good times, few bad times, well settled and integrated into society and its games. What would be his conception and position towards the power of god?
Would it not be much more favorable than what I might assume god is?
Is god merciful? Is god wrathful? Why should it be one or the other?
Can our minds conceive of a god who is all the worst qualities and all the best qualities at the same time?
Isn’t that a brain fry?
An impossible contradiction to hold in the linear one-at-a-time instrument the mind is?

God’s actions in time can evoke:
Negative anticipation (dread/despair/terror/fear) —————————— Positive anticipation (what is usually celebrated as faith/devotion/love)
There is a profound unknowing here.
How can we ever know the infinite?
Only the finite can be known, isn’t it?

We assume we somewhat know, judging by our past memories and life experience, but could it not be that life has just been too easy on us?
The giant is playing gentle?
But what would prevent the giant from getting explosively violent and tearing us apart?
Doesn’t that duality exist in the potentials of the giant?
And why should we assume the creator loves us and wants to keep us in the utmost possible condition of well-being?
Maybe it wants to make us suffer like dogs?
OR conversely, why does the creator not completely exalt us?
Why are we kept in this ‘weird’, ‘odd’, ‘absurd’, and ‘confusing’ condition?
To assume it is one or the other(love or destruction) is to limit the creator’s power isn’t it?
I mean it could hate us as much as it loves us right?
Could it be both simultaneously? The creator hates us and loves us, and somewhere inbetween if the love is greater than hate our life moves forward?
Because to assume only love, is to deny the entirety of the dark side.
If it is all love then what is the dark side then? NOT GOD? SOMETHING ELSE?
How can that be?
Most people I see are believing their ‘concept of god’ as god, a limited conception which looks like ‘infinite denial’ to me.
What is INFINITE potential? (contemplation)
It could be ANYTHING from: Abject terror ——to——– Greatest love?
The most horrific devil imaginable ——-to——— The most loving angelic being?
Both ARE god?
So god could take any potential among infinite ones or be all of it simultaneously?

The world is deterministic, with all its physical laws etc, like a fixed structure that looks promising like it can be mastered.
But I feel that is because the god giant is 95% asleep.
Imagine if god wakes up to its infinite power, would it not end this world as instantly as how your dream abruptly ends when you are jolted awake in the morning?
The god giant appears to take this puny form of a deterministic world filled with laws/structures etc.
But seriously can we get truly one up on this?
Aren’t we still under god’s mercy, who has taken this puny strange limited absurd form in the form of this world and its creatures?
Do we know the power of god?

And in all my statements above, there was an inherent duality implied of me/we being separate from god.
Let me open up a prospect even more terrifying.
What if you are god?
And what if you are pretending to be THIS?
Would you let go into your infinite power?
How much will you let go?
Can you imagine the price of this disillusionment?
Can you imagine the obliteration of every single knowledge/idea/limitation you hold on to right now?
Would you stay in this body/world contraption even for an instant if you realize your infinite power?

If I am god and if I am everything then:
I am terrified of my own power.
I am terrified of my true potential.
I am terrified of my own wrathfulness.
I am terrified of my own madness.
I am terrified of my destructiveness.
I am terrified of the intensity of my love too.
I am terrified of my extreme pleasure potentials too.
It is so much easier being this poor little me afraid of god/others, than to face my true power.
I see the way to higher consciousness as facing and walking through the ‘terror of unknowing’.
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Prayer of a weary soul

prayer

[I] hand over my really tired, weak, and weary desireless exhausted [self] over to thee
There [is] an incredible amount of emptiness in [me]
[I’m] barely conscious
Like [I] have been fully knocked out
There [is] not much left in [me] to put up a fight or resist.
[I] can barely stand on my own feet, let alone walk
What [is] this deathly condition?
[I] feel heavy, encumbered, overwhelmed, paralyzed, burdened, weary and can barely keep my head up
[A] severe deficiency of will power/desire/energy
The viruses or entropic agents within are getting the better of me, and [I] have exhausted [my] fight now
[I] can no longer ward off this inevitable destruction
So [I] stop resisting and surrender to death or total transformation
Which [is] what [I] avoided, most of [my] life
Why resist [the] inevitable? This has always been waiting for me anyway
So [I] give myself fully into [the] fire and chaos of transformation
[I] am actually dying into [the] fire of life
[My] avoidance of death [is] the avoidance of life
Because to give [oneself] into the fire, is to give in to 100% change or the ‘life process’ itself
[I] am fulfilling “Thy shall be done”
[I] have no belief anymore regarding what is on the other side
Because to have belief [is] to not give in sincerely
[I] am willingly entering the chaos of profound unknowing
Paradoxically entering this space [is] giving me profound knowings
How can [this] ever make logical sense?
How can [the] substrate underneath every possible contradiction make sense?
[I] previously lived in the digital world whereas now [I] am collapsing into the analog world
[The] analog world of the felt presence of direct indescribable experience
[I] know not where [I] am going, [I] have no map
[I] realize true life is the full entry into mystery and this is also a full entry into dying each moment
Each time [I] fully refresh and re-cognize, [I] create vacuum for the unimaginable to enter
This pulse of life [I] feel [is] similar to the pulse of breath [1/0]
[I] take a breath in fully leaving no gaps -> [I] Experience/Feel it fully -> [I] release it fully leaving a total vacuum
The more [I] give in to the fire, [I] see [I] am none of what I believed [I] was
[I] am a witness of this flow and all is changing
[I] drop into the [Abyss] and lose my [self]
[I] see nothing of true value is ever lost
The [self] BEHOLDS everything, but holds nothing
Like a mirror, Like water and its reflections
Every loss [is] gain
A trading of [the] finite for the infinite
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True persona vs. False persona

true-false

There are various equivalent spectrums:
High spirit power —————– Low spirit power
God attuned Ego/Self ———– Distant tuned Ego/Self
Vitality —————————— Depression
Coherence/Effortless harmony ———– Chaotic/Efforted harmony
Seratonin, Dopamine abundance ———- Seratonin Dopamine scarcity
Sun ———————— Moon
Truth ———————- Falsity
Giver ———————- Taker
Source ——————– Parasite
Home ——————— Exile
Abundance ————– Scarcity

The false persona needs borrowed energy to live OR it must live super frugally.
The god attuned persona on the other hand does not need energy from anybody else or anything, it has an infinite source of power within itself.
The false persona suffers when the true persona has not been cut off.
The constant conflict between the false person and the true persona manifests as disharmony and suffering.
Like 2 radio frequencies interfering with each other creating a lot of noise (which is suffering in this context).
When the false persona entirely cuts off the true persona, it lives without suffering and in full disconnection from abundance.
So such a persona lives purely opportunistically.
Since all connection is derived from connection to the true self, so a total severing of that connection is also a total severing of love.
So then the false persona works as an independent agent solely caring about its advantage and using the world as much as it can for its benefit.
Whereas the person who still has connection to his true self experiences a divide between:
Abundance/True self ———————————- Scarcity/False self
Service to other —————————————- Service to self
There are various degrees of polarization along this line.
People may fluctuate and move along this line experiencing suffering THROUGHOUT from the conflicting values of the 2 sides.
After all, Conflict = Suffering.
No Conflict = No suffering.
If you polarize to any one end, you would not suffer.
However when you are in the middle, there is a choice.
What will you choose?
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The game of life is rigged

chess

The game of life is rigged.
It is impossible to win.
As Alan Watts would say, “White will never really win over Black”.
Pleasure will never win over pain.
The opposites go together and it is impossible to have 1 and not the other.
One cannot take respite and consolation in hell, because heaven exists.
One cannot take respite and consolation in heaven, because hell exists.
No matter how much you walk to the East, the West still exists behind you.
No matter how much you walk to the North, the South still exists behind you.
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Transformation and Healing are simultaneous

change

Old structure —-<—{Transformation}—- Chaos —{Healing}–>– New structure

Life is an endless movement from the old to the new.
—->— old ————>———– new —->—
When in-between the passage, if you look at your old structure you see transformation.
On the other hand, if you look at the prospective new structure from this mid point, you see healing/becoming (heading towards the new state of coherence).
So they both are simultaneous, the view just changes between transformation and healing depending on whether you look backwards or forwards.

This is similar to how creation and destruction are simultaneous in the movement of life. Again depends on which direction you look.
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e-motion = energy in motion.

rainbowhearts

Emotion is what makes us move.
The mind/intellect is the map.
The emotion is the motor.
If you have no emotion, then the map only shows you infinitely possibilities.
In fact if you have only the mind, it will simply show you the pros and cons with every investment.
It will paralyze you with indecision by showing you infinite EQUIVALENT possibilities.
It is love that moves everything.
All “will” is from emotion, from the heart.
The seat of vitality is in the heart.
All instruments serve the divine heart.
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The whole moves the whole

Peintures

The whole moves the whole (truth)
No part moves the whole (illusion of agency)
No part moves another part (illusion of causation)
The whole has no history (story/narrative illusion)
It is ever refreshing, ever renewing (dance of the ONE)
The whole is alive (I am aliveness)
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Hate crimes are the tip of the iceberg

iceberg

We all have our unique points of view (from long causal chains) and it may happen that the system around you (which has its own causal chain) might get seriously hostile to you (it’s relative, like an unfolding drama).
The hostility may be a direct abuse or even through utter neglect of you or whatever you are offering.

THERE ARE 2 BROAD BRANCHES:
Blaming of self/self is responsible —————- Blaming of other/other is responsible
The 2 are not water tight compartments though, they are oscillate.
Also at a broader level the basic emotion is the same, but the center of gravity of the individual may differ widely based on the conditioning he/she received. The arrow of it points to the self or the other and accordingly has consequences.
We usually do not look into self-destructive types much and usually a lot of them stay totally invisible, however the other-destructive types usually hit the limelight.
So the phenomenon itself is much broader, we only see the tip of the iceberg which is the people who commit really prominent hate crimes against others.

INNER FEELINGS:

* So the first feelings to arise are: SADNESS/HURT which comes from THWARTED DESIRE or FAILURE.
* You then re-examine, re-evaluate, try again with a new strategy and if you either fail to break through or you realize the situation is quite hopeless from your analysis you fall into GRIEF/DEPRESSION.

So depression is the lower part of the iceberg while hurt is the tiny upper part.
Similarly grief is the lower part of the iceberg while sadness is the tiny upper part.
Sadness is the ‘pain of loss’ or ‘failure’ or ‘realization of the impossibility of achievement’ of a quick immediate goal.
Grief is the failure/loss/’impossibility…’ of the entire context/ground on which you are standing.
“FUTILITY” then arises, which is when you cannot conceive of a way out no matter how hard you try.

FEELINGS TOWARDS THE OUTER: “Which mirror the inner states in an attempt to amend”

* In the first encounter with ‘hurt/sadness’, the outer feelings could be:
– ‘ANGER'(if you think the other was unfair or you were unfair, which implies you have a firm fairness structure in you) = translates into you projecting the anger into suppressing yourself or suppressing the other – violence to self or violence to the other.
– ‘CONFUSION’ (if you cannot figure out what happened/no structure in which to understand) = Here you invest all your energy in a hyper-vigilant state of other-awareness and most of the time, you behave like a zombie when in this confusion.

* Then secondary outward feelings develop on repeated failures and pain:
– Anger turns into HOSTILITY/HATE/CONTEMPT = directed to the self or the other.
– Confusion turns into RESENTMENT/FRUSTRATION/RUMINATION = directed to the self or the other.

* Then tertiary feelings happen when the previous step once again fails with intensification of pain:
– The hostility turns into BLIND RAGE/AGGRESSION/MURDER – towards self (self mutilation, suicide) or the other (hate crimes, murder, mass killing)
– The endless frustration turns into TOTAL NIHILISM/PSYCHOSIS – here it is only to self because he/she barely has the strength and structure to affect others who may just desert him/her.

So to sum it up, I have laid out a model here. It isn’t complete but I wanted to demonstrate the complexity of these phenomena. What we call serial killings etc. are the tip of the tip of the iceberg of some of the dynamics and mechanics I have described here.