Tag: Letting go

Posted on

The final rites of letting go

letting-go-hazel-billingsley

I have relinquished almost all investments with others.
Now, I stand alone with only my parents around me.
As I let go more and more, I am falling into an energy space that has no overlap with my parents.
My parents are my final investment, and I am getting desperate in trying to connect with them in some way.
This is because if I don’t achieve some connection/structure/basis then I will fall into no-self, chaos, the dream, and emptiness.
This is scary to me, and that part of me is driving my efforts for desperate connection.
Even if it means finding fault with others(parents), and infusing urgency into the fact that they MUST solve their problems, and I will help them, and so on.
I can see through this though, and I have compassion for that part of me.

In fact I see that there is no overlap between my energy and ANYBODY else.
I see the part of me that is freaking out
That part which seeks out support/connection/bolstering for my identity.
That part is actually my identity/ego/social-self itself.
Without this bolstering one falls into the unknown, into the dream, and into emptiness, without a story, continuity, identity, or a structure.
That is how it appears.

The illusion of continuity and structure is maintained by others.
Without others, there is nothing to UPHOLD the self/ego.
Our self/ego is only a social-construct thriving on continual reinforcement.
The grief is in dropping this mega-project of the hope of securing validation of my value and worth from an other, and of contact with an other who would give me the respect of fully seeing me.
I have never received the “seeing/validation of worth and value” in any consistent way all through my life.
It has come in bits and pieces and has created so many fragmented selves.
Maybe that is what drove me towards the project of freedom, because the chaos and a lack of a stable pov was getting painful.

But now, I want to be emptied of all these dependent coagulations/structures/identities and give up everything that is not upheld inherently by existence itself.
The price to pay feels like everything, but I can also sense that nothing of true value is ever lost and all I am losing is my burdens.
Posted on

Algorithm for solving all problems

Personal:
Look at the emotions now (look at the contraction)
Ask – what is the cause of them? – find the mental stories and write them down.
Ask – what would be the antidote for this? – find the antidote mental stories
Transpersonal:
Ask – what is the wisdom about such a situation/event/condition happening to someone?
Ask – what is the wisdom that someone would need to process/complete/let go of this?
Final Step:
Complete the process and Let Go!
Posted on

The trap of opposing what your parents want you to be

Interestingly, in opposing my parents, I get stuck in a even bigger trap.
Lets say, parents want me to be X.
So then the algorithm I use is to BE[Not X]
Which is the same as -(-1) which is NOT = 1, unlike what mathematics may say.
Another way to put it is, a negative[negative] does not make a positive.
It in fact makes it even more complicated than 2x of the original negative.
In the task of opposing something totally I become more limited and narrow than the original thing itself.
I become even more narrow because now I am preoccupied with 3 things:
X, opposing X/finding its opposite, choosing to not be X.

This process is counterproductive because my ultimate reason for this opposition is to be FREE.
But this opposition puts me in an even bigger trap than the original trap of an image being imposed on me.
The solution here seems to be pointing towards LETTING GO of resistance and simply flowing as smoothly and unattached as possible.
In a way, I have further crystallized X by opposing it, when the goal itself was to let go of X in order to be something free’er and larger.
Posted on

What is the use of holding on to memories of suffering?

Approach 1:
Holding on to past hurts.
Its like you are holding on to hurt, and then building a defense to prevent someone from doing it again.
Aggression is also a preemptive form of defense ultimately.
Approach 2:
Another option is to let go of the hurt from your energy, forget it like it never happened, and then there is a possibility of it happening again.
Imagine this possibility does happen, and someone does hurt you again.

Approach 1 is ludicrous. Even if the other person cannot hurt you because of your defense, you are hurt ALL THE TIME since you are holding on to it all the time.
Its like you are saying, I am already completely hurt, so its impossible for you to hurt me.
That may give a feeling of false power (from ignorance of the real reality), since now the other CANNOT hurt you.

Our vulnerability to others creates the potential for us to feel the greatest humiliation of being negatively AFFECTED.
But our vulnerability also opens us to feel profoundly positively affected too.
In the case of hurt, it is negative affect.
To avoid this negative affect from others, because of maybe having being burnt real bad too many times, we may decide to seal off all others as an act of severe rebellion and retaliation.
This decision looks like the perfect one from the ego’s perspective considering the sheer unfairness and humiliation it had to go through.
The ego needs to be given compassion for whatever it endured.
But the inner mechanics really reveal the disastrous effects of this decision.
Firstly, there is a VENGEANCE charge about maintaining your separation/dissociation with others.
This vengeance charge is ultimately coming from the intensity of the hurt you underwent.
So the vengeance extends its charge in time, which means its concomitant hurt is carried in your body too. This is because, if you stopped holding on to the hurt, and dropped that memory and allowed yourself to simply forget about it from your whole being, then it would be impossible to have a vengeance charge at all.
The vengeance charge needs the hurt to be held on in its ripe form.
So in this design, you are continuously experiencing hurt in your body all the time and you are continuously discharging the vengeance charge too on whoever comes close to you. Whatever form the vengeance may take, either aggression or total dissociation.
Its like a person who set his whole body ablaze continuously, so that nobody can burn him again. Well, he is already burning everywhere! So he has lost pounds for the pennies he would get when he watches someone try to attack him and fail.
Its like:
“Hurt begets hurt”.
“Hurting people hurt others”.
Another mechanic here, is that, if you have so much vengeance, you will look for a target to unleash it upon, because else the vengeance cannot maintain itself. So it will find a series of abusive relationships and live through them.
So this hurt+vengeance package tries to justify its existence by ATTRACTING environments that necessitate its need.
So now you have a double whammy, you also tend to attract the same traumatizing circumstances again and again so that you can unleash your vengeance.
But you cannot fight fire with fire. It just perpetuates itself.
This is a very complex conundrum.
It is important to feel compassion for all that you have been through in the hands of horrible people.
But, “Forgiving and Forgetting” seems to be the only SANE choice in the light of all the mechanics of what can follow if we choose to hold on to hurt and unleash vengeance/bitterness/contempt/anger.