## Control and Freedom are opposites

Control and Freedom are the opposites of each other.
The spectrum:
Control (holding on to control & having the need to control) ————- Freedom (letting go of control & not having the need to control)
To let something free is to relinquish control over it.

Every controlled action cannot be sustained indefinitely.
Consequently, when it is dropped, the result swings to its opposite.
All opposites inevitably swing between each other:
# Extreme pursuit/seeking ——-vs——- Extreme retreat
# Extreme outgoingness ——vs——- Extreme withdrawal
# Extreme activity ——-vs——– Extreme tiredness
Like a spring:
# If you pull the ends of the spring, it contracts when you release it.
# If you shrink the ends of the spring, it expands when you release it.
Essentially:
# Extreme Rajas (activity) ——vs—— Extreme tamas (inertia)
Activity and Inertia follow each other.
The “middle or 0 point” of these poles is not a location or a quantity but a DOORWAY.
Now, I must speak more about what I mean by “middle or 0 point” here.
The “middle or 0 point” is not in the same “plane” or “number line” as the 2 poles are in.
0 or the middle is not a quantitative thing here, rather it is representative of the doorway/portal/wormhole to the next dimension itself.
Passing through this doorway = transcends both the poles and opens you up to the higher dimension.
A more 3d analogy of this would be a whirlpool.
The dualities spiral around each other and lead into the doorway/wormhole that acts as a portal to the next dimension.
This permeation/dissolving of you into the higher dimension by the relinquishing of control/effort (which happens naturally in time once you experience and acquire true understanding) is true freedom.

That is why controlling any one aspect of life will never lead to transcendence but rather it will only lead to a swing in the opposite direction when your will power runs out.
You can allow this process to happen fast by moving with the intensity of a hare and lose will power much faster, or you can walk like a tortoise and exhaust your will-power supply after an eon.
Once that happens, your state will swing to its opposite pole, and the attainment will be lost until the next cycle begins.
Just like how, if you work very hard one day, you will feel very sleepy that night and fall into oblivion for a while.

This is because when you step away, all the winds and tides within existence move you into a path, that is very different from what you thought.
Your karmic equation changes, and you become karma-less in this plane of existence.
And the paradox here is that, you cannot relinquish control by controlling.
It happens as a consequence of true understanding/gnosis/contemplation/inquiry/insight/assimilation/digestion.

## Desire as the root of consciousness/life/experience

Everything is dependent on desire.
Like you will work on relationships say, only if you desire relationship.
And only then does the whole structure of relationship etc. matter to you.
Else without that desire, the whole thing drops away and even falls out of consciousness/experience.
So desire drives consciousness.
Desire is the potential force that manifests consciousness.
It is this ‘desire’ that is called ‘love'(as I see it).
Total Non desire = No consciousness/No experience

And, there are infinite desires/desired possibilities, so this play of desire is what aligns you to structuring frameworks that shape you in their image (like being a body on earth bound by physical laws and body structure laws etc.), and consequently powers structures/investments/and their expansion into the larger structures with activities such like “aligning, harmonizing, changing” and so on.
If all I desire is source, then all other relationships/investments drop off.
The very consciousness of them drops off. Because consciousness needs desire.
The desires drop off not only from the investments, but from the structures themselves, and even from the larger structure creating mechanisms/matrixes themselves.
This can be seen as the moving away of desire from maya.
The relinquishing of desire from ALL of MAYA, draws all your desire back to its source, which ends desire, and also ends consciousness/experience itself.

This is the journey from: Jivaatma(Moon) —-to—– Paramatma(Sun)
To drop the accumulated-maya(karma) of the jivaatma and to get back its full merger into its source.
It may then emanate again as a fresh inspiration ray from the sun and once again participate in the grand maya matrix in a different role and different context.

Now a bit more about Maya:
Maya I see as multiple interlocking intertwined interdependent relational hierarchical heterarchical lattice matrix webs of patterning structures.
And these range all the way from the Grossest to the Subtlest.
Flouting those subtle energetic fields: brings instant resistance and pain – for e.g. in the social structure it is felt as being a misfit, awkwardness etc.
And in the physical world, you will injure your body if you flout the rules of the matrix of physical laws.
And fields inherently carry expectations(expectations first to BE and then the expectations to DO).
So say in the social world the individual people tuned into that field do not really exist, but are like bio-computers tuned to that field.
So the tyranny is from the field and the individual people tuned into that only execute it as its agents and appear as tangible feedback coming to you for the way you are and the way you act.
When something is loved, it is a blessing/treasure —else—– that very same thing is a oppression/prison/tyranny.

When one gets tired of ALL maya, the desire withdraws more and more from maya into subtler and subtler levels until the only desire is to return to the source. Then the desire is not for consciousness but for non-existence and a freedom from life itself. Because really you can have freedom from death only if you also have freedom from life also, because the 2 are simply dual pairs.

## One can enjoy the greatest freedom/power/service only in invisibility

Popularity subjects you to people’s projected ideals/images.
The images are superimposed on you.
They can project on you the image of a demi-god or make you a devil.
And it is not that you can just ignore these projections.
If many beings project you as a savior/angel/god, you will have a 1000 people at your door worshiping you.
In reality they aren’t worshiping you, but are worshiping their own god-image which they have projected on you
That case is the dream of many and that sounds really great.
But in the game of identifying with a self made up of projections there is the opposite side to it.
What if everyone projects their devil on you?
Now they will attack you with the same viciousness as they would attack any devil.

Projections can be completely blind, but usually, the projection is an extrapolation of qualities that do emanate from the receiver.
Like take the case of romantic love.
The opp-sex does something sweet and that is extrapolated to mean they are the god of sweetness and ever flowing nectar.

A narcissist primarily lives on the self created totally from these projections only.
So all of their life-energies and faculties are dedicated exclusively to the game of image enhancement/management.
Either they inflate themselves or put down others and basically aim to raise themselves up to a secure place of worth/value/prestige/fame/being.
But this is a FULL TIME business, because to maintain images is very difficult, and people are capricious too and keep changing their projections depending on their own moods.
Though such a person might appear to be charismatic from all the incredible effort they have invested in IMAGE MANAGEMENT, they are a slave to what everyone else thinks they are.
They are standing on a quick sand, and have to be permanently preoccupied with upholding/maintaining their volatile/fragile self concept.
Usually they overcompensate for this desperate dependence by making others dependent on them, and by repeatedly convincing others directly/indirectly that others need them.
In reality it is they who are enslaved and most vulnerable and who have to on a full time basis resort to all sorts of tricks to maintain their ever-insecure image.
Such a life is terrible and seriously powerless, though it is the narcissist who would make the greatest grandiose bombastic displays of power.
“Every display is driven by its dual”.
The are aware of their supreme vulnerability and are so deeply ashamed about it, it is projected outward as an ugly world that they have to keep exploiting/cheating to survive.
It is like the girl who has to wear makeup 24×7 so that she can maintain her image OR a guy who has to act powerful/sure/confident/strong all the time just to maintain that image.
This is an existential level curse.
Narcissists can be extremely violent/rageful/harmful to everything, but at this level of context, I do feel compassion for them for landing up in such a situation.

The reason I brought up the long explanation about the narcissist is because they are the section of beings that live EXCLUSIVELY on image projections.
They show you the real picture of what a punishment it is to live a life forged on these projected images.
Ofcourse nobody is an absolute narcissist.
There are varying degrees here too.
But I illustrated the more pure aspect of this condition.

Whereas when one is invisible, one has the greatest freedom.
Such a one can be a great conduit of pure spirit/service and enjoy the greatest freedom because he does not have to live in accordance and fear of the quagmire of projected images and the harm and imprisonment all of that could bring.
He could shape-shift, be whatever the situation deems and be maximally adaptive and free.
Thank your anonymity for the greatest blessing that it is :).
I will happily live in the poverty of spirit, with my feet planted there, and enjoy the show of people’s projections as it may come and go.

## Reality vs. Virtual Reality

If you know something is ‘virtual reality’, would you invest/immerse yourself in it?
Would you allow yourself to believe it?
Would you willingly suspend your disbelief?
No matter how overwhelming and high-def the sensory content provided to you is, will you ever lose sight of the fact that it is virtual/unreal?
OR Will it be like a movie where we can plug in and out of it at will?
In a movie, we make the movie ‘feel real’ by virtue of our INVESTMENT, isn’t it?
So what makes something real or unreal?
I feel INVESTMENT/CATHECTION/ATTENTION is what makes ANYTHING real.
So withdrawal of investment implies withdrawal of that reality itself from your consciousness.

Super hi-def Virtual reality that mimics our sensory resolutions will open up a whole new interest in deep metaphysical questions (similar to the feelings Neo had in the matrix movie when he was first shown the nature of reality).
If all REALITY is from our INVESTMENT, then what about this solid reality we experience as the “REAL WORLD”?
Could we call that – our own UNCONSCIOUS INVESTMENT?

I see it as 2 poles:
Movie/VR is conscious investment ——while——- ‘Hard Reality’ is unconscious investment

Even an attempt to change the movie implies investment in the movie.
To “take/claim/redeem” your “power/freedom” back is to redeem your “attention/investment/cathexis” from the unconscious.
I see this as the whole quest of realization and freedom/transcendence.

## Realize your source and live from there

My ego is mostly about – detect threat -> ward off threat
If there is no immediate threat around me, I try to foresee threats and start preparing for them.
What is fear?
Fear of being attacked.
The anticipation of being attacked.
Now I fear everyone and everything.
This fear forms the bricks of my heart prison.
As I remove each brick, I see each corresponding fear.
And I can see huge common clouds of increasing size.
Which means all these fears are coming from a “common large archetypal threat” whose class spawns the “individual instances of people/insects/situations” whatever they may be.
There is a hierarchy I perceive here too – from literal to the abstract.
Archetype is the class -> whose influence is carried by the beings who serve as its agents.
So I feel and make friends with the archetype itself or ask for forgiveness/contemplate on it, and live through whatever message that has for me, and I feel that dissolves the nexus of the multifarious threats coming from it.

All resolutions happen in the deep archetypal realms I feel.
The general context of our lives only reflects the larger puppeteers’ actions of moving the strings of the many characters and situations.
Fear and control go together.
Someone can control you, only once they install fear in you.
I thought – Create the correct environment in your psyche, use the correct deterrents and defenses to repel all parasitic beings.
Just like how one can keep one’s backyard clean – avoid wasp nests etc. – by planting repelling plants, coating with soap water solutions, and adding decoys, and so on.
Let the predator go about his business and leave you alone to do yours.
I think the purpose of the predator from my pov is to learn to transcend and protect myself from it – it’s a game.
Add beautiful repellents in your backyard (metaphor) -> and when there is a will there is a way -> there are so many things waiting for me to adopt them and cleanse myself of all the predators inside -> be it subtle ones like viruses in my gut and body, or overt ones like painful people around me.

I however see another issue, that my action will simply send the predator to someone else.
So should I be the great one, and withstand the predator, to save someone else?
That doesnt make sense in the larger picture – that looks like martyrdom, and it doesnt serve anything.
Others are tough enough, the creator upholds them, not me.
I am not responsible for protecting others from the TRUTH – that the world has both light and dark forces, and creation and destruction forces.
Such a protection harms them rather than help them.
They are going to live in dependence and fear anyway.
My responsibility is to affix myself with my own oxygen mask first.
This will allow me to overflow with power.
Then I can stand as an example as to how to be stand on your own feet, with vitality, with your own strength and knowledge, having conquered all your parasites/shadows/destructive, impairing, disabling, fears, and forces.
My service is my living example and exposition to others.
My being and commitment to abide with god/truth is my service.

Now there are some philosophical questions here.
This is like the chicken and egg problem.
It is cyclic.
What comes first?
Because the issue is that -> If I take the position of the “predator/virus/action/attack” -> It sees the opposite force “exterminator/anti-virus/re-action/defense” as the enemy.
If I take the position of the self-sufficient one -> then the enemy is these parasites who live dependent lives by hunting/attacking others.
So it is war of forces of desire/force.
Light desires/forces ———– Dark desires/forces
The linearity is only in the mind’s conception, in reality it all happens now instantaneously.
We have to take a position that transcends morality.
Because in the duality there are both:
life enhancing forces/intrinsic power ——— life diminishing forces/parasitic power
First I have to realize my own polarization.
I definitely identify and feel intrinsic life enhancement as the core in me.
All actions that I do, serve this.
So my task is to simply be more of my own true desire and let all my actions reflect who I am.
In other words, I “BE” THE CHARACTER I am meant to be and play the “God’s will role” fully.

Every fear is a call to toughen up/see/understand/conquer/master.
Develop and nurture your force until it rises above everything.
The enneagrams, myers briggs type, archetype identification, numerology, astrology – star signs etc. all serve in finding your source/power in the field.
These maps may initially serve as a guide to orient and triangulate your true position.
One has to FEEL one’s way through resonance.
RESONANCE is the compass.
It is all in FEELING your way through.
Each person’s “source/home position” is different, and that source position is their source of spirit.
When operating from there you are operating from what the creator intended you to be vs. this strange disconnected ego pov we find ourselves as which feeds from the source from afar, like faint moonlight.
Move towards your source, and journey into the dark night until you find it.
Find the “infinite power point” within yourself and then live from there as an example to show ‘WHAT POSSIBILITY EXISTS for each person”.

I want to be in alignment with the highest truth/highest will/highest vision/highest context – call it truth/love/god etc. that is secondary to me.
I want to dissolve all creation and BE the unmanifest/the highest solvent and live from there in absolute freedom.
Find the sun within you, and live from there.

## Beyond Freedom

Even freedom is relative.
Freedom is only relative to YOUR NOTION, and not what is actually available to you around you.
Because I could always tell myself that I have a 100 other things most people do not have.
But does that make me feel free?
That makes me mentally feel good – as a concept, but that’s about it.
I cannot feel it powerfully.
The lifetime of the mental feeling of freedom is very short lived and teeny.
Freedom is an inner condition of abundant spirit.
“You are what you love and not what loves you” – I read this quote today and felt the truth of it.

“To want to gain Freedom” is again operating in a paradigm that also contains the fear of losing it.
So wanting anything carries an implicit fear of the loss of the thing.
So what is beyond freedom? That is my contemplation.

## Silence, Void, Deep Sleep, Absence, God

Silence contains the all
Silence is abundance
Silence is the ultimate satisfaction
Silence is the ultimate contentment.
There is nothing that silence lacks.
Silence needs nothing

Similarly, I could say,
The ‘Zero’ contains all
The ‘Void’ contains all
So Zero, Silence, Void -> are all complete, and contain all
There is nothing that they lack

Deep sleep contains all
Deep sleep is complete
After a long day of exploration, we long to return
To this cornucopia of deep sleep
The deeper one sleeps, the more rejuvenated one is the next day
Existence arises and returns to the void of non-being/non-existence.
It gets it’s replenishment/rejuvenation from this return.

God is ‘total absence’ in its infinite nature
God is ‘absolute nothing’ in its infinite nature
Anything present lacks this absence/infinity
Anything present is finite/limited
‘Absence’ is unlimited while ‘Presence’ is limited

We could abstract it further and say:
God is NOT! OR God is ‘Presence of Absence’
Just like “To know that you know nothing is the greatest knowing”,
Similarly, “To see the emptiness/absence in all existence, is to apprehend the infinite god and is the greatest seeing”
Emptiness yields the clearest vision
Emptiness/Absence is true freedom

## Happiness and Depression in general

My real happiness automatically means the other person is accepted.
My depression automatically means the other person is not accepted.
This is a side effect, it is based on the overall context of that person’s life itself (much beyond the person’s will power or control available).
It is not something the person chooses as such (they do have a choice but it is not much, like it is only from the top of the iceberg portion.)

That is why universally beings gravitate to happy beings (and avoid depressed beings).
Depressed (low spirit contact) ——————————— Happy(high spirit contact)
That is because universally what is loved is ‘spirit’.
That is why children are naturally loved, because they are the closest to ‘spirit’.

So the idea of bringing up children, is for them to have minimum loss of spirit as they grow up.
It is to minimize the loss of their spirit as you introduce them to society, culture, human games, and creating an identity etc.

You want them to choose an identity from their own freedom and then help shape it better like a potter adding finesse using all of your experience and knowledge.
(One easy way to kill a child’s spirit is impose/enforce something seriously unreasonable on him (role-reversal etc.) or something totally different and out of his nature, and tell him – “Be THAT otherwise you are a shameful loser”)
Bringing up happy adults -> retention of a high amount of spirit in adulthood
Bringing up depressed adults -> loss of a lot of spirit in adulthood

In other words, if the ‘identity’ serves spirit you have a happy person, else a depressed person.

Of course depressed adults will program the children with the depression programming – consciously(top of iceberg) or unconsciously(under the iceberg).

So there are only 2 kinds of families really:
Happy families, Unhappy families – and infinite variation of these 2 themes.

Spirit I feel is not a specific kind of expression, way of being, behavior pattern, appearance etc. It can express itself in a multitude of ways.
I feel all spirit means is high electricity/high energy = high freedom
Spirit = freedom
So a person is happy when he has spirit, that is freedom.
A person is unhappy when he lacks spirit, that is being stuck.

‘Ken Wilber’ says the same:
Contact with Spirit = Happiness
Away from Spirit = Depression
That’s all there really is.

All 3 spectrums are equivalent:
Freedom ————————— Stuck
Happy——————————- Depressed
High spirit ————————- Low spirit

## We are endlessly free-falling

All of life comes from the unconscious/beyond/unknown:
*Unconscious —–>->—– Conscious ——>->—— Unconscious*
The agent is only an appearance, and we have drawn a boundary and solidified the agent.
We draw an artificial boundary and PRETEND there is an agent who is responsible.
But in reality, there is no agent, there is nobody, and without a somebody there is no responsibility either.
All is coming from the infinite unknown and returning to it.
*Infinite ———–> Finite ————–> Infinite*
It is an endless flow, an endless apparent causality falling through.
We are free-falling/sky-diving into eternal creativity.
We are falling stars.
All I do is sing and celebrate the endless glory of creation in all its forms.

## Consciousness IS freedom

Consciousness IS Freedom itself.
To be totally conscious of something, is to be simultaneously free of it.
[To the degree to which you are conscious, to that degree you are free]
Consciousness is the liberator.
Consciousness is always (eternally) free of its contents.
The way to free yourself from anything is to become totally conscious of it.

To realize your nature as consciousness is to realize Shiva.
Shiva = Formless, Essence, Consciousness, and Freedom.
Shiva is eternally free from the dance of content, and rests in his nature.
Shakti is the dancer and mover.
Shakti = Maya, Form, Love(self/identification), Desire.
Shakti and Shiva are in perfect marriage with each other and are inseparably mutually arising in every experience – i.e. the marriage of consciousness and contents. They are ONE.

To return to the abode of Shiva, is to return to enlightenment, to realize one’s nature as Shiva (which also releases one totally – into total freedom).
Liberation is to journey between:
Shakti/Maya —->——>—— Shiva/Essence(Consciousness realization)