My wonder and fascination with relations

Since my earliest memory,
I have always had a deep wonder, curiosity, and fascination,
On the possibilities of relating with others.

Interacting with others felt like a great stage,
Participating in group dance or song,
Like a blending of minds creating great harmonies,
Grand tapestries and patterns of rich meaning.

I would imagine all the possibilities in fantasy/dreaming mostly,
With the actual reality serving more as the base context for their concoction.
If reality was “1” (the actuals), My imagination was “100+”(the possibilities).
Maybe “10” of those imaginations would fit under “appropriate”.
The rest would be out of bounds of appropriate social conduct.

This used to always perplex me,
About why so little happens in reality out of all the infinite possibilities.
About why so little was permitted, and why so much was not?
What decided what was allowed and disallowed?
I used to wonder and contemplate on this.

I never received much social conditioning in my early years,
So my mind/imagination was always open.
While approaching others in my early days,
I would be super open, innocent, with total trust.
Then I realized all the boundaries one by one,
And adapted myself to the socialization agreements.
But within me, even today, I am still as free as the wide open sky.
Nobody has ever given more freedom than I have given myself, by a very long shot.

The initial exploration period in my life,
Before the boundaries were understood,
Were some of my happiest times.
Because I experienced that inner sky like freedom expressing itself.
Once I understood the limits, then I reduced myself.
After understanding all the boundaries the hard way,
And due to my hyper restrictive outer environments in childhood,
I sort of became a bit of a recluse.
However the deep fascination I had in this field,
Led me to doing a lot of research and exploration,
And learning a lot in the process.

Nowadays, I test the waters by opening up a bit,
Setting an example, and seeing.
If the other does not open up as much, then I bring back the older boundaries.
Even if the other does not respond, I feel satisfied though,
That I have at least shown the possibility as an offer.
If the other from their side takes liberties with me, or extends interest,
That also frees me up to expand myself and extend a relationship to that extent.

My understanding:
# However I behave with the other,
I set an example/model to follow.
# However they behave with me,
They set an example/model to follow.
# Whatever topics I initiate, I open those doors.
# Whatever topics they initiate, they open those doors.

Total flexibility, adaptability, response-ability is the greatest freedom

RULE: “What appears is not what it really is.”
This is even easier to see the more disrupted things get.

Persistence makes it more difficult to see illusions,
Because the persistent stuff imposes itself on you,
Day after day in the same way, leaving very little gaps.

But disruptions make it more easy to see between the cracks.
To see that all that appears is empty,
And is the modulation of a substrate that is completely free to change.

In my opinion, the real truth is all mixed.
There is no black and white dichotomy of [good parent, terrible parent].
The world/creation is like a forest.
It can be seen in 1000s of ways,
And all of these ways are views of the same transcendental object.

The transcendental object we call world,
Is an infinite canvas for us to project and see what we want to see.
Just like a screen is.
It carries the potential in each of its pixels,
To show a huge range of brightness and color,
And consequently appear as any picture.

All is a complex mixture.
Nothing is a pure blessing or a pure curse.
There is duality in everything.
Flexibility of perspective/vision and response-ability,
Is the truest freedom imo.

All that appears is the play of Maya.
All is an appearance.
All that appears is not what it really is.
It is the flexibility of our mind that allows us to see more,
Of the transcendental higher dimensional object we call the world.

Like how 1000s of people take videos of a place using their own cameras,
We use our minds to perceive and understand different aspects of this world.
But the world (the place itself) is beyond all the footage that was captured.
The footage is a representation and not the thing itself.

The world is an unfathomable blend of 1000s of facets.
Our minds are like travelers and explorers of this multifaceted object.
How much we travel and explore is our choice,
And is also dependent on our potential.

When it comes to Maya,
The rule is always: “Do it the way it works”.

Love and Expectation

‘The power of Love’ being subservient to/within a ‘Structure’ = Expectation (A love that is bound/conditional).
‘Structures’ being subservient to/within ‘The power of Love’ = Free-Love

Earlier I believed that unconditional love was a virtue to strive for.
But now I see that conditional love itself happens from ignorance,
From the ignorance of the mixing of form and essence.
It is like shining light on objects,
And mistaking the light reflections to mean the objects are inherently emitting that light.

Generally greater the love = Greater and Subtler the identification.
There is a finer-perfusion and extension of that into the forms of this realm.

Love is also what allows you to see.
To see something you must love it first.

All expressions/symbolizations/representations of love,
Are understood and self-evidently known,
Only when one is in it.

We believe we love the loved-objects,
But what we really desire is love itself.
We only really love love itself,
And enjoy the reflections of the love we ourselves put out.

When we love very little,
But take on enormous overheads and burdens to uphold those things,
It is a case of the yin-yang black fish with the white eye.

When our love is enormously large (for a great many things),
But the overheads and burdens are negligible to uphold those things,
Then it is a case of the yin-yang white fish with the black eye.

To feel blessed(abundant) —-vs—- To feel forsaken(abandoned)
White fish with black eye —-vs—- Black fish with white eye

Identity, Desire, and Memory

‘Identity’ with ‘Memory’ spawns ‘Desire’.
Memories are like accumulations.
They can be at different levels.
They add on top of each other like a multi-storey building

Our original identity is “LIFE/SPIRIT”,
The formless intelligence that simply IS (Pure being).
This identity then mixed with memory at various levels.
Pure Life/Spirit channeled through [Identity with Memory] = Spawns Desire/Force.
Like how electricity is first channeled through your laptop power supply,
And then through all the laptop’s hardware produces its output.

RULE: All force is generated through structure.
So every structure, when identified with, empowers it with spirit,
And spirit begins functioning THROUGH that structure, manifesting as desire/force.
Desire therefore can be seen as a modification of spirit passing through a memory/structure due to identification with it.

Approximately here are the different levels of memory:
(Identifications with these memories can build on top of each other,
And create corr. desire forces)

Spirit/life = true identity (operates at a level of freedom outside memory)
***
M1 = Soul karmic memory = Desire 1(D1)
M2 = Evolutionary memory = Desire 2(D2)
M3 = Cultural/Ancestry-Genetic memory = Desire 3(D3)
M4 = Family/Social Conditioning memory = Desire 4(D4)
***
M5 = Personality memory = Desire 5(D5)
M6 = Mental memory = Desire 6(D6)
M7 = Emotional memory = Desire 7(D7)
M8 = Sensory memory = Desire 8(D8)

So if [M1+M2+M3+M4+M5+M6+M7] are identified with,
Then spirit operates through all those structs,
And you get the conscious desire of D8.

Alternatively, if [M1+M2+M3+M4+M5] are identified with,
Then spirit operates through all of those,
Giving you the conscious desire of D6.

In degree of vastness,
D1 is infinitely vaster than D6.
Every subsequent desire is nested in its higher desire as a possibility.
You can say [M1,D1], [M2,D2] etc. are [structure->forces] residing in their corresponding dimensions.
The entire lower dimension is from one of the structures in the higher dimension.

The dimensions are linked like a chain.
Coming from the source [which is life/spirit],
And building up from M1 to M8, like a multi-storey building.

All transformation is from the intervention of a higher dimension on a lower one,
And this goes on until we finally reach the unfathomable identification with infinite intelligence/life/spirit/pure consciousness itself.
Once this station has been reached,
It sets all of the other dimensions completely free.

Your freedom, degree of freedom, or potential for freedom,
Depends on which dimension your conscious identity is residing in.

The seduction of fear

The tree of life and its parasites,
The yo-yoing between the forces of life and death,
For the individual and collective,
Keeps going on.

I am neither life nor death.
Both are a polarity-play happening within me.
There are 1000s of forces in nature,
Existing together like a forest.

The forces of fear are seductive.
They transfix your attention with their seductive draw,
Towards horror/terror/paranoia/helplessness.
Why give so much limelight to those forces alone?
Why give that so much undivided attention, against everything else?
Life and Death are only appearances,
Your true nature is beyond both.

“Fear takes us out of ourselves,
And absorbs us into the object of fear.”
Like when a person holds a gun at you,
All of your attention transfixes itself on the gun.

These threatening elements will always be there,
In good times they might go into full remission,
And in other times they may come out in this way,
Attempting to seize everyone’s attention.
However these are just one of the elements,
And have their own place in this grand play of life.
They are part of the polarity-play between: Fear and Safety,
The spin of the yin and yang.

Dropping fear ultimately is only from dropping identification.
Since all fear is to protect an identification with something that is impermanent and unreal to start with.
Remove false identifications, and false attachments,
Whatever happens only disillusions you.
Let everything that happens be an opportunity to free yourself via. disillusionment and take you closer to transcendence.
Let everything be a stepping stone to take you closer to freedom and realization of your true nature.

The state of unconditional allowing

Colors Disco Ball

I feel like I am not yet born,
I feel like an endless work in progress,
I feel like this life is like a dream in the birth waters.
I feel like I am ceaselessly being transformed.

All the experiences, of heaven and hell, pass through me.
Like a spherical mirror that travels everywhere and reflects everything,
But holds nothing, and stays ever-pure in its essence.

The only thing I have to do is to let everything pass through.
Let the winds efface the sand sculptures.
Let the water waves efface the sand castles.
Let me be done and undone by the flows of all elements.
Each of the various realms/worlds/planes,
Will give bodies and reabsorb bodies as their play.
I am the ultimate dis-identified witness, watching the play.
The colorless light of the Ajna.

In a state of unconditional allowing I am free.
Simply free to fully live.

I am interested in extreme experiences

I am interested in extreme experiences,
Internally or externally induced,
Experiences that give me liberation, powers, freedom,
Experiences that release or change the spell I find myself in now,
Experiences that convey and indubitably prove to me,
The emptiness and freedom inherent in the field.
When something is changed,
Freedom from that thing is straightaway proved.

Writing is my ultimate expression of free will

Writing is my creative freedom,
Writing is how I feel my free will,
Writing is how I express my deepest truth,
Writing brings me great fulfillment and satisfaction,
That is unsurpassed and unparalleled.
Writing is the fruit that comes out of my psyche tree.
Writing frees/releases me from whatever I write,
Making space for new content to emerge,
Like the effulgence of a fountain.

The limitations of time – Social/Clock time and Existential.

Supposing you moved to a paradise island,
With no humans around,
And no watch or time keeping device with you,
You would be free of clock time.
Clock time is also Social time.
The reason for the clock is mainly to coordinate one’s life activity with others.

Being free of social/clock time would free you from one set of limitations.
But one would still not escape time itself,
Because there is also existential time,
Which is kept by the body itself.
In fact all social time is build around the rules/laws of existential time which is really the foundation.
The freedom of human activity is dependent on the freedoms offered by the cycles of existential time.

So what is existential time?
Existential time is of the body cycles.
How long can I sit?
How long can I stand?
How long can I meditate?
How long can I talk?
How long can I be silent?
How long can I work (Physical and Mental)?
How long can I enjoy?
How long can I be creative?
How long can I be awake?
How long can I sleep?
How long can I be healthy?
How long can I socialize?
How long can I be alone?
How long can I stay at home?
How long can I be outside or travel?
…and so on.
So these cycles would still happen,
Even after you remove yourself,
From all civilization, social environments, and the clock.
Now, is it possible to overcome these existential limitations?
Are these limitations a given as long as I exist in the body?
Is there a dimension of my being that is free from these limitations?
Is there a dimension of my being that is eternal and not subject to time?
Is it possible to be and stay conscious of that dimension?
That is the next contemplation.