My musings on death

Death fills me with a sense of deep awe, respect, wonder, and a sacred silence.
I bow down to its power.
Death fills me with a kind of gratitude.
That I have had the privilege of having this stream of experience, 
And to be a witness of this body’s inner life process.

Every death is liberation from the form.
Seen from a higher perspective, death isn’t a separate unconnected event.
Birth and Death are part of a singular continuum.
They are different parts of the same process, the same thread,
That continues on inexorably.

We have all done this countless times before,
Living from different points of view.
When moving from form to form, it is the point of attention that shifts.
All forms are temporal in nature.
Every form that is born also dies.
We descend into form and ascend back into the formless.
Birth and death are the grandest events that can happen to anyone.

Birth and Death happen to us as ‘consciousness’.
We are not born and we do not die.
We are the eternal substance (consciousness),
Witnessing the plays of both birth and death,
And all that happens in the middle we call our lives.

The knowledge of death completely rewires you

Death is thought of as an event that happens in the far future.
Nobody even thinks about it, unless there is a real reason to.
Seeing death as an event, is from ignorance (maybe purposeful).
Death is not an event that suddenly happens in the far future.
Death as an experience is continually happening.
“Death is not an event, but death IS, just as life IS”
(borrowed from Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev).

One never steps in the same river twice.
Life experience is constantly transforming.
Knowledge of death or mortality is really knowledge of impermanence.
It is the truth of the statement: “This too shall pass”.
The nature of life is aliveness and change.
Life = spirit = novelty = miracle = change = aliveness = unknown = mystery.

Death is the knowledge of unbecoming that follows becoming.
Like the outbreath follows the inbreath.
So imagine breathing in more and more without letting out anything.
Eventually at one point, the tension will become so great,
You will just drop and let go of everything.
The nature of life is like the Breath.
We enter this planet, take on a body, project all of our emotions here.
We get deeply involved, and then later leave everything behind, and exit.
The cycle of [incarnation – death] like [inbreath – outbreath].

The knowledge of death is what breaks the spell of ordinary egoic life.
It is the great disillusionment.
It casts its shadow on all desires/dreams/plans.
The thought that comes is:
“What is the use of doing anything? OR becoming anything?
If it is all going to end in dust?
Why should I bother to fight for my survival and thrive?
If I am just going to be cheated and mocked in the end by death?”

This may create an existential crisis/dark night of soul/depression.
When the knowledge of death enters your vision.
If one allows this process to fully pass through,
They emerge on the other side transformed.
It is like how you digest food and get energy later,
The knowledge of death digests “you” and liberates you,
And you emerge as a phoenix from the ashes.

For the phoenix, life is lived in the “now/present”
The past is seen as present only, i.e. the past incarnating in the present.
The future is seen as imagination done in the present.
The phoenix lives with identification grounded in “formless life/aliveness” itself.
All else is seen as the play of life, “as form” and “with form”

The ultimate innocence looks out through every being

From the highest context, even evil is innocent, “They know not what they do”.
“I forgive the sinners, and I repent and forgive myself too for all these acts”.
I also see the innocence of it, because everyone ultimately acts from their deepest wisdom and frame of reference at that point of time.
There is no force and power greater than compassion, because it is the truth.
Compassion comes from the recognition that the other is just like me, as innocent as me. The same formless innocence does everything.

More than evil, guilt or punishment, my destructive acts were from “ignorance/blindness”.
Blind to the fact that those beings are the same as me and I could have very well been them.
They deserve no worse treatment than the way I treat my self.
All of them are god’s bodies/avatars.
To treat them badly is pure ignorance/blindness and failure to acknowledge and see the same god looking out through the other being.
It also implies identification with the form and therefore seeing all other forms as other.

It is not the same innocent formless looking out at me from the other forms?
Once your form is seen in its entirety along with the heart and psychological matrix, the eye that sees that is the [innocent formless eye], and that is the one that knows and has the gnosis that it is that same eye that looks out of every other form – be it an insect, animal, thing etc.
What could I possibly use my power for? – but to understand the other which is understanding of my own other avatars/forms?
The best thing I can do is understand how life works, the highest context, and let that play out.

My seeing of unity, makes me unconditionally work to improve/enhance life and understand it.
I do not want to exploit any ‘other’.
That is like my one hand exploiting the other hand.
The eye of the heart sees/feels RESONANCE.
Here seeing and feeling are ONE.
I will first give my self all the possible love/care/attention/nurture/guidance/affection/play/understanding/inspiration/hope and then let my being spontaneously overflow to others.
My self is the only project, and when I understand the infinity in myself, I can understand that infinity in all the others too.
Because ultimately I can contact any other only when my eyes are clear, only when my heart is clear, only when my body is clear, only when I am WELL.
Let me perfect my own instrument, and then perfectly serve from this perfected instrument.
I work on clearing my instrument.
There is no difference between the way I treat others and the way I treat myself.
The work I do on understanding myself -> will translate into the same deep level of deep understanding of others.
When I am perfect and empty -> that seeing will RESONATE with the perfect and empty in the other and I will INTERACT with them from this HIGHEST CONTEXT.
All action will be done from this HIGHEST CONTEXT and in ALIGNMENT with the highest truth.

God is ‘consciousness’

The plato’s world of forms are the forms of essences.
They are all present in different degrees in different people.
Everyone is innocent and unfolding their karmic potential and destiny.
They are actually god(field) playing and living as those various forms.
All forms are god and this is seen when the form dissolves.
All the people you ever met, and all of this physical world, is nothing but god’s form.
When somebody dies what happens? What is left is ashes and memories.
The person that was thought to be real, was all a play of form and it vanishes into the formless, is sucked back into the ocean of the unmanifest and the ashes return to earth.
Everything ultimately lives on inside you until you understand the truth.
There is only god, all else is an appearance.

God is the field, the infinite potential field, that MANIFESTS like THIS.
Everything that appears in this field of consciousness is god.
Everyone is a symptom of the ONE, the props of the play of the ONE.
The afraid contracting self in a world of hostile others is also the illusion and play.
Only the play is real, no character really exists, and even I do not exist.
And even the play isn’t real, only the field is real.
The field of the unmanifest, i.e. of infinite unborn potential.
All form is birthed in this field, and death is when the form returns to the field.
But the objects are no more real, than images on your computer screen.
Only the screen is real.
(consciousness is the only real entity – god is consciousness – there are no OBJECTS independent of your consciousness – all objects are made of consciousness itself – no object IS conscious or independent of your consciousness, rather, all objects ARE YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS)

Neither is the movie real (experience is not real)
Neither are the characters in the movie real (people and other creatures are not real)
Neither are the situations in the movie real
[The infinite unborn unmanifest potential + current appearance/manifest] = THAT SUBSTANCE -> IS GOD/Ultimate

Huge mystical insight – On dnos, frequencies, vibration, matter, spirit, form

Radio: tuning(shakti) + volume/power(spirit)
Breath is the connection between heaven(Father)/shiva = [emanation(atzulith)] and [earth(Mother)/maya: creation(briah, yetzirah, assiyah)]
weed, ayahuasca = helper spirits.
Dark night of the soul (DNOS) = breakup between shiva(infinite emptiness) and shakti(finite creation).
That is why the grief.
Each life of an ego = A shiva shakti relationship. Each breakup is death.
It is a return to the empty formless and then a reinvesting of spirit in form in the next cycle.

Each person is God – when in his highest potential.
The highest that everybody actually is, is god.
High freq = realities of actual creation.
Low freq = only realities of experience, created by high freq.
The lower to the higher structural-relationship/connectors is the matrix.

Great deprivation ————————— Great delight [are duals]
Like lovers: …separating and unioning…separating and unioining… – it is a stylistic dance back and forth.

Imagine a gif of a banana growing and then rotting and disappearing, and then repeating the same.
This is like the breath of life&death.
And there are different breaths overlapping over each other and wavelengths.
The breath of the ‘body/earth form’ is only a smaller wave riding on the breath of the spirit which is the deeper larger wavelength wave.
The only way to really get rid of something is for it to die/disappear/total forgetting/vanishing. Which is like that banana disappearing.
OR I can imagine a time lapse breathing of a [appearance — child — growth — decay — disappear]
So DNOS is basically “death”.
But since I always had this “upper death drive” since childhood – the transcendence drive was already in motion before this birth for me.

Physical death is just like sleep, and rebirth is the waking of elementals.
Each wave sleeps and wakes in cycles.
And each wave is influenced by the energies of the higher/longer waves heavily.
Like an employee is influenced by the directors decisions and cycles.
Spirit can die without death of the body because they are 2 independent waves.
Living without spirit is like living from moonlight which will keep me barely alive and keep fading = depression, falling apart.
It is possible to accept the deprivation and make peace with it – and in that process one gets even more shiva(formless nature) too.

And as always, nothing is true, forget whatever I just said.
The only goal is to get the anti-knowledge to free the knowledge.
That is the only real progress.
Because in every step towards more emptiness, one is being revivified.
[just like one steps into deep sleep everyday for rejuvenation]
Because formless is infinite vibration and form is finite vibration.
One goes from: infinite —-> finite, when sleeping —–> waking up.
Breath is a much smaller cycle of that.

About weed:
Every weed experience is unique – and it “confirms a huge amount of emptiness” by its drastic change of consciousness.
So all altered states are confirmers of emptiness, a reassurance.
Most people in my experience now can never accept my state because it is inaccessible to them.
Infact my energy will be inaccessible to everybody, which is exactly why everybody is leaving me alone. I’m not a vibrational match.
That is why the journey back to shiva is to be done ALONE.
It is like breathing out, and more and more loss happens, but it is “desired loss” and a gain at a higher level.
But yet the structure undergoing loss itself suffers as it fades (like cells trying to survive by giving you pain when life is plugged out from them).

Vibration communicates with vibration.
My friends and parents will be able to sense I am moving higher up in vibration and leaving me alone.
Infact the vibration level determines the relationship.
What relationship you need to raise your vibration, that is what is naturally attracted.
The attraction will be the anti-knowledge for the knowledge I want to transcend.
Like I will look for the relationship that shows POTENTIAL (which is actually there too) to transcend my existing limitations.
Again there is shakti, shiva and SHIVA(note the caps).
SHIVA [shakti(creation, form, matter) + shiva(empty formless, spirit, intelligence)]
The less form you identify with, the more free you are to return to shiva.
To leave all contact with shakti is to leave all forces and return to awareness(shiva).
The reason nobody is interacting with me is because my freq has vacated their matrix frequency tunings.
Familiarity is when 2 people meet each other from the same freq matrix tribe.
The extent of familiarity = extent of union.
So me vacating society totally was a metaphysical action of withdrawal of investment, and resulting in those energies leaving my field.
So other people in the field tuned into society will not be attracted towards me.
Because only like attracts like in frequency.
When you are a certain frequency, you resonate with all of the others in that frequency.
In other words, your frequency is your world.

We say higher & lower etc. but actually there is no hierarchy, each is mutually creating the other.
High frequency is a joyous ecstatic shimmering/dazzling/changing world closer to the nature of spirit.
Low frequency is slow/heavy/dull/unchanging world closer to the nature of matter.
So we have: matter(low freq) ———————— spirit(high freq)
So then everything perfectly obeys frequency-laws of attraction.
Love is between beings of the same freq(unconscious love) or [a case of higher freq -> to lower freq](conscious love).
The bottom-line is freq match will attract 2 people, and then if they fight etc. it is the lower freq adjustment to the higher freq’s decision of love.
So all that you have in your reality is YOUR frequency field only.
Including more as yourself -> is to grow yourself into “form”.
Transcending/dis-identifying -> is to grow yourself into “emptiness”.
Love is the movement towards form/becoming.
Love = willingness to become.
Indifference/Dispassion is the movement towards spirit/unbecoming.
Hate = willingness to drop.
So inbreath = love, outbreath = hate.
LOVE(allowing){love(inbreath) + hate(outbreath).
One starts suffering the lower frequencies dissolution/agitation as one enters higher freq -> the higher freq has compassion/allowing towards the sufferings of the preservation instincts inside the lower freq objects.
All lower freq objects have a preservation encoded, so that preservation will be the part that will suffer when the form is being dissoluted/agitated to nothingness by the higher freq.
That is why all mortals oppose death = survival instinct, preservation instinct.
Every structure inherently resists its dissolution.

This is true for all structures. All structures resist their dissolution inherently.
So the price of leaving form into the higher freq -> is to witness the death after death of forms.
Similarly the entry of higher freq into the lower freq realms is the period of life/love -> the spirit infusion into form. The birth after birth of new forms.

Love is a higher freq influx/INVESTMENT in a lower freq.
Greater your “towards the higher freq” wave movement, more will be the suffering/deaths of the lower freq objects because you are rapidly moving towards formless emptiness in the out-breath.
The higher freq investing and fusing into lower freq structures is the LIFE -> MATTER relationship [Just like electricity infuses into your laptop and powers it into life].
Life = Higher freq, Matter = lower freq
The relationship between [Life, Matter] is LIFE.
LIFE[Life, Matter (relationship, pendulum swing)].
Here in the equation above, to go towards life is death, to go towards matter is life.
That is the reverse of how we think of it in practice.
Similarly, greater your movement from high freq towards lower freq, greater is your love/investment in development/cultivation of form, more will be the experience of gain, more form – these forms are maintained and upheld by your higher freq energy.
Without higher freq energy, all forms die.
That is why all of creation is love, forms need the love of the higher freq subject to thrive.
Because the minute you stop loving, the creation disappears.

Another interesting thing I want to comment on is about the divine stoned stare of an infant.
The infant is literally looking at you from the worlds of higher spirit and gradually descending into form/structure as it grows up.
When you look into an infant’s eyes, you are seeing spirit from the higher worlds.

Love = Life, No-Love/absence of love/hate = Death.
The force that brings closer/welcomes = love.
The force that pushes away/repels = hate.
So breathing out is the loss of love, an automatic renunciation/automatic process.
Nobody CAN DO renunciation, it has to just happen, like sleep/death just happens.

Everything is perfect, it is our ignorance that prevents us from seeing this.
The way out of the game of “white must win and obliterate black”, is to fully understand the function of black as a relationship to the white, and how both are needed (and how both together add to the riches of creation).
As my freq gets higher and higher, more and more reality will disappear.
Even my parents will talk to me less and less.
That is why while dying, we always feel our parents are abandoning us.
Because they are the closest to the core structure, in a true sense they created it.
That is why we go mommy mommy at our last moments.
The mom creates the world – an ego world – as a relationship to the world of form.
So ego = A structure of relationship with the [world, other humans and animals].
The ego is, Relationship betn Higher freq(spirit) -> lower freq(world).
So a spirit chooses a roller coaster and goes into it from a particular pov.
At that level of choosing, it is all equally meaningful = because “all essences are present, only the degree varies”.

Nothing is ever wasted, no experience ever goes waste, the one who hears is always present as awareness.
The highest freq(God) benefits from each and every experience which is why it exists.
As I go higher and higher in freq, I will vacate and lose interest in more and more low freq things, including relationships, and also have more and more access to divine wisdom, which is my own higher freq wisdom.
In my ayahuasca experience, I met a higher freq being. I could SEE him fully, but my center of gravity of experience was loaded and way lower than his.
Like 2 clone 10 story buildings.
One guy on the 7th floor, another guy on the 4th floor.
They both can see each other fully but from different povs, different center of gravity.
But both have the same cloned building.

It doesn’t feel like entry into the formless is revitalizing me, but actually it is.
All departure of form = pain, there is an inherent clinging/suffering associated with the self-preservation instinct in each form.
So even when spirit vacates, the forms shine like moons and slowly fade out as they use up their stored spirit fragments.
The cycle of: Grief Love
When spirit vacates the ego, the ego first becomes a moon, because the sun contact is lost, then the moon slowly dulls out and vanishes – which is the journey into the formless/darkness.

Spirit influx = True power.
Spirit deflux = True disempowerment.
But this is from the perspective of the form.
From the perspective of the subject:
True power = True investment into form.
True disempowerment = True return to one’s nature.
So all the negative terms are from the perspective of the dying object (form(mental, physical), ego form etc.).
The dying object feels all those emotions from its pov.
But from the perspective of the subject – it has voluntarily dis-empowered i.e. withdrawn power from the object back into itself(back into formless).
A subject returning to its nature/spirit = death of creation and the object world matrix (addition of objects and relationships)
A subject investing into form/matter/creation/maya = birth of creation and birth of the object world matrix.

The ayahuasca world was far closer to the death/spirit world, which is why my form went into terror from the disharmony/disturbance caused by the higher freq of ayahuasca.
To give into a higher freq entity to do you, is a pure act of trust, because you cannot see the higher freq entity, only it can see you, like ayahuasca can see me fully, but I can only see a slit of ayahuasca that it reveals to me in my field.
When I can handle the higher freq of aya, then I have attained equivalence of freq-form or an even higher freq that it.
Ordinary people avoid psychedelics, because their frequency is not up enough for the task, so they instinctively stay away from consciousness altering substances.
Only people who are moving towards spirit (upper death drive) seek psychedelics.

I think aya is also an intelligence, so it gives us as much as you can allow only. The free-will is respected.
I took a lot of aya into me because my freq I felt was higher compared to most others in that room – also it was based on my intention and phase of spirit-breath(influx or deflux(dnos)), that is I was strongly in my return wave accelerating towards formless.
Ofcourse aya has its rules and if I have done a lot of low freq eating, then that portion of my body form cannot withstand aya and will suffer under aya. Maybe this is the reason for the sattvic plant diet expectation?
Lower freq structures suffer under higher frequency entities, because it is like how a leaf cannot withstand fire.

At this stage, I cannot stand by what I teach, because I am moving upward and I will soon vacate the form.
That is why I communicate and write a lot.
Also lower freq forms fly by quickly on higher freq power, it is like writing on sand or water, all is refreshed quickly.
So if you find yourself unable to retain insight, then you are transcending insight itself.
Insight will be your ceiling if you are in a lower freq.
But if you are in a higher freq than insight, then insight will be an appearance.
Whatever is a ceiling (fossilization) to a lower freq IS an APPEARANCE for a higher freq being.
That is why whatever is permanent for my parents serves as a ceiling for them, but for me it is only one kind of appearance in higher freq reality, which has many many more such forms and wonders.
Me trying to fix others is a false ego attachment.
The whole ego is an illusion, so all such connections are present in the illusion.
It doesn’t really matter what those connections are actually – whether you hate something or you are attached to it.
What matters is the frequency.
It is like many different kinds of video games present in a frequency.
The pain is maximum(depending on how many lower freq objects you have in awareness) when the freq is the most high, so pain is not a symptom of lower freq, on the contrary constant suffering and pain is a symptom of YOUR frequency being higher than the object attachment you are trying to maintain.

Society too is a giant video game spanning across frequencies.
From a higher frequency, society is an appearance.
From a lower frequency, society is the ceiling and truth.

But one could have their gaze downward or upward.
Downward towards form, more enmeshment with form.
Upward towards formless, more detachment from form.
Creativity, Abstractness(gestalts) = clear sign of higher frequency.
More the creativity = higher the frequency.
When a person is moving downward towards form = his expresses more and more of his creativity in form.
When a person is moving upwards = his creativity vacates form – becomes less and less form and more and more abstract.
more becoming(downward to form)————more unbecoming(upward to spirit)
more possession, acquisition ———————more dispossession, renunciation
Each attachment and reality that I have at the moment now, represents strong core attachments because most of the outer band rings have already been voided in my spirit journey.
I am so thirsty/hungry/longing for spirit, the high vibration formless.
Higher the freq = Higher the energy/higher the freedom
Lower the freq = Lower the freedom
So if a person is craving freedom in its pure form all the time -> he is in a very high freq and longing to return.
Losing you higher nature = is the GREATEST loss.
And gaining your higher nature = is the GREATEST gain.
That is the true loss and gain of outbreath and inbreath.

Also “loss and gain” from one perspective is the “gain and loss” from the opposite perspective.
From the perspective of form we have as objects = loss and gain.
The same loss & gain from the perspective of spirit will be = gain and loss.
You gain spirit as you lose form.
You gain form as you lose spirit.

Our body runs through through the 7 worlds frequency bands.
More crystallization/fossilization of body structures would be less spirit, more form.
Less crystallization/fossilization of body structures would be more spirit, less form.
Remember the breath of spirit in and out represents = movement to form(creates successive fossilizations/structures/forms at each of the 7 layers)
And movement to spirit (creates dissolution of already present structures at each of the 7 layers).

Spirit = Feminine……..Form = Masculine?? – model 1
(conventional world view, men work on things, women work on people)
(men’s voice pitch is lower freq and women’s is higher freq)
(men have a more defined form, while a woman is more smooth and curved/more formless)
Spirit = Masculine(shiva)…….Form = Feminine(shakti)?? – model 2 (shiva shakti model/paradigm)
They arise from 2 different models.
Weed is a lower freq than my awareness, that is how I can clearly perceive the weed spirit and its messages, it is an appearance.

RULE: “Whenever anything is an appearance, your freq is higher than that by defn.”
Because to see anything needs you to be “FINER” than the object (grosser) that you are seeing.
If your field is grosser you would not even perceive the finer object.
Like using a 640×480 picture vs. HD picture.
The HD picture can fully see the 640×480 picture.
But not vice versa.
The 640×480 pic will only see a partial version of the HD picture.
Everything is ruled by higher geometry structures and higher frequency interactions.
The subject is always the highest frequency.
To access the highest frequency, go closest to the subject in your experience.
The conscious agent is an a much higher freq than the objects it apprehends.
Like terrence M. said – “The phenomenon of LIFE is the protrusion of matter structure as a instrument from higher frequency beings.”
Me and a service oriented higher frequency being can meet, but we are fundamentally moving in opposite directions.
Because the higher freq being is going downward from his position (higher freq -> towards lower freq form (which is the call to service))
Whereas I am moving upward towards spirit (call to transcendence).
Because his eyes were on me/service. My eyes were on God.
To be of service(is to invest in form) ——————— To decathect oneself(is to invest in spirit).
The movement towards transcendence is for the service of love.
That is akin to saying, the pendulum is moving left, so that it gets enough energy to move right.
So the pendulum moves between:
Transcendence(spirit/subtle energies) —–transcendencelove—- Form(matter/form/grosser energies)
Transcendence movement or moving towards god/spirit actually takes a person more and more away from form, he decathects, disinvests, dispassions towards form.

So a person seeking transcendence will appear to have the opposite movement as what is considered love/inclusion.
It is important to note here when we use the word love, are we talking about “love of spirit” or “love of form”??
Those 2 are different directions and sort of antithetical to each other.
Love of spirit is the desire to die (upper death drive). This looks like the opposite of love.
Love of form is the desire to invest in form (what is conventionally referred to as love).

Vulture = de-structures form, Eagle = transcends form.
The eagle can use the vulture’s help to transcend form because the vulture will de-construct it, speeding up the dissolution of the form/structures like a scavenger eating dying animals.
I have sought such vultures, vampires in my journey -> I willingly sought them to empty my pool/band of grosser forms and energies.
So one may willingly seek destructive forces depending on one’s desire.
The same forces causing your ego death -> eating you alive -> are devils from the perspective of the dying ego, but angels from the perspective of liberation (because they are speeding up and helping the dissolution of your form and releasing the fragments of spirit trapped in the form back to spirit, and without spirit the form dissolutes.)

So when I say I want spirit, I am basically saying I want the formless or no-thing.
So then absolutely no thing will satisfy by definition.
That dissatisfaction of everything – totality, itself conveys your desire to you – that you want the formless no-thing.
Moving to the formless nothing requires withdrawing spirit from all the cathected objects.
This is the witnessing of death of forms/creation I was talking about.
The final gift you get after the transcendence reaches its peak is no-thing, the formless :D.
That is actually the state of highest vibration, the vibration is so high, that no form can survive without getting scorched.
Just like a piece of leaf cannot survive a fire.
So if you are reaching a time in your life, when all forms are disappearing, you are living more and more in emptiness, means your frequency is rising higher and higher towards the formless.
A weed/lsd/shroom/aya experience takes you much closer to the formless.