Tag: Dream

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About transformation and true life

All transformation is by definition towards ‘the unknown’.
The surrender into it is not from any specific calculation.
It is ‘change’ for its own sake, and the ‘yielding’ to it.

The slogan here is:
“I am not trying to change, rather I am just allowing change to change me.”
“The whole moves the whole, no part moves the whole.”

True life is not about one’s smartness or calculations.
It is for its own sake.
It is the indiscriminate surrender into dissolution.
It is along the lines of: “Thy shall be done” or “Let thy be done”.

It is allowing the flowering, blossoming, maturing, burning up, unfolding of life through one, whatever the case may be.
It is like a great unravelling.
It is the indiscriminate and total willingness to dissolve into the greater.

It resembles a kind of great love.
That one dies into willingly.
It is not something a part of you does to gain something.
It is not something that is chosen.
Rather, it is something that one falls into,
When there is the realization that there is nothing greater that one can desire.

It is like falling into a black hole,
And letting the black hole turn you inside out.
Everything goes through a 180degrees reversal here,
As the mystics have shared since ages.
Whatever was once believed to be outside,
Is now seen as the projection of one’s inside.
Connects to the saying: “We do not see the world as it is, but as we are”.

It reminds me of the idea of the philosophers stone.
A peculiar saying that goes along the lines:
“The philosophers stone is not an object in your imagination,
Rather, you are the imagination of the philosophers stone.”

One never returns to the regular worldview after this.
This black hole is the passage/portal through which one exits this great illusion.
It is simply unimaginable and impossible to explain to the uninitiated.
It is like stepping out of this great magical spell that makes us believe we are a body in this world.
The past idea of the world and all that was believed to be real knowledge fades like a dream.
One is then carried through this vortex by the will of life itself,
From the known shores into the unknown.

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Time makes and ends all

This post is some of my ramblings/excursions/visions about the nature of time.
Please leave your thoughts in a comment if any of this sparked something in you.

Time is the creator and destroyer of all forms.
Time is the creator and dissolver of all worlds and all beings.
Time is like the great potters wheel,
From which multifarious forms/worlds emerge and dissolve.
Time is not a thing, or anything, it is a no-thing, because all things are transformed in time.
Time is change, and everything changes, so there are no real things in time except as passing phenomena.
Time is like the ultimate player of forms, time can make or dissolve any form as it pleases.
Time is like an LED screen, that can manifest or null anything it desires.

Time is not bound to linearity or process, it just chooses to appear as such.
Time is both continuity and discontinuity, and can abruptly change 100% of contents if it wills it so.
An example of that would be the way a dream spawns itself in experience.
In the dream at night, time makes a non-linear shift in experience and there is a distinct discontinuity.
Though, once the dream spawns it may appear to have somewhat of a linear fluid story,
But the stage and its starting contents emerge instantly.
One experiences a completely different time process when in the dream state vs the waking state, and both have their own sort of linear continuity, but emerge instantly when the shift happens.
All the laws of physics are like specific linear processes that time chooses to manifest itself as.
The appearance of time should not be mistaken as the essence of time anymore than the nature of the movie should be taken to be the nature of the LED screen that shows it.

Gravity bends the flow of time into cycles.
They say, gravity is the effect and not a cause.
Gravity is created by the dips in the space-time fabric.
Like the sun makes a massive dip in the fabric, and therefore creates a large cone of gravity causing all the 9 planets to revolve around itself as a result.
But what created the sun, and what placed the sun in that position, to create that kind of dip to make all the 9 planets orbit around it?
One can regress with a linear story about formation of stars etc.
But this would be an endless regression, a kind of endless backstory, and maybe in reality none of that actually happened.
Like if your long lost school friend suddenly appeared in your dream, and you go on questioning him about his back story, it may sound convincing in the dream, but all that time never happened, the dream simply emerged/spawned all at once with him suddenly instantly standing in front of you.

The deeper I think about it, I feel there is no causation in reality.
The causation back stories we make up are like a projection backwards or forwards from the mind stuff.
That is why stories often begin with “Once upon a time…”, and the elements are simply laid out as facts at that point.
That is the junction point where non-linear time suddenly took on a linear story appearance (like the dream example).

The idea of Agents, Agency, and the Exercise of Agency are all illusions/appearances.
The whole moves the whole, no part moves the whole.
All of these exist when not seeing the bigger picture.
We use these ideas for convenience because the bigger picture is too complex.
Initially there is no self in time, there is only the flow of time.
Then time hardens up its own section forming a Self (the formative years), and the later part of its own flow is experienced as the outside world wrt. that formed self.
So good times create a good self, bad times create a bad self.
Subsequent good times may dissolve the bad self etc.
In the larger picture, the self we think we are is the gathering of a certain time segment.
It is like how we go on trips and carry our video cam with us.
Once the trip is finished, our recorded footage + our own memories become the trip we carry with us in time.
Similarly the Self is the recorded memory of times.
Your gain or loss of anything is not personal, it is the time path that creates those things.
All will power is just movement upstream, and eventually all that is gained through upstream movement is nulled.
Of course even all that is gained through downstream movement is also nulled, but the consolation is at least you did not put any effort to get any of those things.
An agent feels a sense of defeat once the downstream of time starts to work against his dreams/goals/wishes etc.
Like say you admired your older cousin when you were 12 years of age and he was 25.
You wanted to become 25 and possess all that independence, freedom, knowledge, strength, power, pleasure possibilities etc.
Then as you grow to be 25, time may grant you the same stature, you are happy and you have become the self you desire.
But now if you want to endlessly keep growing that, then time will bring old age, infirmity, sickness, death, losses and make that same self suffer.
The same time bestowed those graces and that same time took all of it away too.
The ignorance here is that, the self is taken to be independent of time and subject to it,
While the knowledge is that, the self itself is nothing but a hardened version of a time segment itself.
Even ones becomings/gatherings of personality/memory/possessions/relations etc. also belong to the time path.
A good person is a gathering/aggregate of good times, a bad person is the gathering/aggregate of bad times.
Even ones potentials, proclivities, predelictions, tendencies, possibilities belong to time.

So the self we believe we are is time’s property.
We falsely believe we are that hardened piece of time.
Our true self is only the witness.

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The science of attitude and perception

Every aspect of existence that we see outside,
Has a corresponding component of that within ourselves too.
Perception is from resonance/recognition/alignment.
That is why it is said “You only experience the self, not the world”,
OR “You experience the world only as reflected in your self”.

All perception is a kind of resonance between the outer and the inner.
It is not that the outer and inner are separated in time by a linear process.
They simultaneous spawn,
Like how the dreamer character and the dream environment spawn together simultaneously.
Like for example, if you start to hate some aspect of yourself,
At that very instant, you also simultaneously prime yourself into hating all other potential reminders/representations/symbols/patterns of that aspect from the outside.

This is because, reality is ‘experience’,
And experience is fractal in nature.
What you hold in mind, you see outside.
And what you see outside, you hold in mind.
You see similar motifs/patterns/symbols/representations,
i.e. all that reflect the idea that you are holding.
The outer-inner appear to be in a constant state of transaction.
Sometimes an inner change alters the outer perception.
Sometimes an outer change alters the perception of the inner.

So from this level of perspective,
There is not even a you vs an other or inner vs outer.
It is a single swath that instantly manifests together.
The attitudes I hold towards every aspect of existence,
Multiply themselves infinitely and instantly throughout the entire scape of existence.

When saying ‘The attitudes I hold…’, I was implying that I am the determiner.
But actually, when delving deeper, I see that even these attitudes,
Also seem to be ‘appearances’.
Rather then being something I determine,
They seem to be flowing through and expressing through me.
My ability to alter them or control them,
Seems to be determined by how much energy/power I have,
And my level of perception and dis-identification i.e. whether I can even perceive those attitudes as objects in my awareness.
This energy level is again conditional of sort, again the effect of many other cyclic processes.

To dis-identify from anything, you must first have the power/energy to separate yourself from it and see it as an object.
When enmeshed and identified into something,
Even if you can see this enmeshment,
You need enough power/freq/energy to extricate yourself out of that.
It is similar to how we need enough external force to overcome newton’s first law of inertia.

Generally, you function from a certain station of freq,
While accessing all kinds of states from there.
This I call the LOC (level of consciousness) of the subtle body.
I could say, ‘What you are is where you are seeing from’.
What you do not see, will be something you are subject to, and it will rule you from within.
What you do see, is something subject to you, and can be ruled.

For many people, what I see is that, their life-fires/soul are enmeshed and identified with their genetics (to varying degrees/levels).
It is like they are embedded inside those grids, and therefore all of their life fires only serve the demands of those structures.
They are completely unaware of this, because they identify totally with the feelings/perceptions arising from these grids.
It reminds me of animals, how they function only within 2 lines, only within a certain set pattern.
For human beings, it seems,
The bottom line is similar to reptiles/mammals,
But the top line is super high.
The spectrum is vast and there is enormous potential to rise up in awareness.

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Experience Waterfall

Experience Waterfall:
…Infinite/Nothing —>— Finite/Something —>— Infinite/Nothing…
…Infinite filling in —>— Infinite emptying out…
There is only the endless flow/fall/stream,
Creating the dream experience as it moves through.

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Infinity is not a quantity but a quality

There is a dimensional gap between quantity and quality.
Because quality is immeasurable, analog, and infinite.
Any amount of quantity will still be “infinitely less” than infinity.

Experience by nature is qualitative.
Like consider a dream.
What is the nature of it? Is is measurable in any sense in space or time?
How large was it? How much time did it contain?

Even now, every scene you see is infinite,
But you can snap a 12MP digital photo of that using your camera.
The sound that you hear from your guitar is infinite,
But you can record a 128kbps Mp3 using a sound recorder.
The digitization process converts the pure infinite analog into bits to approximate the quality of it.
But the resolution of this captured information can never equal the infinite resolution/information present in the actual reality of creation.

Similarly our minds are like the digitized versions of what reality actually is.
The real “terrain” though is infinite.
Our minds are like captured maps from this terrain,
Like a combination of photos and illustrations.
The real nature of existence is unfathomable and beyond all logic.

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The negative, balanced, and positive

Negative |||||| (fighting to survive) |||||| –Balanced/0– |||||| (enhancing self) |||||| Positive.
The self is a structure.
The world is a structure.
The [changing structure of the self] is in a [changing relationship] with the [changing structure of the world].
The 3 happen together and play out as a singular dream of experience.
It is not that any of them is causing the other to happen, though it may appear to be.

# When the world appears to not only maintain the self but also enhance it, there is the experience of nurture, pleasure, and the positive.
# When the world appears to not only not enhance, but also actively violate and attack the self structure, there is the experience of fighting/adapting/resisting to survive, felt as war, pain, and the negative.
# When the world appears to simply maintain you in a kind of zero gain arrangement, it is felt as balance, where there is neither enhancement nor depreciation and things just go on cyclically with no net change.

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There is only the field

There is only the dream.
There is only the field.
Whatever suffering comes to you is only an appearance of/in the dream field.
The suffering does not come from any particular person, situation, or any thing/event or condition,
They are all only appearance and props of the will of the field itself.
The whole moves the whole, no part moves the whole.

One of the best analogies for this is the movie screen.
The whole movie is playing out in the screen,
And the pixels making the characters in the screen do not have any causal relationship with any of the other pixels, though they might appear to have it in a specific movie.
The whole movie is already there in the film roll,
And the pixels on the screen are not causing each other in any way.
They are all independently responding all at once.
However in our minds when we create meaning, we try to look for causal relations.
Even if causal relations appear to exist they are still only a persistent illusion.

For instance, say you are watching the movie ‘Groundhog day’,
And he keeps waking up everyday in the same bed with the same alarm clock and time,
Next time you see the bed, you’ll immediately predict correctly that the alarm will ring and wake him up.
But that kind of causal relationship is a feature of that particular movie,
And in reality all the pixels are independent of each other and only following the projector reel.
So it is a case of ‘the whole moves the whole’, no part moves the whole wrt. the screen.

Causation is an illusion.
There is only the field, and whatever plays within it is the play of the field itself.
Whatever world, condition, situation, circumstance, or relationship appears,
Is only an appearance that the field plays out just like a movie. 

The power of the field generates “Experience”.
We have various gross-subtle bodies that relate to what is outside to create experience.
Even the transformation of those bodies (by the field itself or by the power of the higher bodies of your own), is also an appearance of the field.
The field is consciousness, only the field is.
All else is an appearance of the field.

The field is the substrate and all that appears are its modulations.
Depending upon what is awake in you,
i.e. the highest body awake in you and its vision/potential/power,
It will transform all of the lower bodies.
Paradoxically when it comes to our bodies, all of them are subservient to the field.
So all their power is only surrogate power, that is of surrendering to the field itself and thereby channeling more of it.
The more you yield to the higher, the greater the powers and vision you channel.

The field is our highest ultimate body technically speaking.
So ultimately if the field itself is awake in you, it will draw you back into itself by transforming the rest.
In a way, during the transformation, nothing fundamentally changed,
All that changed was that all the particles rearranged themselves by yielding to the higher frequency zone that was awake in you, and along with that, all the lesser powers played themselves out and completed themselves.

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Pain is a demand on our attention

Every pain basically demands (seizes) attention.
When we would rather attend to something else,
That is when the pain creates suffering.
The suffering is from the resistance,
Of not wanting to attend to that which is paining.
It could be argued the pain itself appears,
Only after one has ignored something for long enough,
That it starts to break into the threshold of consciousness and escalate.

I’m creating 2 definitions here:
Selfish = attends to self, neglects the other.
Selfless = attends to others, neglects the self.
Broadly I’ve seen:
The selfless person may suffer from a lot of pain themselves,
But others are fairly happy/ok with them.
On the other hand, the selfish person may be quite well themselves,
But others struggle and have a lot of pains in relation to them.

Whatever is not loved creates pain.
When the self is not loved, it creates inside pain = selfless person.
When the other is not loved, the other gives you pain = selfish person.
Only what is loved is satisfied,
And what is not loved is in pain.
The separated disowned parts of your psyche are wanting reintegration,
And the pain is to get you to attend to them and finally own them.

This self-other distinction I wrote above,
Is more for the convenience of speaking and analyzing.
In reality or essence, there is no such division.
They both are only parts of a single landscape.
They are both parts of your current dream in consciousness.
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Description of the realm of ‘dread, trance, and emptiness’

The dark night of the soul is the journey from:
Illusion -> Illumination -> Union.
During the ‘Illumination -> Union’ phase,
There are different bardo realms of experience to be passed through.

Here I’ll describe the bardo I am presently going through,
Which is of ‘Dread-Trance-Emptiness’.
The ‘dread-trance-emptiness’ bardo,
Has a lot of chaos, confusion, and disorganization
There is deep exhaustion,
In my ability to ‘be/become’ anything.

Like the king is unable to act anymore.
He is just a passive witness to his collapsing kingdom,
Which is falling into evermore chaos-confusion-randomness.
He has even lost interest/desire in it to keep it going,
And is simply now a passive spectator,
Of the spectacle of his kingdom falling into chaos,
And getting reabsorbed by all its surrounding forces.

‘Neglect’ and ‘Withdrawal’ of anything causes death of that thing.
So the process is very much like the process of conscious ego death.

This paradoxically feels like a descent and ascent at the same time.
The plunge into the depths is also the ascent to the heights.
To see everything from above is to see everything from below, and vice versa.

There is a process of passive purgation,
Of a journey into the purgatory playing/unfolding itself out.
I abide in this space passively,
In a ‘continuous falling’ into it.
It is like being in a kayak on a river current.
You cannot stop moving,
But you can influence the kayak with your paddles.

There is again a paradox here, that:
It seems deeply personal and yet so deeply impersonal at the same time.
Passions emerge, actions happen,
But the emptiness of all of it pervades my being.
Almost no experience is riveting enough,
To make me lose sight of the emptiness in the background.

I feel if I pass through all this madness,
I might bottom out and emerge on the other side.
This feels more like a time-energy thing,
Rather than a defined spatial thing,
Where there is a definite distance to cover.

The loss of identity,
Causes a fall into the shadows underneath.
Like sinking into the ground of chaos-filth,
From which the trees of identity spawn and return to.

This is a place where will/action are heavily suspended,
(Hanged man tarot archetype),
And one must mostly only abide/allow.
The only freedoms I have are to resist or allow.
And resistance hurts anyways,
So there is no actual freedom at all.

This archetypal chaotic dream madness (which is also the creative ground),
From which identities/egos in the world spawn,
Resembles the ’12th house’ described in astrology.
It is like the state of ‘dreaming and imagination’.
Waking > Dream > Sleep is what we ordinarily think.
But I think in the spiritual ascension path,
It is the reverse.
Being awake in ‘Sleep’ = Prajna (direct insight),
Being awake in ‘Dream’ = Vigyana (special meta knowledge),
Being awake in ‘Waking’ = Gyana (knowledge)
I feel like my awareness of emptiness is me being awake in the dream world/space/bardos.

This underground/underworld,
Feels like falling into a bottomless pit,
Where there is an infinite fall,
And where I am always in the center in spite of the continuously falling.
Only the scenery continuously keeps changing.
Sometimes I fall through clouds of scintillating mist,
Other times I fall through clouds made of acid.

The only way to communicate or share this experience with others,
Is through imaginative symbolic expressions.
A person going through a similar experience would probably instantly relate.
For others it may be a bit of a stretch to imagine/see.
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The world of hyper polarization

The world-era today is called by different names,
Information Age (Info-wars), Age of Hyper Polarization, and so on.
In order to polarize you must take a position of choosing any one side against the other (Red team-Blue team, X-Y etc.).

The issue of taking sides is that,
It creates an endless attack-defense relationship between the 2 sides.
Since there is a vested interest in preserving one’s position,
True investigation cannot happen, and there is circular-thinking from both sides.

When I ponder on this topic further,
It seems like true investigation can only happen from a position of dispassion and disinterest.
The best position that one can take imo seems to be the transcendent position,
That is, the position that transcends both polarities.

As Einstein had said: “Problems cannot be solved from the same level of consciousness in which they exist.”
It is almost like true vision is directly proportional to the level of transcendence/disinterest/disinvestment/dispassion.
More the disinterest = Greater the seeing.

All problems in a way are about polarized positions (1 or -1).
To be FOR or AGAINST, to SUPPORT or OPPOSE, to BE or NOT TO BE and so on.
The truest position is the highest position, which imo is the position of the beginners mind functioning from direct mind-sight, the position of total innocence and direct seeing.
This could be called unconditioned light, or our true nature.

Reminds me of another interesting quote I heard somewhere:
“We know enough to know that we are right,
But we do not know enough to know how we are wrong.”
For instance the world looks flat to us (we know enough to know that we know).
But it takes quite a bit of genius to discover that it is round (to know enough to know how we were wrong in retrospect).
Another example would be: “The world looks solid to us, but it is made up of atoms, and atoms are 99.99% empty space”.
From the level of primordial innocence though,
Both are appearances of the dream field.

The dream of life passes before our eyes.
At various points we close down,
And believe we understand almost everything there is to know about this dream.
We close ourselves into fixed routines, expectations, and conclusions.
But the original mystery we once encountered long before still exists underneath,
And it will reveal itself yet again,
Bringing us back the revelation,
Of our true nature, of being unconditioned light.