There is only happening,
There is no me or the other,
There is no me affecting the other,
There is no other affecting me,
There is only the witness,
Witnessing all the “affects”.
“God is, when you are not,
When you are, God is not.”
Holding on to past hurts.
Its like you are holding on to hurt, and then building a defense to prevent someone from doing it again.
Aggression is also a preemptive form of defense ultimately.
Another option is to let go of the hurt from your energy, forget it like it never happened, and then there is a possibility of it happening again.
Imagine this possibility does happen, and someone does hurt you again.
Approach 1 is ludicrous. Even if the other person cannot hurt you because of your defense, you are hurt ALL THE TIME since you are holding on to it all the time.
Its like you are saying, I am already completely hurt, so its impossible for you to hurt me.
That may give a feeling of false power (from ignorance of the real reality), since now the other CANNOT hurt you.
Our vulnerability to others creates the potential for us to feel the greatest humiliation of being negatively AFFECTED.
But our vulnerability also opens us to feel profoundly positively affected too.
In the case of hurt, it is negative affect.
To avoid this negative affect from others, because of maybe having being burnt real bad too many times, we may decide to seal off all others as an act of severe rebellion and retaliation.
This decision looks like the perfect one from the ego’s perspective considering the sheer unfairness and humiliation it had to go through.
The ego needs to be given compassion for whatever it endured.
But the inner mechanics really reveal the disastrous effects of this decision.
Firstly, there is a VENGEANCE charge about maintaining your separation/dissociation with others.
This vengeance charge is ultimately coming from the intensity of the hurt you underwent.
So the vengeance extends its charge in time, which means its concomitant hurt is carried in your body too. This is because, if you stopped holding on to the hurt, and dropped that memory and allowed yourself to simply forget about it from your whole being, then it would be impossible to have a vengeance charge at all.
The vengeance charge needs the hurt to be held on in its ripe form.
So in this design, you are continuously experiencing hurt in your body all the time and you are continuously discharging the vengeance charge too on whoever comes close to you. Whatever form the vengeance may take, either aggression or total dissociation.
Its like a person who set his whole body ablaze continuously, so that nobody can burn him again. Well, he is already burning everywhere! So he has lost pounds for the pennies he would get when he watches someone try to attack him and fail.
“Hurt begets hurt”.
“Hurting people hurt others”.
Another mechanic here, is that, if you have so much vengeance, you will look for a target to unleash it upon, because else the vengeance cannot maintain itself. So it will find a series of abusive relationships and live through them.
So this hurt+vengeance package tries to justify its existence by ATTRACTING environments that necessitate its need.
So now you have a double whammy, you also tend to attract the same traumatizing circumstances again and again so that you can unleash your vengeance.
But you cannot fight fire with fire. It just perpetuates itself.
This is a very complex conundrum.
It is important to feel compassion for all that you have been through in the hands of horrible people.
But, “Forgiving and Forgetting” seems to be the only SANE choice in the light of all the mechanics of what can follow if we choose to hold on to hurt and unleash vengeance/bitterness/contempt/anger.