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Fractal soul visions

Linear time is within a certain frame of reference staying constant.
Beyond linear time is circular time.
And beyond circular time are eternal higher dimensional realities etc.
It gets more and more abstract.

Sometimes when our visions get abstract enough we can see abstract gestalts/patterns repeating again and again like time running through a mobius strip.

For me, the common themes I wrestle with are between:
– Being and Non-being
– Becoming and Unbecoming
– Ground and Groundlessness
– Knowing and Unknowing
– Striving and Surrender
– Linear time and Non-linear time
– Attainment and Non-attainment
– Order and Chaos
– Enlightenment and Non-enlightenment
– Home and travel
– Knowledge and Innocence
– Reality and Illusion

I can explain some of these things with poetic visions.
Here are some of them below:

Vision 1:

abyssedge

I have 2 choices, stay with what I know (what is in my hand) or the other choice is to jump into an unknown abyss.
I am detached from what I have and so at times I get the courage and jump into the abyss.
Now imagine you fall and fall through the unknown but there is no ground and you land up again at a similar place where you were standing before and again there is the same choice – stick to what is in hand(known) or just into the abyss(unknown).
Again this repeats, I work on letting go of the known in hand and get the courage and jump, and this repeats again and again.
This is the play between knowing and unknowing
It is the play between ground and groundlessness

Vision 2:

dream

Imagine you are in a dream and you are trying to wake up, but every time you think you have woken up you later realize you have still been dreaming. And so you try to wake up again, and once again think you have woken up, only to realize soon after that you are still dreaming and have to work again to wake up.
This is the play between reality and illusion

Vision 3:

sandsculpture

I build myself up like a sand structure from the chaos of possibility of the sand on the ground.
I feel I have attained knowledge and being, but soon it falls back to the ground.
Then again I get inspired, and I build another structure, work on it and reach a milestone, only for it to go back to the ground again.
This is like a looping struggle to BE something and not fall back to non-being.
This can be seen as the play of order vs. chaos.
This can also be seen as the play of attainment vs. non-attainment.
It is also the play between becoming and unbecoming.

Vision 4:

Home

Imagine whenever you settled in a place, buy some things, make yourself a home there and create security for yourself, you feel its time to move. You have to move and leave everything behind, go through the grief, and do a similar settlement in your next spot, only for you to again get the impulse to move and do it again.
This is the play between home and travel.

Vision 5:

watchingmovie

Imagine you are sitting in a theater seat and watching a movie, and you go through the story with the hero suffering gains and losses. Suddenly you feel it is getting too much and you want to snap out of it and you come back to your theater seat. You realize that you were always in that seat, nothing has really changed, and the whole movie was an illusion. But then shortly after coming back to the theater seat and disillusioning yourself, you see something else interesting in the screen that once again enchants you, and you start to gain knowledge from investment. And this happens again and again.
This is the play between alternating enlightenment and non-enlightenment
This is the play between alternating knowledge and innocence.

 

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The whole is your home

Home is the [largest perspective], the [whole’est perspective].
To leave home is to depart from this [largest perspective] into a [narrowed perspective].
All journeys away from home are journeys into [narrowed perspectives].
In fact the narrower your perspective gets, the more far away from home you go.
The most crazy journeys involve stepping into the most far out narrowed perspectives.

Home (metaphysically speaking) has little to do with your physical location or with certain people we call family etc.
Those are factors that ENABLE us to RELAX enough to ACQUIRE that kind of WHOLE PERSPECTIVE.
The more one relaxes and feel safe(the less the fear), the more that one can open up to the largest perspective.
And generally a physical location and known people (since you know them for many years they are much more predictable and cause the least anxiety/fear) is a good formula for our mammalian brain to PERMIT this ENLARGEMENT of PERSPECTIVE.

Since [Fear] is one of the biggest contractors of perspective, finding home is about finding freedom from fear.
Fear is what takes you away from home, and the absence of fear is what brings you back home.

Also, another important point is, [Right Action] comes from [Right View] (Buddha).
So the BEST POSSIBLE ACTION will always come from the WHOLE’EST PERSPECTIVE.
Narrower your perspective, the less you can see, and your action would be at a certain level of discord with the whole as a result.
A great demonstration of this principle is in the Samurai warrior training of Wu-shin(which means no mind).
They literally defocus their eyes on a neutral point far away, when enemies are running towards them with swords.
Imagine! Can you defocus and relax yourself like that when someone is coming to kill you with a sword?
For an ordinary person, his attention would almost get rapture’d and hyper focused on the sword alone and all he would see would be the sword and little else.
Think about it. If the samurai only focused on the sword, how would he take the best action?
The calmer you are, the less fearful you are = the broader your perspective = the better your action would be.
So ‘Home’ is also the place for the emanation of the best actions.
Whatever place keeps you in your highest spirits with least fear, will result in the BEST ACTIONS and BEST OUTCOMES.
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True communication is from connection

I used to ponder, what does it take to be a good public speaker?
I often face this issue of blanking out on stage and at times even blank out even when speaking 1-1 with someone.
On contemplating on the root of this, I realized the ultimate element is CONNECTION with the audience.

Connection is another name for ATTUNEMENT/RELATIONSHIP.
To speak to an other, we have to tune ourselves to their frequency.
Only then can we FEEL them.
And only in that ALIVE FEELING can a true alive communication happen.
Without that connection/attunement, the communication will seem rote/contrived/robotic/artificial/divorced/disharmonious with the actuality of the other person at that time.

This applies even when we listen to music.
Haven’t you noticed? – sometimes we tune into the feeling of the song (we are able to do that or naturally in that mood), and that is when we really feel it.
If we do not feel it, we hear the words/sounds but not the music.

Our mother forms the first connection in life.
That connection also illuminates your self (illuminated through the relationship).
If your mother is totally misattuned to you, then it would create enormous shame, unworthiness, undeservingness, and feelings of being bad/ugly/guilty.
It pushes the true self of the child in shadow, and the child develops a mother pleasing self to survive.
It also creates co-dependence (that misattunement is the basis for co-depedence, because the child then stays hyper-vigilant of the mother expectations out of fear)
It also creates a primal wounding/primal heart-break/primal separation and loneliness from the void created by the lack of attunement.
Then later in life, if we continue to relate to people based on what they want us to be and simply mirror that, it leaves us permanently in the shadow.
Real connection never happens, and as a result real communication also never happens.
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Who really cares? = The Mystic vs. Commoner

The commoner dresses up well.
The commoner tells you positive things about yourself.
The commoner speaks politely.

Contrast this with the mystic:
He dresses up in rags.
He tells you deep things about yourself you need to look into which make you feel unpleasant.
(You find him intrusive, inappropriate, and fault finding)
He speaks with emotional force and may even shout at you.
(You find him uncouth and unsophisticated)

But who really CARES?
The commoner or the mystic?
The mystic cares 100x more than the commoner.
That is why he shouts at you all the deep things he sees in you which need addressing.
He is dressed in rags because he is unconcerned about his appearance (he simply goes with the least resistance, whatever works) since he is dedicated to divine realities.

The commoner on the other hand is dressed up well because he wants to make an impression on you.
He tells you good things about yourself, again not because he cares about you truly, but rather, to endear himself to you.
He speaks politely because he has no real emotional investment in the conversation and you besides getting you to like him and that might be a good future investment in case he needs any favors from you etc.

I’ve presented this in a caricaturish way, but the point I was trying to make was that:
The mystic is seen as rude, mad, uncouth, inappropriate, and intrusive and rejected usually, but he is the one who REALLY CARES.
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Information vs. Processing

When [Information] is less than [Processing] = We go outside, we socialize, we seek experiences (sympathetic activation – seek and explore)

When [Information] is greater than [Processing] = We retreat, we isolate, we hermit ourselves [parasympathetic activation – rest and digest]

This dynamic can also be clearly seen in:
1 – how we search/acquire physical food
2 – and then consume/digest/assimilate it
Just like physical food is for our physical body, [impressions food] is for our psychic body.
We first explore/seek and go on adventures to acquire experiences, then once we have acquired enough, we go low key and possibly isolate ourselves to digest everything.
In our world systems, we are expected to work perpetually with little breaks.
So we often feel guilty for profoundly retreating for too long.
But it could be that is what you need.
Follow what your deepest being is telling you.
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Loneliness is the thirst for connection/relationship

Loneliness is a kind of thirst.
A thirst for what? A thirst for relationship/connection.
Thirst for ‘BEING’.
It is the thirst to BE.
BE what? Just to be anything, something…
OR a thirst to be more than what you are.
To ‘relate/connect’ is the same as the ‘Will to BE’.
Greater the ‘Will to BE’ = Greater is this thirst to relate/connect.
It is possible to BE anything only through relationship.
You are a some-body only in relation to other-bodies.
You are a personality only in relation to other personalities.
The self and other are emergent phenomena that are mutually interdependent on relationship.
The other does not have to be a person, it could even be ANY EXPERIENCE including abstract ideas, philosophies, inanimate objects etc.
Remove the relationship, and both the self and other vanish together.
The game gets disbanded, and identity is dissolved with it.
For example: In the movie ‘Cast Away’, Tom Hanks draws a face on a football and keeps talking to it to maintain his identity. If he did not do that, in the absence of all human contact, his humanness ITSELF would fade away (from the disappearance of ‘relationship’)

A ‘Relationship’ is the ‘AXIS’ that creates the respective players on both the sides.
Be it:
To love ——— To be loved [Axis]
To desire ——- To be desired [Axis]
To need ——— To be needed [Axis]
A relationship axis creates polarity, the 2 poles.
The poles are not fixed but can switch too.
A relationship is alive too, it is a dynamic, an alive dance.

We derive profound meaning from each other.
A profound dance transpires in every interaction.
The deeper we understand this, the more it brings out the depth.
Ultimately it is life interacting with itself.
That which is alive in me interacts with that which is alive in you.
I create myself through relationship with you, you create yourself through relationship with me.
Even what we call we call as negative relationship which includes seeing oneself as rejectible, contemptible, unlikeable, unlovable, unworthy, unfit, uninteresting, unimportant, unwanted, undeserving etc. is also a [REAL TANGIBLE INTERNALIZED NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIP IMAGE].
It is not non-relationship, because non-relationship would simply remove everything.

The loneliness is the helplessness of being unable to let go of this [internalized negative relationship image], and being unable to let go of identification with that.
That gets frozen inside us, and keeps getting reinforced in every interaction.
We ignore the interactions where that is not affirmed, and emphasize the interactions where it gets affirmed, and it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All identity works on this internalized bias, isn’t it? (whether positive or negative)
What would you be without that identity?
Isn’t that thought more terrifying than simply holding on to the known identity?
So it is like being caught between the devil and sea.
We hold on to the known devil, than let go into the unknown sea.
Unfortunately, this is trans-rational, there is no rational explanation that can truly convince you to let go into the sea.
The negative relationship identification eventually fades and wears itself out, plays itself out, and a new era is gently ushered.
We can help this process by accepting and fully experiencing everything.
We transcend this by FULLY EXPERIENCING the negative relationship imprint itself.
Feel your deepest loneliness fully with as much as you can muster, with the attitude of dropping into it, and giving in/allowing.
When fully experienced, when you feel it with your whole being and apply your whole mind and soul to it, even the loneliness will look sublime, and you will see it for what it truly is – a phenomenon.
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God is present when you are not

Internal noise/sound ——- External noise/sound
When internal noise is lower than external noise = there is reception, the world enters you. [There is awareness of the world]
When internal noise is greater than external noise = there is emitting, you put out to the world. [There is awareness of the self]

So when you become a vacuum and empty your ‘self’ = the world pours into you.
When you are filled with really loud emotions/mind = all you can feel is your self, and you cannot feel anything out in the world.

The emptier you are = the more that enters you [nature fills vacuums]
If you become absolutely empty = you will get absolutely filled from the outside.
On the other hand, if you are full of yourself = you will see/feel/hear only yourself and nothing of the outside.
That is why it is said:
God is there, when you are not.
You are there, when god is not.
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Illusion and Madness are relative

What is reality? What is sanity?
What is illusion? What is madness?
The cultural/social/political/consensus way of seeing/interpreting existence forms the core of [REALITY and SANITY].
The most solid/enduring/unchanging formation (relatively speaking).
To diverge from this [consensus state of consciousness] and explore other states of consciousness is referred to as exploring [ILLUSIONS].
Illusions are by definition more fleeting because they are not reinforced and commonly held by the collective.
When this feedback mechanism stops, reality becomes illusion.
The sensory world gives the most consistent and enduring feedback and it is shared by all other sensory creatures. So we feel comfortable to call that the REAL WORLD.
Like you have a dream at night.
It is considered to be the most illusory thing because it is not validated/shared by ANYBODY around you and neither is that validated by the sensory input that kicks in the minute you are awake.
So it seems to me that [ILLUSION/MADNESS] represents reality that is [NOT SHARED], while [REALITY/SANITY] represents reality that is [SHARED].
Like if you imagine a BELL CURVE, anything at the ends of the bell curve slides into ILLUSION/MADNESS, while the CENTER of the BELL CURVE represents the CORE of SANITY/REALITY.

Another way to look at this from the personal level is to look at your own personal conditioning.
When you are in a state of mind that is fully in alignment with your DEFAULT MODE OF EXPERIENCE (CONDITIONED BY YOUR CONDITIONING) – you say you are SOBER/SANE/REAL.
Whereas, when you are in a state of mind that is very different from your usual mode/structure of perceiving existence – you say you are in an ALTERED STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS/IN ILLUSION OR FANTASY.
Like say, to feel HUMAN (the experience of being human in a body) is normal/ordinary/sane/real.
Now, how will you interpret an out of body experience, say you feel like a bird and you are flying? Is it real? Is it an illusion?

To me, this question of real or illusion is more related to SOLIDITY than its PURE REALITY.
It also ties to the question:
What is more real? the visible or the invisible?
OR What is more real? – SOLID? OR LIQUID? OR GAS?
OR What is more real? – PHYSICAL BODY? OR HEART? OR MIND/IMAGINATION?
Suppose I release a bunch of smoke and it looks forms a figure.
Would that be less real, than if I showed you the same figure made in stone? or sand?
Usually what I notice is that – the reality of something is associated with its ENDURING-NESS and SOLIDITY.
What is fleeting, relatively unformed/fuzzy/wispy, is referred to as illusion.

In summary, what others call reality and illusion, I see it as:
PERSISTENT ILLUSION(Reality) ———-vs———- FLEETING ILLUSIONS (Illusion)
This is if I consider everything to be an illusion of different degrees.
OR I can also put it as:
PERSISTENT REALITY ———-vs———– FLEETING REALITY
UNCHANGING REALITY ———-vs———– CHANGING REALITY
This is if I consider everything to be reality in different degrees of enduring-ness.
This kind of breaks the duality between illusion and reality.
Illusion is real and reality is illusion.
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The point of view of ego identification

The ego is the servant of god, and lives at god’s mercy.
The divine can ‘exalt’ or ‘humiliate’ the ego.
That is give power or withdraw all power (the power of the ego’s ability to control).
The ecstasies exalt while the crucifixions/sufferings humiliate.
By identifying and living as the ego, one lives from this point of view that opens this whole spectrum of:
Total Exaltation/Feeling like god —–vs—– Total Humiliation/Absolute victim
Total control ———-vs———– Total loss of control.
Now total loss of control has 2 flavors:
Ecstasy (if one falls into the most highly desired state) ———-vs————— Terror (when one falls into the most undesirable state).
Total control has 2 flavors:
Total control of creating ——–vs——– Total control of destroying
All these flavors of possibility are opened up from the point of view of IDENTIFICATION with the ego.

Ego is resistance to ‘WHAT IS’ -> in the form of controlling/manipulating the experience of ‘What is/Divine’, either seeking advantage or sabotage (positive control vs negative control, whatever is available and desirable).

To untangle the ego, one must release resistance to ‘What is’.
Just sit in your room and feel into existence and witness what you are resisting.
Those are the areas where the [ego structure like knotted balls of wool] are present.
They are the unfeeling/robotic/frozen parts of our instrument(the knotted structures of the ball of wool) we think is us.
Untangle those fibers and release them, so that they may blow freely with the divine wind, illuminating greater consciousness through greater finer feeling.
Untangle the feelers of your instrument so that it can receive more of the divine winds that flow.
Such a process invariably happens from a higher point of view, because the ego cannot witness itself from its own position.
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A quick attempt to create a model of reality

A quick Model/Ontology of reality from my direct experience:
(I have added references to some kabbalah terms, physical universe analogues)

#### FORMLESS/SPIRIT/ABSOLUTE/EMANATION #### (World of: Atziluth)
1 – Unmanifest/ONE (Ain Sof) – 7D

#### FORM/MANIFEST/RELATIVE #### (yin yang, double helix dna)(universe)(Worlds of: Briah, Yetzirah, Malkuth)

2. SOUL REALM (Galaxy super cluster)(Kether/Platonic forms realm) – 6.3D
[Larger context = soul family/galaxy cluster] (6.2D specific family of souls)
Heart/Soul/Desire = Specified Soul DNA(galaxy) = Many lives as many beings context (6.1D specific)
Trans-human archetypes/symbology/mythology/hieroglyphs/motifs/artifacts/codes

3. STAR/SOLAR SYSTEM(5.3D) -> PLANET(5.2D) -> CREATURES REALM (5.1D)
Human Creature Biological DNA [larger context: creature family] = incarnation context – 5D specific
Human archetypes/symbology/mythology/hieroglyphs/motifs/artifacts/codes

4. CULTURE/CIVILIZATION/SOCIETY [Geburah/chesed]
Socio-cultural-civilizational-locational DNA – 4D
Specific cultural context where creature is born – 4D specific

5. EGO/SOCIAL IDENTITY [Yesod] – 3D
Specific internalization of family/enculturation/societal conditioning/civilization codes – 3D specific

6. PERSONAS [Masks/Presentations] – 2D
Chosen mask – 2d specific

7. The immediate chosen persona interaction possibility space – 1D
The actual interaction option chosen and happening = 1D specific