On Rejection

rejection-suzanne-marie-leclair

‘Rejection’ is the withdrawal of the ‘power supply/investment’ itself.
[‘Reality objects’ dependently arise from relationship]
So every-time there is hope and effort, and if rejection follows, then that:
{hope/investment -causing-> Efforts} = everything is wasted.
If this happens 1000s of times, you will get total drained from being unable to plug into the larger circuits, you have to withdraw your actions/efforts and go back to the philosophical drawing-board/introspection/remapping/reexamination.

Interestingly, very often, negative relationships are preferred to rejection.
Because when you are attacked, you are still validated as SOMETHING – a foe/a hateable person/a punishable person.
There is some identity that is being upheld and sustained by the attacker of you.
That is why when a void of neglect is created in a child’s life, it generally fills the void with a negative relationship, of, “I must be bad/defective in some way and that is why as a punishment I am neglected and if I do right I can earn back the love/involvement/relationship/inclusion into life”.
This could result in that child pursuing self-improvement/self-flagellation for the rest of his/her life to earn the missing affection/relationship.

Let’s take the case of a negative abusive relationship.
The person is allowing you to [be something] by virtue of his/her relationship to you -> and stirring up some [stimulation/some emotion/some drama/some engagement].
But in rejection -> it is like pulling the plug off.
The other gives you no sustenance whatsoever, and since reality is ‘dependent- arising’, when any one side withdraws, it comes to an end.
And your social-identity/ego is made up of nothing but the [conglomeration of all the projected images of others on you as relationships].
Relationships with others make -> ‘YOU’/your social identity/your ego.
Relationships with your internal imagination world objects keep those objects alive.

Say you are looking for a soul-soul relationship or individual-individual relationship, but everyone you know is plugged into a social system/circuit/frame.
In that case, you participating in their FRAMES is to only give strength to the already large-network they are invested in.
It is like investing the little money you have into a [large multinational corporation].
Firstly your [peanuts investment] means very little to the multinational.
Secondly, the person you are giving that too, who is inside the [power-grid web of that multinational] is only one of its agents and he could care less if he loses one supporter, even if you walk away.
But you know what, you would have lost a LOT of investment energy in that transaction.
For a person not invested, the social entities are just [larger impersonal uncaring alien organisms] that expand and take as many [life energies/souls] into their structure.
People are plugged into these systems/reality power-grids, and the life of these systems COMES FROM the PEOPLE who are PLUGGED INTO THEM -> creating a circulating circuit that gives power to the system.
The entire definition/structure/sustenance of these systems comes from the common investment of a LARGE number of people.
That is why people who have a ravenous desire for power will always go after the most popular well accepted things, because those circuits carry the most power from carrying the investment the highest number of people.

This is digressing from the original topic, but what I wanted to communicate here was that, if you desire an [individual-individual relationship] but find that 99% of the people you know are plugged into various social games and the only windows of relationship they provide you are for you to participate in those impersonal frames, it will eventually drain you.

Every heartbreak is a disillusionment

Broken-Heart

Every heartbreak is a disillusionment.
Essentially every break up is a break up with a certain alive context in our experience.
Our life consists of multi-layered hierarchical contexts.
For instance, it could range from a context as small as losing your favorite wallet to as large as losing all frame of reference/your ego/your beliefs/your religion/how to live etc.

I’ll focus on breakup in the context of relationship here.
It removes the context of what you thought the person was and what their relationship to you was.
That frame of reference is lost, and to the degree to which that frame of reference was integrated in your whole way of being in the world, to that degree you are now put in chaos.
It is a separation, a kind of ripping apart, and that is painful.

It has disillusioned you, and revealed your previous conception as illusion.
But neither does it totally reveal what that person really is.
It leaves you in a limbo of not-knowing/chaos/grief.
You don’t know if it was your fault or their fault.
You don’t know if this is in their best interest or not in their best interest.
You don’t know if this is in your best interest or not in your best interest.
You don’t know if you should try to get the partner back or let them go.
You don’t know if you should even try another partnership or just abandon that whole path of trying to secure a relationship.
You don’t know if you can trust your perception anymore, because it has just proved itself to be empty.
You stand at the precipice of the unknown with a fallen frame of reference.
It can throw you into an existential crisis too with questions like – how can you trust anyone? How does trust even work? Are we just under the mercy of god, who acts like a chameleon and suddenly changes color casting a cruel joke on us?
Then it just comes down to faith.
In time, the void of this chaos is filled with a new structure, healing happens, and you have grown.
Isn’t this how all growth happens – Isn’t all growth disillusionment in a sense?

Another facet I would like to include here is about success in terms of proven lovability.
And this variable would affect the intensity of your breakup too.
Failure is tolerated only by a person who has succeeded previously.
What if you have never succeeded?
What if nobody has ever loved you, no matter how much efforts you put?
Will you try again? Where would this hope come from?
Would you once again trust your bursts of irrational hope? or just give up?
The most painful wound of this sort can happen when the parents are on the extreme end of conditional love or if they just keep the child alive and barely functional as a duty/obligation and thoroughly neglect the child and kill its spirit.
I very strongly feel, romantic love is a replay of that original bond.
Because that is when we were THAT SENSITIVE to feel it in THAT INTENSITY.
So it is THAT memory that makes us seek partners with a kind of LOVE MAP structure (that has a lot to do with our parental conditioning, unless we overcome that with extraordinary spiritual effort).
Children who were loved by their parents well, have tremendous resilience to rejection, break-ups etc. Like a positive spiral they are quite unlikely to go through a break-up in the first place because they attract the conditions that mirror loving environments and perpetuate that.
Almost seems like a cruelty of nature, where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer – even in the love department.
The only way out that I have seen, is to overcome the ignorance that keeps you repeating the same things and to just constantly keep growing.

About power

Power is invisible, and resistance is visible.
So if you “see” resistance, you are basically seeing powerlessness.

Vacating the emotional body

I have vacated my feeling body, and living in my thinking body only.
My feeling body has been forsaken.
So the feeling body is full of pain/chaos/disharmony/pain from the lack of attention.
I would go into the feeling body only through the “thinking body vehicle” as if I am doing an excavation in a ruins site by safely visiting it via a closed vehicle.
I need to instead go underneath the mental body, deep dive into directly feeling the pure emotions and sort it out at the liquid-feeling-level itself, by keeping consciousness with it without disowning/abandoning it.
That is the betrayal, that is the abandonment, that is the emptiness.
That neglect is what has left the feeling body is chaos/ruin/vagaries ruled by pure subconscious chaotic random forces.
It is a disowning. And that part of me is in constant chaos.
So the way out would be through loving and staying with all that pain continuously as a commitment unflinchingly.
That eternal commitment is love, to stay with it unconditionally no matter what.
If I cannot do this for myself, then how I can I do it for any other?
The emotional reality is the bedrock prior to the thinking reality which only really gets active around 8 years of age.
Its time to deep dive and do a reclamation. Those ruins are mine.
The idea is to examine that with non-resistance and non-effort, where does consciousness go – and being with that completely and never vacating that OBJECT.
Emotions frighten me as a result, because I am helpless against my own emotions.
I work with emotions indirectly through the mind/thought in an indirect way and use all kinds of deflections from directly-squarely accepting and owning the direct chaos and pain.
And what I don’t accept/own/reclaim will persist in its “rookie state of development” until it receives my undivided attention/commitment/love.
That is the only thing that ever healed anything anyway.

So what’s the answer? – Sit with the pain, Own the pain, Commit to never leave it, and stay with it unconditionally (love it).
That genuine, unflagging unremitting, incessant commitment to BE with all of your feeling at the deepest imaginable/accessible levels is what will ultimately serve.

The force of emotions

People’s emotions communicate a FORCE of what you should or should not do, even if the content does not explicitly mention anything.
Infact the emotion is the actual force. The force from content itself is only purely intellectual.
The motivation/driving/behavior center in a human is largely emotionally controlled only.
Emotional control will feel much more overbearing and heavy than pure intellectual control.
That is why emotionally histrionic and crazy mothers, can wreak havoc to the child’s behavior system.
It recreates the same chaos in the recipient and the recipient will feel like he/she is walking in a stormy unpredictable wind.
It also recreates a PTSD like phenomenon, where your body responds with extreme defense to “seemingly ordinary statements” which serve as triggers.
This undue reaction comes from the fear of being overwhelmed totally and controlled, and the extreme resistance you had to put up when you were young (without suitable knowledge and experience to frame these emotional demands).
That stays in the operating system of the recipient like a PTSD, and causes him/her to live in fear (of the unpredictability of their vulnerability to control, which they overcompensate for, by throwing a counter reaction of HARDENING into themselves as a defense(causing disassociation and a great loss of awareness in those moments).

About traumatization

Traumatization is like a rigid state of unmovingly getting stuck into threat possibilities.
Its a freeze-contract response.
Until this is eased out, the energies will be stuck in that configuration and cannot move into their other states.
It cannot change until released from the traumatic freeze.
Why did I freeze in the first place? that is perfect too in response to all the circumstances you were in. It is the divine condition.
It is like, if you are put in a room full of your fear, suddenly only that would be real for you, because that possibility crystallizes into a hard reality to the exclusion of all other realities. For example, say you are put in a room full of bees, suddenly the whole outer world would vanish and only that room would become real. The same effect a horror movie has, of extreme contraction and focus.
When you are the most threatened, the most hardening/concretization of a possibility will happen.
To return to the infinite possibility space requires the dissolution of the current concretized possibility which you are holding on to.
Always ask yourself, why are you holding on to you current reality?
What is real for you right now, is exactly what you are holding on to.
It is serving you in some way to hold on to this vs. not holding on.
There is something you are trying to get from it and until you get it you will not let go back into the possibility space.
Ultimately there is only infinity, and we are the ones holding on to a finite possibility for our own deep learning/goals/desires.
When we are ready we will let go and return to higher possibility spaces.

About humiliation, despair, defeat

Humiliation/powerlessness/total defeat/despair is from the ego’s point of view.
From the enlightened point of view, it is a process of dissolution of what is false anyway, the ego.
So from the fading “false point of view” it looks like a nightmare.
But from the point of view of the TRUTH, this process is the very passage/medicine that will take you to freedom.