About me: I am an EXPERIENCE EAGLE

Journey to the Abstract

Flying-Eagle
I am an EXPERIENCE EAGLE.
Its a symbolism, metaphor – to the physical eagle.
The experience eagle wanting freedom to fly to any territory it feels like (across time and space).

Each person and obligations is like me(i.e. the eagle) tied to a certain location in time and space. He cannot fly far away from that place since it has to come back to fulfill the obligations. Certain potentials of experience are not available because they are too far from where he is and he cannot leave his attachments and get there. Like there is an attachment to the ‘potential’ plane of manifestation of existing as a body itself.
This explains his longing for FREEDOM of EXPERIENCE.

So this eagle explores various territories of experiences and does great things in each area that he touches due to his sharp vision. But he cannot hold on to everything. He knows internally…

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On Rejection

rejection-suzanne-marie-leclair

‘Rejection’ is the withdrawal of the ‘power supply/investment’ itself.
[‘Reality objects’ dependently arise from relationship]
So every-time there is hope and effort, and if rejection follows, then that:
{hope/investment -causing-> Efforts} = everything is wasted.
If this happens 1000s of times, you will get total drained from being unable to plug into the larger circuits, you have to withdraw your actions/efforts and go back to the philosophical drawing-board/introspection/remapping/reexamination.

Interestingly, very often, negative relationships are preferred to rejection.
Because when you are attacked, you are still validated as SOMETHING – a foe/a hateable person/a punishable person.
There is some identity that is being upheld and sustained by the attacker of you.
That is why when a void of neglect is created in a child’s life, it generally fills the void with a negative relationship, of, “I must be bad/defective in some way and that is why as a punishment I am neglected and if I do right I can earn back the love/involvement/relationship/inclusion into life”.
This could result in that child pursuing self-improvement/self-flagellation for the rest of his/her life to earn the missing affection/relationship.

Let’s take the case of a negative abusive relationship.
The person is allowing you to [be something] by virtue of his/her relationship to you -> and stirring up some [stimulation/some emotion/some drama/some engagement].
But in rejection -> it is like pulling the plug off.
The other gives you no sustenance whatsoever, and since reality is ‘dependent- arising’, when any one side withdraws, it comes to an end.
And your social-identity/ego is made up of nothing but the [conglomeration of all the projected images of others on you as relationships].
Relationships with others make -> ‘YOU’/your social identity/your ego.
Relationships with your internal imagination world objects keep those objects alive.

Say you are looking for a soul-soul relationship or individual-individual relationship, but everyone you know is plugged into a social system/circuit/frame.
In that case, you participating in their FRAMES is to only give strength to the already large-network they are invested in.
It is like investing the little money you have into a [large multinational corporation].
Firstly your [peanuts investment] means very little to the multinational.
Secondly, the person you are giving that too, who is inside the [power-grid web of that multinational] is only one of its agents and he could care less if he loses one supporter, even if you walk away.
But you know what, you would have lost a LOT of investment energy in that transaction.
For a person not invested, the social entities are just [larger impersonal uncaring alien organisms] that expand and take as many [life energies/souls] into their structure.
People are plugged into these systems/reality power-grids, and the life of these systems COMES FROM the PEOPLE who are PLUGGED INTO THEM -> creating a circulating circuit that gives power to the system.
The entire definition/structure/sustenance of these systems comes from the common investment of a LARGE number of people.
That is why people who have a ravenous desire for power will always go after the most popular well accepted things, because those circuits carry the most power from carrying the investment the highest number of people.

This is digressing from the original topic, but what I wanted to communicate here was that, if you desire an [individual-individual relationship] but find that 99% of the people you know are plugged into various social games and the only windows of relationship they provide you are for you to participate in those impersonal frames, it will eventually drain you.

Notice that all change is causeless

LEDscreen

Where is change coming from?
Feel your ‘consciousness’ and look/see where change is coming from?
From the point of view of ‘being consciousness’, what is changing the contents/scenery/appearances?
Isn’t it just causeless? All coming from nothing(no thing)?

I can even go one more level abstract.
That in truth, “nothing is changing”
The above statement can be seen in 2 ways:
1. ‘NOTHING’ as a noun/the all/the ONE/the whole field -> is -> changing
2. No-‘thing’ is changing, because all things are the same divine light
(like how the LEDs in your screen are always shining in essence and only dancing in degree of brightness causing the dance/music/play that you see on your screen as a video playing or movie.)
Also another fine differentiation I would like to make between ‘is’ and ‘IS’.
IS {The ONE is changing}
The capital ‘IS’ accommodates even the state of changing within it.
So the greatest abstraction object can be: “IS”.

Reality vs. Virtual Reality

vr

If you know something is ‘virtual reality’, would you invest/immerse yourself in it?
Would you allow yourself to believe it?
Would you willingly suspend your disbelief?
No matter how overwhelming and high-def the sensory content provided to you is, will you ever lose sight of the fact that it is virtual/unreal?
OR Will it be like a movie where we can plug in and out of it at will?
In a movie, we make the movie ‘feel real’ by virtue of our INVESTMENT, isn’t it?
So what makes something real or unreal?
I feel INVESTMENT/CATHECTION/ATTENTION is what makes ANYTHING real.
So withdrawal of investment implies withdrawal of that reality itself from your consciousness.

Super hi-def Virtual reality that mimics our sensory resolutions will open up a whole new interest in deep metaphysical questions (similar to the feelings Neo had in the matrix movie when he was first shown the nature of reality).
If all REALITY is from our INVESTMENT, then what about this solid reality we experience as the “REAL WORLD”?
Could we call that – our own UNCONSCIOUS INVESTMENT?

I see it as 2 poles:
Movie/VR is conscious investment ——while——- ‘Hard Reality’ is unconscious investment

Even an attempt to change the movie implies investment in the movie.
To “take/claim/redeem” your “power/freedom” back is to redeem your “attention/investment/cathexis” from the unconscious.
I see this as the whole quest of realization and freedom/transcendence.

Our identification is a hiding, origins of dissociation/depersonalization/depression

When you BE some-[thing], you merge into it
You make that [thing] your substance
Now that [thing] is invisible to you
Because YOU ARE IT

Why do we think we are unlovable, unlikeable, unworthy, ugly, bad, evil?
Because we identify with BEING that.
That is why when parents treat the child badly or neglect/abuse it, the first thing the child identifies with is “I MUST BE BAD”.
Because the ego/social-identity is basically the ‘reflection of ourselves in the other at the formative age’.
And secondly, let’s say the child had a choice, to believe it is good and it is the parents who are evil. This is unbearable for the child and it is much easier to identify with being BAD/UNWORTHY/UNLOVABLE.
So that is why I think we identify with the VERY NEGATIVE ASPECT so that WE CAN GO BLIND TO IT (Total identification with something makes us blind to it and removes it from our consciousness).
Because to not identify with it would mean to actually be conscious and witness that harming relationship which is unbearably painful and horrific.
So this is a way of going unconscious/blind to the negative relationship to make things bearable.
Such a person may become an abuser himself (fully identified with the abuser) if he feels pride in that.
But now if we add the super-ego/conscience in that judges this as contemptuous act.
Now there is a double-bind created, leading straight to depression (depression is essentially a double bind causing the freeze response).
That is why, when a person begins to come out of depression, the first thing to arise is SEVERE RAGE/HATRED/ANGER/ABUSIVE TENDENCIES.
Because this is releasing one of the facets of the double bind, making it ok to feel angry, feel hate, be abusive, be vengeful (all the previously projected qualities), and so on.

Depression is the punishment of oneself for being reprehensible/bad.
So:
1st there is an identification with being bad.
2nd there is a super-ego that imposes that being bad is horrible.
3rd Now you hate yourself and punish yourself for being bad.
4th You attract relationships that do the same to you, and so you can get a break from abusing yourself and let the external abuser do the job for you.

Even in the case of childhood abuse, often the child identifies with the abuser itself
He may directly become an abuser to others if he feels that being the abuser is the right thing.
OR there is a more complicated case that can arise in case he sees the abuser as terrible. He may also identify with the abuser, but because he also thinks that is terrible, he would project it outside to the other.
So now such a child is “other” identified, because he is identified with the abuser but cannot be that because being the abuser is terrible, so he projects this behavior to the other and LIVES VICARIOUSLY through the other.
Since he lives VICARIOUSLY through the other, it is a DISSOCIATED identification, and from THAT DISSOCIATED ABUSER point of view he views his own former self as an OBJECT/OTHER.
So his own self has become an other, and now he lives through the lens of an abusive other outside of his body.
Generally the interesting conundrum I always had was that, if one is totally dissociated from one’s self, seeing the entire self as an object of one’s awareness, then what is the real identification with? What is the one looking at the self as an object?
I figured the one which is looking at the self as object IS the [Hyper critical rejecting parent/abuser/unsupportive/hating force itself etc.]
So basically such a person is identified with an out of body abuser pov and continuously subjects himself to the same treatment that the abusers gave him.
So this causes DEPRESSION/DEPERSONALIZATION.
So such a person when alone would abuse themselves[self as object] and derive pleasure from this, or attract an external abuser and live co-dependently through them.
That is why, when in an abusive relationship which he would inevitably attract, he would FOCUS all his attention on the abusive partner who is being himself (his abusive self with pride), and hate the partner, but still stay absorbed in hating him and never having the WILL to leave the relationship.
The reason he never leaves is because of resonance with the abusive partner, who is actually his own identification, but disowned because it is seen as terrible to be that.
So compared to the child that directly identifies pridefully with being an abuser, in the latter case, it is further removed and thus the person lives in a weak victim state (because he is so far away from his power, doubly removed).