Information vs. Processing

When [Information] is less than [Processing] = We go outside, we socialize, we seek experiences (sympathetic activation – seek and explore)

When [Information] is greater than [Processing] = We retreat, we isolate, we hermit ourselves [parasympathetic activation – rest and digest]

This dynamic can also be clearly seen in:
1 – how we search/acquire physical food
2 – and then consume/digest/assimilate it
Just like physical food is for our physical body, [impressions food] is for our psychic body.
We first explore/seek and go on adventures to acquire experiences, then once we have acquired enough, we go low key and possibly isolate ourselves to digest everything.
In our world systems, we are expected to work perpetually with little breaks.
So we often feel guilty for profoundly retreating for too long.
But it could be that is what you need.
Follow what your deepest being is telling you.

Loneliness is the thirst for connection/relationship

Loneliness is a kind of thirst.
A thirst for what? A thirst for relationship/connection.
Thirst for ‘BEING’.
It is the thirst to BE.
BE what? Just to be anything, something…
OR a thirst to be more than what you are.
To ‘relate/connect’ is the same as the ‘Will to BE’.
Greater the ‘Will to BE’ = Greater is this thirst to relate/connect.
It is possible to BE anything only through relationship.
You are a some-body only in relation to other-bodies.
You are a personality only in relation to other personalities.
The self and other are emergent phenomena that are mutually interdependent on relationship.
The other does not have to be a person, it could even be ANY EXPERIENCE including abstract ideas, philosophies, inanimate objects etc.
Remove the relationship, and both the self and other vanish together.
The game gets disbanded, and identity is dissolved with it.
For example: In the movie ‘Cast Away’, Tom Hanks draws a face on a football and keeps talking to it to maintain his identity. If he did not do that, in the absence of all human contact, his humanness ITSELF would fade away (from the disappearance of ‘relationship’)

A ‘Relationship’ is the ‘AXIS’ that creates the respective players on both the sides.
Be it:
To love ——— To be loved [Axis]
To desire ——- To be desired [Axis]
To need ——— To be needed [Axis]
A relationship axis creates polarity, the 2 poles.
The poles are not fixed but can switch too.
A relationship is alive too, it is a dynamic, an alive dance.

We derive profound meaning from each other.
A profound dance transpires in every interaction.
The deeper we understand this, the more it brings out the depth.
Ultimately it is life interacting with itself.
That which is alive in me interacts with that which is alive in you.
I create myself through relationship with you, you create yourself through relationship with me.
Even what we call we call as negative relationship which includes seeing oneself as rejectible, contemptible, unlikeable, unlovable, unworthy, unfit, uninteresting, unimportant, unwanted, undeserving etc. is also a [REAL TANGIBLE INTERNALIZED NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIP IMAGE].
It is not non-relationship, because non-relationship would simply remove everything.

The loneliness is the helplessness of being unable to let go of this [internalized negative relationship image], and being unable to let go of identification with that.
That gets frozen inside us, and keeps getting reinforced in every interaction.
We ignore the interactions where that is not affirmed, and emphasize the interactions where it gets affirmed, and it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All identity works on this internalized bias, isn’t it? (whether positive or negative)
What would you be without that identity?
Isn’t that thought more terrifying than simply holding on to the known identity?
So it is like being caught between the devil and sea.
We hold on to the known devil, than let go into the unknown sea.
Unfortunately, this is trans-rational, there is no rational explanation that can truly convince you to let go into the sea.
The negative relationship identification eventually fades and wears itself out, plays itself out, and a new era is gently ushered.
We can help this process by accepting and fully experiencing everything.
We transcend this by FULLY EXPERIENCING the negative relationship imprint itself.
Feel your deepest loneliness fully with as much as you can muster, with the attitude of dropping into it, and giving in/allowing.
When fully experienced, when you feel it with your whole being and apply your whole mind and soul to it, even the loneliness will look sublime, and you will see it for what it truly is – a phenomenon.

God is present when you are not

Internal noise/sound ——- External noise/sound
When internal noise is lower than external noise = there is reception, the world enters you. [There is awareness of the world]
When internal noise is greater than external noise = there is emitting, you put out to the world. [There is awareness of the self]

So when you become a vacuum and empty your ‘self’ = the world pours into you.
When you are filled with really loud emotions/mind = all you can feel is your self, and you cannot feel anything out in the world.

The emptier you are = the more that enters you [nature fills vacuums]
If you become absolutely empty = you will get absolutely filled from the outside.
On the other hand, if you are full of yourself = you will see/feel/hear only yourself and nothing of the outside.
That is why it is said:
God is there, when you are not.
You are there, when god is not.

Illusion and Madness are relative

What is reality? What is sanity?
What is illusion? What is madness?
The cultural/social/political/consensus way of seeing/interpreting existence forms the core of [REALITY and SANITY].
The most solid/enduring/unchanging formation (relatively speaking).
To diverge from this [consensus state of consciousness] and explore other states of consciousness is referred to as exploring [ILLUSIONS].
Illusions are by definition more fleeting because they are not reinforced and commonly held by the collective.
When this feedback mechanism stops, reality becomes illusion.
The sensory world gives the most consistent and enduring feedback and it is shared by all other sensory creatures. So we feel comfortable to call that the REAL WORLD.
Like you have a dream at night.
It is considered to be the most illusory thing because it is not validated/shared by ANYBODY around you and neither is that validated by the sensory input that kicks in the minute you are awake.
So it seems to me that [ILLUSION/MADNESS] represents reality that is [NOT SHARED], while [REALITY/SANITY] represents reality that is [SHARED].
Like if you imagine a BELL CURVE, anything at the ends of the bell curve slides into ILLUSION/MADNESS, while the CENTER of the BELL CURVE represents the CORE of SANITY/REALITY.

Another way to look at this from the personal level is to look at your own personal conditioning.
When you are in a state of mind that is fully in alignment with your DEFAULT MODE OF EXPERIENCE (CONDITIONED BY YOUR CONDITIONING) – you say you are SOBER/SANE/REAL.
Whereas, when you are in a state of mind that is very different from your usual mode/structure of perceiving existence – you say you are in an ALTERED STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS/IN ILLUSION OR FANTASY.
Like say, to feel HUMAN (the experience of being human in a body) is normal/ordinary/sane/real.
Now, how will you interpret an out of body experience, say you feel like a bird and you are flying? Is it real? Is it an illusion?

To me, this question of real or illusion is more related to SOLIDITY than its PURE REALITY.
It also ties to the question:
What is more real? the visible or the invisible?
OR What is more real? – SOLID? OR LIQUID? OR GAS?
OR What is more real? – PHYSICAL BODY? OR HEART? OR MIND/IMAGINATION?
Suppose I release a bunch of smoke and it looks forms a figure.
Would that be less real, than if I showed you the same figure made in stone? or sand?
Usually what I notice is that – the reality of something is associated with its ENDURING-NESS and SOLIDITY.
What is fleeting, relatively unformed/fuzzy/wispy, is referred to as illusion.

In summary, what others call reality and illusion, I see it as:
PERSISTENT ILLUSION(Reality) ———-vs———- FLEETING ILLUSIONS (Illusion)
This is if I consider everything to be an illusion of different degrees.
OR I can also put it as:
PERSISTENT REALITY ———-vs———– FLEETING REALITY
UNCHANGING REALITY ———-vs———– CHANGING REALITY
This is if I consider everything to be reality in different degrees of enduring-ness.
This kind of breaks the duality between illusion and reality.
Illusion is real and reality is illusion.

The point of view of ego identification

The ego is the servant of god, and lives at god’s mercy.
The divine can ‘exalt’ or ‘humiliate’ the ego.
That is give power or withdraw all power (the power of the ego’s ability to control).
The ecstasies exalt while the crucifixions/sufferings humiliate.
By identifying and living as the ego, one lives from this point of view that opens this whole spectrum of:
Total Exaltation/Feeling like god —–vs—– Total Humiliation/Absolute victim
Total control ———-vs———– Total loss of control.
Now total loss of control has 2 flavors:
Ecstasy (if one falls into the most highly desired state) ———-vs————— Terror (when one falls into the most undesirable state).
Total control has 2 flavors:
Total control of creating ——–vs——– Total control of destroying
All these flavors of possibility are opened up from the point of view of IDENTIFICATION with the ego.

Ego is resistance to ‘WHAT IS’ -> in the form of controlling/manipulating the experience of ‘What is/Divine’, either seeking advantage or sabotage (positive control vs negative control, whatever is available and desirable).

To untangle the ego, one must release resistance to ‘What is’.
Just sit in your room and feel into existence and witness what you are resisting.
Those are the areas where the [ego structure like knotted balls of wool] are present.
They are the unfeeling/robotic/frozen parts of our instrument(the knotted structures of the ball of wool) we think is us.
Untangle those fibers and release them, so that they may blow freely with the divine wind, illuminating greater consciousness through greater finer feeling.
Untangle the feelers of your instrument so that it can receive more of the divine winds that flow.
Such a process invariably happens from a higher point of view, because the ego cannot witness itself from its own position.

A quick attempt to create a model of reality

A quick Model/Ontology of reality from my direct experience:
(I have added references to some kabbalah terms, physical universe analogues)

#### FORMLESS/SPIRIT/ABSOLUTE/EMANATION #### (World of: Atziluth)
1 – Unmanifest/ONE (Ain Sof) – 7D

#### FORM/MANIFEST/RELATIVE #### (yin yang, double helix dna)(universe)(Worlds of: Briah, Yetzirah, Malkuth)

2. SOUL REALM (Galaxy super cluster)(Kether/Platonic forms realm) – 6.3D
[Larger context = soul family/galaxy cluster] (6.2D specific family of souls)
Heart/Soul/Desire = Specified Soul DNA(galaxy) = Many lives as many beings context (6.1D specific)
Trans-human archetypes/symbology/mythology/hieroglyphs/motifs/artifacts/codes

3. STAR/SOLAR SYSTEM(5.3D) -> PLANET(5.2D) -> CREATURES REALM (5.1D)
Human Creature Biological DNA [larger context: creature family] = incarnation context – 5D specific
Human archetypes/symbology/mythology/hieroglyphs/motifs/artifacts/codes

4. CULTURE/CIVILIZATION/SOCIETY [Geburah/chesed]
Socio-cultural-civilizational-locational DNA – 4D
Specific cultural context where creature is born – 4D specific

5. EGO/SOCIAL IDENTITY [Yesod] – 3D
Specific internalization of family/enculturation/societal conditioning/civilization codes – 3D specific

6. PERSONAS [Masks/Presentations] – 2D
Chosen mask – 2d specific

7. The immediate chosen persona interaction possibility space – 1D
The actual interaction option chosen and happening = 1D specific

One can enjoy the greatest freedom/power/service only in invisibility

Popularity subjects you to people’s projected ideals/images.
The images are superimposed on you.
They can project on you the image of a demi-god or make you a devil.
And it is not that you can just ignore these projections.
If many beings project you as a savior/angel/god, you will have a 1000 people at your door worshiping you.
In reality they aren’t worshiping you, but are worshiping their own god-image which they have projected on you
That case is the dream of many and that sounds really great.
But in the game of identifying with a self made up of projections there is the opposite side to it.
What if everyone projects their devil on you?
Now they will attack you with the same viciousness as they would attack any devil.

Projections can be completely blind, but usually, the projection is an extrapolation of qualities that do emanate from the receiver.
Like take the case of romantic love.
The opp-sex does something sweet and that is extrapolated to mean they are the god of sweetness and ever flowing nectar.

A narcissist primarily lives on the self created totally from these projections only.
So all of their life-energies and faculties are dedicated exclusively to the game of image enhancement/management.
Either they inflate themselves or put down others and basically aim to raise themselves up to a secure place of worth/value/prestige/fame/being.
But this is a FULL TIME business, because to maintain images is very difficult, and people are capricious too and keep changing their projections depending on their own moods.
Though such a person might appear to be charismatic from all the incredible effort they have invested in IMAGE MANAGEMENT, they are a slave to what everyone else thinks they are.
They are standing on a quick sand, and have to be permanently preoccupied with upholding/maintaining their volatile/fragile self concept.
Usually they overcompensate for this desperate dependence by making others dependent on them, and by repeatedly convincing others directly/indirectly that others need them.
In reality it is they who are enslaved and most vulnerable and who have to on a full time basis resort to all sorts of tricks to maintain their ever-insecure image.
Such a life is terrible and seriously powerless, though it is the narcissist who would make the greatest grandiose bombastic displays of power.
“Every display is driven by its dual”.
The are aware of their supreme vulnerability and are so deeply ashamed about it, it is projected outward as an ugly world that they have to keep exploiting/cheating to survive.
It is like the girl who has to wear makeup 24×7 so that she can maintain her image OR a guy who has to act powerful/sure/confident/strong all the time just to maintain that image.
This is an existential level curse.
Narcissists can be extremely violent/rageful/harmful to everything, but at this level of context, I do feel compassion for them for landing up in such a situation.

The reason I brought up the long explanation about the narcissist is because they are the section of beings that live EXCLUSIVELY on image projections.
They show you the real picture of what a punishment it is to live a life forged on these projected images.
Ofcourse nobody is an absolute narcissist.
There are varying degrees here too.
But I illustrated the more pure aspect of this condition.

Whereas when one is invisible, one has the greatest freedom.
Such a one can be a great conduit of pure spirit/service and enjoy the greatest freedom because he does not have to live in accordance and fear of the quagmire of projected images and the harm and imprisonment all of that could bring.
He could shape-shift, be whatever the situation deems and be maximally adaptive and free.
Thank your anonymity for the greatest blessing that it is :).
I will happily live in the poverty of spirit, with my feet planted there, and enjoy the show of people’s projections as it may come and go.