Your internal and external lives are reflections of each other

Balanced internal life = Balanced external life.
Extreme internal life = Extreme external life.
Total internal awareness = Total external awareness
Internal extreme tunneled investments = External extreme tunneled investments.
Internal imbalances => reflected in the external as external imbalances.

Many extreme people view relationship as:
Conflict, Resistance, Strife, War, Violence, Pain.
The problem here is of degree and not of essence.
Like if I take a knife and ever so gently graze your skin, it will feel scintillating.
But if I do it with more force, it will cut the skin, sharply hurt, and leave a bruise.
So the problem in the latter case was simply the intensity.

In a world filled with limitation of various degrees,
If we try to do things with unlimited passion,
Either we will break or the thing will break.
Relationships are a limited possibility.
It has a certain place, a certain potential,
After which it will start to hurt and pain more and more.
This kind of violence can be addictive too,
Because it is controlled by you.
I would think this is a similar reason,
Why people cut themselves.
Because it is a pain that you can control and administer to yourself.
So by fighting with people, even if it hurts, you are controlling it.
And that might give a relief at a different level.
You could similarly, subject yourself to controlled mental pain too,
Say by researching on all sorts of painful topics,
Because then you are in control, you are subjecting yourself to it.

Generally what happens is a full cycle.
The person is maybe highly sensitive,
And was subjected to physical, relational, or mental violence.
Again the violence here is because of degree, and not essence.
Like if a blind person high five’s you on the nose by mistake.
High five is a cool thing, on your hands, but not on your nose.
So, then the person in later life,
In order to regain a sense of control,
May subject himself to the same abuse and recreate those feelings.
The huge difference in the second run of those feelings is that,
He inflicts them upon himself, so that gives him back his sense of control,
And allays the fear, paranoia, and expectation.

About traumatization

Traumatization is like a rigid state of unmovingly getting stuck into threat possibilities.
Its a freeze-contract response.
Until this is eased out, the energies will be stuck in that configuration and cannot move into their other states.
It cannot change until released from the traumatic freeze.
Why did I freeze in the first place? that is perfect too in response to all the circumstances you were in. It is the divine condition.
It is like, if you are put in a room full of your fear, suddenly only that would be real for you, because that possibility crystallizes into a hard reality to the exclusion of all other realities. For example, say you are put in a room full of bees, suddenly the whole outer world would vanish and only that room would become real. The same effect a horror movie has, of extreme contraction and focus.
When you are the most threatened, the most hardening/concretization of a possibility will happen.
To return to the infinite possibility space requires the dissolution of the current concretized possibility which you are holding on to.
Always ask yourself, why are you holding on to you current reality?
What is real for you right now, is exactly what you are holding on to.
It is serving you in some way to hold on to this vs. not holding on.
There is something you are trying to get from it and until you get it you will not let go back into the possibility space.
Ultimately there is only infinity, and we are the ones holding on to a finite possibility for our own deep learning/goals/desires.
When we are ready we will let go and return to higher possibility spaces.

What is the use of holding on to memories of suffering?

Approach 1:
Holding on to past hurts.
Its like you are holding on to hurt, and then building a defense to prevent someone from doing it again.
Aggression is also a preemptive form of defense ultimately.
Approach 2:
Another option is to let go of the hurt from your energy, forget it like it never happened, and then there is a possibility of it happening again.
Imagine this possibility does happen, and someone does hurt you again.

Approach 1 is ludicrous. Even if the other person cannot hurt you because of your defense, you are hurt ALL THE TIME since you are holding on to it all the time.
Its like you are saying, I am already completely hurt, so its impossible for you to hurt me.
That may give a feeling of false power (from ignorance of the real reality), since now the other CANNOT hurt you.

Our vulnerability to others creates the potential for us to feel the greatest humiliation of being negatively AFFECTED.
But our vulnerability also opens us to feel profoundly positively affected too.
In the case of hurt, it is negative affect.
To avoid this negative affect from others, because of maybe having being burnt real bad too many times, we may decide to seal off all others as an act of severe rebellion and retaliation.
This decision looks like the perfect one from the ego’s perspective considering the sheer unfairness and humiliation it had to go through.
The ego needs to be given compassion for whatever it endured.
But the inner mechanics really reveal the disastrous effects of this decision.
Firstly, there is a VENGEANCE charge about maintaining your separation/dissociation with others.
This vengeance charge is ultimately coming from the intensity of the hurt you underwent.
So the vengeance extends its charge in time, which means its concomitant hurt is carried in your body too. This is because, if you stopped holding on to the hurt, and dropped that memory and allowed yourself to simply forget about it from your whole being, then it would be impossible to have a vengeance charge at all.
The vengeance charge needs the hurt to be held on in its ripe form.
So in this design, you are continuously experiencing hurt in your body all the time and you are continuously discharging the vengeance charge too on whoever comes close to you. Whatever form the vengeance may take, either aggression or total dissociation.
Its like a person who set his whole body ablaze continuously, so that nobody can burn him again. Well, he is already burning everywhere! So he has lost pounds for the pennies he would get when he watches someone try to attack him and fail.
Its like:
“Hurt begets hurt”.
“Hurting people hurt others”.
Another mechanic here, is that, if you have so much vengeance, you will look for a target to unleash it upon, because else the vengeance cannot maintain itself. So it will find a series of abusive relationships and live through them.
So this hurt+vengeance package tries to justify its existence by ATTRACTING environments that necessitate its need.
So now you have a double whammy, you also tend to attract the same traumatizing circumstances again and again so that you can unleash your vengeance.
But you cannot fight fire with fire. It just perpetuates itself.
This is a very complex conundrum.
It is important to feel compassion for all that you have been through in the hands of horrible people.
But, “Forgiving and Forgetting” seems to be the only SANE choice in the light of all the mechanics of what can follow if we choose to hold on to hurt and unleash vengeance/bitterness/contempt/anger.