The absurdity of the ‘love yourself’ mantra

This is something that has perplexed me since childhood.
I’d keep hearing slogans like ‘be yourself’, ‘love yourself, ‘believe in yourself’, and so on.
I used to wonder, what is this self that they are referring to, while pointing at me.
Where is this self? What is it?
Is it my image of their idea of what I am, what I should be, or what I think they want me to be?
Is it my own image of what I am independent of them being around me?
But generally my own image of what I am, is heavily and actively conditioned/influenced by who is around me (in silent or talking level interaction with me) and the larger surroundings in that place.
Even if nobody is around me, my self is some sort of a more diffused response to the environment around me.

My general personality/disposition/investments/ways of thinking-perceiving-feeling etc. are part nature and part nurture.
I can recall an active self forming at the age of 6, then a more developed one at 11, and I think after the age of 28 it seems to have stabilized itself.
But what was that active self that first formed? What existed before the age 6?
It feels like I just emerged from a bunch of situations throughout early childhood.

Ok, then was I born a clean slate? – I don’t relate with that too.
I have no continuous memories of anything below the age 4-5, but I intuit I could have already had a seed with its potentials/proclivities/tendencies/patterns (what they call samkharas and vasanas in vedic literature).
So maybe the selves that formed through 6, 11, 20, 24, 28 etc. were different milestones where a distinctive evolving pattern emerged in my vibrating sands (like the sand patterns in Cymatics as the frequency is raised).
So my deeper self then could be my bio-memory embedded in the whole body (in its trillions of cells)? – Coming from my forefathers, ancestry, genetics, lineage.
That genetics could have passed on its own fantasies, ideals, projects, works, characteristics, goals, preoccupations etc. that I identify with or dis-identify with depending on my own past lives?
In my own past lives, again the same situation might have been there, of genetics, upbringing, conditioning, social environment (the yuga at that time) and its influence etc.
So it sort of loops on itself. When did it all start?

The dilemma is like, when you are a tree, you search for your source.
You find out, you grew from a seed.
But a seed cannot grow without the fertile ground.
So the ground is also responsible for the tree.
But that seed itself has come from a previous full grown tree (the past life), and so on.
It goes into an infinite regress loop.
My whole quest to find an independent self eludes me.
I just cannot grasp a ‘me’ that exists independently.

From my contemplation, I see none of any of this is me.
Because if I can perceive it as an object,
Then the me must be separate from the object right?!
The deeper I contemplate this, I realize that what I am is transcendent of language itself.
It is a transcendent dimension, what they call consciousness.

My understanding of ‘understanding’

The purpose of understanding I feel is to help you let go/digest/dissolve/transcend the thing. 
Otherwise the understanding is not taking you in the right direction, if it only increases the holding of it.
True solution is dissolution (David Hawkins).
I see understanding as the tool to catalyze the dissolution.
Understanding should carry you back to the state of wonder with greater fluidity and openness.

The deepest fear and the deepest desire

The deepest fear is the ‘fear of death’.
It is not ‘death’ itself that is feared (because it is unknown), but the ‘fear of death’.
The fear is of the ‘image of that possibility’.

Fear is not about the actuality but about the possibility (as imagined).
Fear is the projection of a negative possibility onto the unknown.
But it derives its substance from the past memories/known.
So the unknown is defended against, by fear.

All fears are illusions though, because:
“Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.”
So in a way, our greatest fear is of total disillusionment.

I feel the deepest desire/longing is the desire for:
Liberation, Mukti, Transcendence, Enlightenment, The highest possibility,
To merge with the deathless source,
The desire for God itself (omniscience, omnipotence, omnipresence).

I think all other desires and fears are different mixtures of the above 2.
Like how sugar and salt is mixed in different proportions in different foods.
They all taste unique, but carry these 2 essences.

When the heart is fully cleansed,
It radiates deep devotion.
It feels like a boundless vacuum, or an infinite fall.
It is like falling in love, but with the fall never ending,
Because it is a state inspired and generated from within, not from outside conditions.
Devotion is the highest expression/potential/possibility of the heart.
Devotion is just you being really straight and committed to your own deepest desire/longing.

The observer and the observed world

You see the world not as it is (idea of 1 objective world),
But as you are (idea of observer-observed relationality).
The world appears to you in the way you are.
The world changing is you changing.
You changing is the world changing.
There is perfect correspondence.
The self-world pair appear together as one process,
And they also vanish together in the same process.

Generally if the self is relatively more stable than the world it is in relation to,
Then, you feel like a stable person with a stable view of a fast moving world.
On the other hand, if the self is rapidly changing compared to the world it is in relation to,
Then, you feel like the very viewpoint is shifting and experience of the world becomes more like a dream.

When you open up, the world (as you perceive) opens up.
When you close down, the world closes down.
The violence within you is the violence in the world.
The peace within you is the peace in the world.
When you are unstable, the view of the world is unstable.
When you are stable, the view of the world is stable.
The true objective nature of the world is Shunya/Indeterminate.

The body-world appears like a hologram.
Like how every drop of the ocean is the ocean contained in the drop.
Both the body and mind are actually external to your real nature.
When both the body and mind are witnessed as objects,
Then you realize the transcendent space.

Resonance, Attraction, the time-shaft dimension of a person

Every person we meet has a past, present, and future.
“…Past self —— Present self ——- Future self…”
People are like flowing rivers.
And when you meet them, you are meeting their river at that time and place.

All interaction is only possible only because of resonance.
Without resonance, the others would not even appear in your experience.
You mingle/jibe/sync with the person only through the resonance you both share.
In other words, you see them within you, through how they appear/form within your space and its filtering structures.

Understanding this resonance can be a very subtle job.
It could be a positive or negative kind of ‘energy investment’ resonance.
For example: Both liking or hating the same thing.

Another possibility is, it could be resonance with the thing but not with the relationship to that thing.
For instance: Say both are obsessed with the idea of beauty.
One of them trying to become beautiful with the other actively rebelling against the idea of beauty and doing the opposite.
The commonality here is, both are focused/fixated/locked onto, and have their cathexis/emotional investment set on the same theme/field/topic/idea, although with differing/opposing relationship.

So there is the resonance from:
# What idea you focus on
# Relationship towards that idea
The first bullet point creates the “shared reality/shared frame of reference”, which is the primary resonance.
The second bullet point, that is, the relationship towards that shared frame is the secondary resonance.
This is because if the 2 do not see/share the reality/frame as the first step, then no interaction is possible at all.

Another element of this is consciousness.
# 2 people could come from the same cultural background and share that deep resonance,
But they could be completely unconscious of it.
They both may not see that shared resonance as an object at all in their experience.
# On the other hand, if there is consciousness of the resonance, then there is also consciousness of the object that is resonated with. And this implies that the person is seeing from a point of view that is transcendent of the object.

This is actually a necessary precondition for all consciousness of any object.
All consciousness requires transcendence, that is to see something clearly as an object in your experience, requires ‘you’ to see from an ‘identity space’ that is transcendent of that object.
All consciousness needs contrast.
The ‘transcendent reality’ provides a contrast to everything we experience here.
Union-ing with that, allows for the greatest clarity and unifying vision of everything here.

Let’s now look into the time dimension:
What the other values/cherishes/desires/longs/strives for, represents their future self.
That is what they will become, or that is the direction of their movement.
They are drawn towards certain possibilities, and if you are also attracted towards a similar direction/possibility, then that also is a resonance shared.

In a way, seen from a 5-D perspective, every person is tracing a time mandala.
From the 5-D perspective, the entire mandala is already there, it is only a matter of time.
Like how a cassette or DVD already has the entire recording, but it is played out in time.
So there could be a 5-D resonance too. Some kind of complementary time mandalas in deep relationship with each other.
This is what is called soul connection I believe.
Basically a referent used to point to a much deeper higher dimensional resonance/relationship/attraction/complement-ality.

Sometimes the attraction to the other is because they represent a possibility/potential that we desire, but we are unable to be/become or own that due to various reasons.
This could be 5-D or even 6-D based.
# 5-D based attraction would be something you could potentially become, but you may be having many other preoccupations and constraints, it may involve too many sacrifices, compromises, guilts, fears, restructuring, and so on.
# 6-D based would be something that is impossible for you to become in this birth given your conditions. For instance, if I wanted to be a billionaire’s child, that is a 6-D possibility because it is impossible in this current birth no matter what choices/decisions/investments I make. It is then more like a parallel universe, that can only be lived in the imagination.
Imagination is the Ultimate Bridger of all worlds and possibilities.

Completing and freeing the dependence on relationships

All relationships are with parts of ourselves projected out to and as others.
The other is that part of ourselves we have projected out “as” the other.
Thus when we reclaim and own that projected part/aspect,
We neutralize the attraction, and free ourselves.

To give an analogy,
Say you have a backpack full of 100s of smartphones.
But say, you only keep 2 of those phones in your pocket,
And you have no active memory of the backpack’s existence.
Now when you see your friend showing you his phone,
You’ll recognize it, it will look familiar,
You’ll feel attracted towards it, and want to possess it.
But if you realize you are carrying a backpack full of them,
And look inside it,
You’d find that you own that exact same model.
Then there is no longer an attraction to the other’s phone,
But rather, you can enjoy exploring the phone’s features together.
Because now there is a commonality and you also own that same model.

The very act of relating is like a play or dance.
The question is then whether it is conscious or unconscious.
A conscious relationship is like a conscious dance done willingly from both sides,
(i.e. conscious projection and introjection),
While an unconscious relationship is like an unconscious dance happening compulsively from both sides,
(i.e. unconscious projection and introjection).

Once you own all aspects of yourself, you become whole,
And realize that all the others are representative of potentials of your own consciousness.
Then there is nothing that you lack, that can only be got from the other.
Rather, whatever you experience as the other, is instantly owned.

The same would apply to ‘aversion to others’ too.
It is the aversion of the projected aspect of ourselves that we believe we are.
So there can be 2 steps:
First the delusion (false Introjection), and then Projection.
To free the identity from all these introjections,
Is to contemplate and realize our essence is beyond all of this,
And is transcendent of all of these appearances,
Which are all but only one of the possibilities of our infinite nature.

The world of hyper polarization

The world-era today is called by different names,
Information Age (Info-wars), Age of Hyper Polarization, and so on.
In order to polarize you must take a position of choosing any one side against the other (Red team-Blue team, X-Y etc.).

The issue of taking sides is that,
It creates an endless attack-defense relationship between the 2 sides.
Since there is a vested interest in preserving one’s position,
True investigation cannot happen, and there is circular-thinking from both sides.

When I ponder on this topic further,
It seems like true investigation can only happen from a position of dispassion and disinterest.
The best position that one can take imo seems to be the transcendent position,
That is, the position that transcends both polarities.

As Einstein had said: “Problems cannot be solved from the same level of consciousness in which they exist.”
It is almost like true vision is directly proportional to the level of transcendence/disinterest/disinvestment/dispassion.
More the disinterest = Greater the seeing.

All problems in a way are about polarized positions (1 or -1).
To be FOR or AGAINST, to SUPPORT or OPPOSE, to BE or NOT TO BE and so on.
The truest position is the highest position, which imo is the position of the beginners mind functioning from direct mind-sight, the position of total innocence and direct seeing.
This could be called unconditioned light, or our true nature.

Reminds me of another interesting quote I heard somewhere:
“We know enough to know that we are right,
But we do not know enough to know how we are wrong.”
For instance the world looks flat to us (we know enough to know that we know).
But it takes quite a bit of genius to discover that it is round (to know enough to know how we were wrong in retrospect).
Another example would be: “The world looks solid to us, but it is made up of atoms, and atoms are 99.99% empty space”.
From the level of primordial innocence though,
Both are appearances of the dream field.

The dream of life passes before our eyes.
At various points we close down,
And believe we understand almost everything there is to know about this dream.
We close ourselves into fixed routines, expectations, and conclusions.
But the original mystery we once encountered long before still exists underneath,
And it will reveal itself yet again,
Bringing us back the revelation,
Of our true nature, of being unconditioned light.

The seduction of fear

The tree of life and its parasites,
The yo-yoing between the forces of life and death,
For the individual and collective,
Keeps going on.

I am neither life nor death.
Both are a polarity-play happening within me.
There are 1000s of forces in nature,
Existing together like a forest.

The forces of fear are seductive.
They transfix your attention with their seductive draw,
Towards horror/terror/paranoia/helplessness.
Why give so much limelight to those forces alone?
Why give that so much undivided attention, against everything else?
Life and Death are only appearances,
Your true nature is beyond both.

“Fear takes us out of ourselves,
And absorbs us into the object of fear.”
Like when a person holds a gun at you,
All of your attention transfixes itself on the gun.

These threatening elements will always be there,
In good times they might go into full remission,
And in other times they may come out in this way,
Attempting to seize everyone’s attention.
However these are just one of the elements,
And have their own place in this grand play of life.
They are part of the polarity-play between: Fear and Safety,
The spin of the yin and yang.

Dropping fear ultimately is only from dropping identification.
Since all fear is to protect an identification with something that is impermanent and unreal to start with.
Remove false identifications, and false attachments,
Whatever happens only disillusions you.
Let everything that happens be an opportunity to free yourself via. disillusionment and take you closer to transcendence.
Let everything be a stepping stone to take you closer to freedom and realization of your true nature.

Sleep and Time

Sleep is the ultimate rejuvenator.
Every day you get around 7 hours (+-),
And it is non-negotiable.
If you use up 2 hours in the afternoon,
Then you get 2 less in the night.
Sleep is not something you can do.
You fall into it,
So there is no control.

It is like a gas station,
That allows only 1 refill per day for your vehicle.
Or like an ATM machine,
That dispenses a fixed amount to you everyday.
Or like your phone data plan,
Where you get 1gb/day and if you use it up early,
Then you would have extremely low speed until the next refill.

Sleep-Wake is a cycle.
It just goes round and round.
Time is all about cycles.
To be free from cyclic existence is to be free of time.

Look at your analog watch/clock,
Isn’t it a circle, with the hands going round and round?
The earth’s rotation gives day and night.
The moon’s phasing gives you a month
The cycles of the solar system give you your lifetime (84-120 years?)
The solar system, the arrangement of the sun, moon, and earth,
Work like a potters wheel,
Structuring life energy here into forms.

Time is an aspect/dimension of existence.
There are dimensions of existence beyond time.
When your vision has not grasped these cycles,
You think you are going somewhere,
But actually you are going round and round.
Like driving a car along a mobius strip.

Transcendence is when one rides the cycles of time,
Vs. being trapped in the cycles of time.

The real solution to anything

Solving things is irrelevant.
The real solution is always dissolution.
The real solution to anything is the transcendence of that thing.
Where the problem is subsumed and swallowed,
Into a higher space/context within you that is awakened.
The problem-solution paradigm exists in darkness,
Once the light is brightened, it all vanishes into the light.
Like how when you wake up from sleep, the dream vanishes.
Like how all the ghosts simply disappear once sunlight shines.