An endless revelation
The assumption of total choice.
I can do anything.
No. The possibility-space is already constrained.
The assumption of total knowledge.
I can know the whole situation.
No. Only a local region is visible.
Then the assumption of total authorship.
I am the sole creator of my trajectory.
No. The trajectory emerges from vast conditions beyond the visible field.
When time moves north, reality produces:
curiosity,
surprise,
color,
fascination,
emergence.
When time moves south, reality produces:
repetition,
contraction,
predictability,
maintenance,
exhaustion.
Here is how I map the engine of my existence.
There is only the fire (intelligence field) of awareness -> burning up the seeds -> into experience passing as episodes in time.
It is like an endless train ride.
The only kriya happening all the time is = samskhara dhahana kriya (seed burning action).
The seeds are the imposition on experience.
Liberation is from the burning of the seeds.
Prarabdha is maybe like the allotment of seeds for this lifetime.
Seeds are scheduled for burn at different times.
So each time period engages certain seeds and not others, carrying them through their fruition and exhaustion.
Desire is what connects your awareness to the world via the body/mind instruments.
Enough desire is needed to have enough current flow through the body-mind for their well-being (maintaining the base voltage for function).
Experience is not primarily for acquisition.
It is the exhaust of combustion.
The world, then, is not a field of gaining, but a field of incineration.
Samskara dhahana is thus the only continuous kriya = “The only kriya happening all the time is seed burning”
Prarabdha karma can be seen as “a release schedule of latent impressions into the fire”.
Time itself = the unfolding queue of combustible material, as batch processing of seeds.
“Desire connects awareness to the world via body-mind”
“Enough desire is needed to maintain base voltage”
Burning seeds = removing the structuring overlays that give experience its particular geometry.
So in summary:
Everything is just seeds burning automatically,
Prarabdha schedules the burn,
Awareness is just the fire,
The fire is also self-liberating intelligence.
I used ChatGPT to condense the discussion into a set of bullet points.
Time Prison — Constraints Condensed:
Irreversibility
No undo, no rewind, no trial runs. Every moment binds.
Birth / Non-consensual contracts
Body, species, genome, culture, family, language, historical moment, lifespan.
Accumulation / One-way function
Memory, trauma, obligations, roles, property, reputation, narrative inertia.
Future-time pre-occupation
Biological decay, parental care, death logistics, inheritance, family scripts, social expectations.
Retroactive legitimation by duration
Endurance = consent, survival = endorsement, continuity = justification.
Biological closures
Childhood gone, neuroplasticity decline, vitality decay, hormonal windows close, cognition slows, death inevitable.
Psychological binding
Memory + anticipation loops → regret, dread, narrative persistence, identity persistence.
Social roles and expectations
Time-indexed identities, societal “deadlines,” lagging recognition, role freezing.
Economic/dependency chains
Pre-claimed future labor (rent, property, savings), dependency obligations, accumulation requirements.
Symbolic / destiny / predictive time
Astrology, narratives, cultural scripts occupy imagination and foreclose possibilities.
Absolute endpoint: Death
Final closure, unavoidable, non-negotiable, non-reversible.
My grand life’s musing,
Is the integration of life and death,
Where life and death are not 2 separate events,
But where life and death become one.
What is born dies immediately with change.
Change is instaneous,
The very act of perception itself is to see change,
Change as the vibration/alternation between nothing and something,
Happening rapidly maybe 20times a second.
That seems to be the refresh rate of life and change.
All else is the same principle,
Only the scale/degree varies.
Inbreath is the receiving of life,
Outbreath is the exit of life.
Time is this mega-structure,
That rules all meetings and endings,
And rules all becomings and unbecomings.
In a deeper sense,
There is no becoming nor unbecoming,
The same substance just appears to become or unbecome.
In fact becoming and unbecoming are simultaneous in change.
Change instantly becomes the present and unbecomes what was past.
I imagine a large spectrum.
To the left of it are the things most unchanging, very large timescales.
To the right of it are the things that change every millisecond.
Everything lies somewhere in-between this scale.
Whether it is the scale of inbreath-outbreath happening every few seconds,
Or the scale of a relationship like to parents which lasts half a lifetime.
Memory seems to be the only reason for time’s existence,
Without memory time would not exist?
There would only be the instant/now/that.
The layers of time we experience,
Are they not just the layers of memory?
Time is something we know only by its effect.
We cannot perceive time itself.
Time is what forges the memories,
And time is what fades them out.
We only experience what time dishes out to us + our interpretation.
There is more nuance,
Our experience as a subject is because of the lens of our accumulated memories.
There is also the instantaneous perception of time’s immediate action on us – how it affects us.
But we interpret that through the lens of our memories and build even more memory or reshape old ones.
What would be ‘Experience’ without memory is something elusive and I’m not sure it is even possible.
Even something circling close to that would be – Undefinable, Inexpressable, Ineffable directness.
Like what would it be to see without memory, hear without memory, sense without memory.
Is such an impersonal sensing even possible?
Or does the implied “memory lens subject” and “experience” go together?
My highest idea of living in grace,
Is when we let what comes come, and let what goes go.
Time can be seen as a kind of a phenomenon in the field of energy – that is, a kind of continuous self-transforming force.
One’s awareness experiences this flow from a specific point in the field – With the body-mind acting as an energy-lens/container.
However, that body-mind lens is not separate from the field of energy/time – It is itself a localized swirl within the continuous flow, like an eddy in a river.
The universe itself can be seen as a self-actualizing field of energy, with subjective “time” arising only as a localized perceptual effect.
The “river” is the singular field of energy/time, and all bodies, minds, and objects are just patterns within that flow, swirling, forming, dissolving, and reforming continuously.
Time creates the identity,
Time maintains the identity,
Time exalts the identity,
Time destroys/changes/transforms the identity.
The desires we feel are a combination of 2 things:
1. The projection of the ‘current identity’ expansion/fortification.
2. The projections of past identities expansions/fortifications that stay as ghost images.
Now this current identity could be stable or in the process of transformation,
Or it could have reached a new stability post-transformation.
When identity is transformed by time,
The past-identity projected desires still stay as ghost images.
Even though the new transformed/transforming identity projects different images,
These ghost images stay on the screen too.
Everything thus gets mixed up.
So then there is a deep confusion whenever there is transformation,
As to which desire is from something real or unreal.
In fact by very definition, when in-between a transformation process,
All projections of what is happening are all fleeting and temporary like a dream,
Because a continuously shifting/changing/transforming thing completely veils even the appearance of any essence.
So an identity-transformation process instantly throws a person into emptiness.
He cannot know who/what he is, what he wants/desires, everything in his experience shifts into a unreal dream flow.
If this lasts for 2 decades of his life,
Those entire 2 decades will be like a night dream,
Constantly shifting empty experiences, sort of like being on a psychedelic trip throughout.
Because memory needs a structure to hang off.
But if the structures themselves are changing/morphing, then all the memories have no foothold.
That is why I think we do not remember much of anything before the age of 5.
Because there is too little structure in identity to hold any memories.
So in a way, a person going through a transformation process of identity,
Is in a similar state of consciousness, as someone who is only 2-3 years old.
Early childhood, night dreams, psychedelic trips are the closest analogue to how transformation of identity would feel.
Going through transformation essentially overwhelms the mind when it tries to make sense of it.
It is unable to make an identity/anchor out of all the experiences happening.
It reminds me of the scene in the movie Arrival, when the heptapod aliens just blast the entire screen with innumerable circles.
It becomes impossible to process it and create a coherent narrative.
The extreme devotee and the guru are actually the same being, just separated in time.
Someone who deeply respects me, tells me that this person is basically me, just prior in time.
And the person whom I deeply respect and admire is the the me who is ahead in time.
Time = Kala/Darkness/Blankness.
When it comes to time, we live like blind men.
Unable to see beyond the present moment,
Living moment to moment.
Someone whose time is good says life is good,
Someone whose time is bad says life is bad.
Who is right?
Someone who is dying says life is destruction.
Someone who is at a thriving stage says life is constructive.
Who has the correct view of what life is?
This reminds me of the analogy of the blind men and the elephant.
Depending on what they feel,
They create a model of what life is based on that.
We live moment to moment, unable to sense time itself.
With our eyes open we can perceive reasonably large amounts of space.
But when it comes to time, we have no such sense.
The longer we live, the more we use our memory to model what life is like.
But we only base our idea by retrospect.
If time changes in a way that is different from our immediate past,
We cannot know.
This is a bit of a speculative post.
I am trying to visualize a model that captures my experience in the relational area of life.
The colossus of the astral relational body/tree = Astral cords connecting me to others.
Every enmity and ‘Runa’ there in the cords, can make me potentially suffer.
Every friendship and love there in the cords, can bring me potential joy.
The ‘Runa’ could be of ‘guilt and giving’ or ‘anger and taking’.
Most of these cords may be unconscious and only come to light when the person enters the conscious mind, at a particular time-space.
In a way, the tree of life connects everyone to everyone through cords.
Could it be every interaction with that person is ‘that astral cord’ brought to the conscious?
But the other end of the cord is another conscious entity too.
Both the entities on either side of the cord would ideally take mutual responsibility.
But if that does not happen, then the more mature one would have to take responsibility.
Life is also like Tetris,
Things/places/people also constantly change,
Very slowly, like a glacier at times, but they do change.
So I guess there are different time-spans to be spent with different people.
Maybe this was preordained even before birth?
That connection cord is revealed (brought into the conscious mind, tuned into) depending on who you are spending time with.
Whether they bring you joy or sorrow depends upon the nature of the relationship you have with that entity at that time-space condition.
So could all the pain and anger at the other could be the astral cord pain,
Like similar to spraining your ankle or pulling a muscle in the physical body?
I feel like any attempt to fight with the person is powerless against the cord itself.
I feel it is not possible to really sever connection with any being.
However if someone is really unworkable,
It is maybe not their time, and it’s maybe best to let them free.
They may again reconnect with you after an aeon.
Journey to the Abstract 