The Schizoid/Split vs Depressive/Ambivalent position

Schizoid/Paranoid/Split —vs— Depressive/Ambivalent.
# Good and Bad objects are separate —–vs—– Good and bad objects are one.
# There is god and the devil —-vs—- There is only god who is both the angel and devil.
# There is a white paper with black dots to be eliminated —vs— There is white paper with black dots OR a black paper with white dots.
# Mother as good or tyrant based on specific behaviors —-vs—- Mother as randomly good or bad without my understanding/control.
# ‘World as rules driven’ hard right/wrong conception —-vs—- ‘World as mad’ conception
# AvPD, Schizoid, Autistic —–vs—– Fearful avoidant, Disorganized attachment, ADHD.
# Tyrant mother = Tyrant world (Fight/Flight) —–vs—– Crazy mother = Crazy random world (Freeze/Fawn)
# Catastrophic thinking —–vs—— Fantasy thinking.
# The desired object and feared object are separate in time —-vs—- The desired object and the feared object are one (accelerator and brake emotions on at the same time causing friction/resistance/suffering, causing hesitation/shyness).
# Splitting of self and object into good and bad —-vs—- Union of self and object into good and bad.
# [loving, gratifying] object vs. [frustrating, persecutory, hating] object as 2 distinct things —-vs—- Both of those mixed randomly in the same person.
# Binary logic (it is either fully A or B) —-vs—- It’s A, it’s B, it’s both A and B, it’s neither A nor B.

Thought and Chemistry

I have observed that,
There is a bi-directional relationship between,
The thought world —and— The body chemistry world.
Each reflects the other.

Changing the thought world => Changes the chemistry world.
Changing the chemistry world => Changes the thought world.

Being stuck in certain thought patterns => Keeps your chemistry patterns stuck too.
Being stuck in certain body chemistry patterns => Keeps your thought patterns stuck too.

There are 2 other aspects too,
Of continuity/linearity —vs—- discontinuity/quantum jump.
A fresh inspiration from nowhere is a discontinuous quantum jump influence,
While predictable calculated expected events are in the continuity/linearity aspect.

There is also a mapping or link,
Running between the sensory world and the thought-chemistry worlds.
Which is the influence of what we call the external world,
On our thought-chemistry worlds.

Another link is a link from:
Our thought-chemistry worlds to a kind of over/super-mind.
(inspired from Aurobindo’s models)
This over/super-mind is the source of fresh ideas/inspiration.
Like a link between the “higher dimension of potential creation” to “our dimension”.

In Kabbalah there are 4 worlds:
Atziluth(supermind world) — Briah(thought world) — Yetizah(chemistry world) — Assiah(sensory world).
It seems like parts of the higher world, in this chain, are incubated in the next lower world.
For instance, you can incubate an inspiration from Atziluth in the womb of Briah,
And give it conceptual expression,
Like what I do while writing posts in this blog.
My blog posts are translations of inspirations I receive in vibratory form from a sort of higher dimension/super mind, as I see it.

Each of the descending worlds,
Serves as a womb for the forms received from the next higher world.

Clarity and Complexity

I had a dream in the afternoon where I just felt so sure/assured/totally confident about one small thing.
And this kept on playing again and again in my mind like a loop, and then I woke up.
So this sent me back to the drawing board to contemplate on the nature of life/reality/god/self.

I wanted to structure what happened to me in a larger context/perspective.
I do this all the time, start from scratch and create a new fabric of meaning.
It is a kind of primordial creativity, that I really enjoy giving expression.
So here is my articulation of my thought process.

In the dream there was an immense feeling of certainty for an extremely narrow idea, and it kept on repeating until I woke up.
I think, this is a case of: “clarity + simplicity”
Whereas, for phenomena like mystical experiences of profound certitude, it would be a case of: “clarity + complexity”
Both of the above can also be seen as:
Simple order/harmony/integration —–vs—- Complex order/harmony/integration
An old Nokia 3100 phone (from the early 2000s) —-vs—- An IPhone XS today
Both the devices can work great, be fully functional, and integrated in their design. But what a difference there is, in their complexity!
So this would be a good analogy for: my looping simplistic certitude dream vs. a revelation of profound implications felt in the waking state.

Death and Life are both NOW

When we speak of death, or think about it,
That is death as a thought/concept.
The concept of death is always connected to time.
It is a thought about the future, usually the far future.
“What will happen to me after I die, maybe 40 years or 60 years later?”
“How will I die? What will be my state at that time?
“What will I be feeling at that time?”
“Who will be beside me at that time?”
“What place will I be in (a hospital, my bedroom…)?”
All of that is death as a thought.

Fear of death happens when death is thought about.
The more imaginative a person is, the stronger he will feel it.
Because of the extent of deep extrapolation and conception he can do.
A powerful imagination superimposes itself over the base reality overloading it with “context/meaning/memory/past-future/likely possibilities”.
And then the body reacts to whatever picture that presents.

Death as a reality however is always NOW.
You face death now, You face life now.
Every moment is changing.
If you see what was lost(negative existence), you see death.
If you see what was gained(positive existence), you see life.

Memory = Continuity = Time = Self = Thought frame


Memory = Continuity = Time = Apparent Self = Thought frame
—-[Memory appearance 1]—-[Memory appearance 2]—-[Memory appearance 3]—-
—-Discontinuity 1—-[Continuity 1]—-Discontinuity 2—-[Continuity 2]—-Discontinuity 3—-[Continuity 3]—-
—-[Timeline 1]—-[Timeline 2]—-[Timeline 3]—-
—-[Context Self 1]—-[Context Self 2]—-[Context Self 3]—-
—-[Thought frame 1]—-[Thought frame 2]—-[Thought frame 3]—-

From the bed of chaos/creation/ocean of all possibility – arises an ordered linear temporal self(verb), like an ocean generating a temporal wave – and the wave rises to its peak and then falls back into the ocean.