Negative |||||| (fighting to survive) |||||| –Balanced/0– |||||| (enhancing self) |||||| Positive.
The self is a structure.
The world is a structure.
The [changing structure of the self] is in a [changing relationship] with the [changing structure of the world].
The 3 happen together and play out as a singular dream of experience.
It is not that any of them is causing the other to happen, though it may appear to be.
# When the world appears to not only maintain the self but also enhance it, there is the experience of nurture, pleasure, and the positive.
# When the world appears to not only not enhance, but also actively violate and attack the self structure, there is the experience of fighting/adapting/resisting to survive, felt as war, pain, and the negative.
# When the world appears to simply maintain you in a kind of zero gain arrangement, it is felt as balance, where there is neither enhancement nor depreciation and things just go on cyclically with no net change.
Insight on food transformations
By adding sugar, jaggery, milk, chocolate, butter, and mixing/roasting/frying,
Almost any neutral food can be transformed into an attractive sweet dish.
Even foods like bitter gourd can be made into a candy that kids can like.
Alternatively, even if a drop of poison or venom is added to a food,
The whole thing becomes instantly inedible.
This kind of food transformation power has interesting parallels with our lives too.
Some people are great at sugar coating everything, giving solace, pacifying and calming others down.
They probably developed that skill though, by living their early life in an environment surrounded by opposite kinds of people, who were full of rigidity and who would create violence, destruction, and disastrous conflagrations on a dime.
Conversely, some others are great at destroying others’ self-esteem, like how a drop of poison ruins an entire dish.
Another interesting aspect is the sheer difference in power of the positive and negative substances.
For instance it takes just a drop of poison or venom to ruin an entire food dish.
While on the other hand, to transform a neutral raw food into something palatable takes a lot of care and work.
I have always wondered about this, regarding why in existence the destructive forces are millions of times more potent than their positive counterparts.
One explanation for this could be, maybe we have not yet discovered the elixirs which are the true counterparts to what we call poison and venom.
Another explanation could be that maybe we are not in a balanced neutral plane of existence on earth.
Probably this is a feature of this planet/realm, where the potential strength of the destructive powers outweighs that of the positive by a million.
Maybe to balance this inherent power differential, destructive forces like poison and venom occur much more rarely.
My feeling is one day we might probably discover or synthesize the positive equivalents of those substances.
But as of now, this is the way it is, in my understanding.
Some thoughts on dating
This is a very vast subject,
And no matter what I write here,
I’d still only be scratching the surface.
In my understanding,
All relationships/dating/romantic pursuits,
Are about mutually fulfilling needs.
At a broad level, the needs might be:
Emotional, Social, Psychological (Companionship),
Physical, Financial…and so on.
I feel the root of all of these needs starts from early childhood,
From the relationship with the parents.
How did the parents reflect the child?
In the formative stage,
A child knows itself only by parental reflection/mirroring.
If the parent treats the child like a satellite,
(Like an extension of themselves instead of an independent entity),
That has to revolve around the planet,
Which is the parent in this case,
Then that creates the co-dependency dynamic.
If the mother/father is herself/himself profoundly needy,
They may project the role of the hero/savior/martyr to the child.
Due to this, a role-reversal would take place,
Causing the child to be the caretaker/peacemaker/emotional-regulator for the parent.
This would create the hero/martyr/savior dynamic.
In other cases,
The child may be conditioned to be overly dependent on the parent,
And the parent would encourage that to keep them dependent/enmeshed.
An opposite kind of enmeshment is also possible,
Where the parent depends upon the child from an early age,
Causing the child to be unusually independent early-on,
And assuming adult-like responsibility from a very young age.
There are many more cases like this,
Which then create a plethora of possible dynamics.
I feel it is these dynamics that are once again enacted in romantic relations.
The role-plays conditioned early on,
Perpetuate themselves in future relationships for most.
Whether negative or positive,
The dynamics go on unless deeply introspected.
Essentially the holy-grail sought in these romantic relations is:
If original dynamic was positive: To perpetuate that same successful dynamic with the other, and have that pattern simply live on.
If the original dynamic was negative: To once again find someone to trust, and then attempt to get our narcissistic wounds healed through their positive reflection of us.
Generally, I observe, that if the original dynamic was positive,
The person has very little trouble finding a partner and continuing it.
Trust comes easy, it happens seamlessly somehow,
And suddenly in a wink of an eye,
You see them all settled, happy, continuing their shtick(lol).
Most of the drama however, happens in the latter case,
Where the original dynamic was negative.
I feel the reason why this case is so difficult is because,
Not only was there a lack of trust to begin with from both sides,
But also, each of them continues to be still attached to their parent(s) in a negative way.
After enduring huge amounts of narcissistic injury, they buried all of their hurt/shame/anger/sadness…and so on,
And all this buried resentment and unprocessed parental enmeshment/attachment,
Makes both of them project their own ‘unfulfilling-parent’ onto the other.
For each of them:
The real quest is to get a cocktail of the following validations from the other:
Emotional/Self-esteem/Achievement/Specialness,
/Significance/Importance/Greatness/Worth/Value,
Trustability/Lovability/Likeability/Attractiveness,
Intelligence/Status…and so on.
It is a quest for redemption:
To be seen in a positive light,
And granted entry into a better world,
That is now finally safe for them to enter.
But in order to get the above,
They first have to become vulnerable to the other,
And open themselves up to a new internalization.
But to have history not repeat itself, and double the hurt,
They would have to test each other first.
And this testing part is where things break off eventually.
Because:
1. Usually nobody passes their tests (far too steep).
2. Secondly they attract partners who resemble their parents (the ones who created the issues to begin with).
It then becomes a sort of negative-prophecy that keeps repeating.
The quest could be worded as:
“How do I find an other,
Who is safe/trustable/adept/and wants my best interests?,
Who gives me the positive-reflection of myself I have longed for,
Who thereby opens up a new safe world for me to start thriving,
Which is the opposite of the hellish in-between ambivalent place I am in now.”
Most of the time, such an other is never found or never passes the tests,
And therefore results in “serial-monogamy” or other forms of disguised-despair.
Imo the only way out of a negative illusion like this,
Is to wake up (to awaken).
Unfortunately, it is not as easy to change a negative illusion to a positive one.
The only way out is to make EVERYTHING conscious.
And no matter what I write here,
I’d still only be scratching the surface.
In my understanding,
All relationships/dating/romantic pursuits,
Are about mutually fulfilling needs.
At a broad level, the needs might be:
Emotional, Social, Psychological (Companionship),
Physical, Financial…and so on.
I feel the root of all of these needs starts from early childhood,
From the relationship with the parents.
How did the parents reflect the child?
In the formative stage,
A child knows itself only by parental reflection/mirroring.
If the parent treats the child like a satellite,
(Like an extension of themselves instead of an independent entity),
That has to revolve around the planet,
Which is the parent in this case,
Then that creates the co-dependency dynamic.
If the mother/father is herself/himself profoundly needy,
They may project the role of the hero/savior/martyr to the child.
Due to this, a role-reversal would take place,
Causing the child to be the caretaker/peacemaker/emotional-regulator for the parent.
This would create the hero/martyr/savior dynamic.
In other cases,
The child may be conditioned to be overly dependent on the parent,
And the parent would encourage that to keep them dependent/enmeshed.
An opposite kind of enmeshment is also possible,
Where the parent depends upon the child from an early age,
Causing the child to be unusually independent early-on,
And assuming adult-like responsibility from a very young age.
There are many more cases like this,
Which then create a plethora of possible dynamics.
I feel it is these dynamics that are once again enacted in romantic relations.
The role-plays conditioned early on,
Perpetuate themselves in future relationships for most.
Whether negative or positive,
The dynamics go on unless deeply introspected.
Essentially the holy-grail sought in these romantic relations is:
If original dynamic was positive: To perpetuate that same successful dynamic with the other, and have that pattern simply live on.
If the original dynamic was negative: To once again find someone to trust, and then attempt to get our narcissistic wounds healed through their positive reflection of us.
Generally, I observe, that if the original dynamic was positive,
The person has very little trouble finding a partner and continuing it.
Trust comes easy, it happens seamlessly somehow,
And suddenly in a wink of an eye,
You see them all settled, happy, continuing their shtick(lol).
Most of the drama however, happens in the latter case,
Where the original dynamic was negative.
I feel the reason why this case is so difficult is because,
Not only was there a lack of trust to begin with from both sides,
But also, each of them continues to be still attached to their parent(s) in a negative way.
After enduring huge amounts of narcissistic injury, they buried all of their hurt/shame/anger/sadness…and so on,
And all this buried resentment and unprocessed parental enmeshment/attachment,
Makes both of them project their own ‘unfulfilling-parent’ onto the other.
For each of them:
The real quest is to get a cocktail of the following validations from the other:
Emotional/Self-esteem/Achievement/Specialness,
/Significance/Importance/Greatness/Worth/Value,
Trustability/Lovability/Likeability/Attractiveness,
Intelligence/Status…and so on.
It is a quest for redemption:
To be seen in a positive light,
And granted entry into a better world,
That is now finally safe for them to enter.
But in order to get the above,
They first have to become vulnerable to the other,
And open themselves up to a new internalization.
But to have history not repeat itself, and double the hurt,
They would have to test each other first.
And this testing part is where things break off eventually.
Because:
1. Usually nobody passes their tests (far too steep).
2. Secondly they attract partners who resemble their parents (the ones who created the issues to begin with).
It then becomes a sort of negative-prophecy that keeps repeating.
The quest could be worded as:
“How do I find an other,
Who is safe/trustable/adept/and wants my best interests?,
Who gives me the positive-reflection of myself I have longed for,
Who thereby opens up a new safe world for me to start thriving,
Which is the opposite of the hellish in-between ambivalent place I am in now.”
Most of the time, such an other is never found or never passes the tests,
And therefore results in “serial-monogamy” or other forms of disguised-despair.
Imo the only way out of a negative illusion like this,
Is to wake up (to awaken).
Unfortunately, it is not as easy to change a negative illusion to a positive one.
The only way out is to make EVERYTHING conscious.
Positive and Negative Anima
Positive/Light Anima:
Pleasant, Kind, Warm, Watery, Friendly, Embracing, Including, Giving, Trusting, Pleasing, Requesting, Sincere, Innocent, Non-calculative, Freeing, Relaxed, Open-minded, Gentle, Soft-spoken, Expressive, Non-violent, Happy to learn, Listening, Admiring, Adoring, Thankful, Grateful, Having remorse when having wronged, Solution-oriented, Forgiving, Understanding, Enjoying other’s happiness, Safe, Reliable, Revealing, Genuine, Sweet, Forthright, Honest, Truthful, Goodwill, Cooperating, Nectar-filled, Healer, Well-wisher, Playful, Democratic, Charming, Agreeable, Nice, Likeable, Constructive, Keeps promises/word, Secure, Angel-like, Refined, Sophisticated, Fine, Filled with compassion, Drive to enhance life, Greek goddess Aphrodite like, Principled, Nurturer, Interested in God vs. false power, Truthful, Empath, Alluring, Ethical, Sunlight source, Benevolent, Mature soul, Light, Optimistic, Positive, Happy, Cherubic, Uplifting, Flexible, Yielding, Considerate, Abundant, Philanthropic, Heavens/Deva-lokas/Sky entity, Respects the other, Sane, Supportive, Responsible, Authentic, Growing, Adaptable, Easily Satisfiable/Pleasable, Open heart of air, Sharing self with other and other with self, Ready to serve.
Negative/Shadow anima:
Super severe, harsh, cold, dry, hostile, deserting, abandoning, withholding, mistrusting, punishing, commanding, tactful, calculating, measuring, controlling, imposing, dominating, demanding, repressing, violent, fake-confidence-mask, inflated-ego (looking down on everyone else), thankless/in-grateful/remorseless, defensive, vengeful, jealous, treacherous, deceitful, hiding/covering/occluding/pretending, vile, bitter, manipulative, resentful, hateful, nursing grudges, abusive, venomous, poisonous, wanting revenge, targeting people, playing politics games (like house of cards), ingratiating itself to authorities and people in power, nasty, cruel (can cut you off totally anytime), destroyer, betrayer (can entirely turn its back on you), sorcerer-like, crude, filled with pain and holding on and nursing it within herself, death drive (total withdrawal of the phantasy projections anytime), Goddess Kali like, asuric, demonic, witch, diabolical, devilish, looking to die and absorb itself into people more powerful (but all to execute its revenge), expert liar, psychopathic, creepy, sly, opportunistic, energy vampire, reptilian, snake like, dark, gloomy, depressive, melancholic, absolutely stubborn, rigid, stoic, in a deep feeling of lack, power hungry, exploitative, underworld/underground/dungeon entity, gas-lighting/crazy-making, madness, attacking, blaming, projecting, broody, mopey, whiny, complaining, fussy, sulky, cribby, unsatisfiable, unpleasable, devouring, self-obsessed/absorbed, closed heart of stone.
Pleasant, Kind, Warm, Watery, Friendly, Embracing, Including, Giving, Trusting, Pleasing, Requesting, Sincere, Innocent, Non-calculative, Freeing, Relaxed, Open-minded, Gentle, Soft-spoken, Expressive, Non-violent, Happy to learn, Listening, Admiring, Adoring, Thankful, Grateful, Having remorse when having wronged, Solution-oriented, Forgiving, Understanding, Enjoying other’s happiness, Safe, Reliable, Revealing, Genuine, Sweet, Forthright, Honest, Truthful, Goodwill, Cooperating, Nectar-filled, Healer, Well-wisher, Playful, Democratic, Charming, Agreeable, Nice, Likeable, Constructive, Keeps promises/word, Secure, Angel-like, Refined, Sophisticated, Fine, Filled with compassion, Drive to enhance life, Greek goddess Aphrodite like, Principled, Nurturer, Interested in God vs. false power, Truthful, Empath, Alluring, Ethical, Sunlight source, Benevolent, Mature soul, Light, Optimistic, Positive, Happy, Cherubic, Uplifting, Flexible, Yielding, Considerate, Abundant, Philanthropic, Heavens/Deva-lokas/Sky entity, Respects the other, Sane, Supportive, Responsible, Authentic, Growing, Adaptable, Easily Satisfiable/Pleasable, Open heart of air, Sharing self with other and other with self, Ready to serve.
Negative/Shadow anima:
Super severe, harsh, cold, dry, hostile, deserting, abandoning, withholding, mistrusting, punishing, commanding, tactful, calculating, measuring, controlling, imposing, dominating, demanding, repressing, violent, fake-confidence-mask, inflated-ego (looking down on everyone else), thankless/in-grateful/remorseless, defensive, vengeful, jealous, treacherous, deceitful, hiding/covering/occluding/pretending, vile, bitter, manipulative, resentful, hateful, nursing grudges, abusive, venomous, poisonous, wanting revenge, targeting people, playing politics games (like house of cards), ingratiating itself to authorities and people in power, nasty, cruel (can cut you off totally anytime), destroyer, betrayer (can entirely turn its back on you), sorcerer-like, crude, filled with pain and holding on and nursing it within herself, death drive (total withdrawal of the phantasy projections anytime), Goddess Kali like, asuric, demonic, witch, diabolical, devilish, looking to die and absorb itself into people more powerful (but all to execute its revenge), expert liar, psychopathic, creepy, sly, opportunistic, energy vampire, reptilian, snake like, dark, gloomy, depressive, melancholic, absolutely stubborn, rigid, stoic, in a deep feeling of lack, power hungry, exploitative, underworld/underground/dungeon entity, gas-lighting/crazy-making, madness, attacking, blaming, projecting, broody, mopey, whiny, complaining, fussy, sulky, cribby, unsatisfiable, unpleasable, devouring, self-obsessed/absorbed, closed heart of stone.
Parenting possibilities
The different parent project types:
# Parents having vain projects (going nowhere, dead end) of their own.
Like eddies, going in circles, cyclical, virus like, dog chasing its own tail, neurotic + trying to draw you into that.
# Parents having successful projects (going somewhere in society, some vision, some longer term ideal etc.) of their own + trying to draw you into that.
Broadly speaking, here are the aspects:
1. Parents Recognizing The Independence Of The Child:
Positive parenting:
* 2 parents recognize the independence and support the independence of child.
Neutral parenting:
* 2 parents recognize the independence but do not support the child.
2. Parents Not Recognizing Independence Of The Child (purposely/unconsciously)
Treating the child like it is their product like their smartphone, designed to serve them, and they believe the child must be shaped as such.
Negative parenting:
* 2 parents trying to push their child in a common progressive project/direction they are already tuned into.
* 2 parents trying to push their child in a common vain direction they are already tuned into.
* 2 parents trying to push their child in different progressive directions, but tearing their child apart by the pulling. Here the child could choose any one path, but will disappoint the other parent.
* 2 parents trying to push their child in different vain directions, and tearing the child apart, uselessly. So in this case the child can take after neither parent and must find its own path, and end up disappointing both parents.
# Parents having vain projects (going nowhere, dead end) of their own.
Like eddies, going in circles, cyclical, virus like, dog chasing its own tail, neurotic + trying to draw you into that.
# Parents having successful projects (going somewhere in society, some vision, some longer term ideal etc.) of their own + trying to draw you into that.
Broadly speaking, here are the aspects:
1. Parents Recognizing The Independence Of The Child:
Positive parenting:
* 2 parents recognize the independence and support the independence of child.
Neutral parenting:
* 2 parents recognize the independence but do not support the child.
2. Parents Not Recognizing Independence Of The Child (purposely/unconsciously)
Treating the child like it is their product like their smartphone, designed to serve them, and they believe the child must be shaped as such.
Negative parenting:
* 2 parents trying to push their child in a common progressive project/direction they are already tuned into.
* 2 parents trying to push their child in a common vain direction they are already tuned into.
* 2 parents trying to push their child in different progressive directions, but tearing their child apart by the pulling. Here the child could choose any one path, but will disappoint the other parent.
* 2 parents trying to push their child in different vain directions, and tearing the child apart, uselessly. So in this case the child can take after neither parent and must find its own path, and end up disappointing both parents.
The concept of negative vision
There was a story I heard Sadhguru narrate, and that played a great role in helping me reach this insight.
The story goes like this:
There was once a man who was a painter.
He acquired some disease from which his vision started slowly deteriorating.
His friend asked him, “What will you do if your vision gets too bad to paint anymore?”
The painter answered, “I will continue to paint until I can see.
If my eye sight gets too bad, then hmm, I will become an art critic.”
This story is hilarious and has a lot of irony.
But it also contains profound wisdom in it.
Positive vision = Presence of presence
Negative vision = Presence of absence
Then the question would be: How can there be ‘presence of absence’ at all?
The answer to that would be: Right! Absence cannot exist.
Presence of absence is the absence of the presence of something else.
That is ‘negative vision’.
The algorithm is:
It is like if I present a variable X, to you.
You see it as “not A”, “not B”, “not C”, and so on.
Like if I show you a laptop:
With negative vision, you would see it as, not a desktop, not a tablet, not a TV, and so on.
But that would preclude you from seeing the laptop as it really is.
Another example would be, if I show you a pink bottle, the positive vision person would really experience the pink bottle as pink (as it is).
But the negative vision person would look at it and say, this is not blue, not red, not green, and so on.
Positive vision is to see how “‘this’ is ‘this'”.
Negative vision is to see how “‘this’ is ‘not that'”.
The ‘that’ here is a holding on to an ideal or structure from memory like a ghost image in your perception and then using that to not only obscure what really is, but it also actively resists what is.
Negative vision is a disease, because it is dis-ease, you resist what actually is, with what you are holding on to from your memory which imposes itself like a ghost image in your perception and creates the resistance.
You hold on to this memory ghost, impose it and obscure ‘what actually is’, and also actively resist ‘what actually is’ in the process.
This concept that I explained above, has DEEP PROFOUND implications in illuminating this in-articulatable disease we carry in our lives.
My own life is replete with zillions of examples, where I have seen things with negative vision.
How many times, have you perceived/experienced/seen your surroundings/yourself /others with negative vision?
The story goes like this:
There was once a man who was a painter.
He acquired some disease from which his vision started slowly deteriorating.
His friend asked him, “What will you do if your vision gets too bad to paint anymore?”
The painter answered, “I will continue to paint until I can see.
If my eye sight gets too bad, then hmm, I will become an art critic.”
This story is hilarious and has a lot of irony.
But it also contains profound wisdom in it.
Positive vision = Presence of presence
Negative vision = Presence of absence
Then the question would be: How can there be ‘presence of absence’ at all?
The answer to that would be: Right! Absence cannot exist.
Presence of absence is the absence of the presence of something else.
That is ‘negative vision’.
The algorithm is:
It is like if I present a variable X, to you.
You see it as “not A”, “not B”, “not C”, and so on.
Like if I show you a laptop:
With negative vision, you would see it as, not a desktop, not a tablet, not a TV, and so on.
But that would preclude you from seeing the laptop as it really is.
Another example would be, if I show you a pink bottle, the positive vision person would really experience the pink bottle as pink (as it is).
But the negative vision person would look at it and say, this is not blue, not red, not green, and so on.
Positive vision is to see how “‘this’ is ‘this'”.
Negative vision is to see how “‘this’ is ‘not that'”.
The ‘that’ here is a holding on to an ideal or structure from memory like a ghost image in your perception and then using that to not only obscure what really is, but it also actively resists what is.
Negative vision is a disease, because it is dis-ease, you resist what actually is, with what you are holding on to from your memory which imposes itself like a ghost image in your perception and creates the resistance.
You hold on to this memory ghost, impose it and obscure ‘what actually is’, and also actively resist ‘what actually is’ in the process.
This concept that I explained above, has DEEP PROFOUND implications in illuminating this in-articulatable disease we carry in our lives.
My own life is replete with zillions of examples, where I have seen things with negative vision.
How many times, have you perceived/experienced/seen your surroundings/yourself /others with negative vision?
Placebo vs Nocebo
Placebo —-vs—- Nocebo
It looks like:
Positive imagination/expectation —-vs—- Negative imagination/expectation
Positive and negative imagination tend to spiral.
* When you life has been going well with better and better things, positive imagination spirals.
* And when your life has loss after loss, negative imagination starts to spiral.
It seems, life is like an indifferent movie, that keeps playing, and you sit in the theater seat and watch it unfold.
* If great things happen, you start to see positive future visions (+ve imagination).
* If bad things happen in the movie, you start to dread the future scenes (-ve imagination).
Journey to the Abstract 