Tag: Mystery

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About transformation and the revelation of faith

Faith is revealed in times of uncertainty/lack of control,
When your model of life (formed from your past) does not explain your current experience.
It would also apply when your experience is not stable and consistent, flickering all the time, where the doors and access to perception keeps opening and closing beyond your control (appearing to do so at their own whim).

A person will always judge “transformation” as negative since all judgment is only based on the past.
When there is the nulling of everything you were in the past, how can it be judged as positive in any light?
The only way transformation can be judged positively is by faith.
Transformation: Judging by past (negative) —–vs—— Judging by faith (positive)
What is loved has been lost —-vs—– What is loved has not yet come.
To live itself is to step into the unknown and it is to have faith.

The lowest nadir point in transformation,
Is like the point where the caterpillar has entirely de-structured and become the cocoon.
It is like where one walks alone into the unknown into pitch darkness.
It is here, where all movement happens through faith and faith alone.

Faith is the vehicle that carries you through such dark times,
Where one knows not where one is,
Where one knows not whether what is happening is a blessing or a curse,
Or even how to make any sense of what is happening.

Suicide, Depression, Bitterness, Alienation/Separation/Anti-social feelings, Thoughts of destruction of everything, all show a crisis or a lack of faith.

This faith is actually the force of life itself that moves everything inexorably.
In deeper reality, that is the underlying condition at all times anyway.
When growing or dying or transforming, there is a lot more uncertainty.
At such times there is a lot more of stepping into the unknown,
But also, in a sense, a lot more of change/life.
Life = change/unknown/mystery/spirit.

The vortex of time moves you through various stations.
When things are stable and repetitive, there is a chance to build something of your own.
There is then this transition to feeling like an independent individual capable having personal power.
Here, this underlying movement of faith/life sort of veils itself into a clear knowledge of the world/certainty.

However, the greatest mystery of death still lurks somewhere in the recesses.
Although greatly veiled in a steady structured predictable lifestyle lived in the known,
Death has still been the intrigue for all of mankind for all time.
‘What is before birth’, and ‘what is after death’, are still 2 unknowns.
We find our present self and its condition sandwiched between these 2 unknowns.
We know not where we come from, and we know not where we are going,
But life/god makes itself more or even most visible in times of great change/transformation, removing all apparent refuges/securities, and revealing that this was the only thing that was real and all else was only its appearance.

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What is healing

Healing is a commitment/decision.
It is a direction/dedication/orientation/choice.
Healing is a learning process,
Of figuring out what works and how much.

It is the journey of getting closer to causation.
It is a journey of getting closer to the root.
It is a journey of getting closer to reality.
It is a journey of getting closer to source.
It is a journey of getting closer to truth.
It is a journey of getting closer to essence.
It is a journey of getting closer to honesty.
It is a journey of discovering and transcending,
Ever larger cycles/loops or recursive patterns.

It is a journey through higher and higher planes of understanding,
And through higher and higher planes/dimensions,
Whose structures and relationships are through intuitive insight.
The healing journey is a journey of revelation,
Of greater and greater underlying mysteries.

Healing is a journey of moving from the gross to the subtle,
And of moving from compulsion to awareness.
Healing is to remember (re-member) yourself,
To connect all of your fragments,
And move towards becoming whole,
And move towards atonement (at-one-ment).
To heal is to yield to and feed the fire within,
That wants to know the ultimate truth.
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The idea of causation begins with you

The idea of causation begins with you.
If you see yourself as the ‘doer’,
You would accordingly see causation everywhere.
On the other hand,
If you see yourself as a non-doer,
That is, as an effect (of a deeper mystery/plane of forces) rather than a cause,
Then you see the same mystery reflected everywhere outside too.

Our perception of the outside is a fractal projection,
Whose pattern self-replicates from our inner pattern/understanding/view.
The depth to which you know yourself,
Is the same depth with which you see the outer existence.
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Musings on the dark night of the soul

dreamyskyline

The dark night of the soul,
Is when you become aware,
Of the underlying void,
Of the underlying darkness,
Of the underlying invisible space,
The silent invisible unknown unseen wind,
Beneath the wings of creation,
And drawn to that.

Like being drawn to the bed of the ocean,
From the waves in its surface,
Moving into the obscurity, unknown, and aloneness,
To find the ground of being and life.
A dark rapture of surrendering,
And letting yourself sink,
And going through the sadness,
Of disappearing/vacating the world you know.

Everything fades to the distance,
Sights and sounds become faint,
A cocktail of sublime emotions well up,
Nostalgia, sadness, clarity, and reflection.
As you descend to the cave of your own heart.
Like the feeling one has,
When journeying back home from an adventure.
The play of form and light departs and fades,
As you sink into obscurity, mystery, and devotion.

It feels like seeing a city skyline at night,
Standing afar on the other side of the shore.
Watching the shimmer and twinkling city lights.
As you walk away, you keep looking back,
And watching the lights recede, shrink, and fade.
And you willingly enter the darkness.
The uncreated, formless, unmanifest,
Into mystery, obscurity, and innocence,
Following the longing to return,
To the ineffable unknown that is the source of life.
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The knowledge of death completely rewires you

Death is thought of as an event that happens in the far future.
Nobody even thinks about it, unless there is a real reason to.
Seeing death as an event, is from ignorance (maybe purposeful).
Death is not an event that suddenly happens in the far future.
Death as an experience is continually happening.
“Death is not an event, but death IS, just as life IS”
(borrowed from Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev).

One never steps in the same river twice.
Life experience is constantly transforming.
Knowledge of death or mortality is really knowledge of impermanence.
It is the truth of the statement: “This too shall pass”.
The nature of life is aliveness and change.
Life = spirit = novelty = miracle = change = aliveness = unknown = mystery.

Death is the knowledge of unbecoming that follows becoming.
Like the outbreath follows the inbreath.
So imagine breathing in more and more without letting out anything.
Eventually at one point, the tension will become so great,
You will just drop and let go of everything.
The nature of life is like the Breath.
We enter this planet, take on a body, project all of our emotions here.
We get deeply involved, and then later leave everything behind, and exit.
The cycle of [incarnation – death] like [inbreath – outbreath].

The knowledge of death is what breaks the spell of ordinary egoic life.
It is the great disillusionment.
It casts its shadow on all desires/dreams/plans.
The thought that comes is:
“What is the use of doing anything? OR becoming anything?
If it is all going to end in dust?
Why should I bother to fight for my survival and thrive?
If I am just going to be cheated and mocked in the end by death?”

This may create an existential crisis/dark night of soul/depression.
When the knowledge of death enters your vision.
If one allows this process to fully pass through,
They emerge on the other side transformed.
It is like how you digest food and get energy later,
The knowledge of death digests “you” and liberates you,
And you emerge as a phoenix from the ashes.

For the phoenix, life is lived in the “now/present”
The past is seen as present only, i.e. the past incarnating in the present.
The future is seen as imagination done in the present.
The phoenix lives with identification grounded in “formless life/aliveness” itself.
All else is seen as the play of life, “as form” and “with form”
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About Kundalini

I read that there are 3 stages of enlightenment:
# Stage 1: Gautam Buddha is behind you as a shadow.
# Stage 2: The Buddha comes in front of you, and you become the shadow.
# Stage 3: There is no more of you – not even a shadow, only the Buddha is.
(more information is available on this if you google it)

The kundalini initiates all 3 of these stages.
Kundalini is the “ascension energy” itself.
The “returning to source” movement from base to the crown chakra and beyond (not literal physical location, but more in terms of shifting of energy density from gross to subtle).
Spiritual seeking (the true kind) is from kundalini basically.
Kundalini is present in everyone but dormant, that is why this process is called kundalini awakening and kundalini rising.
Though I say “base to the crown”, the actual process is mystical and non-linear, not a linear flow from base to top in terms of physical location.
That is only for the purpose of symbolic representation.
Kundalini is like the stored source energy(potential) that serves as a vehicle to carry you back to source, it is the agency of transformation.

The concept of transcendence and spirituality does not even occur or appeal to someone whose kundalini is still dormant.
A sincere longing and seeking appears only after kundalini awakens.
Else there is no desire or any interest in such stuff, and such subjects.
The longing to transcend is the desire/potential, the force that makes you explore/seek/do sadhana is the kinetic/action.
That dormant potential that carries to the next dimension is the kundalini shakti.

It is like the upward current that carries you to a lower density, as your being receives greater energy.
Higher the energy = lower the density, like the molecules of gases have a lot more energy than liquids and solids.
Going up to lower density planes means, there is new information, new perception, new laws that are intuited, which are all the unfamiliar new terrains that are passed through in this process.
The “dark night of the soul”, is a stage in this kundalini ascension process, especially applies if you move very rapidly.
You can only move as fast as the amount of ‘loss’ you can handle and process.

So to recap the main points:
Kundalini is a symbolic system which represents the power/vehicle/fuel that carries you through the process of transcendence to lower densities planes from your current higher density plane.
This process is that it is highly mystical, non-linear, and beyond our understanding, at a level of mystery that is similar to life, birth, and death itself.
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My Longing

longing

I feel a longing in direct experience, but it is hard to describe it.
Here is my attempt to come close to describing it:
Longing for God
Longing for Rest
Longing to Relax
Longing for Disappearance
Longing for Deep Sleep
Longing for Ecstasy
Longing for the Infinite
Longing for Release
Longing for Liberation
Longing for Wholeness
Longing for Integration
Longing for Silence
Longing to be released from the Body
Longing to be released from Identity
Longing to know ‘What I Am’
Longing for Flow
Longing for Death
Longing for Peace
Longing for Love
Longing for Understanding
Longing for Purpose
Longing for Revelation
Longing for Freedom
Longing for Bliss/Pleasure
Longing for Clarity
Longing for Mystery
Longing for the Beyond
Longing for Surrender
Longing for Truth
Longing for Light
Longing for Inspiration
Longing for Connection
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The creative void/Brahman

No experience I have ever had could be otherwise.
Everything is exactly the way it is, and experience is free-falling from the void and returning to it.
“I myself” as an apparent controller/agent am an appearance and part of this free-fall of experience.
It is as if life(manifest) spills out from death and returns to death(void) – The creative void.
This creative void endlessly spills out movies of experience and apparent subjects and points of view.
Also the world, other people, objects are all arising in consciousness which is the real substance all of it is made up of.
Consciousness or the manifest arises from this creative void – like a media player visualization.
This creative void has no substance, or nature, or form. Just as your eyes should not have any color in order that you see all outer colors clearly (else if your eye itself were tinted with a color, then everything would appear to take that color) – similarly, the Brahman/creative void is qualityless, quantityless, substanceless, natureless, formless.
The creative void is truly “Nothing” and “Everything” that is manifest now, is only 1 of its boundless/infinite possibilities.
The creative void/Brahman is even beyond concepts of ONENESS and INFINITY, because both of those are subtle mentations/ways of seeing, and that is only one of the possibilities of the creative void.
I can endlessly describe the creative void, but none of the descriptions ARE IT, because each description is only one of the forms of this void.
All that I write about is about the mystery of this creative void. It is a celebration of its mystery and wonder.
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Pondering on “Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.”

This aphorism is deeply intriguing to me.
It points at such a profound truth that I can intuitively grasp, but to touch this truth to all of my experience and to understand all of its implications is an endless fascinating contemplation.

I wonder about what this “no-thing thing” is.
This question makes me look.
The deeper I look, the more I silence myself to see finely (like how we hold our breath when threading a needle)
I am trying to silence myself enough to see the substrate space.
At a point, I can see, that along with what I am looking at, I am looking at my own looking.
I then see that, this looking is my own desire, the deepest desire in me, to feel and know the ultimate reality.
So me as the whole having a desire to look at itself (awareness turning back and seeing itself), is a desire like any other, that appears and passes.
Which means, this whole quest to know the ultimate reality is from my own deep desire.

This has mind-boggling implications of the impossibility of me knowing anything.
If all knowing and knowledge accumulation is driven by desire (the desire/heart drives the tuning into that particular manifestation of reality), and if desires appear and pass like all phenomena, then my very ground is swept off my feet.
Reality is even more crazily mysterious than I had previously considered.
So then, the quest of mine to find the ultimate ground is in itself driven by a specific desire, and therefore the manifestation that I paradoxically do by non-doing, is not the ULTIMATE GROUND of experience but rather a ‘Specific experience’.

On the negative side: Everything can be threatened. I mean EVERYTHING.
On the positive side: The truth/real can never be threatened. So nothing of true value is ever lost.

So what is the TRUE REAL? – it is inconceivable, ineffable, unimaginable, unfathomable, undetectable, unnoticeable, un-objectifiable, insubstantiateable. It is “…THAT…”.