Contemplations on the dark night of the soul

Action - Reaction concept

The background memory of the “dark night of the soul/entry into the underworld/dragon of chaos” is what will give me “enjoyment and meaning” for future good experiences?

And similarly, isn’t it so that I perceived the “dark night of the soul” itself from the memory of previously good experiences and hopes?

I see an interplay of foreground and background everywhere:
Life is life because of death in the background.
Death is death because of life in the background.
The 2 mutually need each other for their own BEING.
So the dark night of soul suffering inevitably paves the way for supreme enjoyment.
Similarly, the dark night itself showed that you have had supreme enjoyments in the past, whose loss you lament when you compare your current reality (dark night) to that of the memory you carry.

[bg = background
fg = foreground]

Dissolution process:
…DNOS (Bad memories) ongoing —–<—— Good memories bg

Resurrection process:
DNOS (Bad memories bg) ——–>—— Good memories ongoing…

Chaos bg ——>——– Order fg ongoing…
…Chaos fg ongoing ——-<——– Order bg

Death bg ——>———- Life ongoing…
Death ongoing… ——–<———- Life bg

I intuit these pendulum swings ultimately serve EVOLUTION/GROWTH/WISDOM (the pearl beyond price). This is a higher context to view one’s whole life from by a far stretch. However the HIGHEST of the HIGHEST contexts is the MYSTERY/UNKNOWN.
I can only intuit now from my level of understanding and knowledge.

Also the experiences are holographic/total/analogy/singular, in the NOW. This NOW also contains the [MEMORY->EXPECTATION] FRAMES/LENSES which “condition/shape/structure” perception accordingly.
They may also contain high flavors of paradoxical “presence of absence/presence of loss” which is essentially the witnessing of dissolution/death-process/decathection-process of a certain energy structure = we term as GRIEF.
Grief is the chaos that ensues when a structure is lost, and a hole is created which has to be restitched and re-synthesized with the WHOLE.

Generally for people, ordinary loss is like ONE hole of chaos in their fabric of reality.
But in the dark night of soul, it is the chaos underneath that swallows the entire fabric into itself -> and from that a new much larger structure would potentially emerge.

To give an analogy:
Ordinary losses are like being bitten by a animal, i.e. a small hole of chaos in a large body of order.
You attend to you wound, nurse it and it heals.

The dark night of soul is on the other hand is like a TOTAL loss, like being eaten alive completely by a t-rex, the old you is completely dissolved and after a period of transformation you open your new eyes as the t-rex once your energy is distilled/extracted/integrated into its structure.

It is the ultimate breakdown and the ultimate resurrection.
That is why the masters have always said ->
Deeper the dark night, greater the inquiry = greater the resurrection/greater the upliftment.
The lower you go -> The higher you rise.
The darker the night -> The brighter the day.
The law is illumination by contrast.
The other principles I see that apply are: Alchemy/Sublimation.

How far you are willing and travel into chaos? -> That will be how far of an increase in the deepest order you will experience.

The self is endless morphing

I read this great analogy in one of the essays from Nagarjuna:

shipathorizon

“When you go to the shore and look out, you see the edge of the world, six miles out. You see a ship get too close to the edge of the world; it falls off. That’s terrible; all those people die. It happens far too often. If you go to the beach, you’ve probably seen it once or twice. You are trapped in an illusion!

So let’s say someone sticks you in the space shuttle, blasts you into orbit. You look down, you see it’s a sphere. They explain gravity. You go back to the beach. It looks just like it did before, but you no longer can see to the edge of the world. You no longer get engaged in discussions about “when you fall off the edge of the world, does it hurt immediately, or does it hurt only when you hit the bottom?” That doesn’t make any sense; you understand the illusion.

This is what the Buddha’s saying about the self. Don’t get caught in discussions about the self–does the self exist, does the self not exist. That’s like trying to decide if it hurts when you fall off the edge of the world or not. Look at the world in terms of dependently originated phenomena. That’s all that’s happening.”

This analogy was so deep, it got me thinking.
I started to see other related metaphors that demonstrate a similar point.
I’ll cover two of them below.

Mountain climbing analogy:

conquer-mountain-winter-climbing-aolne-hd-wallpaper

Suppose you decide to climb a mountain.
As you gaze at it from a distance, it stands like a large mysterious awe inspiring object in front of you.
It beckons you to explore, tread and conquer it by reaching its peak.
The peak is usually covered in snow with a foggy haze around it, which stimulates the feeling of mystery and attainment even more.
From this point of view, you resolve to reach the peak and keep walking.
Now as you walk through all the various camps, at each place you see different worlds.
Initially, there is the forest portion, then there are the grasslands, then there is the harsh hostile terrain, and then finally you hit the tall patch of snow as you race to the top.
Various realms/worlds/points of view are traversed as you move along.
Finally when you do reach the peak, doesn’t it look quite different from your conception of it which you had when you were far off on the ground?
You are seeing from a brand new point of view, but at the same time, you are still there, and this feeling of you was not different when you were on the ground, nor was it different as you passed through all the intermediate terrain.
My experience of life has been that way since my earliest memory.
At one level I am moving through stages, goals, progressing, but at another level I am still the same innocence moving from place and place.
The innocence stays untouched, but the scenery keeps morphing.

Staring at a fractal:

Mandel_zoom_08_satellite_antenna

Have you ever played a video of a fractal zoom on YouTube and just stared at it for a while?
Notice how you see a destination, and you see the fractal moving towards it, but at the same time, as the destination becomes larger and clearer, your whole view is replaced by that, and the earlier view fades.
And in this way, there is a kind of endless renewal and an endless movement at the same time.
I think this clearly illustrates the symbol ‘Ouroboros’.
It also reveals the paradox of there being ‘change’ and yet ‘no change’ at the same time.

About me: I am an EXPERIENCE EAGLE

Flying-Eagle

I am an EXPERIENCE EAGLE.
Its a symbolism, metaphor – to the physical eagle.
The experience eagle wanting freedom to fly to any territory it feels like (across time and space).

Each person and obligations is like me(i.e. the eagle) tied to a certain location in time and space. He cannot fly far away from that place since it has to come back to fulfill the obligations. Certain potentials of experience are not available because they are too far from where he is and he cannot leave his attachments and get there. Like there is an attachment to the ‘potential’ plane of manifestation of existing as a body itself.
This explains his longing for FREEDOM of EXPERIENCE.

So this eagle explores various territories of experiences and does great things in each area that he touches due to his sharp vision. But he cannot hold on to everything. He knows internally he is infinitely capable and potent. But each time, people only judge him based on the narrow criteria that exists – on the exact patch of land he has landed on. The eagle wishes someone would really see who he is and his stature. But nobody on land can see that. For that the eagle would have to fly with another eagle to varied territories and reveal his vision and skills in each area. The irony is that, this eagle is an orphan. His parents are not eagles but rather pure land animals like deers. So the eagle’s parents absolutely don’t understand him. The most humiliating part is, they see him as a deer and not as an eagle at all. That too, an insufficient deer. So the eagle also lives a double life as a deer as a mask to all land animals through his parents training.

But once out of bondage, he secretly flies to all the territories and regions. The eagle longs to be free of this false deer (land animal) self. But however he needs to come to land to fulfill his needs. So the eagle keeps a very touch and go relationship with the land animals and even his own parents. ‘Do what is needed, get needs fulfilled and LEAVE’ is his motto. But in that process, he gets trapped into various kinds of bondages. In case he reduces his relationships drastically with land animals, then, he is left alone in the sky and has to come to the land to fend for himself which is a severe struggle and stress for the eagle.

So much so, he becomes so weak with stress, he cannot even fly. He spends his limited energy mostly on the land, trying to get his needs met, just so that he can fly for a little time in the evening. He wishes he never needed the land at all and simply live in the air and get nourished from light. But he has to accept his needs, both the land needs and the air needs and try to find a way to get both met in a great way.

He wishes there was another eagle to help him out and show him how to live great. Since he is an orphan and since NOBODY else in the whole world is an eagle, he is abjectly alone. His only inspiration is from God itself. The appearance is such that, it is just Him and God. Nobody else ever sees him or understands him the way he really is. Its almost like, he is the ‘son of god’ alone (like Jesus was) with a huge bunch of earthling land creatures and small birds. All his nourishment and all his suffering comes directly from God and there is nobody to buffer his hardships in life. Few comforting relationships happen, but they are let go, because of severe land bondage. How can he live on land, when his true place is in the air? The land animals would never understand because they do not even know what being in the air is like. So they think it is unnecessary and try to get the eagle to fit into their systems which permanently tethers the eagle to fulfilling all kinds of duties on land.