More about me

I’m like an RPG character with very low health
So I keep dying zillions of times
But my superpower is infinite regeneration
I can keep coming back again and again

Sometimes I wonder, if all this is really real?
Or are all my experiences part of some dream in the afterlife, and if I am already dead?

People have ‘meaning crisis’ at rare times and it quickly passes away too.
For me it is the other way.
I always live in a perpetual meaning crisis.
For short bursts I have meaning.
In those times, I get ordered and happily pursue the goals that appear.
Then I fall back into nothing, and another spawn happens later.

That is where my endless creativity comes from,
From dying over and over again.
It is like living 1000’s of lives and characters rolled into a single one.
Living in a constant mystery day to day,
Like an endless fountain rising and falling.

Love and Positive Vision are the same thing

To really see something is to see the “source inspiration and beauty” behind that which is seen.
It is to see its place in a larger context, in a larger framework of meaning.
Otherwise, it is only surface/superficial seeing.
Seeing/Vision is a lot more about context than the content of the sensory-appearance of what is seen.
The following concepts are closely related to each other = the concept of seeing/vision, value, and beauty.
When you see something from love, you see the creation as the creator would see it.
There is no upper ceiling to perceiving source inspiration/love/positive vision/value/beauty.
The deeper your positive seeing, the more your capacity for the above qualities.

Please refer to my earlier blog post to learn about what I mean by positive vs. negative vision:
https://perceptionflow.com/2018/10/16/the-concept-of-negative-vision/

The connection between IDENTIFICATION and LOVE:
******************************************************
This is an extremely deep topic, but I’ll try to give a few pointer examples.
* For example, say, you look at your personal laptop that has all your life’s work = personal photos, videos, files, documents, music, playlists etc.
All that gamut of context is tied into your seeing of the laptop.
So seeing = both context and content.
Its not possible to quantify, but to give an idea, the content is just 1% or less while 99% or more is context.
The sensory impression is only a pointer to the tree of knowledge that resides in the mind.

Let’s say, you have a dog, and that dog too sees your laptop.
How would he see it? The 99% of context, memories, attachment, associations, information you connect with the laptop would not be present for the dog.
So he would see it as just “content” mostly.
* It is like looking at a stranger’s smartphone of an unknown make/model (so very little associative connections as such).
Imagine how different would that be from seeing your own smartphone.
* Imagine the difference between looking at your children vs. looking at a random person’s children.

When an artist creates a work from source inspiration, he is seeing from positive vision.
He sees the value/worth/significance/importance/beauty of his work, because it came forth from his channeling of source inspiration itself.
If he puts it up in an exhibition, and if various art critics come and start critiquing it, then the critics are seeing from negative vision here.
They are not seeing it the way the artist sees his own work which is from positive vision.
Both positive and negative vision are kinds of vision.
The distinction is that, positive vision connects what is seen to the source of creation (which is the potential/love/inspiration), while negative vision does not do that.
Negative vision does not see what the art piece is, rather it sees what it is not by comparing it to something else that is loved.
That is the fundamental difference.
Positive vision is to see from the point of view of the creator.

The catastrophe of a devouring oedipal mother

An [overprotective/overbearing/over-soliticious/smothering/suffocating/oppressive/intrusive mother] is [giving/dominant] = so she creates a [submissive/receiving son].
Who only receives [pleasure/pain] from [others] and then [withdraws/hides] and then plays touch and go with this firey one-directional intrusive force.
So then the whole task for the boy is to create a wall and direct the intensity of force entering.
But this also totally [suppresses/inhibits] and growth of [independence/self-structure/relationship-structures] because then the only relationship is with this [super-pushy other] who given a chance will penetrate everything and vanquish all independence.
The boy is then a hostage.

He lives in a [secretive/reclusive/hiding/withdrawn/defensive/protective/prey-like-stance/invisibly] because if spotted, the mother is ready to smother him totally at all levels and [absolutely enslave him] from the perspective of his [developing independent self].
The mother becomes a [mortal threat] to the [developing self].
The boy is perenially concerned with:
1. How to develop an independent self (which is super difficult anyways) and
2. How to keep the mother out of this process because her [total interference and destruction].
She is a [mortal threat] to these [selfing-efforts].
And so this becomes an extraordinarily hostile and hostage situation because the boy’s self is vastly deficient compared to his peers who suffered no such [oppressive continuous suffocation].

Not only must he [survive/negotiate with the world] but he also has to [survive/negotiate with his mother].
And since it is impossible to negotiate with an [smothering mother], because there isn’t enough enough self formed to have such [assertion abilities and analytical power], the boy is in a trap.
It is like if you the [mother] prevent a [cheetah cub] from growing up, can it ever fight you? You have prevented it from even [growing teeth] (metaphorically speaking) to defend itself from [YOU] or [ANYBODY] for that matter.
The cheetah will be [helpless/harmless] and [unfit to survive] in the wild and now it will have to [stay with you] in [your DEN] for the rest of your life.
This is the [reality and seriousness] of this situation.
A crippling oedipal mother issue.

The boy has been [crippled/stunted in arrested development] much like the cheetah cub is rendered a prey in the wild because of the continuous [unwanted intrusive suffocating smothering interference] by the mother.
Here the problem is not winning the mother’s interest in him.
Rather it is to allow the mother to leave him alone and allow him to breathe, which is impossible to do when he is a child.
So from the boy’s perspective, this is a [continuous mortal threat from a giant omnipotent other] he has to defend against, to retain a slightest amount of independence which he maintains by [hiding/withholding] from the mother AS much as possible and living his life in 90% secret.
Also the care given by such a mother is [BLIND] and [INHERENTLY dehumanizing] too.
Because she reduces him to a [helpless infant] and [absolutely actively represses/suppresses/thwarts/prevents/and literally attacks] any development of him beyond that stage.
Because his [growing up/becoming self-sufficient/independent/and her training you for that] is seen as the greatest threat for the mother because her whole meaning in life is now him, and she will fight his development forces to death out of wanting to cling to this new purpose that has come as a huge break from her probably otherwise empty unfulfilled life.

The mother literally guilts the son, and communicates:
“Don’t grow up, don’t become independent, because if you leave me, I will die.
You staying a helpless infant and me taking care of your every need is my only purpose and meaning for existing. Don’t make me lose all meaning in life by growing up, NEVER do that please, FOR MY SAKE!!”.
On the other hand, the mother might reject every need expressed by the boy outside of her “blind physical need focused infant time table rigid schedule” and may constantly speak about the boy being a burden to her whenever he asks her for ANYTHING with the message of: “Oh god, can’t you even do this much, can’t you take care of yourself? I am already burdened, please deal with your stuff by yourself”.
Imagine putting a child in such a double bind.

This is archetypal and very similar to the situation of [RAPUNZEL and the WITCH], where the witch convinces her that the [world is unsafe] and that [she needs the witch to protect her] and that [she must serve the witch] and [never leave the tower] at the same time.
(only here there is no prince who will rescue, the boy will die in the tower in absolute disgust and hatred towards his mother who used him like a rag-doll)
What is he going to do?
Not only will he [never express his needs] to the mother, he will have to [silently handle his own problems] and also be a [giver of meaning] to the mother by being her [cute/helpless infant/pretending to need her] that gives her [meaning and pleases her] in the way she wants.

This is a role reversal.
And he is literally [bringing himself up] and [TAKING CARE] of the mother, and tackling all his [needs and developmental problems] alone with no help whatsoever because the mother has made it clear that he must be [loyal and never betray] his mother by INVESTING/depending on [someone else or anyone else but her].
He is trapped in an unspeakable double bind.
He cannot tell anybody about it from the unsaid contract.
He has to also bring himself up alone in the [shadow and hiding].
He has to please the mother and be her [confidant/support/emotional helper] which is in actuality him being the [caregiver] for the mother.
The mother here is the child and the infant now has to play mother and take care of the real mother and bring himself up alone and never take any help outside because of the mother’s blackmail about loyalty breach.

And also the mother is never pleased with him, because her expectations are that the boy-infant must fulfill all her needs that her spouse is not fulfilling, making the boy her husband.
As you can see, this is an extraordinarily difficult oppressive and extremely hostile condition to grow up in.
This leads to the son wearing out very early in life, from having to shoulder [unbelievable amounts of responsibility] and [impossible goals].
He grows up with [enormous guilt] and a [sense of crippling failure], with a [deep fear of the world], and with a [lop-sided ruined relationship-matrix] and an attraction to women who would torture and smother him in the same way repeating the trauma endlessly.

Such a boy was never allowed to be a kid, never allowed to grow up, never nurtured, never understood, never seen.
He lives in the shadows and lives like a touch and go slave in his avoidant relationship to the world.
He was just a servant of this mother who was supposed to take care of him and also had to bear the brunt of the world without ANY support, and ALONE.
And adding to the pain of this, this boy will never be understood by anybody because all this is deep shameful secret.
Nobody would ever believe him, even if he explained it super well.
He would become a [psychologically cripple] still trying to [rescue others] so that he can [atone his guilt and failure] and get back [his honor], and attract the [very same impossible people] into his life and keep repeating the efforts until he drops dead.
Such is the fate of such a boy, unless he wakes up to the true ghastly reality of the situation.

Entropy and Anti-Entropy, States and Stations

Having a specific meaning/story in your experience is still ‘lower entropy’ than changing meaning/story/timelines themselves.
That total shifting of everything is what is called madness.
In-fact greater the extent of shifts and discontinuities – greater the madness.
Whereas when a specific timeline/meaning is retained day after day (the same persistent story), interestingly whatever theme it may take, it is still be lower entropy.
In a sense ego(a persistent self) retaining continuity at almost all times, represents coherence and anti-entropy.
It seems like any DELTA/CHANGE would involve energy expenditure.
Like if you are in dissolution and discontinuity, then to maintain continuity would take a lot of energy.
Similarly if you are highly solid and coherent, then, trying to access ideas of totally changing realities, again will take a lot of energy for you to maintain such states.
It is like states and stations.
Station A ——-x——– Station B ——–x——– Station C ———–x——– and so on.
For a person in station A wanting to reach station C – he needs 2x free energy.
Station C is State C – for a person in station A.
Similarly a person in station C wanting to reach station A again needs 2x energy.
Station A is a State A – for person in Station C.
So the implication of this is that, it is as hard for a 5-D creature to live in our reality(congealing their vibration into a definite form) as it is for a 3-D create to have a 5-D experience (to dissolute yourself and let go enough to reach that).
The 3-D reality is a state attainment for a 5-D creature and the 5-D reality is a state attainment for a 3-D creature.
Another analogy would be of Steam -> Water -> Ice.
It takes a lot of energy to compress steam into ice, just like it takes a lot of energy to vaporize ice into steam.
So, it can very well be, the Gods in the higher dimensions would need a lot of energy to come down and live in earth, just as someone on earth needs great energy to rise to the dimension of Gods.
Which means, both represent distinct realities, and any DELTA/CHANGE OF STATE would require energy – and probably from a transcendent viewpoint, both are creative forms, and both are equally desirable (the god state and the human/animal state).
Another implication of this would be, if any change of state takes energy, then what you effortlessly are – represents 0 distance.
Trying to be anyone/anything else or in any other state would exhaust you and create another cycle of […recuperation -> expenditure/attaining -> exhaustion…]
So freedom in a counter-intuitive way, represents 0 distance, when you remain exactly as you are (If you do not do that, you exhaust that freedom energy by moving elsewhere).
If you are an animal, you stay exactly as that.
If you are a God, you stay exactly as that.
Any attempt to move away from your natural state, will enter dualistic cycles, and there will be periods of seeking/attaining recuperation/exhaustion.

My philosophy of life (At the moment)

Life is a mystery/unknowable (to the mind). Life is absurd.
Life transcends meaning. Life transcends every-thing. Life transcends duality. Life is ONE/non-dual.
Life is unimaginable and un-understandable.
Life is beyond anything I can think and is beyond any “web of concepts”.
Life is beyond any “conceptual frames/grids/nets/hierarchies”.
The ‘Why’ question is the creative question that generates/reveals/pours in meaning structures/philosophies when contemplated upon.
All is already existing. We simply tune into different creations that ALREADY exist.
It is like how we spawn into a dream, it all appears simultaneously and instantaneously, all at once.
The realities are already available in their full splendor and infinity.
Your structure is what determines what reality manifests for you.
That is why, change yourself -> change your reality.
A certain structure gives you options to tune into certain realities.
Subtler the structure, more the freedom.
But more life energy is needed to power subtler structures.
Everything is complexified/richer/vaster in subtler structures.
Everything comes from nothing (not nothing as a concept, the real nothing).
The real nothing is the “infinite” itself.
All is appearance.
Everything is real and not real. Like a mirror.
The mirror is that which has no image of its own, but reflects images.
So the mirror images are both fully real and unreal at the same time, just like appearances.
Another analogy would be the “Screen”.
The screen can show anything, but it chooses to show this appearance now.
My deepest true nature potential is of an infinite potential screen.
But I see an apparent choice to have this appearance and movement/flow right now.
Its like I have chosen to allow a journey to my infinite nature from a finite world.
Libido = Eros = Interest = Love = Passion = Investment
We have a spectrum of drives from:
Thanatos (the death instinct) ——————————- Eros (love)
All experience tones fall in the spectrum:
Fear —————————- Love.
All this philosophy I wrote now is just the appearance at this moment.
I can whip a totally different philosophy tomorrow (certain general themes may repeat but only in a very abstract level).
There is extraordinary creativity and change each and every day. Everything changes.
The parts that do not change are like frozen images in a mirror.
There is a spectrum again of:
Infinite creativity ————————– Total determinism.
All this philosophy I have written is like a one spec of sand, through which reality can be constructed.
There are trillions of other philosophies/narratives/belief structures, that would create entirely different realities.
One feels a faintest glimpse of this freedom of reality choice on LSD.
This is my conceptual web right now. It is simply flowing out of me as I write this.
All I have now is feelings. I am translating them into logical language expressions and this expression is flowing out from the feelings and their potentials.
I can write like this forever, there is so much to say.
It is like describing a mountain, how many words would it take to describe a mountain? That’s the kind of writing I am doing now.
And this is just one mountain.
And like I said earlier, this entire mountain with its infinite detail is only 1 structure and is like 1 grain of sand in a beach containing trillions of other such grains, which can spawn trillions of realities.
Also as I am writing, I am also co-creating my feeling experience by creating this structure in my “Temporary Thought Space” (bridging my conceptual, intuitive-feeling mind)
I am feeling the sensation of infinity the more I write, and I am actively imagining and co-creating with my own writing, allowing my imagination and thought space to flow with it.
The essence of life is change.
Change = Life = Mystery = Aliveness = Magic/Miracle = Unknown = Freshness
The known is dead.
Every experience I am having at each moment can be appercepted/recognized and seen as new/fresh.
Kundalini is the life force energy. Kundalini = Spirit.
Spirit -> Soul -> Ego.
Kundalini is the giver of life and death.
Life and death at a lower level, creates insight at the higher level that witnesses.
Life after death is absolutely unimaginable.
There are various various hypothesis, conceptual webs with their mechanics to explain what will happen after death.
Each one is based on various extrapolations from observations in our current reality.
But why should death follow any such causality? It can be ANYTHING/the most unimaginable which is what my intuition says.
I have multiple-multiple channels in the television set of my brain.
My structure gives me access to innumerable amount of wondrous possible worlds.
But it needs life energy/spirit/electricity to run.
So you have a spectrum of experience of life energy availability:
Dark night of soul/depression —————————– Ecstasy/Wonder/Joy
Life is art. Every philosophy is creation/artistry.
Art/Creativity/Novelty/Beauty can function across all levels of being.
The beauty is in the gestalt/tapestry, it is an emergent property.
What must one do in life? – There is nothing that one “must” do.
Its all an exploration, its all a lila/play.
We are co-creators in the thought of God/higher power/oversoul.
Follow your love/joy/passion/highest excitement/deepest values/light.
Live up to your transcendental ideals.
Choose effort or effortlessness, its your choice.
There is nothing to attain, unless of-course you choose to play the game of attainment.
The mystery of life is simply unimaginably beyond anything that can even be conceived.
I would end with a quote from Terrence Mckenna “Life is not stranger than you suppose, it is stranger than you CAN suppose”