Words are only signifiers of meaning

The meanings of words are not absolute or fixed.
They are quite stretchable, and can range all the way from literal to the abstract.
Words are more like signifiers or pointers.
The meaning understood from a word depends upon the context/subject/frame/theme/topic and the vastness of scope.

You can point your finger towards a leaf in a tree,
But if the moon is in the same line, you may also be pointing at the moon.
Similarly, the range of the signified meaning is all the way from the immediate to its most far out abstract.

For instance, the word emptiness.
In the ordinary practical context, it would point to a meaning of there being no physical objects in a given space.
But in the metaphysical abstract context, it could mean emptiness of substance or essence (which is the truth of the entire manifest creation that appears to us).
Imo there is no contradiction in these 2 meanings derived from the same word,
Just like how your finger pointing to the moon could also be pointing at some other closer object like a tree leaf in the same line of sight.

The vampire mother conversation with her child

I brought you up as insurance for my ‘pleasure entertainment meaning security’, 
So that you will bring me that ‘pleasure entertainment meaning security’ I always lacked, 
And now after all that work I did (with this promise in mind),
I am disappointed that you are so useless in bringing me any of that.

I wasted my time and energy bringing you up.
After all the humongous efforts I put into bringing you up,
You turned out to be this rubbish.
Now I am regretful, and feel bitter, and resentful.
I look at you with scorn, contempt, and disgust.
I look at you like a failure,
Because you failed me.

You failed to fulfill my own unfulfilled desires,
So that I could live them vicariously through you.
You did not follow the script I gave you,
So that I could hitch-hike my meaning off your life’s ride,
Without the burden of responsibility which I so abhor.

I created you, I own you, you are like an extension of me,
And you turned out to be this abomination.
Don’t you feel guilty for not dedicating every second of your life to pleasing me?
Isn’t that a crime against your mother? Aren’t you ashamed?

Even if you gave up your whole life to serve me,
You could never pay off the infinite debt you owe me,
Because I gave birth to you, and brought you up.
You were helpless at that time, and I DID everything for you.
Nothing you ever do will repay that.

The least you can do now is enslave yourself to my wishes/desires.
Anyway you will never even come close to fulfilling my impossibly large fantasies,
But at least I will look at you with pity and contempt.
Oh this pathetic fool is trying so hard to please even though he is failing so hard.
I will watch you humiliate yourself, because my face will continuously show disapproval.
Nobody can please me because I want the impossible.
I hate myself, and so I will hate you too,
Because you are just an extension of me right.

Anyways whatever you do in life,
I will make sure to poison it.
Because I do the same for myself too.
I will scapegoat you, blame you, and make you responsible,
For everything wrong with my life.
You are the cause of all of my misery,
And now you are obligated to make me feel good.
I will use you as a trash can for dumping all of my frustrations.
And you cannot say no, because how dare you!,
I gave birth to you, and brought you up,
So you bloody well listen to me and give me solace in return.
Then once I’m done, I’ll kick you off and pursue something else more entertaining,
Rather than spending more time seeing my own hated self reflected in you.

You handle your own problems,
But all my problems are yours.
Because if I had free time,
Why would I listen to you and your woes?
I’d rather watch TV.
Because I gave birth to you only so that you could be my helper robot.
You are here to solve my problems,
You are here to make my unmanageable crisis-filled messed-up life easy,
It’s not the other way, you understand.
I will do a shoddy job at everything, and crib, complain, blame,
And you will have to swallow all of that.
You solve your own shit, and solve my shit too.
When I’m bored with you or if I feel you are boring me,
I’ll ask you to get lost.
Why? Because you are here only for my entertainment.
If you are boring me, then I want you out of my sight.

I will say whatever hurtful thing I want to say,
But if you later ever bring it up,
I will simply deny it and call it all your vivid imagination (gaslighting).
And since I have such an impeccable social image,
Everyone will think you are the one lying.
You will shoot yourself in the foot.
So take the abuse without a sound.

You will give me all the validation that I did not receive outside.
You will maintain my grandiose illusions about myself,
And it is your duty to keep reinforcing them to me.
Keep telling me ‘you are great, you are great…’,
Else, I will unleash my wrath on you,
Because how dare you?
I gave birth to you, I own you, and I did so much for you.
You can never repay me anyway.
So you are infinitely indebted.
You are in no position to ever say ‘no’.

Even if you stop talking to me, I would not care,
Because I will still speak to you in a one-way direction,
And you will have to hear since you cannot really close your ears.
I will assume the relationship is still there,
And act like nothing is wrong and keep the unidirectional monologue with you.
Why? Because I gave birth to you, so this relationship is for granted,
You cannot break it or choose to opt out.
Whenever I want, if you are around my sight,
I will freely dump whatever I want on you.
Anyway, that is the kind of child I want,
The silent listener who will only hear and not speak back.
It is great if you are not on talking terms with me in fact.
Because then I can happily fire one way at an unconditional receiver.

The reason I use so many synonyms when writing my posts

A venn diagram of 4 circles.

The meaning of every word is usually much beyond the dictionary meaning.
There are so many large contexts and meanings associated with each word.
Every word abstractly is a pointer to a kind of knowing.
So when I want to convey something, I use many synonyms to point at ‘scope and essence’.
Essence = Intersection.
Scope = Union.

For instance: Consider a set like ‘God/Reality/Existence/Field’.
Here, essence = intersection of the meaning-images in the set.
And scope = union of the meaning-images in the set.

I see every word as pregnant with a large amount of connotation/meaning/context/associations.
The use of sets of synonyms thus serves as a communication technique/device for me to convey scope and essence.

Some insights on love

What is desired is love itself,
The light/the space/the being/the vibe of that state.
The forms it takes are its celebration/expression.

Every action that any being does can be traced back to that.
The whirlpool/vortex/process of one’s life is the journey back to source.
Desire/Interest/Passion is the direction/process/verb,
Love is like the destination/noun/horizon.

We are all the universal heart and universal mind,
Beneath our own hearts and minds.
To serve others is to serve our deeper selves.
A visionary lives alone in the deeper spaces/depths,
And acts as a vortex to draw interested others closer,
Acting as a representative and doorway to those heights/depths.

When it comes to myself:
Everything that I do is from love.
Everything that I do not do is from the absence of that.
For instance: My love for this blog,
Is from my love for clarity/distillation (extraction)/expression,
Creativity/documentation (logging/recording)
Higher truth/reasoning/insight/knowledge,
To weave tapestries of meaning/to connect bridge everything.

Complete Silence/Disinterest/Neutrality/Shunya,
Is the space where you see yourself.
Because all creation is made up of sound/reverberation.
So silence is the perfect mirror that makes us feel ourselves.

To connect with an other is to connect with what they love.
Everything that a person does is a reflection of what they love/value.

To depend on others for love,
Simply means you do not love those things enough.
So they are enhancing those aspects for you.
While what you love which they don’t,
Enhances those aspects for them.

In a deeper sense,
You are what you love.

Before people can love “you”,
They would love your works/emanation/scent,
And love what you represent etc.
Because your works are the outcomes/outpourings of your love,
And therefore they would serve as roads to lead them to you.

The experience of emptiness (the emotion),
Is to experience the lack of love.
In the sense, the love that is present in you,
Is too little to sustain/empower your body and mind enough,
To stay in a state of well being and coherence.

Very broadly speaking:
Love = Desire = Interest = Passion = Purpose = Pursuit.

More about me

I’m like an RPG character with very low health
So I keep dying zillions of times
But my superpower is infinite regeneration
I can keep coming back again and again

Sometimes I wonder, if all this is really real?
Or are all my experiences part of some dream in the afterlife, and if I am already dead?

People have ‘meaning crisis’ at rare times and it quickly passes away too.
For me it is the other way.
I always live in a perpetual meaning crisis.
For short bursts I have meaning.
In those times, I get ordered and happily pursue the goals that appear.
Then I fall back into nothing, and another spawn happens later.

That is where my endless creativity comes from,
From dying over and over again.
It is like living 1000’s of lives and characters rolled into a single one.
Living in a constant mystery day to day,
Like an endless fountain rising and falling.

Love and Positive Vision are the same thing

To really see something is to see the “source inspiration and beauty” behind that which is seen.
It is to see its place in a larger context, in a larger framework of meaning.
Otherwise, it is only surface/superficial seeing.
Seeing/Vision is a lot more about context than the content of the sensory-appearance of what is seen.
The following concepts are closely related to each other = the concept of seeing/vision, value, and beauty.
When you see something from love, you see the creation as the creator would see it.
There is no upper ceiling to perceiving source inspiration/love/positive vision/value/beauty.
The deeper your positive seeing, the more your capacity for the above qualities.

Please refer to my earlier blog post to learn about what I mean by positive vs. negative vision:
https://perceptionflow.com/2018/10/16/the-concept-of-negative-vision/

The connection between IDENTIFICATION and LOVE:
******************************************************
This is an extremely deep topic, but I’ll try to give a few pointer examples.
* For example, say, you look at your personal laptop that has all your life’s work = personal photos, videos, files, documents, music, playlists etc.
All that gamut of context is tied into your seeing of the laptop.
So seeing = both context and content.
Its not possible to quantify, but to give an idea, the content is just 1% or less while 99% or more is context.
The sensory impression is only a pointer to the tree of knowledge that resides in the mind.

Let’s say, you have a dog, and that dog too sees your laptop.
How would he see it? The 99% of context, memories, attachment, associations, information you connect with the laptop would not be present for the dog.
So he would see it as just “content” mostly.
* It is like looking at a stranger’s smartphone of an unknown make/model (so very little associative connections as such).
Imagine how different would that be from seeing your own smartphone.
* Imagine the difference between looking at your children vs. looking at a random person’s children.

When an artist creates a work from source inspiration, he is seeing from positive vision.
He sees the value/worth/significance/importance/beauty of his work, because it came forth from his channeling of source inspiration itself.
If he puts it up in an exhibition, and if various art critics come and start critiquing it, then the critics are seeing from negative vision here.
They are not seeing it the way the artist sees his own work which is from positive vision.
Both positive and negative vision are kinds of vision.
The distinction is that, positive vision connects what is seen to the source of creation (which is the potential/love/inspiration), while negative vision does not do that.
Negative vision does not see what the art piece is, rather it sees what it is not by comparing it to something else that is loved.
That is the fundamental difference.
Positive vision is to see from the point of view of the creator.

The catastrophe of a devouring oedipal mother

An [overprotective/overbearing/over-soliticious/smothering/suffocating/oppressive/intrusive mother] is [giving/dominant] = so she creates a [submissive/receiving son].
Who only receives [pleasure/pain] from [others] and then [withdraws/hides] and then plays touch and go with this firey one-directional intrusive force.
So then the whole task for the boy is to create a wall and direct the intensity of force entering.
But this also totally [suppresses/inhibits] and growth of [independence/self-structure/relationship-structures] because then the only relationship is with this [super-pushy other] who given a chance will penetrate everything and vanquish all independence.
The boy is then a hostage.

He lives in a [secretive/reclusive/hiding/withdrawn/defensive/protective/prey-like-stance/invisibly] because if spotted, the mother is ready to smother him totally at all levels and [absolutely enslave him] from the perspective of his [developing independent self].
The mother becomes a [mortal threat] to the [developing self].
The boy is perenially concerned with:
1. How to develop an independent self (which is super difficult anyways) and
2. How to keep the mother out of this process because her [total interference and destruction].
She is a [mortal threat] to these [selfing-efforts].
And so this becomes an extraordinarily hostile and hostage situation because the boy’s self is vastly deficient compared to his peers who suffered no such [oppressive continuous suffocation].

Not only must he [survive/negotiate with the world] but he also has to [survive/negotiate with his mother].
And since it is impossible to negotiate with an [smothering mother], because there isn’t enough enough self formed to have such [assertion abilities and analytical power], the boy is in a trap.
It is like if you the [mother] prevent a [cheetah cub] from growing up, can it ever fight you? You have prevented it from even [growing teeth] (metaphorically speaking) to defend itself from [YOU] or [ANYBODY] for that matter.
The cheetah will be [helpless/harmless] and [unfit to survive] in the wild and now it will have to [stay with you] in [your DEN] for the rest of your life.
This is the [reality and seriousness] of this situation.
A crippling oedipal mother issue.

The boy has been [crippled/stunted in arrested development] much like the cheetah cub is rendered a prey in the wild because of the continuous [unwanted intrusive suffocating smothering interference] by the mother.
Here the problem is not winning the mother’s interest in him.
Rather it is to allow the mother to leave him alone and allow him to breathe, which is impossible to do when he is a child.
So from the boy’s perspective, this is a [continuous mortal threat from a giant omnipotent other] he has to defend against, to retain a slightest amount of independence which he maintains by [hiding/withholding] from the mother AS much as possible and living his life in 90% secret.
Also the care given by such a mother is [BLIND] and [INHERENTLY dehumanizing] too.
Because she reduces him to a [helpless infant] and [absolutely actively represses/suppresses/thwarts/prevents/and literally attacks] any development of him beyond that stage.
Because his [growing up/becoming self-sufficient/independent/and her training you for that] is seen as the greatest threat for the mother because her whole meaning in life is now him, and she will fight his development forces to death out of wanting to cling to this new purpose that has come as a huge break from her probably otherwise empty unfulfilled life.

The mother literally guilts the son, and communicates:
“Don’t grow up, don’t become independent, because if you leave me, I will die.
You staying a helpless infant and me taking care of your every need is my only purpose and meaning for existing. Don’t make me lose all meaning in life by growing up, NEVER do that please, FOR MY SAKE!!”.
On the other hand, the mother might reject every need expressed by the boy outside of her “blind physical need focused infant time table rigid schedule” and may constantly speak about the boy being a burden to her whenever he asks her for ANYTHING with the message of: “Oh god, can’t you even do this much, can’t you take care of yourself? I am already burdened, please deal with your stuff by yourself”.
Imagine putting a child in such a double bind.

This is archetypal and very similar to the situation of [RAPUNZEL and the WITCH], where the witch convinces her that the [world is unsafe] and that [she needs the witch to protect her] and that [she must serve the witch] and [never leave the tower] at the same time.
(only here there is no prince who will rescue, the boy will die in the tower in absolute disgust and hatred towards his mother who used him like a rag-doll)
What is he going to do?
Not only will he [never express his needs] to the mother, he will have to [silently handle his own problems] and also be a [giver of meaning] to the mother by being her [cute/helpless infant/pretending to need her] that gives her [meaning and pleases her] in the way she wants.

This is a role reversal.
And he is literally [bringing himself up] and [TAKING CARE] of the mother, and tackling all his [needs and developmental problems] alone with no help whatsoever because the mother has made it clear that he must be [loyal and never betray] his mother by INVESTING/depending on [someone else or anyone else but her].
He is trapped in an unspeakable double bind.
He cannot tell anybody about it from the unsaid contract.
He has to also bring himself up alone in the [shadow and hiding].
He has to please the mother and be her [confidant/support/emotional helper] which is in actuality him being the [caregiver] for the mother.
The mother here is the child and the infant now has to play mother and take care of the real mother and bring himself up alone and never take any help outside because of the mother’s blackmail about loyalty breach.

And also the mother is never pleased with him, because her expectations are that the boy-infant must fulfill all her needs that her spouse is not fulfilling, making the boy her husband.
As you can see, this is an extraordinarily difficult oppressive and extremely hostile condition to grow up in.
This leads to the son wearing out very early in life, from having to shoulder [unbelievable amounts of responsibility] and [impossible goals].
He grows up with [enormous guilt] and a [sense of crippling failure], with a [deep fear of the world], and with a [lop-sided ruined relationship-matrix] and an attraction to women who would torture and smother him in the same way repeating the trauma endlessly.

Such a boy was never allowed to be a kid, never allowed to grow up, never nurtured, never understood, never seen.
He lives in the shadows and lives like a touch and go slave in his avoidant relationship to the world.
He was just a servant of this mother who was supposed to take care of him and also had to bear the brunt of the world without ANY support, and ALONE.
And adding to the pain of this, this boy will never be understood by anybody because all this is deep shameful secret.
Nobody would ever believe him, even if he explained it super well.
He would become a [psychologically cripple] still trying to [rescue others] so that he can [atone his guilt and failure] and get back [his honor], and attract the [very same impossible people] into his life and keep repeating the efforts until he drops dead.
Such is the fate of such a boy, unless he wakes up to the true ghastly reality of the situation.

Entropy and Anti-Entropy, States and Stations

Having a specific meaning/story in your experience is still ‘lower entropy’ than changing meaning/story/timelines themselves.
That total shifting of everything is what is called madness.
In-fact greater the extent of shifts and discontinuities – greater the madness.
Whereas when a specific timeline/meaning is retained day after day (the same persistent story), interestingly whatever theme it may take, it is still be lower entropy.
In a sense ego(a persistent self) retaining continuity at almost all times, represents coherence and anti-entropy.
It seems like any DELTA/CHANGE would involve energy expenditure.
Like if you are in dissolution and discontinuity, then to maintain continuity would take a lot of energy.
Similarly if you are highly solid and coherent, then, trying to access ideas of totally changing realities, again will take a lot of energy for you to maintain such states.
It is like states and stations.
Station A ——-x——– Station B ——–x——– Station C ———–x——– and so on.
For a person in station A wanting to reach station C – he needs 2x free energy.
Station C is State C – for a person in station A.
Similarly a person in station C wanting to reach station A again needs 2x energy.
Station A is a State A – for person in Station C.
So the implication of this is that, it is as hard for a 5-D creature to live in our reality(congealing their vibration into a definite form) as it is for a 3-D create to have a 5-D experience (to dissolute yourself and let go enough to reach that).
The 3-D reality is a state attainment for a 5-D creature and the 5-D reality is a state attainment for a 3-D creature.
Another analogy would be of Steam -> Water -> Ice.
It takes a lot of energy to compress steam into ice, just like it takes a lot of energy to vaporize ice into steam.
So, it can very well be, the Gods in the higher dimensions would need a lot of energy to come down and live in earth, just as someone on earth needs great energy to rise to the dimension of Gods.
Which means, both represent distinct realities, and any DELTA/CHANGE OF STATE would require energy – and probably from a transcendent viewpoint, both are creative forms, and both are equally desirable (the god state and the human/animal state).
Another implication of this would be, if any change of state takes energy, then what you effortlessly are – represents 0 distance.
Trying to be anyone/anything else or in any other state would exhaust you and create another cycle of […recuperation -> expenditure/attaining -> exhaustion…]
So freedom in a counter-intuitive way, represents 0 distance, when you remain exactly as you are (If you do not do that, you exhaust that freedom energy by moving elsewhere).
If you are an animal, you stay exactly as that.
If you are a God, you stay exactly as that.
Any attempt to move away from your natural state, will enter dualistic cycles, and there will be periods of seeking/attaining recuperation/exhaustion.

My philosophy of life (At the moment)

Life is a mystery/unknowable (to the mind). Life is absurd.
Life transcends meaning. Life transcends every-thing. Life transcends duality. Life is ONE/non-dual.
Life is unimaginable and un-understandable.
Life is beyond anything I can think and is beyond any “web of concepts”.
Life is beyond any “conceptual frames/grids/nets/hierarchies”.
The ‘Why’ question is the creative question that generates/reveals/pours in meaning structures/philosophies when contemplated upon.
All is already existing. We simply tune into different creations that ALREADY exist.
It is like how we spawn into a dream, it all appears simultaneously and instantaneously, all at once.
The realities are already available in their full splendor and infinity.
Your structure is what determines what reality manifests for you.
That is why, change yourself -> change your reality.
A certain structure gives you options to tune into certain realities.
Subtler the structure, more the freedom.
But more life energy is needed to power subtler structures.
Everything is complexified/richer/vaster in subtler structures.
Everything comes from nothing (not nothing as a concept, the real nothing).
The real nothing is the “infinite” itself.
All is appearance.
Everything is real and not real. Like a mirror.
The mirror is that which has no image of its own, but reflects images.
So the mirror images are both fully real and unreal at the same time, just like appearances.
Another analogy would be the “Screen”.
The screen can show anything, but it chooses to show this appearance now.
My deepest true nature potential is of an infinite potential screen.
But I see an apparent choice to have this appearance and movement/flow right now.
Its like I have chosen to allow a journey to my infinite nature from a finite world.
Libido = Eros = Interest = Love = Passion = Investment
We have a spectrum of drives from:
Thanatos (the death instinct) ——————————- Eros (love)
All experience tones fall in the spectrum:
Fear —————————- Love.
All this philosophy I wrote now is just the appearance at this moment.
I can whip a totally different philosophy tomorrow (certain general themes may repeat but only in a very abstract level).
There is extraordinary creativity and change each and every day. Everything changes.
The parts that do not change are like frozen images in a mirror.
There is a spectrum again of:
Infinite creativity ————————– Total determinism.
All this philosophy I have written is like a one spec of sand, through which reality can be constructed.
There are trillions of other philosophies/narratives/belief structures, that would create entirely different realities.
One feels a faintest glimpse of this freedom of reality choice on LSD.
This is my conceptual web right now. It is simply flowing out of me as I write this.
All I have now is feelings. I am translating them into logical language expressions and this expression is flowing out from the feelings and their potentials.
I can write like this forever, there is so much to say.
It is like describing a mountain, how many words would it take to describe a mountain? That’s the kind of writing I am doing now.
And this is just one mountain.
And like I said earlier, this entire mountain with its infinite detail is only 1 structure and is like 1 grain of sand in a beach containing trillions of other such grains, which can spawn trillions of realities.
Also as I am writing, I am also co-creating my feeling experience by creating this structure in my “Temporary Thought Space” (bridging my conceptual, intuitive-feeling mind)
I am feeling the sensation of infinity the more I write, and I am actively imagining and co-creating with my own writing, allowing my imagination and thought space to flow with it.
The essence of life is change.
Change = Life = Mystery = Aliveness = Magic/Miracle = Unknown = Freshness
The known is dead.
Every experience I am having at each moment can be appercepted/recognized and seen as new/fresh.
Kundalini is the life force energy. Kundalini = Spirit.
Spirit -> Soul -> Ego.
Kundalini is the giver of life and death.
Life and death at a lower level, creates insight at the higher level that witnesses.
Life after death is absolutely unimaginable.
There are various various hypothesis, conceptual webs with their mechanics to explain what will happen after death.
Each one is based on various extrapolations from observations in our current reality.
But why should death follow any such causality? It can be ANYTHING/the most unimaginable which is what my intuition says.
I have multiple-multiple channels in the television set of my brain.
My structure gives me access to innumerable amount of wondrous possible worlds.
But it needs life energy/spirit/electricity to run.
So you have a spectrum of experience of life energy availability:
Dark night of soul/depression —————————– Ecstasy/Wonder/Joy
Life is art. Every philosophy is creation/artistry.
Art/Creativity/Novelty/Beauty can function across all levels of being.
The beauty is in the gestalt/tapestry, it is an emergent property.
What must one do in life? – There is nothing that one “must” do.
Its all an exploration, its all a lila/play.
We are co-creators in the thought of God/higher power/oversoul.
Follow your love/joy/passion/highest excitement/deepest values/light.
Live up to your transcendental ideals.
Choose effort or effortlessness, its your choice.
There is nothing to attain, unless of-course you choose to play the game of attainment.
The mystery of life is simply unimaginably beyond anything that can even be conceived.
I would end with a quote from Terrence Mckenna “Life is not stranger than you suppose, it is stranger than you CAN suppose”