The suffering of trying to gain self in anything of this world

I’ll go over a list of pleasures.
Sexuality:
Sexuality is a very limited pleasure.
The orgasm is very brief, but the regeneration is much longer in comparison.
If that is the only source of pleasure in life, it is woefully inadequate.

Technology:
Video time, Music time, Internet browsing etc.
All of it has great limits.
For instance: Hearing too much music removes all pleasure and makes you numb to it.

Supplements/Stimulants/Sugar:
Alcohol gives a pleasure for a while, but has a long hangover too.
A recharge period is needed too, to re-experience that pleasure.
Tea/Coffee if taken too often can drain you a lot, make you irritable/antsy.
Supplements also have their limits.
Eating too much sugar brings ‘Insulin Resistance’ and depressive moods.

Hot water bath:
Hot water bath feels good,
But stay too long and you risk burning your skin.

Talking to People/Relationships:
The pleasure of talking to others has a lot of limits too.
Usually there is a charge between 2 people (assuming they get along), and once that charge is neutralized they must do their own things to allow this charge to regenerate.
The same holds true for romantic relations too depending on the level of ‘potential difference/energetic charge’ that has to be diffused and neutralized from both people.
They may still continue to stay together for other reasons, but the pleasure comes only from the ‘charge’ which is also referred to as ‘chemistry’.

Intellectual pleasures/learning:
Pleasure from learning has a lot of limits too.
And a lot of breaks are needed for assimilation/digestion of what you learnt.

Food:
Pleasure from food has great limits too.
You can only get pleasure when you are hungry.
And once the hunger feeling is neutralized, the pleasure goes with it.
And you can get this pleasure only a few times a day basically.

Experiences/Movies/Novelty/Drugs:
A lot of experience seeking pleasure is about novelty.
So it is all a one shot thing mostly.
Once over, you cannot recapture the magic again.

Fulfilling images/Achievement:
The pleasure may be projected to a certain image/goal.
As you come closer to fulfilling that goal, you get more and more pleasure, until it peaks when you achieve it.
But then it gets empty after that, and the mirage updates its location to something else.
Achievements also hide a sacrifice in them. So they are not the ideal deals too.

Sleep-Wake/Birth-Death
Sleep recharges our pleasure as part of the wake-sleep cycle.
But the waking experience exhausts it, and then we have to go back to sleep for the next recharge.
This could be said about birth-death also.
We get most of our pleasures before the age of 25.
After that things sort of plateau.
We would have to wait to be reborn to experience the joys (and pains too) of childhood/learning/growth/teenage hormones and so on.

There are many more examples,
But it seems like the bottomline is,
The pleasure got from everything is:
# Too limited/short
# Followed by a long rest period for its regeneration.
Because all this pleasure is only a tiny part of the cycles.
None of them can deliver pleasure continuously.
Also it is not even 50-50.
Often the regeneration period is far greater.

This got me thinking about the philosophical aspects of Maya itself.
It is as if Maya is never going to satisfy.
Chasing anything totally, leads to its opposite paradoxically.
Pleasure leads to pain,
Achievement leads to burnout,
Gain leads to loss,
And so on.

All is empty,
All is paradoxical/contradictory.

What looks like pleasure today turns into pain tomorrow.
What was an asset in the past, becomes a liability later.
What was a profound source of meaning today, turns into an empty burden tomorrow.
Even the 120 year life-cycle of Dashas from Vedic Astrology,
Is fractal in nature, and it seems like each next phase contradicts the previous phase in some way.

Reality/Source has its own laws,
And it seems like the only option is to abide in and as them.

The cyclic processes of the body mind and the pleasures they bring look ultimately empty.
It’s like there is nothing in it for me.
Nothing will add anything to me.
Everything gets nulled (Shunya).
There is only the empty divine play appearing.
There is no holy grail, no philosopher’s stone, no ultimate prized thing.
All is nothing, All is the same Maya substance,
The same Maya just transforming itself into all these opposites and cycling between them.
It appears as everything, but is itself no thing.
It is that nothing, that 0, which is the union of all opposites.

This reminds me of the 3 truths in Buddhism:
# Annicha (impermanence)
# Dukkha (suffering)
# Anatma (insubstantiality)
The Dukkha is actually the result of trying to gain self,
In the impermanent and the insubstantial.

There is no real independent essence/substance,
To anything that is appearing/visible/known here.

It is the same Maya substance, but it appears as everything we experience.
It is the great illusion, and we have been bamboozled/tricked into its spell.
But that would be the very purpose of Maya, so it is doing a great job at concealing the actual reality.
Sort of like the game of hide and seek.

The ascent to Shiva and descent to Maya

The influx into the earth plane of density,
And the vacating of the earth plane of density,
Are like Shiva moving in and out of Prakriti/Maya/Matter.
This is birth and death.

Breathing/Heartbeat/Sex/Birth-Death,
Waking-Sleeping/Day-Night/Light-Darkness,
All of this goes in-out, in-out, in-out…
In a state of vibration.
Like a dazzling flashing strobe in consciousness.

At the microcosmic the vibrations are incredibly rapid,
While in the macrocosmic, the flux of day and night takes 24 hours say.
We find ourselves in the middle.
Macrocosmic(slower vibration) —“Us/We”— Microcosmic(faster vibration)
Maybe for the earth, each of our lifetimes is equal to a blink on an eye for it.
The life forms on earth would be like multicolored sparking,
And shimmering coming from a revolving diamond in the presence of light.

We are experiencing all of our lifetime in this unique perspective.
As a mote on earth, living what feels like around 85 years of lifetime.
What a wonder it is!,
When all of our life is seen from such an expanded perspective.

All experience is maya/projection

The external reality is a kind of mysterious screen,
On which any movie can be projected.
The source of everything we experience is projected from within.
Things like your possessions, your relationships: like your wife/husband, friends, your children, things you love, stuff you are attached to, your home, are all projections.
So it is possible that a person living in a jungle in Africa may be feeling/thinking/experiencing in a similar way as a person living in the heart of Tokyo city.
Even though every single thing in their environment is different, a similar reality may be experienced.

A romantic essentially feels the same, no matter how he paints the enactment of that feeling.
The sexual lust feels the same, no matter whom it is projected on.
Any place could become your home, if you shift your projection to the new place.
The capacity to shift projections is one of the greatest powers.
All object essences are projected.
Believing that objects have inherent essences contained in them separate from you, is the biggest illusion.

If you are unable to shift your projections, then you stay attached to the original time they were flashed into you.
Attachment itself happens when there isn’t enough power to shift the projection.
It then stays with the person we first projected that feeling on.
That is what is generally called programming/conditioning.

Imagine if an old movie is remade with today’s technology and actors, everything is different, but the movie essence is the same.
Only the props have changed, the same drama and relationship is playing out.
So the implications of this are that:
# 2 people could be living just next to each other, but living in totally different experience worlds.
# Also, 2 people from completely different physical environments could be living a similar experience.

In your internal space, the projection potential is either present or absent.
And when you have it, you can project it on anything or anyone you want.
Its like when you have the love potential in your heart, and it is unblocked, it can be projected on anybody or anything.
You can keep the enactment of the projection at the fantasy level alone, or bring it down to the physical world, if such a choice/power is available to you.

Drugs like marijuana can temporarily vastly enhance your energy/power to access projection potentials and project.
Like I could ask you to look at a tree in front of you, and tell you to love the tree with all of your heart OR hate the tree with all of your heart, and you can experience both directly for yourself.
You can clearly witness how you modulate your experience with your intention.
You can even do this exercise when sober.
The drug only vastly enhances the power of that projection ability because it amps the available energy.
This is the basis of how on LSD, many people report to see the whole world reflected in an ordinary object like an ashtray.

It is like how a newborn experiences the world.
Every object in his/her environment takes on numinous projections.
Really, the experiences we have later in life are pale shadows of the peak experiences that were had at that time.
Those experiences set the tone for our relationship to the world itself.

From this level, there is no such dichotomy between the imagined and what is called real.
Every single thing you experience is real.
There is no such thing really called the physical world.
Everything that you experience is projected.
What a fantastic ride/illusion it is!, to believe the physical world exists independent from you.
It is a mind-boggling magical spell.

Different planes, death, and enlightenment

Our different bodies exist in different planes:
# Physical -> Astral -> Causal -> Spirit
# Gross -> Subtle -> Causal -> Source
# Assiah -> Yetzirah -> Briah -> Atziluth (From Kabbalah)

Death happens at different levels.
Physical death -> Astral death -> Causal death -> Merger into Source
# The source first empowers all the bodies in an inbreath like process, which is the sequence during the birth process:
Causal vessel/body 1st -> then Astral vessel/body 2nd -> then Physical vessel/body 3rd.
# Then the source is disengaged, an outbreath like release happens, and dying happens one by one.
First the Physical vessel lets go -> Then astral vessel lets go -> Then causal vessel lets go.

Birth and Death at all levels is the play of the spirit/source.
It is the breath of spirit.
# Spirit inbreath -> Becoming Maya (the various planes and bodies)
# Then Spirit outbreath -> where its lets go all the illusions and returns to true nature.

In Enlightenment:
You trade the drop for the ocean itself, which is [the ground of intelligence, quantum field], from which all drops emerge.
To be enlightened is to know/realize at your being that you are the source itself, but operating through that drop.
This realization then maximally empowers the drop to serve the higher will of the field.

Desire as the root of consciousness/life/experience

Everything is dependent on desire.
Like you will work on relationships say, only if you desire relationship.
And only then does the whole structure of relationship etc. matter to you.
Else without that desire, the whole thing drops away and even falls out of consciousness/experience.
So desire drives consciousness.
Desire is the potential force that manifests consciousness.
It is this ‘desire’ that is called ‘love'(as I see it).
Total Non desire = No consciousness/No experience

And, there are infinite desires/desired possibilities, so this play of desire is what aligns you to structuring frameworks that shape you in their image (like being a body on earth bound by physical laws and body structure laws etc.), and consequently powers structures/investments/and their expansion into the larger structures with activities such like “aligning, harmonizing, changing” and so on.
If all I desire is source, then all other relationships/investments drop off.
The very consciousness of them drops off. Because consciousness needs desire.
The desires drop off not only from the investments, but from the structures themselves, and even from the larger structure creating mechanisms/matrixes themselves.
This can be seen as the moving away of desire from maya.
The relinquishing of desire from ALL of MAYA, draws all your desire back to its source, which ends desire, and also ends consciousness/experience itself.

This is the journey from: Jivaatma(Moon) —-to—– Paramatma(Sun)
To drop the accumulated-maya(karma) of the jivaatma and to get back its full merger into its source.
It may then emanate again as a fresh inspiration ray from the sun and once again participate in the grand maya matrix in a different role and different context.

Now a bit more about Maya:
Maya I see as multiple interlocking intertwined interdependent relational hierarchical heterarchical lattice matrix webs of patterning structures.
And these range all the way from the Grossest to the Subtlest.
Flouting those subtle energetic fields: brings instant resistance and pain – for e.g. in the social structure it is felt as being a misfit, awkwardness etc.
And in the physical world, you will injure your body if you flout the rules of the matrix of physical laws.
And fields inherently carry expectations(expectations first to BE and then the expectations to DO).
So say in the social world the individual people tuned into that field do not really exist, but are like bio-computers tuned to that field.
So the tyranny is from the field and the individual people tuned into that only execute it as its agents and appear as tangible feedback coming to you for the way you are and the way you act.
When something is loved, it is a blessing/treasure —else—– that very same thing is a oppression/prison/tyranny.

When one gets tired of ALL maya, the desire withdraws more and more from maya into subtler and subtler levels until the only desire is to return to the source. Then the desire is not for consciousness but for non-existence and a freedom from life itself. Because really you can have freedom from death only if you also have freedom from life also, because the 2 are simply dual pairs.

There is no karma/causation/history

causation

The whole notion of there being an accumulation or karma – a storehouse of impressions – is this really true?
Isn’t it is a kind of dream or a kind of imagination?
Isn’t it a kind of dream that a person gravitates to, to find meaning in his life.
What if there is no storehouse, and it is all arising NOW as the emergence/unfolding of the ONE?
Is there really any HISTORY at all?
What if there is no such thing as history apart from an “Imagined history”?
What(the field?) is it that is dreaming up this world?

By imagined I don’t mean the part of imagination that you control consciously (working memory and conscious mind etc.).
I mean the whole that includes the entirety of the IMAGINAL SPACE including the parts that you cannot control but yet are you.

Control is not the only factor determining ownership.
You are both – what you can control and what you cannot control.
You are both – what is voluntary and what is involuntary.
You are the field, and that includes parts you can control and parts you cannot.

The “Small You” as you picture yourself, appears in this SPACE (this space is your context), and the “Real You” is this whole space/field.
You are the imagination of the the philosophers stone, and the philosophers stone appears to you in your imagination as an object (PARADOX).
Is it the same paradox as idol worship.
You see the ALL in the idol, so you are within the idol’s field and it is also true that the idol is an object within your field.
To solve this paradox, we have to understand the holographic nature of reality. We have to understand “mutually-dependent origination”(Buddhism) and the “Indra’s net concept”(Hinduism).
Every point is the whole and contains the whole.
1 – The drop contains the whole ocean
2 – And so does every other drop
3 – And each drop’s potential is reflected in each and every other drop
Contemplate on points 1, 2 and 3.
So you can see the whole from any point of view(pov).
Because every point contains ALL.
That is how one can have those mystical experiences we hear about from people on LSD such as “Seeing the entire universe in an ashtray etc. Other examples might be: Getting the experience of shiva through an idol OR Even seeing the whole universe reflected in the eyes of a lover.

I feel like then the idea of karma, and that one has to exhaust all their impressions and then reach a certain projected/”imaginal” state of peace/bliss/happiness/completion/enlightenment is a dream.
The greatest dream is the dream of pursuing enlightenment.
There is no karma at all.
There is no self or other at all.
There is only the unfoldment of the ONE/WHOLE.
There is no causation because there is no time(time is an appearance in imagination) and no separate objects(separation is an appearance in imagination(of the field)), for one to influence/affect or be the cause of the change of state in an other.
Nothing is substantial and nothing exists apart from the ONE/WHOLE.
No part exists independently from the whole, but rather each part is in-fact part is an appearance of the whole and sustained by the whole.

The whole field is animated by the divine point light like the projector ray of light which moves so fast it creates the illusion of an APPEARANCE/WORLD/CONTEXT/MAYA.
So as one increases one’s frequency of perception more and more, the transition that happens is like: Say you are looking at the TV, and the frequency of your eye keeps on increasing (to the level of a horse fly and greater), what would happen?
Eventually the persistence of vision (1/10th of a second normally) will decrease more and more, and you would start to see images flashing more and more rapidly. Soon the PICTURE would DISAPPEAR, and this is akin to the dissolution of the ILLUSION/MAYA.
Finally when your frequency is super high, you will just see the one point of light (which is actually responsibly for drawing the whole picture).
Now this persistence of vision is an analogy for your FREQUENCY OF VIBRATION.
Higher vibration beings see “what is objectively real for a lower vibrational being” as being only a possibility or an appearance.
What is real for a lower vibrational being is an appearance for a higher vibrational being.

Analogy:
A horse fly may be able to pass in and out of the spinning fan blades.
What looks like a circular solid object to you (fan blades when the fan is in full speed from persistence of vision), to the horse fly it just looks like 3 blades moving, and it can easily find the gap and pass in and out of the horizontal plane of the fan.
Similarly a higher vibration being can perform miracles simply because he sees all the gaps in the rock like illusion of a lower dimensional being.
He can easily see the whole structure of it and its pattern of unfoldment.

So I can say “PERSISTENCE OF VISION” = responsible for creating illusion/dream/maya/continuity. (metaphorically)

Another analogy would be, supposing you are watching a movie, and a character pushes another character and the other one falls down.
Now, from the screen’s point of view, did the 1st character pixels really CAUSE the 2nd character pixels to fall down or shift? OR was it all simply done by the screen?
The whole thing was an emanation from the whole screen, and no part in the screen was the cause of any other part’s movement or affect.