Depression seen from a deeper place

fathermothershadow

When we are young, the conditions of love are told to us.
Even if they are not explicitly told, we can easily intuit it.
We look at the environment around us with the question:
“What must I be? What must I do? What must I become?” to get the love I desire?

Love is first for survival, because if nobody loves you, you will not survive.
Even if you were unwanted and parents took care of you just as a duty, that is still because they love to be morally right/socially right etc.
So love is required to survive when you are dependent esp.

After the survival stage is passed, love is still needed for enrichment, growth, expansion, flourishing, prosperity, real wealth, and so on.

So coming back to the topic, depression is from the loss of hope, that you can ever be/become/do something that will get you love.
Thereafter the person just lives hand to mouth existentially.
Some force in him keeps living mechanically like clockwork in cycles, but he loses all hope and falls into grief.
All his mental energies fall like a dead weight on him, like a cross which he carries and walks in despair, in the endless desert.
He becomes totally apathetic, and wishes for deep sleep to carry him away to non-existence permanently.
His daily life with this cross on his back then resembles the ‘Sisyphus myth’ i.e. rolling a rock up the hill only to watch it roll down again and repeat.

What I have described is only the surface. Let’s dive further in.
From the archetypal perspective, the world is your projection.
Everything including love shines forth from you, from the source.
If you give all of your projections away to impossible ideals, depression is inevitable.
How does this happen?
It could be a combination of your own innate tendency to do that (hyper-ambition) coupled with being born in a family (which you might have attracted from a tendency match).
So in such a case, usually the family i.e. parents, siblings etc. feel they are profoundly unworthy and undeserving, and each of them have an impossible ideal which receives their light.
As a result of that, they are always in the dark shadow of undeservingness, poverty, desperation, grief, unworthiness, and deep-ambivalence of hope.
So now when you are born, you osmotically pick up the ideals from them which may go unconscious in you by the time you grow up.
But it is those ideals that are getting your light, which are unconscious to you.
In your conscious experience, you may only see meaninglessness, darkness, apathy, disinterest, futility, despair, dim view about the future etc.
But the far away faint ideal receives all of your light.
It is like how when we have a full solar eclipse, that shadow blocks off a large portion of the earth.
In this case, the ideal that you have given away your love to, casts a huge shadow on you, turning you into its prisoner in deprivation.
This is the abstract description of the situation of depression.

I’ll give an example.
Say you look at magazine images of male and female models, and compare yourself to them.
If you project all of your love on them, and believe only they deserve love, and if you are far from that image, then to that extent you will fall in the shadow of hate.
You see them 100 times more clearly than you see yourself because they have received all of your light, like the other side of the moon in the eclipse.
Loving others more than loving yourself, or co-dependence is likely, because the other has been projected as lovely, which means in relativity to that, you will definitely fall in the shadow of hate.
Hate is darkness, which means literally, you will be mostly unconscious to yourself.
Now many different actions are possible from this condition:
* You can try to become like them, give all of your energies to that, depending on the level of shame you feel and the level of idealization you have projected on them. This will not give you depression, but will make you pursue the ideal like your life depends on it.
* If you realize it is impossible for you to be like them, then you lose hope of ever becoming something worthy of love, and fall into hopelessness, despair, unworthiness, and the smoke of grief we call depression.
For some people these ideals are more literal = like money, body, possessions, achievement etc.
But often, these ideals are more obscure, elusive, and contradict each other.
The contradiction is what makes the depression impossible to overcome on its terms.
Like what if the one who is loved has to be:
“Extraordinary enough to be admired, adored, worshipped.
But ordinary enough to be loved, included, and belong.”
So the 2 conditions above are contradictory almost.
So you could have tons of such impossible ideals.
Then they will definitely paralyze you, take away all of your light, and leave you with nothing, in the shadow.
I see this as one of the chief deeper causes of depression.

Love and light go together

I define love as ‘the willingness to see’.
I define light as ‘the seeing’ itself.
Love and light go together because your ‘seeing’ and your ‘willingness to see’ are highly intertwined.
In fact, they are one and the same.
So, I could use “Love/Light” as a single term.
Because, in deeper truth, you see something only from your willingness to see.
In other words, your seeing is a manifestation of your love.
Deeper you love, deeper and finer is your seeing itself.
If you have no love for something, or no willingness to see it, then you won’t see the thing at all.

Let’s consider the various physical drives/hungers:
# Hunger = is what makes you think about food, that is what allows you to even see food.
# Thirst = is what makes you think about drinks, that is what allows you to even see drinks.
# Sexual charge = is what makes you think about sex, that is what allows you to even see the opp-sex, as the opp-sex.
# Impressions appetite = is what makes you seek experiences, that is what allows you to even see those possibilities and pursue them.
These are all hungers, and “the seeing” arises from “the hungers” themselves.
The hunger is what ENABLES you to see at all.

# The hunger which we call love = is the infinite willingness and desire to see and understand all of existence as it is.
Your light/seeing is only proportional to the level of love/willingness in you.
The love is the potential/willingness/desire/hunger, which emanates as the light that let’s you see anything at all.

Your experience is a mirror

You see what you want to see.
You see through the windows of your own expectations.
Even an unenlightened person can enlighten a sincere seeker.
Alternatively, a negative person may not benefit at all even from an enlightened person.
You attract what you are.
Your world view, ideas about everything, about others, are a reflection of the lens through which you are seeing.
A wise man can get wisdom even from a fool.
The fool can never get wisdom even if the wisest words are said to him.
Look for beauty, profoundness, and the sublime, and you will see it.
Open your heart to what you desire, you will see that manifested.
The outer world is only the reflection/projection of your inner world.
Seek, and you shall find and attain.

All true power is from within, from the invisible.
Become the diamond mind/diamond heart.
Receive the light and dazzle with the reflections.
Outer success without inner connection is meaningless.
The love of others will mean nothing, if you are not aligned to your own power.
Work on the roots, work on connecting to the earth,
And the flowers will come by themselves, the tree will bloom.
Connect yourself to the source and be an avatar/conduit of its power.
Become enlightened and freed with the power of the source.
Healing really is alignment, i.e. to keep what is real, to drop what is unreal.
Go into the transformation, let go into the fire of higher intelligence,
“Thou shall be done.”

I am a ‘Light’ worker

I am a ‘LIGHT’ worker
I am the force of RISE itself.
I am the force of upliftment
I am a swirling tornado spinning upwards
I am an upward draft of wind helping kites soar higher
I am the force of transcendence
I am the force of ASCENT
I am the eagle flying straight into the sun
I am the force of ELEVATION
I am the force of transcendence
I am the vehicle that carries souls to the spirit plane

I am the bridge between:
Infinite and finite
Unknown and known
Dreams and reality
Chaos and order
Unmanifest and manifest
Inspiration and creation
Heaven and earth
Unborn and born
God and human

My Longing

longing

I feel a longing in direct experience, but it is hard to describe it.
Here is my attempt to come close to describing it:
Longing for God
Longing for Rest
Longing to Relax
Longing for Disappearance
Longing for Deep Sleep
Longing for Ecstasy
Longing for the Infinite
Longing for Release
Longing for Liberation
Longing for Wholeness
Longing for Integration
Longing for Silence
Longing to be released from the Body
Longing to be released from Identity
Longing to know ‘What I Am’
Longing for Flow
Longing for Death
Longing for Peace
Longing for Love
Longing for Understanding
Longing for Purpose
Longing for Revelation
Longing for Freedom
Longing for Bliss/Pleasure
Longing for Clarity
Longing for Mystery
Longing for the Beyond
Longing for Surrender
Longing for Truth
Longing for Light
Longing for Inspiration
Longing for Connection

Essence vs. Degree

All essences are NOW.
Time is only the play of ‘degrees of essence’.
For instance, the essence of light is always present.
And the essence of mystery/change is always present.
It is only the degree that varies in time.

For instance, day and night represent different degrees of light.
But light is always there.
Similarly change/mystery/surprise is always there, but its degree varies a lot in time.
For instance, if you go to a tightly packed vacation, say to a new country, there would be a lot more change/mystery, whereas, an ordinary day would contain a much lesser degree of mystery/surprise.

Opposites are not different things, they are different degrees of the same thing.
So all essences are present now.
This is what makes reincarnation irrelevant, which simply represents a much greater degree of change.

Love = Knowledge, Extent of Love

When another person understands you, it’s their love/connection that understands.
When you understand another person, it’s your love/connection that understands.
If you understand others, but they do not understand you, then that is because your love is much greater and encompasses them.
Love = Connection = Light = Knowing = Understanding.
There is no difference between love and knowledge, and love is light, and light is knowledge.