The whole is your home

Home is the [largest perspective], the [whole’est perspective].
To leave home is to depart from this [largest perspective] into a [narrowed perspective].
All journeys away from home are journeys into [narrowed perspectives].
In fact the narrower your perspective gets, the more far away from home you go.
The most crazy journeys involve stepping into the most far out narrowed perspectives.

Home (metaphysically speaking) has little to do with your physical location or with certain people we call family etc.
Those are factors that ENABLE us to RELAX enough to ACQUIRE that kind of WHOLE PERSPECTIVE.
The more one relaxes and feel safe(the less the fear), the more that one can open up to the largest perspective.
And generally a physical location and known people (since you know them for many years they are much more predictable and cause the least anxiety/fear) is a good formula for our mammalian brain to PERMIT this ENLARGEMENT of PERSPECTIVE.

Since [Fear] is one of the biggest contractors of perspective, finding home is about finding freedom from fear.
Fear is what takes you away from home, and the absence of fear is what brings you back home.

Also, another important point is, [Right Action] comes from [Right View] (Buddha).
So the BEST POSSIBLE ACTION will always come from the WHOLE’EST PERSPECTIVE.
Narrower your perspective, the less you can see, and your action would be at a certain level of discord with the whole as a result.
A great demonstration of this principle is in the Samurai warrior training of Wu-shin(which means no mind).
They literally defocus their eyes on a neutral point far away, when enemies are running towards them with swords.
Imagine! Can you defocus and relax yourself like that when someone is coming to kill you with a sword?
For an ordinary person, his attention would almost get rapture’d and hyper focused on the sword alone and all he would see would be the sword and little else.
Think about it. If the samurai only focused on the sword, how would he take the best action?
The calmer you are, the less fearful you are = the broader your perspective = the better your action would be.
So ‘Home’ is also the place for the emanation of the best actions.
Whatever place keeps you in your highest spirits with least fear, will result in the BEST ACTIONS and BEST OUTCOMES.

The expenditure of karmic energy potentials

Van_Gogh_Starry_Night

I see experience as a curriculum of ‘karmic energy potentials’ for this lifetime.
Analogy:
Like the picture here showing Van Gogh’s famous starry sky, we could visualize ourselves as the whole space(the whole field) in true essence, and all the stars are all the container of various potential experiences we are to experience in this life.
Or I could say our soul/heart contains all these star experience potentials.
Each star then continuously expends its energy.
There are stars of various sizes, and the brightest ones tend to take up the most of our attention and may represent core characteristics of our identity whose qualities shine on us no matter where we are on this field.

Our observer point then starts accelerating along a certain path – the orbit of which is created such that we would have drunk the experience from all the stars energy on completion.
We have a certain degree of choice energy embedded in the observer point too.
So generally we choose to live through the pleasurable ones first (large gas giants and low density stars – which represent high vibrations) and identify our self as them (the white fish in yin-yang) and this forms the day period of our lives, and when all the pleasure-stars have exhausted their fuel of experience, they all vanish and we enter the night of our lives and experience all the other wonders and terrors of the various smaller night stars which mostly represent our repressed shadows/non-egoic potentials (dis-identified disavowed parts under the iceberg). This night journey represents the dark night of soul which our heart lives through.

Then once all the difficult dense energy stars (sadness, grief, pain etc. and the low vibration parts) exhaust their potentials too, then the journey completes itself and we are freed from the heart and union with the formless field as DELIGHT.

Journey to home

“Keep you eyes on the real goal” – I keep telling myself
As I navigate this territory without the ego structure
Sometimes higher goals appear, at other times chaos appears
Various gross and subtle fragments of identification fill up my entirety and pass through/change.
I cannot yet sense a ground.
I fall through various fragments/shifting identifications -> and shifting worlds.
I am like a true traveler, a psychic nomad, moving through various landscapes of the mind.
This is my journey towards home.
This is a unique territory that is to be navigated with my own intelligence.

I tell myself:
Trust that for each fragment encountered, life knows what it is doing.
Nothing is ever wasted.
No effort is ever in vain.
Flow with the divine will.
There is nothing to do, but to get out of the way
And let thy be done

Journey into my deepest values

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What I am is ultimately what I value.
As I go deep into my contemplative journey,
To discover my truest and deepest value,
To discover my true original essence,
I am plunged into a catharsis, a purging

I listen to myself deeply,
And ask, what do you love
I go silent and try to feel the answer, the vibration
As I journey into this question
I feel like I’m drawn more and more into an abyss
I am taken away from the world of forms
Into subtle boundless feelings
I’m am unable to go much further for much longer
As my ego pulls my “focus” back on the world of form

The journey within takes me into an abyss, a catatonia, a coma like state, a formless state, a state approaching deep sleep.
A pure boundless/infinite feeling space.
By this I can see, that my love for specific forms has been lost.
What I love/value now, has become much more diffuse and subtle.

And in this alchemical journey,
I feel like my value is vacating this world.
I am being drawn to the ocean depths of my psyche.
The dark deep blue where very little light is present.
I cannot see anything here
I only feel, all is “feeling” here

In this condition, it is clear that the job of my ego now is to let go.
My soul cathexis has vacated its structures,
It therefore no longer has energy to BE.
It is undergoing an organic dissolution
I feel like I’ve entered and ventured so deep into the ocean waters
I have lost my desire for the surface waters

All my attachments pull on me
It is as if your monthly salary is gradually being reduced
And this is straining the edifice of all of my lifestyle
I let go more and more of form
Until there is no-thing
Until there is no-thing left to lose anymore

This brings the transcendent void, infinite diffused feeling focus.
I am now a deep ocean creature and live in a mystical no-thingness subtle space
This state reminds me of sleep, it approaches it.
With more and more relinquishing of attachment I am able to go deeper and deeper.
Trust becomes a major issue, and fears kick in to constantly concentrate my focus energy on my most pressing issues.
I no longer “know” where I am going and am trusting the unknown more and more.
For knowledge is just a crutch we most often cling to to compensate for our lack beliefs, fear beliefs, and mistrust.
I am being swallowed by a force larger than myself and returning.