My wonder and fascination with relations

Since my earliest memory,
I have always had a deep wonder, curiosity, and fascination,
On the possibilities of relating with others.

Interacting with others felt like a great stage,
Participating in group dance or song,
Like a blending of minds creating great harmonies,
Grand tapestries and patterns of rich meaning.

I would imagine all the possibilities in fantasy/dreaming mostly,
With the actual reality serving more as the base context for their concoction.
If reality was “1” (the actuals), My imagination was “100+”(the possibilities).
Maybe “10” of those imaginations would fit under “appropriate”.
The rest would be out of bounds of appropriate social conduct.

This used to always perplex me,
About why so little happens in reality out of all the infinite possibilities.
About why so little was permitted, and why so much was not?
What decided what was allowed and disallowed?
I used to wonder and contemplate on this.

I never received much social conditioning in my early years,
So my mind/imagination was always open.
While approaching others in my early days,
I would be super open, innocent, with total trust.
Then I realized all the boundaries one by one,
And adapted myself to the socialization agreements.
But within me, even today, I am still as free as the wide open sky.
Nobody has ever given more freedom than I have given myself, by a very long shot.

The initial exploration period in my life,
Before the boundaries were understood,
Were some of my happiest times.
Because I experienced that inner sky like freedom expressing itself.
Once I understood the limits, then I reduced myself.
After understanding all the boundaries the hard way,
And due to my hyper restrictive outer environments in childhood,
I sort of became a bit of a recluse.
However the deep fascination I had in this field,
Led me to doing a lot of research and exploration,
And learning a lot in the process.

Nowadays, I test the waters by opening up a bit,
Setting an example, and seeing.
If the other does not open up as much, then I bring back the older boundaries.
Even if the other does not respond, I feel satisfied though,
That I have at least shown the possibility as an offer.
If the other from their side takes liberties with me, or extends interest,
That also frees me up to expand myself and extend a relationship to that extent.

My understanding:
# However I behave with the other,
I set an example/model to follow.
# However they behave with me,
They set an example/model to follow.
# Whatever topics I initiate, I open those doors.
# Whatever topics they initiate, they open those doors.

Everything goes around

Whatever you give out,
Gets stored in the other.
In your every action of relating,
You are passing on that energy to the other.
They then store it and manifest that same energy you gave,
To someone else, sometime or the other.

It is a grand game of passing the parcel.
Whatever a mother gives a child, the child will then store that, and then manifest that in the world.
Whatever a spouse gives the other spouse, the other stores that, and then manifests that to the world, sometime later.
Everything goes round and round.

So by relating well with the other,
You are actually planting those seeds in the other.
Your deep intention etc is stored in them,
And they may manifest that same energy much later,
To some other person, in some other place and time.

Not all causation is from what you see.
These hidden unseen causes may have passed on the real seeds.

Social interaction and Energy tuning

This is a really vast topic.
I’ll try to summarize some salient points.
Social interactions, camaraderie, and group eros, are mostly about energetic tuning. Everyone tunes into a similar energy space/context.
The words and activities then exchanged, are all a play, happening within the common context.

If you can harmonize, tune in, to the other’s/group’s energy signature, then you can say whatever you want, and it will be globally accepted.
On the other hand, if your energy signature does not tune into the other’s/group’s energy, then your very presence itself will feel awkward, even if you choose to say nothing.
So the essence of social interaction is = “energy/context tuning/harmonization”.
It is a certain trance, a certain absorption.

You bridge the distance between: Where you are, and where the other is.
There are different combinations possible:
# You go all the way to them [Codependent]
# They come all the way to you [Narcissist]
# You go all the way to them and then they come all the way to you [My preference].
# Both meet somewhere in the middle [Common dissociation, The general social reality and formal situations fall here].
So essentially all interaction/communion = is about bridging the distance, and closing the gap.

So really, the capacity you have for communion in social interactions depends on your conditioning/investment/interest or desire.
If you are relatively de-conditioned, then you have to make the stretch to meet the conditioned others. Often they cannot come to you. You go to them.
Situational friendships are because both the people are tuned to a common context, which is like the 4th combination in my list.
These friendships fade, when the common context is vacated.
A person permanently in the societal frame, has substantially repressed his individuality, and entirely invested in the middle ground. He enjoys communion at all times, but at the cost of his deeper individuality.
On the other hand, a hermit might happen when his conditioning is such that meeting others is too much of a stretch. So he lives in his own space/authenticity, until the other comes to him.