The absurdity of the ‘love yourself’ mantra

This is something that has perplexed me since childhood.
I’d keep hearing slogans like ‘be yourself’, ‘love yourself, ‘believe in yourself’, and so on.
I used to wonder, what is this self that they are referring to, while pointing at me.
Where is this self? What is it?
Is it my image of their idea of what I am, what I should be, or what I think they want me to be?
Is it my own image of what I am independent of them being around me?
But generally my own image of what I am, is heavily and actively conditioned/influenced by who is around me (in silent or talking level interaction with me) and the larger surroundings in that place.
Even if nobody is around me, my self is some sort of a more diffused response to the environment around me.

My general personality/disposition/investments/ways of thinking-perceiving-feeling etc. are part nature and part nurture.
I can recall an active self forming at the age of 6, then a more developed one at 11, and I think after the age of 28 it seems to have stabilized itself.
But what was that active self that first formed? What existed before the age 6?
It feels like I just emerged from a bunch of situations throughout early childhood.

Ok, then was I born a clean slate? – I don’t relate with that too.
I have no continuous memories of anything below the age 4-5, but I intuit I could have already had a seed with its potentials/proclivities/tendencies/patterns (what they call samkharas and vasanas in vedic literature).
So maybe the selves that formed through 6, 11, 20, 24, 28 etc. were different milestones where a distinctive evolving pattern emerged in my vibrating sands (like the sand patterns in Cymatics as the frequency is raised).
So my deeper self then could be my bio-memory embedded in the whole body (in its trillions of cells)? – Coming from my forefathers, ancestry, genetics, lineage.
That genetics could have passed on its own fantasies, ideals, projects, works, characteristics, goals, preoccupations etc. that I identify with or dis-identify with depending on my own past lives?
In my own past lives, again the same situation might have been there, of genetics, upbringing, conditioning, social environment (the yuga at that time) and its influence etc.
So it sort of loops on itself. When did it all start?

The dilemma is like, when you are a tree, you search for your source.
You find out, you grew from a seed.
But a seed cannot grow without the fertile ground.
So the ground is also responsible for the tree.
But that seed itself has come from a previous full grown tree (the past life), and so on.
It goes into an infinite regress loop.
My whole quest to find an independent self eludes me.
I just cannot grasp a ‘me’ that exists independently.

From my contemplation, I see none of any of this is me.
Because if I can perceive it as an object,
Then the me must be separate from the object right?!
The deeper I contemplate this, I realize that what I am is transcendent of language itself.
It is a transcendent dimension, what they call consciousness.

Dispassion and Infinity

Dispassion comes from the knowledge of infinity.
When having infinite desire, how can it be satisfied by one thing?!
Desire then becomes like the sun,
That shines continuously on everything indiscriminately.

Infinity is not a quantity but a quality

There is a dimensional gap between quantity and quality.
Because quality is immeasurable, analog, and infinite.
Any amount of quantity will still be “infinitely less” than infinity.

Experience by nature is qualitative.
Like consider a dream.
What is the nature of it? Is is measurable in any sense in space or time?
How large was it? How much time did it contain?

Even now, every scene you see is infinite,
But you can snap a 12MP digital photo of that using your camera.
The sound that you hear from your guitar is infinite,
But you can record a 128kbps Mp3 using a sound recorder.
The digitization process converts the pure infinite analog into bits to approximate the quality of it.
But the resolution of this captured information can never equal the infinite resolution/information present in the actual reality of creation.

Similarly our minds are like the digitized versions of what reality actually is.
The real “terrain” though is infinite.
Our minds are like captured maps from this terrain,
Like a combination of photos and illustrations.
The real nature of existence is unfathomable and beyond all logic.

Total flexibility, adaptability, response-ability is the greatest freedom

RULE: “What appears is not what it really is.”
This is even easier to see the more disrupted things get.

Persistence makes it more difficult to see illusions,
Because the persistent stuff imposes itself on you,
Day after day in the same way, leaving very little gaps.

But disruptions make it more easy to see between the cracks.
To see that all that appears is empty,
And is the modulation of a substrate that is completely free to change.

In my opinion, the real truth is all mixed.
There is no black and white dichotomy of [good parent, terrible parent].
The world/creation is like a forest.
It can be seen in 1000s of ways,
And all of these ways are views of the same transcendental object.

The transcendental object we call world,
Is an infinite canvas for us to project and see what we want to see.
Just like a screen is.
It carries the potential in each of its pixels,
To show a huge range of brightness and color,
And consequently appear as any picture.

All is a complex mixture.
Nothing is a pure blessing or a pure curse.
There is duality in everything.
Flexibility of perspective/vision and response-ability,
Is the truest freedom imo.

All that appears is the play of Maya.
All is an appearance.
All that appears is not what it really is.
It is the flexibility of our mind that allows us to see more,
Of the transcendental higher dimensional object we call the world.

Like how 1000s of people take videos of a place using their own cameras,
We use our minds to perceive and understand different aspects of this world.
But the world (the place itself) is beyond all the footage that was captured.
The footage is a representation and not the thing itself.

The world is an unfathomable blend of 1000s of facets.
Our minds are like travelers and explorers of this multifaceted object.
How much we travel and explore is our choice,
And is also dependent on our potential.

When it comes to Maya,
The rule is always: “Do it the way it works”.

Zero, Black, Silence, and Infinity

In math, we can see 0 as nothing or everything.
In conventional math we take 0 to be nothing.
However, we can also take 0 to represent ‘everything’,
Which would mean 0 would represent ‘infinity’.
Many concepts in spirituality would fit in much better,
In this system of ‘infinity math’ (0 as everything).

Generally, we think black is no color and white is all colors.
But the truth of this is more intriguing.
A black object absorbs all the wavelengths of light,
And therefore emits nothing.
Whereas the white object reflects all the wavelengths of light,
And therefore absorbs nothing.
So really it is the ‘Black’ that contains all the colors.

Silence we generally see as the absence of sound.
But actually, silence is “ALL SOUND”.
The term “deafening silence” fits in well with this.
Silence can be too intense to take,
Hence we make sound.

So Infinity/Whole/The ALL/The Everything/God/Superset = Black, Silence, Zero.

Silence, Void, Deep Sleep, Absence, God


Silence contains the all
Silence is abundance
Silence is the ultimate satisfaction
Silence is the ultimate contentment.
There is nothing that silence lacks.
Silence needs nothing

Similarly, I could say,
The ‘Zero’ contains all
The ‘Void’ contains all
So Zero, Silence, Void -> are all complete, and contain all
There is nothing that they lack

Deep sleep contains all
Deep sleep is complete
It is the plenum we return to every night
After a long day of exploration, we long to return
To this cornucopia of deep sleep
The deeper one sleeps, the more rejuvenated one is the next day
Existence arises and returns to the void of non-being/non-existence.
It gets it’s replenishment/rejuvenation from this return.

God is ‘total absence’ in its infinite nature
God is ‘absolute nothing’ in its infinite nature
Anything present lacks this absence/infinity
Anything present is finite/limited
‘Absence’ is unlimited while ‘Presence’ is limited

We could abstract it further and say:
God is NOT! OR God is ‘Presence of Absence’
Just like “To know that you know nothing is the greatest knowing”,
Similarly, “To see the emptiness/absence in all existence, is to apprehend the infinite god and is the greatest seeing”
Emptiness yields the clearest vision
Emptiness/Absence is true freedom