The very idea of progress,
Is connected to the following:
[Goals, purpose, meaning, values,
vision, judgments, understanding,
imagination, ideals, and knowledge].
Your [vision, imagination, understanding, and knowledge] forms the basis.
From that, the other derivates are obtained like [goals, purpose, ideals, meaning, values, and judgments].
Where do you see yourself in your own [vision]?
Where do you see all of the others as fitting into your [vision]?
The deepest fear and the deepest desire
The deepest fear is the ‘fear of death’.
It is not ‘death’ itself that is feared (because it is unknown), but the ‘fear of death’.
The fear is of the ‘image of that possibility’.
Fear is not about the actuality but about the possibility (as imagined).
Fear is the projection of a negative possibility onto the unknown.
But it derives its substance from the past memories/known.
So the unknown is defended against, by fear.
All fears are illusions though, because:
“Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.”
So in a way, our greatest fear is of total disillusionment.
I feel the deepest desire/longing is the desire for:
Liberation, Mukti, Transcendence, Enlightenment, The highest possibility,
To merge with the deathless source,
The desire for God itself (omniscience, omnipotence, omnipresence).
I think all other desires and fears are different mixtures of the above 2.
Like how sugar and salt is mixed in different proportions in different foods.
They all taste unique, but carry these 2 essences.
When the heart is fully cleansed,
It radiates deep devotion.
It feels like a boundless vacuum, or an infinite fall.
It is like falling in love, but with the fall never ending,
Because it is a state inspired and generated from within, not from outside conditions.
Devotion is the highest expression/potential/possibility of the heart.
Devotion is just you being really straight and committed to your own deepest desire/longing.
Resonance, Attraction, the time-shaft dimension of a person
Every person we meet has a past, present, and future.
“…Past self —— Present self ——- Future self…”
People are like flowing rivers.
And when you meet them, you are meeting their river at that time and place.
All interaction is only possible only because of resonance.
Without resonance, the others would not even appear in your experience.
You mingle/jibe/sync with the person only through the resonance you both share.
In other words, you see them within you, through how they appear/form within your space and its filtering structures.
Understanding this resonance can be a very subtle job.
It could be a positive or negative kind of ‘energy investment’ resonance.
For example: Both liking or hating the same thing.
Another possibility is, it could be resonance with the thing but not with the relationship to that thing.
For instance: Say both are obsessed with the idea of beauty.
One of them trying to become beautiful with the other actively rebelling against the idea of beauty and doing the opposite.
The commonality here is, both are focused/fixated/locked onto, and have their cathexis/emotional investment set on the same theme/field/topic/idea, although with differing/opposing relationship.
So there is the resonance from:
# What idea you focus on
# Relationship towards that idea
The first bullet point creates the “shared reality/shared frame of reference”, which is the primary resonance.
The second bullet point, that is, the relationship towards that shared frame is the secondary resonance.
This is because if the 2 do not see/share the reality/frame as the first step, then no interaction is possible at all.
Another element of this is consciousness.
# 2 people could come from the same cultural background and share that deep resonance,
But they could be completely unconscious of it.
They both may not see that shared resonance as an object at all in their experience.
# On the other hand, if there is consciousness of the resonance, then there is also consciousness of the object that is resonated with. And this implies that the person is seeing from a point of view that is transcendent of the object.
This is actually a necessary precondition for all consciousness of any object.
All consciousness requires transcendence, that is to see something clearly as an object in your experience, requires ‘you’ to see from an ‘identity space’ that is transcendent of that object.
All consciousness needs contrast.
The ‘transcendent reality’ provides a contrast to everything we experience here.
Union-ing with that, allows for the greatest clarity and unifying vision of everything here.
Let’s now look into the time dimension:
What the other values/cherishes/desires/longs/strives for, represents their future self.
That is what they will become, or that is the direction of their movement.
They are drawn towards certain possibilities, and if you are also attracted towards a similar direction/possibility, then that also is a resonance shared.
In a way, seen from a 5-D perspective, every person is tracing a time mandala.
From the 5-D perspective, the entire mandala is already there, it is only a matter of time.
Like how a cassette or DVD already has the entire recording, but it is played out in time.
So there could be a 5-D resonance too. Some kind of complementary time mandalas in deep relationship with each other.
This is what is called soul connection I believe.
Basically a referent used to point to a much deeper higher dimensional resonance/relationship/attraction/complement-ality.
Sometimes the attraction to the other is because they represent a possibility/potential that we desire, but we are unable to be/become or own that due to various reasons.
This could be 5-D or even 6-D based.
# 5-D based attraction would be something you could potentially become, but you may be having many other preoccupations and constraints, it may involve too many sacrifices, compromises, guilts, fears, restructuring, and so on.
# 6-D based would be something that is impossible for you to become in this birth given your conditions. For instance, if I wanted to be a billionaire’s child, that is a 6-D possibility because it is impossible in this current birth no matter what choices/decisions/investments I make. It is then more like a parallel universe, that can only be lived in the imagination.
Imagination is the Ultimate Bridger of all worlds and possibilities.
My wonder and fascination with relations
Since my earliest memory,
I have always had a deep wonder, curiosity, and fascination,
On the possibilities of relating with others.
Interacting with others felt like a great stage,
Participating in group dance or song,
Like a blending of minds creating great harmonies,
Grand tapestries and patterns of rich meaning.
I would imagine all the possibilities in fantasy/dreaming mostly,
With the actual reality serving more as the base context for their concoction.
If reality was “1” (the actuals), My imagination was “100+”(the possibilities).
Maybe “10” of those imaginations would fit under “appropriate”.
The rest would be out of bounds of appropriate social conduct.
This used to always perplex me,
About why so little happens in reality out of all the infinite possibilities.
About why so little was permitted, and why so much was not?
What decided what was allowed and disallowed?
I used to wonder and contemplate on this.
I never received much social conditioning in my early years,
So my mind/imagination was always open.
While approaching others in my early days,
I would be super open, innocent, with total trust.
Then I realized all the boundaries one by one,
And adapted myself to the socialization agreements.
But within me, even today, I am still as free as the wide open sky.
Nobody has ever given more freedom than I have given myself, by a very long shot.
The initial exploration period in my life,
Before the boundaries were understood,
Were some of my happiest times.
Because I experienced that inner sky like freedom expressing itself.
Once I understood the limits, then I reduced myself.
After understanding all the boundaries the hard way,
And due to my hyper restrictive outer environments in childhood,
I sort of became a bit of a recluse.
However the deep fascination I had in this field,
Led me to doing a lot of research and exploration,
And learning a lot in the process.
Nowadays, I test the waters by opening up a bit,
Setting an example, and seeing.
If the other does not open up as much, then I bring back the older boundaries.
Even if the other does not respond, I feel satisfied though,
That I have at least shown the possibility as an offer.
If the other from their side takes liberties with me, or extends interest,
That also frees me up to expand myself and extend a relationship to that extent.
My understanding:
# However I behave with the other,
I set an example/model to follow.
# However they behave with me,
They set an example/model to follow.
# Whatever topics I initiate, I open those doors.
# Whatever topics they initiate, they open those doors.
Objects and the different worlds they connect to.
There is the ‘field/class/world/realm/abstract cloud’,
And there is the ‘instance/object/particular/literal’.
For example:
“The world of relationships” is the field/class,
While the specific relationships you have in your life,
Are the instances/objects of that field/class.
Another way to look at this (conventionally speaking) is:
Imagination/Possibility/Dream —-vs—– Reality/Actual
For instance, you could day-dream about having relationships with all the characters in your favorite TV show.
But the people whom you are directly in contact with, are the actual relationships in your life.
The direct objects are the ones that give you traction and access to the corresponding worlds they come from.
For instance, your initial relationships with primary caregivers in life shape a lot of the “world of relationships” you will experience later, unless there is a stronger influence from within or outside.
I have mostly used relationship examples here.
But this applies to everything.
The object is your point of access and introduction,
To its corresponding world.
For example, below are a bunch of technology examples:
# Smartphone field —-and—- my smartphone
# Smart band/watch field —–and—– my smartband/watch
# Laptop field —-and—- my laptop
# Desktop field —–and—- my desktop
# TV field —-and—– my tv
# Headphones/earphones field —-and—- my headphones/earphones
# Speakers field —-and—- my speaker set
# Camera field —-and—- my camera
In a way, each of the blog posts I write are also windows,
Into a certain way of seeing the existence/reality/world.
# The field of thought of the blog post —-and—– the specific blog post.
The sex between the “Fires of Imagination/Life” and the “Scrolls of Memory”
All that we call life experience is this play.
It reminds me of the interplay and distinction between:
Angels —-and—- Lords
Angels = represent play, freedom.
Lords = represent structures, order.
It reminds me of the interplay and distinction between:
Angels —-and—- Lords
Angels = represent play, freedom.
Lords = represent structures, order.
Interaction of life-fire and memory
Experience is from the interaction of life-fire and memory.
All experience is imagination (seeing both as verbs).
Imagination is from the life-fire playing with the lego-blocks of memory.
When imagination is trapped in memories – You feel stuck (imagination trapped in the imaginary).
When imagination is free from memories – You feel free.
The memories have a certain gravity to them.
When the life-fire is stronger than them, you feel free and liberated.
When the life-fire is weaker than them, you can only play around within the confines of the memory-bank you find yourself in.
All agony and all ecstasy is from memory.
By this logic, we are all in some form of “life-fire/energy” imprisonment.
That is life-fire/energy trapped in memory banks.
How do we thin/subtle-ize our memories and liberate ourselves from their gravity?!
To liberate is to transform the gross to the subtle.
To convert solid into liquid, liquid into gas, and gas into ether.
All experience is imagination (seeing both as verbs).
Imagination is from the life-fire playing with the lego-blocks of memory.
When imagination is trapped in memories – You feel stuck (imagination trapped in the imaginary).
When imagination is free from memories – You feel free.
The memories have a certain gravity to them.
When the life-fire is stronger than them, you feel free and liberated.
When the life-fire is weaker than them, you can only play around within the confines of the memory-bank you find yourself in.
All agony and all ecstasy is from memory.
By this logic, we are all in some form of “life-fire/energy” imprisonment.
That is life-fire/energy trapped in memory banks.
How do we thin/subtle-ize our memories and liberate ourselves from their gravity?!
To liberate is to transform the gross to the subtle.
To convert solid into liquid, liquid into gas, and gas into ether.
The 5th chakra
The 5th chakra is the world of communication.
It is like the global web of internet, that connects us all.
You and your mind are one in this space.
It is where you are in deep sync, trance, and absorption,
With that which you commune with.
Every union (comm-union) here is its own unique ecstasy.
It is like the vast blue sky.
Generally blue in nature is found in the ocean and sky,
And this emotion that is felt in their presence,
Is very akin to this world of the 5th chakra.
It’s the freedom and vision of the gliding eagle.
It’s like the world of imagination and contemplation.
It’s to wonder, ponder, and behold great mysteries.
In Upanishad terms, it is like the “Hiranyagarba” (Golden/Cosmic Egg).
It is the field of Ether/Aakash.
Communication in essence means to ‘commune’.
A kind of yielding, including, absorbing,
relating, aligning, synchronizing, harmonizing, unioning…].
Communing happens at many deep levels.
When 2 people talk with each other,
They have already profoundly communed on many levels.
Another great image for this would be,
Aladdin flying on his magic carpet.
Imagine the thrill, exhilaration, ecstasy, and freedom,
And wonder felt at the sheer possibility of this image!
That’s the emotional vibe germane to this plane.
It is the world of the deep abstract,
Having bird’s eye vision of everything.
It is like the image of ‘Indra’s net’,
Where each dew drop on a spider’s web reflects all the other dew drops.
It is the world of all sound/reverberation/vibration.
It is the world that rules the ecstasies of all harmonies.
(Generally all ecstasy itself is from harmony only imo)
Words like:
Sky, Vastness, Blueness, Ocean, Oneness,
Freedom, Wonder, Rapture, Union, Ecstasy, Harmony,
Capture the flavor of this chakra.
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Depression and Anxiety are 2 sides of the same coin
My depression is of “the pain” of the past.
My anxiety is of “the expected pain” of the future.
They are both like 2 sides of the same coin.
Memory and Imagination work with each other, and go together
Depression is from memory.
Anxiety is from imagination.
Anxiety is from fear.
Depression is from pain.
Pain comes from memory.
Fear comes from imagination.
1. Anxiety is the fear of the possibility of “inevitable pain that will come from the past conditioning the future (that belief is the depression)”.
Anxiety is the fear that “the past is doomed to repeat (that belief is the depression)”.
2. Anxiety is the fear that “the future too will get poisoned by the past (that belief is the depression)”.
3. Anxiety is the fear that “the desires will never get fulfilled (that belief is the depression)”.
Anxiety is the reactivity to depression.
You see how intertwined and connected both of these are!
Now I mentioned 3 primary beliefs creating the weight of depression:
1. The past is doomed to repeat.
2. The future too will get poisoned by the past.
3. My desires will never get fulfilled.
Now, no experience can happen without there being some degree of truth to it.
The 3 points mentioned above are not just beliefs.
They also have some truth in it.
If there were no truth in the above 3 points, depression cannot exist at all.
They are not the whole truth but a good part of the truth.
In the sense:
1. Pain does exist.
2. Conditioning does perpetuate. There is definitely a drag.
3. Unrealistic desires do never actualize.
The truth is both: Pain and Possibility.
So depression happens when only one side of the truth is seen.
When one is submerged in the pain dimension.
It is a dissociation from possibility.
Similarly, overly unrealistically magical positive people may see only one side of the truth.
They dissociate from pain, and see possibilities that are all ungrounded.
Overly positive people (unrealistic positivity) live like ungrounded dissociated ghosts = live in strong rajas
Overly depressed people are inert like rocks = like in strong tamas
When rajas runs out, it falls into tamas.
There are so many interconnections.
Often a depressed person has at one time been overly positive magical and ambitious.
Since he has dissociated from the pain dimension, the pain part keeps building up, and finally breaks the threshold and forces its way into his awareness as pain.
Now the strength of his depression depends on how separated he was from his pain, and how far high up in the sky he flew.
Greater the height of flight, greater is the fall, and more painful is the fall, i.e. when gravity catches up and hurls him to the ground.
This impact may shatter the bird, and damage the power of possibility for that person.
This personal power then gets critically injured.
This extreme positivity, flight of fancy, wild imagination AND pain/depression are highly connected.
Greater the ignoring of the ground and gravity, harder is the fall.
Often the very depressed person, when given a drug that dissociates from pain (any pain killer aka. endorphin, opiate action), will cause him to fly away as high as he possibly can.
It is reactive.
But then the drug wears off, and once again there is a hard fall to the ground and its gravity pulling you back.
This then causes the cycle of addiction, and the cycle of pendulum like oscillation between the extremes.
Each extreme potentiates the other.
When crippled on the ground, the desire to fly is so intense.
When in the highest of flights, the fear of the ground is so great.
So there is a internal war,
A split in the psyche.
Between what is called “hard/sober reality” vs. “wild/flight/imagination”.
Until the person reconciles these 2 dualities,
The depression-elation alternation keeps playing out intensely.
Another paradox of depression is that,
Depressed people are often hyper ambitious with crazy and extreme ideals.
Depression is ultimately relative.
Only if you have a very strong desire for reality to be other than what it is, can you even be depressed at all.
Depression is from identification with the part of the psyche that wants to flee from itself.
This is often due to shame of being oneself (programmed in early childhood).
So it feels encumbered, burdened, and constantly weighed down and restricted by the part that is manifest.
Another clarification is needed.
When I speak about pain and possibility, pain is related to non-acceptance.
When fully accepted and owned, pain ceases to be pain.
Pain is pain only because of resistance.
So when pain is accepted, that is the end of pain.
Because the person hates themselves, their self causes pain.
If they completely own and accept themselves, there would be no pain.
So this again shows how interconnected and relative these terms are.
In the duality between: samsara —-and—– nirvana (note the smaller case alphabet),
Depression is from an attachment to the nirvanic side of life.
So the craving for nirvana, makes samsara depressing.
But real “NIRVANA” transcends both.
As long as you are attached to any one polarity, the other pole will keep restraining you, creating a constant tug of war in the psyche.
And it is also ignorance of the truth that the 2 poles go together, and one cannot be had without the other.
If you try to attach to samsara, an uneasy longing to break free will distress you.
If you try to attach to nirvana, then the pain of ‘samsara/cyclic existence’ will keep dragging you down.
My anxiety is of “the expected pain” of the future.
They are both like 2 sides of the same coin.
Memory and Imagination work with each other, and go together
Depression is from memory.
Anxiety is from imagination.
Anxiety is from fear.
Depression is from pain.
Pain comes from memory.
Fear comes from imagination.
1. Anxiety is the fear of the possibility of “inevitable pain that will come from the past conditioning the future (that belief is the depression)”.
Anxiety is the fear that “the past is doomed to repeat (that belief is the depression)”.
2. Anxiety is the fear that “the future too will get poisoned by the past (that belief is the depression)”.
3. Anxiety is the fear that “the desires will never get fulfilled (that belief is the depression)”.
Anxiety is the reactivity to depression.
You see how intertwined and connected both of these are!
Now I mentioned 3 primary beliefs creating the weight of depression:
1. The past is doomed to repeat.
2. The future too will get poisoned by the past.
3. My desires will never get fulfilled.
Now, no experience can happen without there being some degree of truth to it.
The 3 points mentioned above are not just beliefs.
They also have some truth in it.
If there were no truth in the above 3 points, depression cannot exist at all.
They are not the whole truth but a good part of the truth.
In the sense:
1. Pain does exist.
2. Conditioning does perpetuate. There is definitely a drag.
3. Unrealistic desires do never actualize.
The truth is both: Pain and Possibility.
So depression happens when only one side of the truth is seen.
When one is submerged in the pain dimension.
It is a dissociation from possibility.
Similarly, overly unrealistically magical positive people may see only one side of the truth.
They dissociate from pain, and see possibilities that are all ungrounded.
Overly positive people (unrealistic positivity) live like ungrounded dissociated ghosts = live in strong rajas
Overly depressed people are inert like rocks = like in strong tamas
When rajas runs out, it falls into tamas.
There are so many interconnections.
Often a depressed person has at one time been overly positive magical and ambitious.
Since he has dissociated from the pain dimension, the pain part keeps building up, and finally breaks the threshold and forces its way into his awareness as pain.
Now the strength of his depression depends on how separated he was from his pain, and how far high up in the sky he flew.
Greater the height of flight, greater is the fall, and more painful is the fall, i.e. when gravity catches up and hurls him to the ground.
This impact may shatter the bird, and damage the power of possibility for that person.
This personal power then gets critically injured.
This extreme positivity, flight of fancy, wild imagination AND pain/depression are highly connected.
Greater the ignoring of the ground and gravity, harder is the fall.
Often the very depressed person, when given a drug that dissociates from pain (any pain killer aka. endorphin, opiate action), will cause him to fly away as high as he possibly can.
It is reactive.
But then the drug wears off, and once again there is a hard fall to the ground and its gravity pulling you back.
This then causes the cycle of addiction, and the cycle of pendulum like oscillation between the extremes.
Each extreme potentiates the other.
When crippled on the ground, the desire to fly is so intense.
When in the highest of flights, the fear of the ground is so great.
So there is a internal war,
A split in the psyche.
Between what is called “hard/sober reality” vs. “wild/flight/imagination”.
Until the person reconciles these 2 dualities,
The depression-elation alternation keeps playing out intensely.
Another paradox of depression is that,
Depressed people are often hyper ambitious with crazy and extreme ideals.
Depression is ultimately relative.
Only if you have a very strong desire for reality to be other than what it is, can you even be depressed at all.
Depression is from identification with the part of the psyche that wants to flee from itself.
This is often due to shame of being oneself (programmed in early childhood).
So it feels encumbered, burdened, and constantly weighed down and restricted by the part that is manifest.
Another clarification is needed.
When I speak about pain and possibility, pain is related to non-acceptance.
When fully accepted and owned, pain ceases to be pain.
Pain is pain only because of resistance.
So when pain is accepted, that is the end of pain.
Because the person hates themselves, their self causes pain.
If they completely own and accept themselves, there would be no pain.
So this again shows how interconnected and relative these terms are.
In the duality between: samsara —-and—– nirvana (note the smaller case alphabet),
Depression is from an attachment to the nirvanic side of life.
So the craving for nirvana, makes samsara depressing.
But real “NIRVANA” transcends both.
As long as you are attached to any one polarity, the other pole will keep restraining you, creating a constant tug of war in the psyche.
And it is also ignorance of the truth that the 2 poles go together, and one cannot be had without the other.
If you try to attach to samsara, an uneasy longing to break free will distress you.
If you try to attach to nirvana, then the pain of ‘samsara/cyclic existence’ will keep dragging you down.
Clarity and Complexity
I had a dream in the afternoon where I just felt so sure/assured/totally confident about one small thing.
And this kept on playing again and again in my mind like a loop, and then I woke up.
So this sent me back to the drawing board to contemplate on the nature of life/reality/god/self.
I wanted to structure what happened to me in a larger context/perspective.
I do this all the time, start from scratch and create a new fabric of meaning.
It is a kind of primordial creativity, that I really enjoy giving expression.
So here is my articulation of my thought process.
In the dream there was an immense feeling of certainty for an extremely narrow idea, and it kept on repeating until I woke up.
I think, this is a case of: “clarity + simplicity”
Whereas, for phenomena like mystical experiences of profound certitude, it would be a case of: “clarity + complexity”
Both of the above can also be seen as:
Simple order/harmony/integration —–vs—- Complex order/harmony/integration
An old Nokia 3100 phone (from the early 2000s) —-vs—- An IPhone XS today
Both the devices can work great, be fully functional, and integrated in their design. But what a difference there is, in their complexity!
So this would be a good analogy for: my looping simplistic certitude dream vs. a revelation of profound implications felt in the waking state.
And this kept on playing again and again in my mind like a loop, and then I woke up.
So this sent me back to the drawing board to contemplate on the nature of life/reality/god/self.
I wanted to structure what happened to me in a larger context/perspective.
I do this all the time, start from scratch and create a new fabric of meaning.
It is a kind of primordial creativity, that I really enjoy giving expression.
So here is my articulation of my thought process.
In the dream there was an immense feeling of certainty for an extremely narrow idea, and it kept on repeating until I woke up.
I think, this is a case of: “clarity + simplicity”
Whereas, for phenomena like mystical experiences of profound certitude, it would be a case of: “clarity + complexity”
Both of the above can also be seen as:
Simple order/harmony/integration —–vs—- Complex order/harmony/integration
An old Nokia 3100 phone (from the early 2000s) —-vs—- An IPhone XS today
Both the devices can work great, be fully functional, and integrated in their design. But what a difference there is, in their complexity!
So this would be a good analogy for: my looping simplistic certitude dream vs. a revelation of profound implications felt in the waking state.
Journey to the Abstract 