Wisdom for helping others

Beings learn at their own pace from their own level.

# They may even go the wrong direction until they realize rock-bottom or the dead end or the circular nature of their condition.

# Even if insight is given to them, depending on their level of awakeness they may even ignore it completely or forget it almost immediately.

# There has to be enough ego/self/responsibility/vision in them to even understand/consider the significance/relevance of the insight communicated to them.

# And if there is more than sufficient ego/self/responsibility/vision, then they would willingly be receptive/investigating/investing in suggestions for growth and vision improvements.

# Greater their vision/level of development, more would be their receptivity to even the smallest suggestions/cues, and they would take it upon themselves to advance/progress.

So it is important to keep these things in mind before helping someone.
Without this wisdom, the helper’s energy gets significantly wasted.

The duality of travel experiences

Here are the duality spectrums that relate to home and travel:
Comfort ——————– Discomfort
Instant gratification —— Delayed gratification
Security ——————– Insecurity
Safety ———————- Risks
Convenience ————– Inconvenience
Familiarity —————– Newness
Sameness —————– Novelty
Certainty ——————- Uncertainty
Predictability ————– Unpredictability
Relaxation —————– Stress
Reflection —————— Action
Digestion ——————- Consumption
Sleep ———————– Waking
Stasis ———————– Growth
Knowledge —————– Learning
Settled ———————- Seeking
Ease ———————— Unease
Homeostasis ————— Altered states
Health ———————- Sickness
Death ———————– Life
Retreat ——————— Exploration
Para-SNS ——————- SNS (Sympathetic nervous system)
Regeneration ————– Expenditure
Gathering —————– Expending
Freedom ——————- Constraints
Abundance —————– Limitation
Home ———————– Adventure

Each of the above pairs represents different degrees of the same essence.
Also, in these word pairs above, there are positive and negative connotations.
I could flip it up and it would reverse what is desirable and undesirable.
For example, the negative interpretation of freedom is ‘psychosis’, and the positive interpretation of constraints is ‘healthy boundaries’.
This can be done for every word-pair above.

Charter of principles for relationships

Make: “Compulsion” -> “Choice”
Realize: Your compulsions are your unconscious choices.
Become: “Conscious” of “Expectations”
Understand that: “Unsaid Expectations” are the root cause of ruin in all relationships.
{ Work towards: “Communicating expectations” to others, and “RESOLVING” conflicts.
Insist on: Reaching an Agreement. }
Remember to: “Do what you are doing willingly, and don’t do anything that you are not willing to do.”
Remember: All anger is from expectation (said or unsaid).
Replace: “Expectation” with “Truth”
Do things: “Willingly” without “Expectation”
Remember: If you do things willingly from your own desire, it maximizes your intrinsic happiness. The happiness from relationships is only the icing on the cake of your own intrinsic happiness. The icing cannot substitute for the cake, nor will it compensate much for a bitter tasting cake.
The goal is: “Unity in diversity”, not “Unity of sameness”
Focus on: Making “systems” for everyone, that also “maximize” the “freedom of individuals.”
Let: Each person freely and naturally give to others, what they themselves naturally value, without expectation.
Orient your: Life around your values.
Focus on: Discovering your values, and then orient and shape your life around them.
Do not: avoid conflict. Use each conflict to clarify/illuminate/communicate expectations and arrive at a mutual understanding and agreement/validation.
The goal is: Harmonic existence, with maximum freedom (which allows and gives space for the growth and flowering of the individual).

The unspeakable torture possible from the mother

This is to speak about a case where the mother clings to the infant stage of the child’s growth, and actively and violently opposes its development and independence beyond that stage, so as to keep getting great narcissistic supplies from the child of “adoration/respect/desirability/admiration/grandiosity/greatness/praise” and enjoy a god like feeling of power and omnipotence in comparison to the child.

Remember, all power is relative.
So the power differential between the infant and the mother is the greatest possible difference.
The mother can get instantly addicted to THIS level of narcissistic supply from the child, and this will esp. happen if the mother did not have any life of her own and had a dependent personality before the event of child birth.
Once deeply addicted to this care-giving and protecting role, the mother may actively oppose the child’s independence, be hostile to the developing child beyond the age of 2 itself.
The mother can actively reinforce the dependence again and again ad infinitum, conveying that “you need me, you cannot live without me” in a million ways said and unsaid.
Such a mother focuses the child only on itself, and the child sacrifices its own self-awareness to please the mother developing codependence.
Really after all the origins of codependence is the narcissistic parent who purposely enforces dependence in subliminal, indirect, and direct ways, and actively opposes the child’s developing separation and independence, so that they can have an endless source of narcissistic supply and meaning from the child.
Often they also cleverly hide it by programming the child to believe, it was its own choice to be that way, and that it can’t help it.
They may even keep telling the neighbors and friends things like “my child needs me for everything, they are such a burden, I keep telling them to do things by themselves, but they keep coming back to me, what can I do?!”
This is just the narcissists game.
This is a microcosmic version of the game of training a slave to believe that he is actually not a slave, but is choosing from his free will.
It all starts at this level.

Just like doctors who save patients are considered to be doing a divine profession higher in value and weight than most other professions, mothers are given this kind of deification and supreme value too.
So a mother can exploit this for a long time, by actively working to keep the child dependent on her and opposing the child’s development/independence in every crooked, unspeakable mystical way possible.
I can elaborate on all those psychic techniques but that may detract from the main points I want to convey in this post.

This can be experienced as extreme suffocation, stifling, and pain, for the child.
But since it is programmed to idolize the mother, it can never imagine going against the mother.
So it condemns itself, and thinks it is the real problem, and the god-like omnipotent mother is always right.
It thinks if it is pained by the mother, it is because, it is defective and needs to be fixed.
And later in life this may slide to depression if it loses all hope after trying out everything and failing.
In truth, this whole thing was really engineered and transmitted from the mother herself.
In the progression of this myth, from this child’s point of view, total powerlessness and despair and depression is an EXPECTED stage that has to be passed.

The mother’s relationship has to keep evolving as the child evolves/grows/matures/separates/independent-izes itself.
So for different people this happens at different times, depending upon the stage of development the mother herself is in.
If the mother herself identifies with being a helpless infant, then she resonates with the child only at that stage, and the child cannot grow beyond that, because it directly faces the threat of losing resonance with the mother.
So the child is then forced to stay infantile even in its later years.
It may be successful in society, but internally its egoic climate is still at the level of the infant only.
So the child may find himself/herself as helpless, powerless, at the mercy of circumstances, unable to establish any identity, and constantly wandering aimlessly.
It may find itself as hyper-sensitive, easily hynotizable and living in a dream-like feeling all the time, and many other such feelings.
It becomes like a Bonsai(miniature) tree, that has grown but not been allowed to grow at the same time.
Often, the child may feel this as a global feeling of being trapped in an incredibly oppressive world, and may become apathetic and depressed from the impossible struggle it would take to change anything in its favor.
Really, this projection of such a tyrannical world, has its roots in the tyrannical mother herself, because it was the mother who was tyrannical in the sense of opposing the child’s independence, and that is later felt by the child as a tyrannical world view itself.

What I speak about here is of unspeakable depth.
Things far less deep, are spoken about so much in society, as so called deep issues.
Real power is always invisible, and the power that is visible is always much lower.
For example here, the mother-child bond is done in secrecy, in the darkness, in great trust.
Nobody ever questions it, and you are shamed even if remotely begin to investigate.
This is a giant taboo in society, because any questioning of it breaks its supremely sanctified and sacred status.
My point is, great wonders and horrors can happen at this stage, at intensities even beyond the most powerful psychedelics.

There has always been extensive talk in society about abusive husbands etc.
Imagine a hyper-possessive husband who keeps his wife like his possession and pet, and pleases her when he wants, beats her up when he wants.
Basically keeps her like his trophy wife, seals her from the outer world, prevents her from having any life outside of him, and controls her like a pleasure-giving slave.
Does this horrify you?
Now, this example I gave above is a weak analogue of the mother-infant situation I describe.
Think about it: What is power? Isn’t all what we call power, a relative concept?
The relativity comes from the power difference.
What is the difference of power between this man and woman living as husband and wife?
And compare that to the difference between a mother (say aged 25+) and an infant(age 0-2)?
The mother for the infant is like an omnipotent god-like being and giant.
But you know what, society will speak endlessly about male violence against women etc.
And this mother-infant dyad, is shrouded, kept under wraps and wraps, sanctified, deified, and any torture that you faced here gets buried as YOUR shame, unspeakable shame of phenomenal intensity.

My point here is not to entirely blame the mother.
The mother herself maybe unconscious of her real power, and how much she affects the infant (the other developing being).
I might have pushed some buttons in this article, but this is in the interest of really looking into this territory of deep psyche experience.
Even if you are a woman, you were also brought up by your mother, so this is not gender-specific.
The purpose of this article, is to illuminate this realm, and to awaken people to it so that they can heal themselves and gain their own insights about their own deep psyche.

Relationship between knowledge and experience

When, Knowledge > Experience:
The person may tend towards: arrogance, domination, control, imposition of will, conquest, achievement, ambition, demonstration of power.
The negative extreme of this case is “TYRANNY”.
The positive extreme of this case is a “MASTER”.
It is a case where conditioning + acquired knowledge > perception.
This is a stage of judgment, action, and works.
So then the result would be positive or negative depending on the conditioning.
Like most people in society will help a man who has slipped and fallen to stand up.
This is not necessarily because of true perception, but it is the general enculturation internalized knowledge that makes people act that way.

When, Experience > Knowledge:
The person becomes a seeker of knowledge and truth.
The negative extreme of this case is “PSYCHOSIS”.
The positive extreme of this case is a “SAINT/MYSTIC”.
It is the state of the child who learns by context, immersion, intensity, involvement, perfusion.
It is the state of a devotee and contemplation.
Contemplation on questions to ponder and wonder on.
Such a person is open, curious, innocent, and impressionable.
The seeking continues until the necessary awakening happens i.e. until the flowering of higher knowledge/wisdom/intelligence happens.
This is the stage of growth, development, and becoming.

This distinction is not about what is ‘better or worse’ or ‘good or bad’.
Rather, this comparison was only to illuminate the 2 aspects of the flux of existence.
Everyone passes through both these stages of evolution.
We know and do, then we see we don’t know and learn, then again we know and do, and so on.

The adventure of life

The adventure of life is scary when there is permanence.
But impermanence/emptiness frees you.
As you grow older, you see all was a passing experience.
Like a passing spring breeze carrying various scents.
This mortality/impermanence/change/emptiness is the true transcendent context.
That is where your higher self/god experiences reality from.
It is all the play of god, to be experienced as the passing breeze it is.
Even thinking it is all real, is part of it, creating the peak of immersion.
The more you ground yourself deeper into emptiness, the wilder your life gets.

The process of creation and growth

The process of creation involves the following cycles:
Chaos -> Structure 1 -> Chaos -> Structure 2 -> Chaos….and so on
No essence(soul, monad) is retained between the structures, except the totality(God) itself.

The process of growth is similar, but it retains an essential quality which grows:
Chaos -> Structure 1 -> Structure1 + Chaos -> Structure2….and so on

It seems like by this model:
Creation is a cycle while Growth is a process.

Lets say, the Monad or individual soul only lasts one lifetime and does not span across lifetimes.
This model is in line with the teachings of ‘Nisargadatta Maharaj’ who experienced no persisting essence beyond the body whatsoever.
In that case, it would mean the spark of the essential monad appears in a primordial total chaos(before birth) and this spark initiates the whole birth-growth-death process.
Another possibility could be: The monad could last multiple lifetimes spanning multiple realms.

Another totally different model itself, would be:
Where we are endlessly growing from life to life.
Where there is an individual soul essence(monad), that grows forever.
But interesting, this model limits creativity.
Otherwise there is still the limitation of the original essence.
And the “Growth” concept can only apply until there is an enduring essence.