The ego is the internalization of other’s expectations from you, which you do for survival

We internalize, maintain, and forward the structures of all the others who loved us in whatever way, at whatever level, to continue to attract similar such people who will like and support us in future, and so on.
This is like a memory driven cyclic process, that strives to maintain its core identity, and expand and enhance it.

The relational-ego usually starts with the parents, and then extends itself from there.
The love for the offspring from the parents side and for the parents from the child’s side is biologically supported.
The wheel-hub is created from those primary relations, i.e. the core self-concept, and then it extends its spokes from there as more interaction and exposure to the world happens.
It is a sort of primary imitation and emulation.
I’d say deep devotion/admiration/respect evokes mirroring/imitation.
This may be happening naturally to an infant born into this world.
A deep and vast subliminal absorption takes place in the formative years.

Keeping the individual’s past (karmic memory) aside,
Even just observing the tangible transmission of genetics from generation to generation in the lineage,
I feel the blueprints (genetic memories) are transmitted through and across each generation.
For instance, all the people that loved and supported your grandparents/parents, those faces will look familiar and appealing to you too in some way,
And you may be repelled towards all those who hurt and rejected them in the past.

Literally, the word familiar, points to something to do with familial.
One perspective of all of this is that, this is all Prakriti/Nature.
And that it is all survival based.

Whatever enabled the survival of your ancestors for 7+ generations prior to you,
The memory of all of it is functioning as a blueprint.
Could this be a huge basis of all of our attractions/repulsions to things/people/places etc.?
It is as if this 7-generational worth memory is firing within your experience signaling all kinds of desires/aversions and so on, in experience.

Another aspect is that:
“Every action is propelled from its dual.”
Potential charge -> Kinetic charge.
It is like a battery discharge.
So in this context,
“One could be discharging the potential charges of the family lineage one was born into.”
For example:
Say, if generations have nurtured a deep desire for wealth and due to lack of opportunity they could only keep dreaming about it intensely,
It may happen that the new offspring born into the lineage may have a much better environment and loads of opportunities for wealth.
This offspring may then feel a massive desire to seek wealth with an unstoppable inner force driving it.
The deeper force could be from the imagination of the sheer enjoyment/pleasure of it and/or for the atonement of family/lineage shame (low status) about being poor/unworthy/undeserving etc.
It depends on the undercurrents that are running through the lineage finding expression through the offspring.

If the parent is already successful, then the child simply derives meaning and purpose from that. It would emulate that and try to get those same rewards.
If the parent himself/herself is seeking, then the child also furthers that search as the purpose.
So a settled parent begets a settled child.
A seeking parent begets a seeking child.
This may not be all in the open and articulated.
In fact very little of it may be openly spoken about and conscious to the parent.
The seeds even reveal their potencies only after they sprout up a bit after some opportunity to develop is present.
Else they are too feeble and will not be detectable except by the most sensitive person.

This genetic lineage can be at different stages of maturity and evolution.
The role you play here is an emergent one.
It builds over time as you deepen your relationship with it.
I’ll now try to fit in karmic memory (one’s individual past) into this equation.
This is how I understand it:
For a soul with karmic memory identity, it joins into the genetic memory lineage something similar to how someone with some IT work experience joins a new IT company.
The role/position/environment of this new IT company, I see as genetic memory and its conditions/forces/pressures.
The person’s prior experience (“transferable skills abstracted” as opposed to the concrete discrete knowledge he carried when in each of the roles in his prior companies) before he joined the job = karmic memory.
So just like one did not create anything in the new company one has now joined, the genetic lineage is something that you did not create.
You simply join into it at some role/responsibility and then figure it out from there and get familiar with it as time goes on.

So entering into a genetic lineage is something you become conscious of over time with exploration.
An analogy for this could be of: A mahout and an elephant.
The mahout is the soul (karmic body) and the elephant is the genetic body inherited.
So there are different dimensions of intelligence that work independently and interdependently.
For instance, the elephant can take care of itself without the mahout too.
It knows when it wants to eat, sleep, drink water etc.
It has a life, instinct, and intelligence of its own.
Even an experienced mahout, would have to learn about the new elephant he has been given, and then develop a good relationship with it, before he can direct it to his will.

In the order of identities therefore there are 3 dimensions:
The numinous -> The abstract -> The concrete/literal
Pure spirit/pure consciousness/pure intelligence -> Soul (karmic memory identity) -> Ego (genetics + person’s relational memories from interaction with the world – from the various time-space-people paths it has passed through).
So it is technically possible to transcend and go beyond the soul karmic identity too and move into pure intelligence/spirit.

In terms of dimensions in this realm, in my understanding:
6th dimension = The space of all genetics
5th dimension = The space of your lineage genetics
4th dimension = The astrological ‘time-path-trace’ for your lifetime
3rd dimension = The current space-time location you are in.

What transmits from generation to generation

What I have observed is that,
There are 2 factors that determine a person’s actions:

# The situations/circumstance/surroundings/cultural-setups/environments (their adaption, fitting-in strategies, accommodation to all of that etc.)
# Their own interests/desires (which they pursue)

Generally, in the transmission from say parents to children (in the flow of genetic lineage),
Only the real essential desire of the parent is transferred to the child.
And whatever the parent did as adaptation, accommodation, and adjustment based on family/cultural/socio-political pressures of those times, does not pass over to the children.
This is because the children were brought up at a different world-time/age, with different family/socio-cultural/political/situational variables.
The world itself is at a different generation when the children are born,
And therefore the children adapt to those conditions,
And only the essential desires of the lineage continue through them.

For instance,
Say a father worked loyally in a single company all his life as a duty,
While the son decides to not work at all, and only work on his private passions.
On the surface, this looks like the father and son are entirely different.
But a more in-depth examination might reveal,
The father never had any real heart vested in the company affairs.
He may have done all of it from familial/moral/socio-cultural pressures,
While his real heart desire was in his personal interests.
So it is only the real heart desire that passes on to the son.
This can be taken much deeper than this,
But even now, with only this much penetration into the matter,
The son’s decisions do not look so outlandish in the light of this understanding, right?

Another instance would be,
If the mother dutifully married, had children, spent her whole life mixed up with them etc.,
Her daughter might take up a completely different meaning in life and become ultra career focused.
Again, on the surface, both look completely different.
But on deeper examination,
Maybe the mother, as an adaptation to her circumstances, went along with that wave,
But her real desire was to fuse her identity into something larger.
Her situation might have been such that the role of caretaker was what allowed her this larger experience and expansion.
So the daughter in alternate times, may seek to fulfill this same desire by absorbing herself into the corporate world and its goals (career).
It is the same desire expressing itself in 2 different situations and times.
This is actually still just slightly under the surface, but even this level of understanding reveals the continuity and similarity of desires passing through.

Bonding with ideals vs. real people

When mothers or fathers do not extend a bond to their children,
The children may create an “idealized fantasy parent” and then seek for a reflection of that in the world.
The reasons for why the mothers/fathers did not extend the bond could be related to their own past.
After all they too were children at one time, subject to parents who might have done the same to them, and so on.
The parents themselves might be victims of the same, pursuing an ongoing project of meeting an impossible ideal [parent imposed or self created (usually an oppositional reaction)] and redeeming themselves.
So like the game of passing the parcel, they pass on their own failed project to their children, who then either continue that or choose otherwise.

PS: The roles of parent and child are in a kind of looping rotation.
…Parent -> Child[Parent -> Child[Parent -> Child…

So this goes on and on in the threads of family lineage and genetics.
In such cases, each next generation gets wounded by the projection of the ‘previous generation ideals’ on them.
Then the next generation either make their own counter ideals or try to fulfill the projected ideals, and accordingly seek in the world.
For such family systems, whole threads of genetic lineage then live off an attachment system that is entirely ungrounded/disconnected and based in the imaginal/imaginary spaces of ‘fantasy/ideals/mythic creations’.
It is a kind of primal disconnection and dissociation from reality itself, by moving attachment to the imaginary rather than what actually exists.

This also has a close connection to idol (imaginary gods) worship,
Which is also based on projection of ideals.

When forming relationships/bonds, I’ve noticed there are 2 clear categories:
# The people who bond in reality/actuality
# The people who bond in idealization/imagination
I’ll talk about the 2nd category here.
When both the partners meeting each other have an attachment to their internal idealized figure, they start to project the ideal onto each other.
The agreement then is more like a fantasy role-play:
“You play my fantasy, and I will play yours.”

There are different relational dynamics that can happen from here.
One of them is:
One of the parties projects the ideal onto the other, and the other tries to live up to that to secure the bond.
Generally the one with the narcissistic wound will take it upon himself/herself to live up to the other’s ideal projection.
“If only I can improve myself, strive, and be good enough, to meet the other’s ideal, then I can secure my bond with them.”
The one projecting the ideal does so from some kind of primal entitlement that somehow escaped the socialization process.
They are like the demanding baby that expects the whole world to come and serve their needs.

A relationship like this could work, if the fantasy projections are doable and somehow align (socialization generally tempers the ideals to realistic levels).
But most of the time, the ideals are intense and impossible.
In a way, by very definition, ideals are impossible right?
Reality is always something else.
So often in such relationships, there is alternating role play,
Of the projector and the adapter.
Both the parties wound each other’s real selves with each other’s ideals.

The bond is never secured from start to end.
However these relationships kindle the inner flames of longing, passion, intensity, purpose, hope and other such feelings.
In that sense they are like an adventure and gratify you with the above feelings.
They make you forget your pain of disconnection and lostness.
They are exciting but empty and illusory – like an extended more involving movie.

Imagine you were really thirsty and ran with full passion and joy towards a mirage in the desert.
This experience is something like that.
When you do reach the actual sand patch where the mirage was seen,
The water has disappeared, and now the mirage has receded to the horizon again.
This is how ideals are unsatisfiable and impossible.
Even the conception of these ideals keep shifting to more and more complex and impossible forms.
No depiction can fully capture the fantasy/ideal.

Various traumas and deprivations may be instrumental in what directions and forms these ideals take.
Ultimately we long for the infinite.
And when we focus this longing onto the realm of relationships,
The above patterns happen.
Relationships are a stepping stone and not the end goal itself.
If seen that way, and if both the partners are actually seeking god through the relationship,
The relationship will only raise them higher.

Happiness and Depression in general


My real happiness automatically means the other person is accepted.
My depression automatically means the other person is not accepted.
This is a side effect, it is based on the overall context of that person’s life itself (much beyond the person’s will power or control available).
It is not something the person chooses as such (they do have a choice but it is not much, like it is only from the top of the iceberg portion.)

That is why universally beings gravitate to happy beings (and avoid depressed beings).
Depressed (low spirit contact) ——————————— Happy(high spirit contact)
That is because universally what is loved is ‘spirit’.
That is why children are naturally loved, because they are the closest to ‘spirit’.

So the idea of bringing up children, is for them to have minimum loss of spirit as they grow up.
It is to minimize the loss of their spirit as you introduce them to society, culture, human games, and creating an identity etc.

You want them to choose an identity from their own freedom and then help shape it better like a potter adding finesse using all of your experience and knowledge.
(One easy way to kill a child’s spirit is impose/enforce something seriously unreasonable on him (role-reversal etc.) or something totally different and out of his nature, and tell him – “Be THAT otherwise you are a shameful loser”)
Bringing up happy adults -> retention of a high amount of spirit in adulthood
Bringing up depressed adults -> loss of a lot of spirit in adulthood

In other words, if the ‘identity’ serves spirit you have a happy person, else a depressed person.

Of course depressed adults will program the children with the depression programming – consciously(top of iceberg) or unconsciously(under the iceberg).

So there are only 2 kinds of families really:
Happy families, Unhappy families – and infinite variation of these 2 themes.

Spirit I feel is not a specific kind of expression, way of being, behavior pattern, appearance etc. It can express itself in a multitude of ways.
I feel all spirit means is high electricity/high energy = high freedom
Spirit = freedom
So a person is happy when he has spirit, that is freedom.
A person is unhappy when he lacks spirit, that is being stuck.

‘Ken Wilber’ says the same:
Contact with Spirit = Happiness
Away from Spirit = Depression
That’s all there really is.

All 3 spectrums are equivalent:
Freedom ————————— Stuck
Happy——————————- Depressed
High spirit ————————- Low spirit