The mechanics of fear and love,
Is such a massively deep topic to explore.
I often wonder:
Is it possible to really be indifferent?
Is it possible to be without relationship?
Is it possible to really stay separate?
Is it possible to be neutral?
Is it possible to neither love nor hate?
From my intuition, it seems like that is not possible.
Life being a dynamic verb, nothing it still.
So everything has to move towards expansion or contraction?
It feels like that force that maintains and forwards unconsciousness and ignorance,
Is in the hate (contraction) direction,
While the force that maintains and forwards consciousness and knowledge,
Is in the love (expansion) direction.
Since all things are in polarity,
Whatever we invest and expand into, will inevitably disinvest and shrink its opposite?
I see everything is a state of pulsation in nature,
Like the heart beat, expanding and contracting.
Birth is like the expansion influx (like the inbreath),
Death is like the contraction deflux (like the outbreath).
I see birth and death as the alternating pulse between sound and silence.
The sound of creation booms into the manifest as birth,
And at death there is the return to silence/uncreated?
I feel like the experience of life is like music.
With multiple overlayed pulses of all kinds of instrument and voice timbers.
A multidimensional flow of pulses.
So then, both fear and love are as natural as expansion and contraction?
I have noticed that,
I fear all that I have an antagonistic relationship towards.
So maybe the presence of fear itself…,
Is revealing the antagonistic relationship present?
I wonder,
Is fear the ‘anticipatory recreation’ of the experience,
Of the repercussions/reaction from the other,
To my own antagonistic attitude towards the other,
Being mirrored back to me?
So then are fear and love, direct experiences,
Of the mirrored attitudes/relationship we hold towards the other entities we encounter?
Another aspect is self-hatred.
That is a condition where there is a projection of value and worth on the other,
While the self is cast to the shadow of unconsciousness/hate/shame.
There is then a constant focus on the other or on transcending oneself.
So here there are some interesting relationships I see.
When there is self-hatred of one’s body and its strength,
There is fear of other bodies and their strength.
I think here, the fear comes from the war with the conscious and unconscious identifications.
Unconsciously there is identification with the body,
But that is not supported by the conscious identification which is caught up with the other,
So the unconscious identification generates fear as resistance,
When you pursue the other.
So somewhere I wonder,
If we take extreme cases,
Like fear of a ghost/monster,
Is that the dissociated unconscious fragment of us,
That we have disowned,
That is getting attracted to us,
Because of our deeper desire for integration and wholeness?
Isn’t our worst fear that we will become the ghost?
That total assimilation/transformation is the terror.
What will happen to us,
If we let everything in?
Also I used to wonder about the fear of falling.
I have that fear because somewhere I desire to fall like that.
So is my intensity of fear of falling proportional to the intensity of desire I have to fall?
Is the intensity of fear I feel for death proportional to my own desire for death?
Fear and Desire seem inseparable like 2 sides of the same coin.
It seems like each is a resistance to the other.
Desire is a resistance to Fear.
Fear is a resistance to Desire.
Another thing I am reminded of is the story of the beauty and the beast.
The beast gets converted into the prince out of love.
Would this be true for all that fear?
That all that is feared if consciously loved,
Will become flowers from filth?
The ground of filth when nurtured by nature,
Becomes flower and fruit right?
Are all that we love/hate/desire/fear,
Are they all nothing but our own Self?
Supposing we want total wholeness and totally open ourselves up,
To attracting all of the unconscious to us back into our consciousness,
Will it result in a total war and destruction of all of our identity?
Is that what happens in enlightenment?
Is that the ultimate transformation?
The self here is the subset of qualities owned vs. the superset of all qualities in existence.
That division is what created self-other and the concept of relationship itself.
Love-Hate are like Yin-Yang.
The black fish has a white eye,
And the white fish has a black eye.
So total love and total hate do not exist and cannot exist.
Just like no absolute quality can exist without its opposite.
Going into total-hate or total-love,
Will result in transcendence to a dimension beyond duality.
These are some of my contemplations.
I’ll stop here for now.
What is meditation?
In my understanding:
Meditation = Deep listening = Being = Receptivity.
When I simply be, I notice I automatically get into a state of profound openness, deep listening, and receptivity.
Life drive vs Death drive
Desire for activity vs Desire for quiescence
Desire for sound vs Desire for silence
Seeking social expansion vs. Retreating from social interaction
[Family children relatives friends business work expansion] vs [retreat recluse hermit isolation ascetic]
Becoming/learning vs Withdrawing/fading
Descent(into form) vs Ascent(back into formless)
Health(body wanting to live) vs disease(body wanting to die)
[High amplitude cycles of wake-dream-sleep] vs Near flat-lining of these cycles
Interest/passion/libido/hedonia vs Disinterest/dispassion/anhedonia
Exploration/Expansion vs Contraction/Self preservation
Desire for sound vs Desire for silence
Seeking social expansion vs. Retreating from social interaction
[Family children relatives friends business work expansion] vs [retreat recluse hermit isolation ascetic]
Becoming/learning vs Withdrawing/fading
Descent(into form) vs Ascent(back into formless)
Health(body wanting to live) vs disease(body wanting to die)
[High amplitude cycles of wake-dream-sleep] vs Near flat-lining of these cycles
Interest/passion/libido/hedonia vs Disinterest/dispassion/anhedonia
Exploration/Expansion vs Contraction/Self preservation
The cycles of expansion and contraction
Inbreath – Outbreath
Heart contraction – Heart relaxation
Connection – Disconnection
Association – Dissociation
Mental well being – Mental haze/confusion
Emotional well being – Emotional upset
Physical well being – Physical pain
Union – Separation
Expansion – Contraction
Excitement – Fear
Relationship – Isolation
Heart contraction – Heart relaxation
Connection – Disconnection
Association – Dissociation
Mental well being – Mental haze/confusion
Emotional well being – Emotional upset
Physical well being – Physical pain
Union – Separation
Expansion – Contraction
Excitement – Fear
Relationship – Isolation
Expansion and Contraction
Expansion and Contraction,
Is the constant pulse of life.
The heart is expanding-contracting,
The lungs are expanding-contracting,
The pulse at your nerves is expanding-contracting,
The digestive system peristalsis is constantly pumping,
i.e. expanding-contracting,
Even at the subtle layers,
Your mind also expands and contracts,
Your emotion also expands and contracts,
Wakefulness also expands and contracts,
Really life and death are the grandest expansions and contractions.
The better you are at releasing trapped stuff,
The more you can take in, in the next cycle.
Different masters have different kriyas or techniques for this purpose.
For instance:
# Osho’s Dynamic Meditation
# Sadhguru’s Shambhavi Mahamudra Kriya
# Sri Sri Ravishankar’s Sudarshana Kriya
And so on.
Journaling/Writing is an excellent way too.
We all need to purge things from our lives that do not serve us anymore.
The idea is to keep the flow going.
Empty yourself fully, to receive fully again.
And this dance goes on,
Carrying you through evolution itself.
Is the constant pulse of life.
The heart is expanding-contracting,
The lungs are expanding-contracting,
The pulse at your nerves is expanding-contracting,
The digestive system peristalsis is constantly pumping,
i.e. expanding-contracting,
Even at the subtle layers,
Your mind also expands and contracts,
Your emotion also expands and contracts,
Wakefulness also expands and contracts,
Really life and death are the grandest expansions and contractions.
The better you are at releasing trapped stuff,
The more you can take in, in the next cycle.
Different masters have different kriyas or techniques for this purpose.
For instance:
# Osho’s Dynamic Meditation
# Sadhguru’s Shambhavi Mahamudra Kriya
# Sri Sri Ravishankar’s Sudarshana Kriya
And so on.
Journaling/Writing is an excellent way too.
We all need to purge things from our lives that do not serve us anymore.
The idea is to keep the flow going.
Empty yourself fully, to receive fully again.
And this dance goes on,
Carrying you through evolution itself.
Big Bang and Black hole
Big bang ——- Black hole
Birth ———- Death
Pure Greed —– Pure Fear
Ecstasy ——– Peace
Activity ——- Rest
Total expansion —- Total contraction
Breathing in ——- Breathing out
Light ————– Darkness
Relationship ——- Withdrawal
The pendulum of life swings between these poles.
That is the true existential part.
The rest is our freedom and our creation.
Birth ———- Death
Pure Greed —– Pure Fear
Ecstasy ——– Peace
Activity ——- Rest
Total expansion —- Total contraction
Breathing in ——- Breathing out
Light ————– Darkness
Relationship ——- Withdrawal
The pendulum of life swings between these poles.
That is the true existential part.
The rest is our freedom and our creation.
The self and other are interchangeable
There is self expansion.
And there is self contraction.
When the self expands,
You include the other as self.
When the self contracts,
What was self earlier is seen as an other.
This happens so many times in our day to day life.
What was once the most exciting thing,
After some time, once all the juice gets extracted,
The very same thing becomes a burden.
Maybe we explore a new philosophical system,
And then completely separate ourselves from that later.
All of these are cases where,
In the moment of expansion = we absorbed an other into self.
And in the moment of contraction = we detached a portion of self and made it an other.
We feel the body is self,
When we want to do so many things in the world with it.
But once we complete everything,
The body gets removed from the self,
and is seen as an other, as a kind of burden.
What was once an asset is seen as a liability.
So the implications are many.
One of them is that,
The way you treat others is eventually going to become the way you treat yourself.
This is because, initially the self is expanded, and its dominion is large (the others are far out).
But when the self contracts, what was once seen as self becomes the other, and you start treating that as such.
Your own body can become an other to you.
So the self-other is a changing dynamic,
Waxing and waning.
Expanding and contracting.
When contracted your aperture greatly shrinks.
When expanded your aperture greatly widens.
When expanded all that you thought was other becomes you.
When contracted all that you thought was you becomes an other.
That is why in profound lsd (or psychedelic) trips say,
Owing to the dramatic expansion of self/widening of aperture,
We start to connect with everything.
And similarly in our most contracted moods,
We see everything as a threatening or burdensome other,
Which might even include our entire body.
And there is self contraction.
When the self expands,
You include the other as self.
When the self contracts,
What was self earlier is seen as an other.
This happens so many times in our day to day life.
What was once the most exciting thing,
After some time, once all the juice gets extracted,
The very same thing becomes a burden.
Maybe we explore a new philosophical system,
And then completely separate ourselves from that later.
All of these are cases where,
In the moment of expansion = we absorbed an other into self.
And in the moment of contraction = we detached a portion of self and made it an other.
We feel the body is self,
When we want to do so many things in the world with it.
But once we complete everything,
The body gets removed from the self,
and is seen as an other, as a kind of burden.
What was once an asset is seen as a liability.
So the implications are many.
One of them is that,
The way you treat others is eventually going to become the way you treat yourself.
This is because, initially the self is expanded, and its dominion is large (the others are far out).
But when the self contracts, what was once seen as self becomes the other, and you start treating that as such.
Your own body can become an other to you.
So the self-other is a changing dynamic,
Waxing and waning.
Expanding and contracting.
When contracted your aperture greatly shrinks.
When expanded your aperture greatly widens.
When expanded all that you thought was other becomes you.
When contracted all that you thought was you becomes an other.
That is why in profound lsd (or psychedelic) trips say,
Owing to the dramatic expansion of self/widening of aperture,
We start to connect with everything.
And similarly in our most contracted moods,
We see everything as a threatening or burdensome other,
Which might even include our entire body.
Journey to the Abstract 