Only the field exists, you do not

The whole unitive journey is about: becoming the field/surrendering/dissolving/merging into it totally.
Once united, what you are doing then, is what the field is doing.
And it does so automatically and effortlessly, of itself.

You are then simply in a state of absolute transparency, allowing, devotion, until you are not there at all, and only the field is.
RULE: “You are, when the field is not. When the field is, you are not”
So the field is not on your terms.
It is on its own terms.
The field is like the father who is driving.
The son/separate self is like the one with the toy steering that thinks he is driving.
The more ambitious the son, the more obviously he would realize that he was not in control and never was.

RULE: “Only the field exists, you do not exist.”
“You” are an illusion, stemming from ignorance.
There is a singular whole, and that is the only doer.
RULE: “The whole moves the whole, no part moves the whole, no part moves another part.”
RULE: “The same energy that makes the sun come up, the stars shine, the birds chirp, is the same energy that moves me and my experience.”
Relinquish all control and “let go/merge/unite/be/dissolve/align/drop/become one” with the field.
Only the field exists.

The point of view of ego identification

The ego is the servant of god, and lives at god’s mercy.
The divine can ‘exalt’ or ‘humiliate’ the ego.
That is give power or withdraw all power (the power of the ego’s ability to control).
The ecstasies exalt while the crucifixions/sufferings humiliate.
By identifying and living as the ego, one lives from this point of view that opens this whole spectrum of:
Total Exaltation/Feeling like god —–vs—– Total Humiliation/Absolute victim
Total control ———-vs———– Total loss of control.
Now total loss of control has 2 flavors:
Ecstasy (if one falls into the most highly desired state) ———-vs————— Terror (when one falls into the most undesirable state).
Total control has 2 flavors:
Total control of creating ——–vs——– Total control of destroying
All these flavors of possibility are opened up from the point of view of IDENTIFICATION with the ego.

Ego is resistance to ‘WHAT IS’ -> in the form of controlling/manipulating the experience of ‘What is/Divine’, either seeking advantage or sabotage (positive control vs negative control, whatever is available and desirable).

To untangle the ego, one must release resistance to ‘What is’.
Just sit in your room and feel into existence and witness what you are resisting.
Those are the areas where the [ego structure like knotted balls of wool] are present.
They are the unfeeling/robotic/frozen parts of our instrument(the knotted structures of the ball of wool) we think is us.
Untangle those fibers and release them, so that they may blow freely with the divine wind, illuminating greater consciousness through greater finer feeling.
Untangle the feelers of your instrument so that it can receive more of the divine winds that flow.
Such a process invariably happens from a higher point of view, because the ego cannot witness itself from its own position.

A quick attempt to create a model of reality

A quick Model/Ontology of reality from my direct experience:
(I have added references to some kabbalah terms, physical universe analogues)

1 – Unmanifest/ONE (Ain Sof) – 7D

#### FORM/MANIFEST/RELATIVE #### (yin yang, double helix dna)(universe)(Worlds of: Briah, Yetzirah, Malkuth)

2. SOUL REALM (Galaxy super cluster)(Kether/Platonic forms realm) – 6.3D
[Larger context = soul family/galaxy cluster] (6.2D specific family of souls)
Heart/Soul/Desire = Specified Soul DNA(galaxy) = Many lives as many beings context (6.1D specific)
Trans-human archetypes/symbology/mythology/hieroglyphs/motifs/artifacts/codes

Human Creature Biological DNA [larger context: creature family] = incarnation context – 5D specific
Human archetypes/symbology/mythology/hieroglyphs/motifs/artifacts/codes

Socio-cultural-civilizational-locational DNA – 4D
Specific cultural context where creature is born – 4D specific

Specific internalization of family/enculturation/societal conditioning/civilization codes – 3D specific

6. PERSONAS [Masks/Presentations] – 2D
Chosen mask – 2d specific

7. The immediate chosen persona interaction possibility space – 1D
The actual interaction option chosen and happening = 1D specific

On Brain Transformation


The [Dynamic Ground] is the context while the [Ego] is the manager within that background context. (these terms were borrowed from the book: The Ego and the Dynamic Ground – Michael Washburn)

All [judgments/labeling/categorizing/concepting/focusing/lensing] -> is from the [Mind Net] cast over [WHAT IS (Actual Perception + Perception stemming from Memory)].
It is [Mind Vision].
To [see with the mind] is to cast this [instrument’s net].
It is to see ‘through’ this net.
But if mind is an instrument then what is the driver of this instrument? = [DESIRE]

[Conscious Desire/Interests/Passions] -> which are basically the [deeper unconscious/archetypal forces/energies/cathexis] passing through the [NET of Worldly-knowledge and memory] and getting translated into forms that can fit into the [symbolic order/outer world].
The brain works as a [CONDUIT AND NET] for [translating/prism-ing] the [inner soul unconscious subconscious desires/forces].
If this [Brain filter] is too dense, and if it serves as a very poor medium or translator for letting the [higher soul inner desires] to [manifest] through this [realm/plane/symbolic order], and if it is just [repressing/barring/walling/shielding/blocking] most of it, and if it accumulates a lot of [useless conditioned dead habits] -> then this brain instead of being a conduit becomes an [overhead/dead-weight/poor conducting/resisting medium] -> The [task/imperative] then becomes to seek higher knowledge that will help create a [BETTER CONDUCTING and LIGHTER BRIDGE], so that more of the [soul’s true desires] can be [conduit-ed/translated] into [freedom/action/expression] in this [outer realm/symbolic order/plane].
This sort of [Brain Transformation] comes from the [unmanifest/unconscious] but one can [intuit] what is happening.
[Consciously] one can only [witness and manage] the [transformation process] happening – which happens in the [background/backdrop/context].
The [imperative] therefore during [TRANSFORMATION] is to [serve the process] by being an [efficient conductor of the ORCHESTRA] that unfolds.


The expenditure of karmic energy potentials


I see experience as a curriculum of ‘karmic energy potentials’ for this lifetime.
Like the picture here showing Van Gogh’s famous starry sky, we could visualize ourselves as the whole space(the whole field) in true essence, and all the stars are all the container of various potential experiences we are to experience in this life.
Or I could say our soul/heart contains all these star experience potentials.
Each star then continuously expends its energy.
There are stars of various sizes, and the brightest ones tend to take up the most of our attention and may represent core characteristics of our identity whose qualities shine on us no matter where we are on this field.

Our observer point then starts accelerating along a certain path – the orbit of which is created such that we would have drunk the experience from all the stars energy on completion.
We have a certain degree of choice energy embedded in the observer point too.
So generally we choose to live through the pleasurable ones first (large gas giants and low density stars – which represent high vibrations) and identify our self as them (the white fish in yin-yang) and this forms the day period of our lives, and when all the pleasure-stars have exhausted their fuel of experience, they all vanish and we enter the night of our lives and experience all the other wonders and terrors of the various smaller night stars which mostly represent our repressed shadows/non-egoic potentials (dis-identified disavowed parts under the iceberg). This night journey represents the dark night of soul which our heart lives through.

Then once all the difficult dense energy stars (sadness, grief, pain etc. and the low vibration parts) exhaust their potentials too, then the journey completes itself and we are freed from the heart and union with the formless field as DELIGHT.

Realize your source and live from there

My ego is mostly about – detect threat -> ward off threat
If there is no immediate threat around me, I try to foresee threats and start preparing for them.
What is fear?
Fear of being attacked.
The anticipation of being attacked.
Now I fear everyone and everything.
This fear forms the bricks of my heart prison.
As I remove each brick, I see each corresponding fear.
And I can see huge common clouds of increasing size.
Which means all these fears are coming from a “common large archetypal threat” whose class spawns the “individual instances of people/insects/situations” whatever they may be.
There is a hierarchy I perceive here too – from literal to the abstract.
Archetype is the class -> whose influence is carried by the beings who serve as its agents.
So I feel and make friends with the archetype itself or ask for forgiveness/contemplate on it, and live through whatever message that has for me, and I feel that dissolves the nexus of the multifarious threats coming from it.

All resolutions happen in the deep archetypal realms I feel.
The general context of our lives only reflects the larger puppeteers’ actions of moving the strings of the many characters and situations.
Fear and control go together.
Someone can control you, only once they install fear in you.
I thought – Create the correct environment in your psyche, use the correct deterrents and defenses to repel all parasitic beings.
Just like how one can keep one’s backyard clean – avoid wasp nests etc. – by planting repelling plants, coating with soap water solutions, and adding decoys, and so on.
Let the predator go about his business and leave you alone to do yours.
I think the purpose of the predator from my pov is to learn to transcend and protect myself from it – it’s a game.
Add beautiful repellents in your backyard (metaphor) -> and when there is a will there is a way -> there are so many things waiting for me to adopt them and cleanse myself of all the predators inside -> be it subtle ones like viruses in my gut and body, or overt ones like painful people around me.

I however see another issue, that my action will simply send the predator to someone else.
So should I be the great one, and withstand the predator, to save someone else?
That doesnt make sense in the larger picture – that looks like martyrdom, and it doesnt serve anything.
Others are tough enough, the creator upholds them, not me.
I am not responsible for protecting others from the TRUTH – that the world has both light and dark forces, and creation and destruction forces.
Such a protection harms them rather than help them.
They are going to live in dependence and fear anyway.
My responsibility is to affix myself with my own oxygen mask first.
This will allow me to overflow with power.
Then I can stand as an example as to how to be stand on your own feet, with vitality, with your own strength and knowledge, having conquered all your parasites/shadows/destructive, impairing, disabling, fears, and forces.
My service is my living example and exposition to others.
My being and commitment to abide with god/truth is my service.

Now there are some philosophical questions here.
Is the predator bad? —————- Is the exterminator bad?
Is the virus bad? ——————- Is the anti-virus bad?
Is action bad? ———————- Is re-action bad?
Is attack bad? ———————- Is defense bad?
This is like the chicken and egg problem.
It is cyclic.
What comes first?
Because the issue is that -> If I take the position of the “predator/virus/action/attack” -> It sees the opposite force “exterminator/anti-virus/re-action/defense” as the enemy.
If I take the position of the self-sufficient one -> then the enemy is these parasites who live dependent lives by hunting/attacking others.
So it is war of forces of desire/force.
Light desires/forces ———– Dark desires/forces
The linearity is only in the mind’s conception, in reality it all happens now instantaneously.
We have to take a position that transcends morality.
Because in the duality there are both:
life enhancing forces/intrinsic power ——— life diminishing forces/parasitic power
First I have to realize my own polarization.
I definitely identify and feel intrinsic life enhancement as the core in me.
All actions that I do, serve this.
So my task is to simply be more of my own true desire and let all my actions reflect who I am.
In other words, I “BE” THE CHARACTER I am meant to be and play the “God’s will role” fully.

Every fear is a call to toughen up/see/understand/conquer/master.
Develop and nurture your force until it rises above everything.
The enneagrams, myers briggs type, archetype identification, numerology, astrology – star signs etc. all serve in finding your source/power in the field.
These maps may initially serve as a guide to orient and triangulate your true position.
One has to FEEL one’s way through resonance.
RESONANCE is the compass.
It is all in FEELING your way through.
Each person’s “source/home position” is different, and that source position is their source of spirit.
When operating from there you are operating from what the creator intended you to be vs. this strange disconnected ego pov we find ourselves as which feeds from the source from afar, like faint moonlight.
Move towards your source, and journey into the dark night until you find it.
Find the “infinite power point” within yourself and then live from there as an example to show ‘WHAT POSSIBILITY EXISTS for each person”.

I want to be in alignment with the highest truth/highest will/highest vision/highest context – call it truth/love/god etc. that is secondary to me.
I want to dissolve all creation and BE the unmanifest/the highest solvent and live from there in absolute freedom.
Find the sun within you, and live from there.

States of consciousness vs. movement(happening)


Today I met my cousin after a long time, and the conversation we had seamlessly flowed from topic to topic on auto-pilot.
I was barely conscious in the whole of the conversation that transpired, it just flowed spontaneously and I was dimly witnessing the happening with very little control or consciousness of it.
These kinds of dissociated blank states happen a lot to me, esp. when I am engaged in a conversation.
Suddenly I lose consciousness of the entire context, and I feel like my memory is wiping out and refreshing every second as I speak.
Like to keep writing on water and watching your writing disappear spontaneously as you write, but yet keep writing without any plan or consciousness of the goal or context.
This always puzzled me, this state of consciousness that is.
Later after the 3 hour conversation, I wrote down everything I chatted about and it seemed to make sense in retrospect.
I felt the urge to run through the whole conversation in my mind and correctly contextualize the whole thing into my memory framework.
I often do this and resolve incomplete memories by retrospective analysis.

So I wanted to create a map for these kinds of experiences of dissociation and a loss of consciousness.
Generally when we lose consciousness, we assume we will just faint and fall down.
But this is not necessarily the case.
There are a lot of cases where our consciousness goes dim but yet that does not stop interactions and movement from happening.
Take the case, when you are crazy drunk, so drunk that the pyramidal cells in the brain are stopped from encoding to long term memory. In that situation, you move, talk, laugh, have a lot of emotions and conversations, but it is all spontaneous without any ego presence.
These are times, where things happen, but your story-making/contextualizing apparatus is offline.
The most scary version of this might be the date-rape drug or datura, which causes you to lose all will power and simply comply blindly.

I have had these experiences happen even on weed, when there is total absorption into music, so much, that when the song ends, you forget that you even heard a song and it feels like the song lasted an eternity.
Another example of this would be skydiving – that one minute fall was so immersive, my ego/contextualizing/story-making apparatus went offline during the 1 minute fall. So the fall felt like just a few moments vs. a full 60 seconds.

These experiences have always disturbed my ego/central narrative making/story making apparatus.
These events represented holes in my ego control.
Generally prospecting the future requires holding a lot in memory, we prospect the future from this memory base.
For instance if you are playing chess, to decide your next move and plan/strategize requires you to use a lot of your memory.
Imagine if you looked at the position of one chessboard piece, and then as you moved your eyes to look at the next piece, you forgot the position of your first piece, how would you ever strategize how to make the next move?
It takes an incredible amount of working memory to play.

Earlier when I had a strong ego narrative going, all my actions were much more top-down.
In the sense all my actions would be mainly determined by my central practices and goals.
Nowadays, that central narrative has thinned out so much, I find myself in a chaos, a state much closer to a incoherent dream, with various snippets of coherent meanings arising and passing with no central unifier.

So nowadays, events happen by themselves with little consciousness from my side, and then I reflect and write about it later on – extracting insights, weaving the story thread and so on.

Now coming to the abstract part:
There is either a shortage of consciousness or an excess of it relative to movement/happening.
Here are some interesting spectrums to consider:
Unconscious doing, doing > consciousness ————– Conscious doing, doing < consciousness
Happening without consciousness —————— Happening with consciousness
Little happening, high consciousness —————- Lot happening, high consciousness
Little happening, little consciousness ————— Lot happening, little consciousness
The prospect that there can be happening without my consciousness is terrifying for me.
But consciousness is just the tip of the iceberg.
Most of happening is infact unconscious, an enormous amount.

Another interesting connection is between will-power and memory.
The lowering of memory (holding on) fades away will-power in equal measure.
The self/ego is memory. And will power is a function of this.
So memory is the key stone here.
Remove memory and all vanishes.