The suffering of trying to gain self in anything of this world

I’ll go over a list of pleasures.
Sexuality:
Sexuality is a very limited pleasure.
The orgasm is very brief, but the regeneration is much longer in comparison.
If that is the only source of pleasure in life, it is woefully inadequate.

Technology:
Video time, Music time, Internet browsing etc.
All of it has great limits.
For instance: Hearing too much music removes all pleasure and makes you numb to it.

Supplements/Stimulants/Sugar:
Alcohol gives a pleasure for a while, but has a long hangover too.
A recharge period is needed too, to re-experience that pleasure.
Tea/Coffee if taken too often can drain you a lot, make you irritable/antsy.
Supplements also have their limits.
Eating too much sugar brings ‘Insulin Resistance’ and depressive moods.

Hot water bath:
Hot water bath feels good,
But stay too long and you risk burning your skin.

Talking to People/Relationships:
The pleasure of talking to others has a lot of limits too.
Usually there is a charge between 2 people (assuming they get along), and once that charge is neutralized they must do their own things to allow this charge to regenerate.
The same holds true for romantic relations too depending on the level of ‘potential difference/energetic charge’ that has to be diffused and neutralized from both people.
They may still continue to stay together for other reasons, but the pleasure comes only from the ‘charge’ which is also referred to as ‘chemistry’.

Intellectual pleasures/learning:
Pleasure from learning has a lot of limits too.
And a lot of breaks are needed for assimilation/digestion of what you learnt.

Food:
Pleasure from food has great limits too.
You can only get pleasure when you are hungry.
And once the hunger feeling is neutralized, the pleasure goes with it.
And you can get this pleasure only a few times a day basically.

Experiences/Movies/Novelty/Drugs:
A lot of experience seeking pleasure is about novelty.
So it is all a one shot thing mostly.
Once over, you cannot recapture the magic again.

Fulfilling images/Achievement:
The pleasure may be projected to a certain image/goal.
As you come closer to fulfilling that goal, you get more and more pleasure, until it peaks when you achieve it.
But then it gets empty after that, and the mirage updates its location to something else.
Achievements also hide a sacrifice in them. So they are not the ideal deals too.

Sleep-Wake/Birth-Death
Sleep recharges our pleasure as part of the wake-sleep cycle.
But the waking experience exhausts it, and then we have to go back to sleep for the next recharge.
This could be said about birth-death also.
We get most of our pleasures before the age of 25.
After that things sort of plateau.
We would have to wait to be reborn to experience the joys (and pains too) of childhood/learning/growth/teenage hormones and so on.

There are many more examples,
But it seems like the bottomline is,
The pleasure got from everything is:
# Too limited/short
# Followed by a long rest period for its regeneration.
Because all this pleasure is only a tiny part of the cycles.
None of them can deliver pleasure continuously.
Also it is not even 50-50.
Often the regeneration period is far greater.

This got me thinking about the philosophical aspects of Maya itself.
It is as if Maya is never going to satisfy.
Chasing anything totally, leads to its opposite paradoxically.
Pleasure leads to pain,
Achievement leads to burnout,
Gain leads to loss,
And so on.

All is empty,
All is paradoxical/contradictory.

What looks like pleasure today turns into pain tomorrow.
What was an asset in the past, becomes a liability later.
What was a profound source of meaning today, turns into an empty burden tomorrow.
Even the 120 year life-cycle of Dashas from Vedic Astrology,
Is fractal in nature, and it seems like each next phase contradicts the previous phase in some way.

Reality/Source has its own laws,
And it seems like the only option is to abide in and as them.

The cyclic processes of the body mind and the pleasures they bring look ultimately empty.
It’s like there is nothing in it for me.
Nothing will add anything to me.
Everything gets nulled (Shunya).
There is only the empty divine play appearing.
There is no holy grail, no philosopher’s stone, no ultimate prized thing.
All is nothing, All is the same Maya substance,
The same Maya just transforming itself into all these opposites and cycling between them.
It appears as everything, but is itself no thing.
It is that nothing, that 0, which is the union of all opposites.

This reminds me of the 3 truths in Buddhism:
# Annicha (impermanence)
# Dukkha (suffering)
# Anatma (insubstantiality)
The Dukkha is actually the result of trying to gain self,
In the impermanent and the insubstantial.

There is no real independent essence/substance,
To anything that is appearing/visible/known here.

It is the same Maya substance, but it appears as everything we experience.
It is the great illusion, and we have been bamboozled/tricked into its spell.
But that would be the very purpose of Maya, so it is doing a great job at concealing the actual reality.
Sort of like the game of hide and seek.

Duality is the Cyclic-engine that moves in Great time

car-moving

The wheels of your car go round and round.
The steering wheel turns side to side, back and forth.
The pedals of your car are pressed and unpressed.
The gears of your car cycle through their various positions.
The pistons in the engine of your care move up and down.
The crank shaft keep rolling.
The windows roll and move the glass up and down.
If you see everything about the working of your car is cyclic.

The relative non-cyclic aspect of the car is you the driver.
You may take it to various places.
Similarly, in existence too,
“Samsara = The great wheel = Cyclic time = Serves Maha-kala/non-cyclic time/the great time.
You could say “The great time” is the transcendent aspect of intelligence that RIDES the “cycles of samsara/cyclic time”.

Another analogy would be the cells in your body,
All have a cycle of existence right?
The cells reproduce, new cells are born,
The old ones pass away, the new ones reproduce again…and so on.
Each of these trillion cells is in a way serving you.
You are like the driver of the “Car”, build out of these cells.

The cyclic existence engine serves the the non-cyclic intelligence.
Samsara serves Nirvana.
Our birth-death is also a cycle/circle.
There is a seed that germinates into a tree,
Then the tree passes away,
And the seed once again sprouts when the season is right.
Spring = Birth/childhood
Summer = Adulthood
Autumn = Old age
Winter = Death
So birth and death can also be seen like a pendulum swing of life energies.
The great flight of birth and its crash of death.
LAW: “What learns from the cycle is always that which is beyond the cycle.”
Because a cycle is zero-sum.
So it can be deduced, that we may go through these cycles repeatedly until that which is beyond the cycle wakes up.
After that that which is beyond which has woken up is transcendent of the cycle it was in earlier.

Cells in each part of our body,
Channel a certain portion of body intelligence,
And perform a certain function(s).
Similarly it seems like each of us,
Channel a portion of the collective intelligence,
And perform a certain function.
What you are channeling can be felt in the form of your desires.
Your desires/inspirations are the driving force of your instrument.
The life energy descends and ascends alternately,
From form to formless…
The heart of the earth is pulsing humans in and out of existence,
As birth and death, with influx-deflux.

Also each desire force works within a polarity.
The diseased person desires and seeks health.
The poor person desires and seeks riches.
The intensity of this seeking is proportional,
To how deep he has polarized on either end.
The 2 ends go together.
So each desire has its own cycle,
Between the 2 poles of the duality-pair.
Duality pairs such as:
poverty-riches, disease-health, ignorance-knowledge and so on.
The pendulums keep swinging.

Desire therefore seems to be cyclic in its very nature.
Because desire for X implies X’.
And intensity of desire implies magnitude of X’.
For instance:
The more deep you are in suffering, the more deeply you desire joy.
So if someone is deeply craving joy, you can intuit how much he is suffering.
This is relative too.
For instance:
If you have seen -100, then you are seeking +100.
Whereas if you have only seen -20, then you are probably only seeking +20.
But if the whole cycle is seen, it is zero sum.

Maybe that is why the scriptures keep pointing to desirelessness.
Because desires are also identification with cycles.
Technically, transcendence is not desirelessness,
But it is moving to a higher order desire.
For instance, the planetary desire if we could sense it,
Would be far higher than our personal desire.

Mass production and accelerating ecological damage

Ecology is a cycle.
Natural resources are generated by this cycle.
We tap into these resources,
And then subject them to our own transformation processes in factories,
To finally produce the products and distribute them.
But nothing is done after that point.
Consumers use the product and throw it into the landfills.

Ideally, for every construction factory,
There should be an equivalent deconstruction factory or recycling plant.
We need to deconstruct the products made,
Back to a form that nature can process.
This would complete the cycle of human karma.
And we would be in full harmony with nature/earth.

The reasons why this is not done are quite deep.
If I have to sum it up in one sentence,
It is because of our collective “denial of death”.
Our awareness does not include death.
It is as if we believe we are going to go on and on,
and just fall off the edge of a cliff.
But in larger awareness, we are part of a cycle.
And this cycle includes:
Formation —and—- Dissolution.

We generally build things in our image.
Like how it is said “god created man in his image”.
For instance, let’s take the example of a building.
Nervous system = Electrical wiring network
Communication system = Phone/Internet network
Blood Circulation = Water Pipe System/Plumbing
Fire system = Natural gas pipes
So if we have a blind spot in our understanding of ourselves,
That blind spot carries over to our creations as well.
And here the blind spot is the “denial of death”.
As egos we believe we are the creators separate from nature.
That we are aliens stuck in this strange place
And that we must exploit it as much as possible.
But in reality, nature is our very ground.
We grow out of it and return to it,
We are dependent on it for our resources and sustenance,
And we must ideally live in harmony to its cycles.
This is referred to as “ecological awareness”.

Our ignoring of the way things work in nature/ecology,
Has a corresponding component we ignore in ourselves.
That component is, we believe we are immortal and separate (as egos).
This is my opinion on why all of our production processes
Only handle half the cycle from “procurement to production to distribution”.
After that we just dump things in landfills.

This blind spot is especially magnified in mass production.
The error/oversight was always there in essence,
But mass production has increased the sheer scale of this error.
I feel the root problem is that of awareness.
And in my opinion, the best way to impart that is through education.

Sleep and Time

Sleep is the ultimate rejuvenator.
Every day you get around 7 hours (+-),
And it is non-negotiable.
If you use up 2 hours in the afternoon,
Then you get 2 less in the night.
Sleep is not something you can do.
You fall into it,
So there is no control.

It is like a gas station,
That allows only 1 refill per day for your vehicle.
Or like an ATM machine,
That dispenses a fixed amount to you everyday.
Or like your phone data plan,
Where you get 1gb/day and if you use it up early,
Then you would have extremely low speed until the next refill.

Sleep-Wake is a cycle.
It just goes round and round.
Time is all about cycles.
To be free from cyclic existence is to be free of time.

Look at your analog watch/clock,
Isn’t it a circle, with the hands going round and round?
The earth’s rotation gives day and night.
The moon’s phasing gives you a month
The cycles of the solar system give you your lifetime (84-120 years?)
The solar system, the arrangement of the sun, moon, and earth,
Work like a potters wheel,
Structuring life energy here into forms.

Time is an aspect/dimension of existence.
There are dimensions of existence beyond time.
When your vision has not grasped these cycles,
You think you are going somewhere,
But actually you are going round and round.
Like driving a car along a mobius strip.

Transcendence is when one rides the cycles of time,
Vs. being trapped in the cycles of time.

Your internal and external lives are reflections of each other

Balanced internal life = Balanced external life.
Extreme internal life = Extreme external life.
Total internal awareness = Total external awareness
Internal extreme tunneled investments = External extreme tunneled investments.
Internal imbalances => reflected in the external as external imbalances.

Many extreme people view relationship as:
Conflict, Resistance, Strife, War, Violence, Pain.
The problem here is of degree and not of essence.
Like if I take a knife and ever so gently graze your skin, it will feel scintillating.
But if I do it with more force, it will cut the skin, sharply hurt, and leave a bruise.
So the problem in the latter case was simply the intensity.

In a world filled with limitation of various degrees,
If we try to do things with unlimited passion,
Either we will break or the thing will break.
Relationships are a limited possibility.
It has a certain place, a certain potential,
After which it will start to hurt and pain more and more.
This kind of violence can be addictive too,
Because it is controlled by you.
I would think this is a similar reason,
Why people cut themselves.
Because it is a pain that you can control and administer to yourself.
So by fighting with people, even if it hurts, you are controlling it.
And that might give a relief at a different level.
You could similarly, subject yourself to controlled mental pain too,
Say by researching on all sorts of painful topics,
Because then you are in control, you are subjecting yourself to it.

Generally what happens is a full cycle.
The person is maybe highly sensitive,
And was subjected to physical, relational, or mental violence.
Again the violence here is because of degree, and not essence.
Like if a blind person high five’s you on the nose by mistake.
High five is a cool thing, on your hands, but not on your nose.
So, then the person in later life,
In order to regain a sense of control,
May subject himself to the same abuse and recreate those feelings.
The huge difference in the second run of those feelings is that,
He inflicts them upon himself, so that gives him back his sense of control,
And allays the fear, paranoia, and expectation.

Control and Freedom are opposites

Control and Freedom are the opposites of each other.
The spectrum:
Control (holding on to control & having the need to control) ————- Freedom (letting go of control & not having the need to control)
To let something free is to relinquish control over it.
You let it return to its “natural” state, without your interference/intervention/action/effort.

Every controlled action cannot be sustained indefinitely.
Consequently, when it is dropped, the result swings to its opposite.
All opposites inevitably swing between each other:
# Extreme pursuit/seeking ——-vs——- Extreme retreat
# Extreme outgoingness ——vs——- Extreme withdrawal
# Extreme activity ——-vs——– Extreme tiredness
Like a spring:
# If you pull the ends of the spring, it contracts when you release it.
# If you shrink the ends of the spring, it expands when you release it.
Essentially:
# Extreme Rajas (activity) ——vs—— Extreme tamas (inertia)
Activity and Inertia follow each other.
The “middle or 0 point” of these poles is not a location or a quantity but a DOORWAY.
Now, I must speak more about what I mean by “middle or 0 point” here.
The “middle or 0 point” is not in the same “plane” or “number line” as the 2 poles are in.
0 or the middle is not a quantitative thing here, rather it is representative of the doorway/portal/wormhole to the next dimension itself.
Passing through this doorway = transcends both the poles and opens you up to the higher dimension.
A more 3d analogy of this would be a whirlpool.
The dualities spiral around each other and lead into the doorway/wormhole that acts as a portal to the next dimension.
This permeation/dissolving of you into the higher dimension by the relinquishing of control/effort (which happens naturally in time once you experience and acquire true understanding) is true freedom.

That is why controlling any one aspect of life will never lead to transcendence but rather it will only lead to a swing in the opposite direction when your will power runs out.
You can allow this process to happen fast by moving with the intensity of a hare and lose will power much faster, or you can walk like a tortoise and exhaust your will-power supply after an eon.
Once that happens, your state will swing to its opposite pole, and the attainment will be lost until the next cycle begins.
Just like how, if you work very hard one day, you will feel very sleepy that night and fall into oblivion for a while.

When control is relinquished, things return to their higher harmonic state.
This is because when you step away, all the winds and tides within existence move you into a path, that is very different from what you thought.
Your karmic equation changes, and you become karma-less in this plane of existence.
And the paradox here is that, you cannot relinquish control by controlling.
It happens as a consequence of true understanding/gnosis/contemplation/inquiry/insight/assimilation/digestion.