Your internal and external lives are reflections of each other

Balanced internal life = Balanced external life.
Extreme internal life = Extreme external life.
Total internal awareness = Total external awareness
Internal extreme tunneled investments = External extreme tunneled investments.
Internal imbalances => reflected in the external as external imbalances.

Many extreme people view relationship as:
Conflict, Resistance, Strife, War, Violence, Pain.
The problem here is of degree and not of essence.
Like if I take a knife and ever so gently graze your skin, it will feel scintillating.
But if I do it with more force, it will cut the skin, sharply hurt, and leave a bruise.
So the problem in the latter case was simply the intensity.

In a world filled with limitation of various degrees,
If we try to do things with unlimited passion,
Either we will break or the thing will break.
Relationships are a limited possibility.
It has a certain place, a certain potential,
After which it will start to hurt and pain more and more.
This kind of violence can be addictive too,
Because it is controlled by you.
I would think this is a similar reason,
Why people cut themselves.
Because it is a pain that you can control and administer to yourself.
So by fighting with people, even if it hurts, you are controlling it.
And that might give a relief at a different level.
You could similarly, subject yourself to controlled mental pain too,
Say by researching on all sorts of painful topics,
Because then you are in control, you are subjecting yourself to it.

Generally what happens is a full cycle.
The person is maybe highly sensitive,
And was subjected to physical, relational, or mental violence.
Again the violence here is because of degree, and not essence.
Like if a blind person high five’s you on the nose by mistake.
High five is a cool thing, on your hands, but not on your nose.
So, then the person in later life,
In order to regain a sense of control,
May subject himself to the same abuse and recreate those feelings.
The huge difference in the second run of those feelings is that,
He inflicts them upon himself, so that gives him back his sense of control,
And allays the fear, paranoia, and expectation.

Control and Freedom are opposites

Control and Freedom are the opposites of each other.
The spectrum:
Control (holding on to control & having the need to control) ————- Freedom (letting go of control & not having the need to control)
To let something free is to relinquish control over it.
You let it return to its “natural” state, without your interference/intervention/action/effort.

Every controlled action cannot be sustained indefinitely.
Consequently, when it is dropped, the result swings to its opposite.
All opposites inevitably swing between each other:
# Extreme pursuit/seeking ——-vs——- Extreme retreat
# Extreme outgoingness ——vs——- Extreme withdrawal
# Extreme activity ——-vs——– Extreme tiredness
Like a spring:
# If you pull the ends of the spring, it contracts when you release it.
# If you shrink the ends of the spring, it expands when you release it.
Essentially:
# Extreme Rajas (activity) ——vs—— Extreme tamas (inertia)
Activity and Inertia follow each other.
The “middle or 0 point” of these poles is not a location or a quantity but a DOORWAY.
Now, I must speak more about what I mean by “middle or 0 point” here.
The “middle or 0 point” is not in the same “plane” or “number line” as the 2 poles are in.
0 or the middle is not a quantitative thing here, rather it is representative of the doorway/portal/wormhole to the next dimension itself.
Passing through this doorway = transcends both the poles and opens you up to the higher dimension.
A more 3d analogy of this would be a whirlpool.
The dualities spiral around each other and lead into the doorway/wormhole that acts as a portal to the next dimension.
This permeation/dissolving of you into the higher dimension by the relinquishing of control/effort (which happens naturally in time once you experience and acquire true understanding) is true freedom.

That is why controlling any one aspect of life will never lead to transcendence but rather it will only lead to a swing in the opposite direction when your will power runs out.
You can allow this process to happen fast by moving with the intensity of a hare and lose will power much faster, or you can walk like a tortoise and exhaust your will-power supply after an eon.
Once that happens, your state will swing to its opposite pole, and the attainment will be lost until the next cycle begins.
Just like how, if you work very hard one day, you will feel very sleepy that night and fall into oblivion for a while.

When control is relinquished, things return to their higher harmonic state.
This is because when you step away, all the winds and tides within existence move you into a path, that is very different from what you thought.
Your karmic equation changes, and you become karma-less in this plane of existence.
And the paradox here is that, you cannot relinquish control by controlling.
It happens as a consequence of true understanding/gnosis/contemplation/inquiry/insight/assimilation/digestion.