The soul themes

At an abstract level, we are tuned into themes themselves.
The theme is like a spectrum, a 2 poled rod.

For instance, the theme could be:
[…Poor —— Rich…]
Once tuned into that, your focus will be on that aspect of existence.
Both the poor and the rich are actually tuned into the same game of sorts.
Now, there is no absolute poor or rich.
It is all based in relativity.
So really it is only a long infinite line,
Spanning from poor on the left to rich on the right, with you in the center.
If you look to the left you are richer,
If you look to the right you are poorer.
So depending on how you draw your frame of reference,
You can position yourself as rich or poor,
As your relative position inside the frame you hold.
Only if you believe you are poor will you seek riches.
So you have to tune into that theme first and then position yourself in a frame to begin playing.
You will play the game until you achieve your ideal and neutralize.
Then you may move on to other themes.

Now just like the poor-rich theme,
There could be many many such themes.
Here is a list of some of them:
Knowledge —– Ignorance
Power —– Powerlessness
Pleasure —– Pain
Master ——- Student
Guru ——— Disciple
Wonder —— Mundane
Freedom —– Entrapment
High energy —- Low energy
Togetherness —– Aloneness
Relationships —- Loneliness
Ecstasy —— Depression
Health —— Disease
Positive body image —– Negative body image
Security —– Insecurity
Meaning —— Meaninglessness
High self esteem —– Low self esteem
High status —— Low status
Atonement —— Guilt
Ease —— Stress
Safety —— Fear
Order —— Chaos
Good ——- Evil
Right —— Wrong
Perfection —— Imperfection
Independence —– Enmeshment
Attractiveness —- Unattractiveness
Authenticity —– Fakeness
Joy —– Misery
Interests —– Boredom
Escapes —- Traps
Usefulness —– Uselessness
Transcendence —— Bondage
Flow/Harmony —– Friction/Conflict

People are generally invested in many such themes,
With different priorities depending upon their conditioning imprints.
Their explicit ego ideals and actions reflect their implicit position.
Like you want to get rich because you believe you are poor.
The poorer you believe yourself to be, the more unacceptable you feel it is, the stronger will be your drive to achieve the necessary riches to complete and neutralize.
So what themes are you invested in?
Something to contemplate.

The limitations of time – Social/Clock time and Existential.

Supposing you moved to a paradise island,
With no humans around,
And no watch or time keeping device with you,
You would be free of clock time.
Clock time is also Social time.
The reason for the clock is mainly to coordinate one’s life activity with others.

Being free of social/clock time would free you from one set of limitations.
But one would still not escape time itself,
Because there is also existential time,
Which is kept by the body itself.
In fact all social time is build around the rules/laws of existential time which is really the foundation.
The freedom of human activity is dependent on the freedoms offered by the cycles of existential time.

So what is existential time?
Existential time is of the body cycles.
How long can I sit?
How long can I stand?
How long can I meditate?
How long can I talk?
How long can I be silent?
How long can I work (Physical and Mental)?
How long can I enjoy?
How long can I be creative?
How long can I be awake?
How long can I sleep?
How long can I be healthy?
How long can I socialize?
How long can I be alone?
How long can I stay at home?
How long can I be outside or travel?
…and so on.
So these cycles would still happen,
Even after you remove yourself,
From all civilization, social environments, and the clock.
Now, is it possible to overcome these existential limitations?
Are these limitations a given as long as I exist in the body?
Is there a dimension of my being that is free from these limitations?
Is there a dimension of my being that is eternal and not subject to time?
Is it possible to be and stay conscious of that dimension?
That is the next contemplation.

Parallels between life and dreams

I have had 1000s of lucid dreams in my life,
Some of my takeaways from these dream experiences are:
# If you control the dream strongly it will fade to black very soon.
Your lightest touch of will/intent/emotion will keep the dream running the longest.
# After it fades to black, you have to just relax into the darkness and stay still, and then after a while the next potential dream emerges out of it.
I have at max gone through 10+ dreams this way.
Where a dream happens – you control it gently – and then it fades to black – you then stay still in the blackness – and the next one emerges and once again you participate – and so on.
Maintaining the thread of awareness through a series of lucid dreams is a subtle art of delicate control that is so much in harmony, that it is almost like non-control.
Similarly it is also possible to lose yourself into a dream if you get too involved and thereby lose your lucidity and get absorbed into its themes, and this would end that series of lucid dreams.

I see many parallels between my waking life and my dream life.
In my everyday life, each time I get up, I am a new person, in a new context, in a new energy space, in a new frame of mind.
I feel pulls in various directions, either external or internal.
Then I respond to the pulls based on conditioning/habits/likes/intentions etc. and then as I give into one of them, I get engaged in various activities/research/exploration/learning/contemplations etc. and then the investment energy gently fades, and then I either subtly shift my theme of activity to another one OR I just go back into the space/womb/ocean of ‘superposition of possibilities/void/chaos of various pull and push pulsating forces(like the ocean water undulations)’.
Then some wind of inspiration EMERGES out of this ‘possibility chaos’ and then rises up like a wave and carries me in its perspective/vision/feelings/quests etc.
And once that wave completes, I once again return to the ‘oceanic chaos of possibilities’.
I feel this is so similar to my dream.
The fading to void is like returning to the “chaos of possibilities”.
And the emerging of the dream is like the waking interests arising in me that move me.

I experience boredom, as a resistance to that state of “primordial chaos of possibilities”.
It is the longing/attachment to inhabit the coherence of a wave moved by the whole ocean vs. just being in a state of aimless undulation moving back and forth in the same place.
This then led me into contemplating further.
What is death really? Is it not the fading of THIS dream?

The whole thing is fractal.
There are cycles within cycles within cycles, and so on.
There is an infinite nesting of contexts.
There are contexts inside contexts inside contexts, and so on.
There is a dream within a dream within a dream, and so on.
My early childhood life, school life, college life, work life etc. were like different dreams, within the larger dream of my identity dream (once I identified myself in the mirror and by name).
I could also divide it as: Childhood, Teenage years, Early adulthood, Middle adulthood etc.
And all of this is coming from my mind DREAMING all of this up RIGHT NOW.
This makes me wonder! What is this great dream we are in?
What am I outside of this dream of my identity?
Am I not the ocean itself? from where this dream of me arose?

Right now, I am riding this dream wave of writing this post.
At the end of this post, this wave would have gone back into the ocean.

The adventure of life

The adventure of life is scary when there is permanence.
But impermanence/emptiness frees you.
As you grow older, you see all was a passing experience.
Like a passing spring breeze carrying various scents.
This mortality/impermanence/change/emptiness is the true transcendent context.
That is where your higher self/god experiences reality from.
It is all the play of god, to be experienced as the passing breeze it is.
Even thinking it is all real, is part of it, creating the peak of immersion.
The more you ground yourself deeper into emptiness, the wilder your life gets.

Fractal soul visions

Linear time is within a certain frame of reference staying constant.
Beyond linear time is circular time.
And beyond circular time are eternal higher dimensional realities etc.
It gets more and more abstract.

Sometimes when our visions get abstract enough we can see abstract gestalts/patterns repeating again and again like time running through a mobius strip.

For me, the common themes I wrestle with are between:
– Being and Non-being
– Becoming and Unbecoming
– Ground and Groundlessness
– Knowing and Unknowing
– Striving and Surrender
– Linear time and Non-linear time
– Attainment and Non-attainment
– Order and Chaos
– Enlightenment and Non-enlightenment
– Home and travel
– Knowledge and Innocence
– Reality and Illusion

I can explain some of these things with poetic visions.
Here are some of them below:

Vision 1:

abyssedge

I have 2 choices, stay with what I know (what is in my hand) or the other choice is to jump into an unknown abyss.
I am detached from what I have and so at times I get the courage and jump into the abyss.
Now imagine you fall and fall through the unknown but there is no ground and you land up again at a similar place where you were standing before and again there is the same choice – stick to what is in hand(known) or just into the abyss(unknown).
Again this repeats, I work on letting go of the known in hand and get the courage and jump, and this repeats again and again.
This is the play between knowing and unknowing
It is the play between ground and groundlessness

Vision 2:

dream

Imagine you are in a dream and you are trying to wake up, but every time you think you have woken up you later realize you have still been dreaming. And so you try to wake up again, and once again think you have woken up, only to realize soon after that you are still dreaming and have to work again to wake up.
This is the play between reality and illusion

Vision 3:

sandsculpture

I build myself up like a sand structure from the chaos of possibility of the sand on the ground.
I feel I have attained knowledge and being, but soon it falls back to the ground.
Then again I get inspired, and I build another structure, work on it and reach a milestone, only for it to go back to the ground again.
This is like a looping struggle to BE something and not fall back to non-being.
This can be seen as the play of order vs. chaos.
This can also be seen as the play of attainment vs. non-attainment.
It is also the play between becoming and unbecoming.

Vision 4:

Home

Imagine whenever you settled in a place, buy some things, make yourself a home there and create security for yourself, you feel its time to move. You have to move and leave everything behind, go through the grief, and do a similar settlement in your next spot, only for you to again get the impulse to move and do it again.
This is the play between home and travel.

Vision 5:

watchingmovie

Imagine you are sitting in a theater seat and watching a movie, and you go through the story with the hero suffering gains and losses. Suddenly you feel it is getting too much and you want to snap out of it and you come back to your theater seat. You realize that you were always in that seat, nothing has really changed, and the whole movie was an illusion. But then shortly after coming back to the theater seat and disillusioning yourself, you see something else interesting in the screen that once again enchants you, and you start to gain knowledge from investment. And this happens again and again.
This is the play between alternating enlightenment and non-enlightenment
This is the play between alternating knowledge and innocence.

 

Beyond Freedom

Even freedom is relative.
Freedom is only relative to YOUR NOTION, and not what is actually available to you around you.
Because I could always tell myself that I have a 100 other things most people do not have.
But does that make me feel free?
That makes me mentally feel good – as a concept, but that’s about it.
I cannot feel it powerfully.
The lifetime of the mental feeling of freedom is very short lived and teeny.
Freedom is an inner condition of abundant spirit.
“You are what you love and not what loves you” – I read this quote today and felt the truth of it.

“To want to gain Freedom” is again operating in a paradigm that also contains the fear of losing it.
So wanting anything carries an implicit fear of the loss of the thing.
So what is beyond freedom? That is my contemplation.

Can you imagine the power of god?

power-of-god

Fear exists.
Fear is a protective system.
Protection from what?
Protection from destruction of what I believe is ‘me’.
And what is this ‘me’ that needs protection?
And Protection from what? Life itself?
So life itself looks like an enemy because it threatens ‘me’.
That means the very existence of me itself is anti-life energy to a great extent.

This ‘me’ is the limiter of life energy itself -> and I am afraid life will go beyond these limits -> which would then not serve the preservation or expansion of me.
So then I am terrified of an infinite unlimited power.
Let’s call that god.
Because what would prevent it from breaking my structure?
The energy of life being finer than us fears nothing we know, it is no-thing, and extremely finely structured.

Like quarks are not afraid of an atom bomb.
Because the atom bomb can do nothing to the structure of the quark.
But every other gross structure is terrified of the power of the atom bomb.
Isn’t the fear of god exactly that?
I stand as a mortal structure with the knowledge that I am going to die and I don’t know when and how, and I do not even know what lies beyond?
Would that not put me in the PERMANENT state of anxiety and fear?
How can I know what lies ahead?
Is there any way of knowing apart from BEING THAT?

Imagine you met a trans-dimensional alien, who could materialize in a physical form or de-materialize and occupy a frequency spectrum subtler and beyond our perception. How would you react to this?
How long would it take for the alien to decimate your entire structure, or how long would it take for the alien to exalt you into perfect health?
OR Lets imagine a bunch of nano-bots.
Imagine if these were not bots, but some kind of extraterrestrial nano being forms.
Well the range of actions they could perform on you could be anything from:
Atomic bomb like decimation of you [Destruction] ———OR——— They could make you into the finest imaginable sculpture of a structure [Exaltation]
All these analogies are to point at the power of god.
Could you think of more such possibilities?

What relationship would “I” have to the infinitely subtle power?
Well that depends on how life has treated me so far, right?
What if I’ve had assault after assault of diseases after diseases with no cure and I am suffering in isolation and despair, desperately trying to just live the barest life possible, how would I then feel about the power of god?
Compare this to another person, who has lived the usual formula, some good times, few bad times, well settled and integrated into society and its games. What would be his conception and position towards the power of god?
Would it not be much more favorable than what I might assume god is?
Is god merciful? Is god wrathful? Why should it be one or the other?
Can our minds conceive of a god who is all the worst qualities and all the best qualities at the same time?
Isn’t that a brain fry?
An impossible contradiction to hold in the linear one-at-a-time instrument the mind is?

God’s actions in time can evoke:
Negative anticipation (dread/despair/terror/fear) —————————— Positive anticipation (what is usually celebrated as faith/devotion/love)
There is a profound unknowing here.
How can we ever know the infinite?
Only the finite can be known, isn’t it?

We assume we somewhat know, judging by our past memories and life experience, but could it not be that life has just been too easy on us?
The giant is playing gentle?
But what would prevent the giant from getting explosively violent and tearing us apart?
Doesn’t that duality exist in the potentials of the giant?
And why should we assume the creator loves us and wants to keep us in the utmost possible condition of well-being?
Maybe it wants to make us suffer like dogs?
OR conversely, why does the creator not completely exalt us?
Why are we kept in this ‘weird’, ‘odd’, ‘absurd’, and ‘confusing’ condition?
To assume it is one or the other(love or destruction) is to limit the creator’s power isn’t it?
I mean it could hate us as much as it loves us right?
Could it be both simultaneously? The creator hates us and loves us, and somewhere inbetween if the love is greater than hate our life moves forward?
Because to assume only love, is to deny the entirety of the dark side.
If it is all love then what is the dark side then? NOT GOD? SOMETHING ELSE?
How can that be?
Most people I see are believing their ‘concept of god’ as god, a limited conception which looks like ‘infinite denial’ to me.
What is INFINITE potential? (contemplation)
It could be ANYTHING from: Abject terror ——to——– Greatest love?
The most horrific devil imaginable ——-to——— The most loving angelic being?
Both ARE god?
So god could take any potential among infinite ones or be all of it simultaneously?

The world is deterministic, with all its physical laws etc, like a fixed structure that looks promising like it can be mastered.
But I feel that is because the god giant is 95% asleep.
Imagine if god wakes up to its infinite power, would it not end this world as instantly as how your dream abruptly ends when you are jolted awake in the morning?
The god giant appears to take this puny form of a deterministic world filled with laws/structures etc.
But seriously can we get truly one up on this?
Aren’t we still under god’s mercy, who has taken this puny strange limited absurd form in the form of this world and its creatures?
Do we know the power of god?

And in all my statements above, there was an inherent duality implied of me/we being separate from god.
Let me open up a prospect even more terrifying.
What if you are god?
And what if you are pretending to be THIS?
Would you let go into your infinite power?
How much will you let go?
Can you imagine the price of this disillusionment?
Can you imagine the obliteration of every single knowledge/idea/limitation you hold on to right now?
Would you stay in this body/world contraption even for an instant if you realize your infinite power?

If I am god and if I am everything then:
I am terrified of my own power.
I am terrified of my true potential.
I am terrified of my own wrathfulness.
I am terrified of my own madness.
I am terrified of my destructiveness.
I am terrified of the intensity of my love too.
I am terrified of my extreme pleasure potentials too.
It is so much easier being this poor little me afraid of god/others, than to face my true power.
I see the way to higher consciousness as facing and walking through the ‘terror of unknowing’.