From my own experiences I have seen,
For people to love you, you must love them first.
Then the reflection of that would come back to you as them loving you.
You may get varying levels of this reflection depending on the other and their receptivity/capacity.
People will be devoted to you, if you are devoted to them first.
Again the amount of reflection shining back on you would depend on the other.
If you are fully on, your job is done.
Once you are fully loving and fully devoted,
Then people will recognize and reflect this back to you based on their own openness, receptivity, and capacity.
Others loving you is only a security or utility experience for you.
It is only a 1st and 2nd chakra level security.
But you loving others, now that is the real experience of love.
That is the actual 4th chakra experience.
That is why I think Gandhi said “You be the change you want to see in the world.”
You stand for a cherished quality and turn yourself on in full measure,
And the rest will simply unravel.
Your work is finished, apart from deepening your own connection with it.
Emotional health in relationships
Here are some of the signs (imo) of emotional health in relationships:
# Consistent high emotional responsiveness
# Consistent high engagement
# Consistent high involvement
# Consistent high availability
# Consistent reciprocal/matched/tuned participation
# Consistent responsibility/ownership for the relationship
# Consistent proper clear honest emotional communication
# Consistent connection (not handling connection like interrupts)
Consistent and high [x] —vs— Erratic and low [x]
[Where x = responsiveness, engagement, involvement, availability,
participation, responsibility, honesty, connection]
The latter here would describe an environment of emotional suffering.
# Consistent high emotional responsiveness
# Consistent high engagement
# Consistent high involvement
# Consistent high availability
# Consistent reciprocal/matched/tuned participation
# Consistent responsibility/ownership for the relationship
# Consistent proper clear honest emotional communication
# Consistent connection (not handling connection like interrupts)
Consistent and high [x] —vs— Erratic and low [x]
[Where x = responsiveness, engagement, involvement, availability,
participation, responsibility, honesty, connection]
The latter here would describe an environment of emotional suffering.
Representation, Recognition, and Essence
Essence is from the non-local qualitative space,
Something similar to the 5th dimension ‘Plato’s world of forms’.
From where we are, we connect to these essences and experience them.
We connect to these essences through representations.
All sensory and mental objects are not the thing in itself,
But are all representations of the thing.
The thing itself exists in a transcendent form we connect/access and experience.
When we lose connection to this higher world of essences,
Which all of our representations basically cue to,
We get depressed.
So depression I feel is fundamentally from this disconnection.
Even if you logically lay it out in language,
Like:
“I have xxx bank balance,
I have all these xxx items with me,
These great xxx relationships,
etc.”
If you cannot connect to the higher world of essences,
You would feel depressed.
On the other hand, if you do connect to this higher world of essences,
You would experience great joy/riches/bliss.
This connection is entirely invisible and cannot be directly seen,
But rather it can only be felt and experienced.
Only representations can be studied and seen.
And all of the objects in the sensory and mental worlds are representations.
They all cue/point to these higher world essences.
This connection is quite a bit independent from the circumstances of life,
Apart from fulfillment of all the usual basic needs.
That is why it is difficult to see any direct correlation,
Between a person’s circumstances and his/her level of happiness.
This may explain how some of the pioneers of the LSD experience,
Described their experience in terms like: ‘seeing the whole world in a grain of sand’ etc.
Logically you might think, ‘pff, that makes no sense, how can a sand grain be the world?!, nonsense etc.’
But on deeper inspection, I see that the grain of sand is only a representation,
And it is cue-ing/pointing to the higher object which is the “5th dimensional numinous essence of the world itself”.
There are many games right, where a portion of an animal is shown to you,
And you’d have to guess the animal.
The picture that is shown, (say of the animal’s eye alone) is not the animal right?
The animal that you guess it represents (say correctly) is because you mapped that picture to your mental object.
So the animal really exists only in your mental space as a representation.
And even the picture shown to you is also a fractional representation of it.
But however neither of these 2 things can give us the real connection we desire.
Because both are only representations at some level.
The true connection is to connect everything to god (in religious terms),
Or in philosophical terms I could say, it is to connect the representational forms to their essences.
It could be speculated that this ‘world of essences’ really exists, like Plato speculated.
But the real nature of it, I feel, is entirely mysterious.
All we know is when we connect to it through our representation,
We experience all the sought after feelings of wonder/comprehension/profound understanding/knowing and so on.
It is this recognition I long for,
I wish I could connect through everything to their higher essences.
Something similar to the 5th dimension ‘Plato’s world of forms’.
From where we are, we connect to these essences and experience them.
We connect to these essences through representations.
All sensory and mental objects are not the thing in itself,
But are all representations of the thing.
The thing itself exists in a transcendent form we connect/access and experience.
When we lose connection to this higher world of essences,
Which all of our representations basically cue to,
We get depressed.
So depression I feel is fundamentally from this disconnection.
Even if you logically lay it out in language,
Like:
“I have xxx bank balance,
I have all these xxx items with me,
These great xxx relationships,
etc.”
If you cannot connect to the higher world of essences,
You would feel depressed.
On the other hand, if you do connect to this higher world of essences,
You would experience great joy/riches/bliss.
This connection is entirely invisible and cannot be directly seen,
But rather it can only be felt and experienced.
Only representations can be studied and seen.
And all of the objects in the sensory and mental worlds are representations.
They all cue/point to these higher world essences.
This connection is quite a bit independent from the circumstances of life,
Apart from fulfillment of all the usual basic needs.
That is why it is difficult to see any direct correlation,
Between a person’s circumstances and his/her level of happiness.
This may explain how some of the pioneers of the LSD experience,
Described their experience in terms like: ‘seeing the whole world in a grain of sand’ etc.
Logically you might think, ‘pff, that makes no sense, how can a sand grain be the world?!, nonsense etc.’
But on deeper inspection, I see that the grain of sand is only a representation,
And it is cue-ing/pointing to the higher object which is the “5th dimensional numinous essence of the world itself”.
There are many games right, where a portion of an animal is shown to you,
And you’d have to guess the animal.
The picture that is shown, (say of the animal’s eye alone) is not the animal right?
The animal that you guess it represents (say correctly) is because you mapped that picture to your mental object.
So the animal really exists only in your mental space as a representation.
And even the picture shown to you is also a fractional representation of it.
But however neither of these 2 things can give us the real connection we desire.
Because both are only representations at some level.
The true connection is to connect everything to god (in religious terms),
Or in philosophical terms I could say, it is to connect the representational forms to their essences.
It could be speculated that this ‘world of essences’ really exists, like Plato speculated.
But the real nature of it, I feel, is entirely mysterious.
All we know is when we connect to it through our representation,
We experience all the sought after feelings of wonder/comprehension/profound understanding/knowing and so on.
It is this recognition I long for,
I wish I could connect through everything to their higher essences.
The cycles of expansion and contraction
Inbreath – Outbreath
Heart contraction – Heart relaxation
Connection – Disconnection
Association – Dissociation
Mental well being – Mental haze/confusion
Emotional well being – Emotional upset
Physical well being – Physical pain
Union – Separation
Expansion – Contraction
Excitement – Fear
Relationship – Isolation
Heart contraction – Heart relaxation
Connection – Disconnection
Association – Dissociation
Mental well being – Mental haze/confusion
Emotional well being – Emotional upset
Physical well being – Physical pain
Union – Separation
Expansion – Contraction
Excitement – Fear
Relationship – Isolation
Meeting a twin-flame
When I saw her the first time,
There was instant recognition,
That instant recognition was instant love,
Instant oneness, Instant connection,
Instant comfort, Instant understanding.
I knew I knew her intimately,
Beyond how much she knew about herself.
I have known her forever.
Like meeting a long lost friend.
Like meeting an old lover from a past life.
Like meeting someone from the same soul family,
Made of the same dough.
The feeling of living in a well
I feel like I’ve fallen into a well,
And it is so much effort to shout and reach out to anyone or even anything,
And no one bothers to even peep in,
Nor are they even remotely interested in knowing where I am.
Like I’m ostracized, exiled, banished, outcast.
Like I’m dying, receding, fading, falling off the radar, falling off the map, falling off everything that is known.
Hope is wilting and dying, as I fall further into the well with every passing day.
More and more contact with the outside is relinquished because of the phenomenal effort it takes to maintain it from 200 ft under.
I have to scream at the top of my voice to be faintly heard outside, and the beings outside only hear my words, not me, so I am basically abjectly alone.
Never will be seen, never will be fully heard.
There is the crushing weight of despair, but hope pushes me to reach out with great resistance, only to get a few bread crumbs of outside engagement (obtained with disproportionate effort), and then I fall back into the darkness again.
There seems no way out of this well,
and I only fall deeper and deeper into it,
moving farther and farther away from contact with the land.
My whole life has been this way.
I could never achieve anything more than a superficial fleeting intermittent connection with the world/outside.
I have always lived in a well, in the cave of wonders, in the interior castles, in the dungeons of my subconscious, in the underside of the iceberg of humanity.
Except for occasional short bursts of outer engagement which have exponentially reduced with age.
I am in the unknown, in the mystery, living it everyday,
While every other I see appears to be far far away.
And it is so much effort to shout and reach out to anyone or even anything,
And no one bothers to even peep in,
Nor are they even remotely interested in knowing where I am.
Like I’m ostracized, exiled, banished, outcast.
Like I’m dying, receding, fading, falling off the radar, falling off the map, falling off everything that is known.
Hope is wilting and dying, as I fall further into the well with every passing day.
More and more contact with the outside is relinquished because of the phenomenal effort it takes to maintain it from 200 ft under.
I have to scream at the top of my voice to be faintly heard outside, and the beings outside only hear my words, not me, so I am basically abjectly alone.
Never will be seen, never will be fully heard.
There is the crushing weight of despair, but hope pushes me to reach out with great resistance, only to get a few bread crumbs of outside engagement (obtained with disproportionate effort), and then I fall back into the darkness again.
There seems no way out of this well,
and I only fall deeper and deeper into it,
moving farther and farther away from contact with the land.
My whole life has been this way.
I could never achieve anything more than a superficial fleeting intermittent connection with the world/outside.
I have always lived in a well, in the cave of wonders, in the interior castles, in the dungeons of my subconscious, in the underside of the iceberg of humanity.
Except for occasional short bursts of outer engagement which have exponentially reduced with age.
I am in the unknown, in the mystery, living it everyday,
While every other I see appears to be far far away.
The whole existence is a singular play
The whole existence is a singular play.
Where no thing is real, only the field is real.
Don’t be attached to any outcomes, because all outcomes are unreal.
Only the play is real, all its props/objects are its appearance.
Everything is relative.
Every change changes everything.
Because everything is connected and dependent on everything else.
In the highest view, nothing changes.
It is a singular field being itself.
Where no thing is real, only the field is real.
Don’t be attached to any outcomes, because all outcomes are unreal.
Only the play is real, all its props/objects are its appearance.
Everything is relative.
Every change changes everything.
Because everything is connected and dependent on everything else.
In the highest view, nothing changes.
It is a singular field being itself.
The guru is really your own higher self
The greatest pain (that I have experienced) is of separation and disconnection.
Whenever a person is connected, one can see a beehive around them, i.e. all the people attracted to that connection to source energy.
Everyone needs/longs for this connection to live/survive/thrive, and therefore everyone seeks this, they are drawn to all the conduits that transmit the source power.
So when a person gets firmly connected, his extent of connection determines the attraction gravity he/she sets up.
The more powerful their connection, the larger their energetic influence, and more the people sitting in their shadow and gravity.
The opposite is seen, when there is total disconnection, the energy/power then of the person is even smaller than their own body, they simply struggle to survive, hold their own coherence.
In transformation, one can be completely reduced to pulp approaching a total chaos of the creative force (it depends on the extent of transformation that is happening).
Buddha, Jesus, Krishna, Vivekananda, Lao Tzu and all the greatest spiritual teachers in history have had enormous connection to source power.
But the degree of connection visible is only the smaller part of the truth.
Don’t judge a work in its unfinished state, esp. when it has been dismantled totally into an incoherent chaotic pulp.
It only appears like there is no connection, but one is closer to the light than ever before and one is being DONE in its image. Being transformed, being resurrected, being remade.
The total unknowing, dark night of the soul where you are blinded (none of your instruments help in this terrain), makes you understand that it is not by your efforts (what you call ‘you’) that this transformation is happening.
Infact ‘you’ yourself are being remade by a higher power.
Really, everyone is looking for a conduit to grace/god/divine/…
When your longing is deep enough, it eventually(in time, as a journey) carries you to the greatest connection/wisdom.
Deeper the longing = Greater the transformation = Greater the power/wisdom/vision/inclusion = Greater the connection = Greater the transcendence.
The longing is the potential energy that will unfold into kinetic transformation/manifestation.
It is a process of ENFOLDMENT(longing, potential, seed sprouting) -> UNFOLDMENT(actualization, kinetic, tree becoming).
All desires are potentials, and their flowering are the trees.
It is from the ground of filth that the beauty of a tree emerges.
Both filth and beauty have their divine purpose and go together.
The outer guru, is a catalyst, the hope, the potential coming/appearing, the becoming, in manifest form.
When you meet your guru, you see your own potential in its manifest state.
Your recognition of the guru, is your inner recognition of your own higher self and higher potential/possibility.
That recognition of your own higher potential (projected as the outer guru) results in the surrender/devotion that follows.
All manifest is a projection of the inner experience.
The guru is yourself, none other than your own higher self appearing to you as the guru.
Your recognition of the guru, is your recognition of your own higher self/possibility/your own higher potential.
And the surrender/devotion/work that follows is the projection of your own higher self consuming/taking you/transforming you/absorbing you into itself.
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True communication is from connection
I used to ponder, what does it take to be a good public speaker?
I often face this issue of blanking out on stage and at times even blank out even when speaking 1-1 with someone.
On contemplating on the root of this, I realized the ultimate element is CONNECTION with the audience.
Connection is another name for ATTUNEMENT/RELATIONSHIP.
To speak to an other, we have to tune ourselves to their frequency.
Only then can we FEEL them.
And only in that ALIVE FEELING can a true alive communication happen.
Without that connection/attunement, the communication will seem rote/contrived/robotic/artificial/divorced/disharmonious with the actuality of the other person at that time.
This applies even when we listen to music.
Haven’t you noticed? – sometimes we tune into the feeling of the song (we are able to do that or naturally in that mood), and that is when we really feel it.
If we do not feel it, we hear the words/sounds but not the music.
Our mother forms the first connection in life.
That connection also illuminates your self (illuminated through the relationship).
If your mother is totally misattuned to you, then it would create enormous shame, unworthiness, undeservingness, and feelings of being bad/ugly/guilty.
It pushes the true self of the child in shadow, and the child develops a mother pleasing self to survive.
It also creates co-dependence (that misattunement is the basis for co-depedence, because the child then stays hyper-vigilant of the mother expectations out of fear)
It also creates a primal wounding/primal heart-break/primal separation and loneliness from the void created by the lack of attunement.
Then later in life, if we continue to relate to people based on what they want us to be and simply mirror that, it leaves us permanently in the shadow.
Real connection never happens, and as a result real communication also never happens.
I often face this issue of blanking out on stage and at times even blank out even when speaking 1-1 with someone.
On contemplating on the root of this, I realized the ultimate element is CONNECTION with the audience.
Connection is another name for ATTUNEMENT/RELATIONSHIP.
To speak to an other, we have to tune ourselves to their frequency.
Only then can we FEEL them.
And only in that ALIVE FEELING can a true alive communication happen.
Without that connection/attunement, the communication will seem rote/contrived/robotic/artificial/divorced/disharmonious with the actuality of the other person at that time.
This applies even when we listen to music.
Haven’t you noticed? – sometimes we tune into the feeling of the song (we are able to do that or naturally in that mood), and that is when we really feel it.
If we do not feel it, we hear the words/sounds but not the music.
Our mother forms the first connection in life.
That connection also illuminates your self (illuminated through the relationship).
If your mother is totally misattuned to you, then it would create enormous shame, unworthiness, undeservingness, and feelings of being bad/ugly/guilty.
It pushes the true self of the child in shadow, and the child develops a mother pleasing self to survive.
It also creates co-dependence (that misattunement is the basis for co-depedence, because the child then stays hyper-vigilant of the mother expectations out of fear)
It also creates a primal wounding/primal heart-break/primal separation and loneliness from the void created by the lack of attunement.
Then later in life, if we continue to relate to people based on what they want us to be and simply mirror that, it leaves us permanently in the shadow.
Real connection never happens, and as a result real communication also never happens.
Loneliness is the thirst for connection/relationship
Loneliness is a kind of thirst.
A thirst for what? A thirst for relationship/connection.
Thirst for ‘BEING’.
It is the thirst to BE.
BE what? Just to be anything, something…
OR a thirst to be more than what you are.
To ‘relate/connect’ is the same as the ‘Will to BE’.
Greater the ‘Will to BE’ = Greater is this thirst to relate/connect.
It is possible to BE anything only through relationship.
You are a some-body only in relation to other-bodies.
You are a personality only in relation to other personalities.
The self and other are emergent phenomena that are mutually interdependent on relationship.
The other does not have to be a person, it could even be ANY EXPERIENCE including abstract ideas, philosophies, inanimate objects etc.
Remove the relationship, and both the self and other vanish together.
The game gets disbanded, and identity is dissolved with it.
For example: In the movie ‘Cast Away’, Tom Hanks draws a face on a football and keeps talking to it to maintain his identity. If he did not do that, in the absence of all human contact, his humanness ITSELF would fade away (from the disappearance of ‘relationship’)
A ‘Relationship’ is the ‘AXIS’ that creates the respective players on both the sides.
Be it:
To love ——— To be loved [Axis]
To desire ——- To be desired [Axis]
To need ——— To be needed [Axis]
A relationship axis creates polarity, the 2 poles.
The poles are not fixed but can switch too.
A relationship is alive too, it is a dynamic, an alive dance.
We derive profound meaning from each other.
A profound dance transpires in every interaction.
The deeper we understand this, the more it brings out the depth.
Ultimately it is life interacting with itself.
That which is alive in me interacts with that which is alive in you.
I create myself through relationship with you, you create yourself through relationship with me.
Even what we call we call as negative relationship which includes seeing oneself as rejectible, contemptible, unlikeable, unlovable, unworthy, unfit, uninteresting, unimportant, unwanted, undeserving etc. is also a [REAL TANGIBLE INTERNALIZED NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIP IMAGE].
It is not non-relationship, because non-relationship would simply remove everything.
The loneliness is the helplessness of being unable to let go of this [internalized negative relationship image], and being unable to let go of identification with that.
That gets frozen inside us, and keeps getting reinforced in every interaction.
We ignore the interactions where that is not affirmed, and emphasize the interactions where it gets affirmed, and it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All identity works on this internalized bias, isn’t it? (whether positive or negative)
What would you be without that identity?
Isn’t that thought more terrifying than simply holding on to the known identity?
So it is like being caught between the devil and sea.
We hold on to the known devil, than let go into the unknown sea.
Unfortunately, this is trans-rational, there is no rational explanation that can truly convince you to let go into the sea.
The negative relationship identification eventually fades and wears itself out, plays itself out, and a new era is gently ushered.
We can help this process by accepting and fully experiencing everything.
We transcend this by FULLY EXPERIENCING the negative relationship imprint itself.
Feel your deepest loneliness fully with as much as you can muster, with the attitude of dropping into it, and giving in/allowing.
When fully experienced, when you feel it with your whole being and apply your whole mind and soul to it, even the loneliness will look sublime, and you will see it for what it truly is – a phenomenon.
A thirst for what? A thirst for relationship/connection.
Thirst for ‘BEING’.
It is the thirst to BE.
BE what? Just to be anything, something…
OR a thirst to be more than what you are.
To ‘relate/connect’ is the same as the ‘Will to BE’.
Greater the ‘Will to BE’ = Greater is this thirst to relate/connect.
It is possible to BE anything only through relationship.
You are a some-body only in relation to other-bodies.
You are a personality only in relation to other personalities.
The self and other are emergent phenomena that are mutually interdependent on relationship.
The other does not have to be a person, it could even be ANY EXPERIENCE including abstract ideas, philosophies, inanimate objects etc.
Remove the relationship, and both the self and other vanish together.
The game gets disbanded, and identity is dissolved with it.
For example: In the movie ‘Cast Away’, Tom Hanks draws a face on a football and keeps talking to it to maintain his identity. If he did not do that, in the absence of all human contact, his humanness ITSELF would fade away (from the disappearance of ‘relationship’)
A ‘Relationship’ is the ‘AXIS’ that creates the respective players on both the sides.
Be it:
To love ——— To be loved [Axis]
To desire ——- To be desired [Axis]
To need ——— To be needed [Axis]
A relationship axis creates polarity, the 2 poles.
The poles are not fixed but can switch too.
A relationship is alive too, it is a dynamic, an alive dance.
We derive profound meaning from each other.
A profound dance transpires in every interaction.
The deeper we understand this, the more it brings out the depth.
Ultimately it is life interacting with itself.
That which is alive in me interacts with that which is alive in you.
I create myself through relationship with you, you create yourself through relationship with me.
Even what we call we call as negative relationship which includes seeing oneself as rejectible, contemptible, unlikeable, unlovable, unworthy, unfit, uninteresting, unimportant, unwanted, undeserving etc. is also a [REAL TANGIBLE INTERNALIZED NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIP IMAGE].
It is not non-relationship, because non-relationship would simply remove everything.
The loneliness is the helplessness of being unable to let go of this [internalized negative relationship image], and being unable to let go of identification with that.
That gets frozen inside us, and keeps getting reinforced in every interaction.
We ignore the interactions where that is not affirmed, and emphasize the interactions where it gets affirmed, and it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All identity works on this internalized bias, isn’t it? (whether positive or negative)
What would you be without that identity?
Isn’t that thought more terrifying than simply holding on to the known identity?
So it is like being caught between the devil and sea.
We hold on to the known devil, than let go into the unknown sea.
Unfortunately, this is trans-rational, there is no rational explanation that can truly convince you to let go into the sea.
The negative relationship identification eventually fades and wears itself out, plays itself out, and a new era is gently ushered.
We can help this process by accepting and fully experiencing everything.
We transcend this by FULLY EXPERIENCING the negative relationship imprint itself.
Feel your deepest loneliness fully with as much as you can muster, with the attitude of dropping into it, and giving in/allowing.
When fully experienced, when you feel it with your whole being and apply your whole mind and soul to it, even the loneliness will look sublime, and you will see it for what it truly is – a phenomenon.
Journey to the Abstract 