What is this ‘world’, ‘human being’, ‘duty’, ‘responsibility’,… crap?
Why does the world need so much effort to run?
Doesn’t everything just happen by itself?
Even if we disappear, the world will continue as it is, wouldn’t it?
Why do we strongly believe we are ‘required’ or ‘needed’ in any way
Isn’t that just a burdensome responsibility we unnecessarily shoulder?
All responsibility seems largely imagined
If everything is happening by itself, then where is the responsibility?
The concept of responsibility comes because of the need we feel to make reality correspond to some kind of ‘image’
Our eyes are looking at everything through the context of a dead concept, a dead philosophy, a dead principle, or a dead ideology
And we orient ourselves with that which creates the dream of needing to change things to other than the way they are
And to the degree to which that dead xxxx orientation is not in line with actual life movement, to that degree we suffer
And life keeps on moving
It may totally align with our dead xxxx, in which case, we feel that is the truth and harden it up to stone
And then later, as inevitable as it is, life changes
Then this same dead xxx we oriented ourselves with starts torturing us.
What is the correct orientation to have?
The correct orientation is DIRECT SENSING/EXPERIENCE (pointer)
Any holding on is inevitably going to cause pain
Because ALL IS CHANGING, ALL IS MOVING, ALL IS A DREAM.
CHANGE is impossible
‘You’ cannot change anything
You very attempt to change is only resistance/violence
And you may add another layer of make-believe to cover up
But that just adds a layer and does not change anything
We only add our dream on top of life which flows underneath
We can only add and not change anything fundamental
Only change that is uncaused,
Can be free of such violence or additions
Life itself is change/a current/a flow
Whatever we do only adds resistance or adds new layers
I think it is the potential of pain/loss that matters.
Every being has something he/she values whose loss will impact the same way.
It is loss of what you love. All pain is that.
What is this cruel place, where things that you love are given to you, only to be taken away?
That causes me to withdraw all investment from all things.
Because ALL can be lost.
You can only love when there is security.
In my case, I feel the most profound insecurity imaginable.
The insecurity has infiltrated every nook and corner of my being and all I can do is shrivel and contract in fear.
Also, the more I look into existence, I see that EVERYTHING can be lost.
If all ‘things’ can be lost, all ‘experience things/objects’ can be lost.
If all experience potentials too can also be fundamentally and irrevocably lost, then loving any thing, that kind of investment, is going to come with the full-blown pain of losing it too.
If that is the case then all investments will bring the full pain of loss.
All can be lost, its only a matter of time, before a thing can be taken away from you. It is inevitable.
That is the truth of death, which is a subset of the truth of change.
I feel I cannot hide anywhere from this, its not like I can hide my money in a safe, ‘things’ are experientially taken away from me.
Change just makes them disappear.
This truth of emptiness is terror for my ego which is in charge of emotional investments.
I live in fear/contraction/tightly-grasping to what I have at every moment.
This is profound insecurity.
I live like I’m in an exile, a hostile place all around.
The most intimate things too can be taken away from you.
As a result, I experience both passing pleasures and pain with this background deep insecurity and contraction of my investments. I’m terrified in the background at these sweeping tsunamis of change of state.
Nothing can be hidden from the higher frequency subtler source/god.
Its not a matter of trust or mistrust anymore.
Its a question about fully imbibing the truth of CHANGE, and that I am no-thing. All the terror is about the digestion of this potion in your being.
The “now you have it, now you don’t” game has been so so intense for me from the deepest to the grossest levels, I am frozen with fear/mild terror and hard grasping for security.
I don’t have a leg to stand on, the ground is being removed from my feet all the time.
I must die into and become the abyss of change itself.