True communication is from connection

I used to ponder, what does it take to be a good public speaker?
I often face this issue of blanking out on stage and at times even blank out even when speaking 1-1 with someone.
On contemplating on the root of this, I realized the ultimate element is CONNECTION with the audience.

Connection is another name for ATTUNEMENT/RELATIONSHIP.
To speak to an other, we have to tune ourselves to their frequency.
Only then can we FEEL them.
And only in that ALIVE FEELING can a true alive communication happen.
Without that connection/attunement, the communication will seem rote/contrived/robotic/artificial/divorced/disharmonious with the actuality of the other person at that time.

This applies even when we listen to music.
Haven’t you noticed? – sometimes we tune into the feeling of the song (we are able to do that or naturally in that mood), and that is when we really feel it.
If we do not feel it, we hear the words/sounds but not the music.

Our mother forms the first connection in life.
That connection also illuminates your self (illuminated through the relationship).
If your mother is totally misattuned to you, then it would create enormous shame, unworthiness, undeservingness, and feelings of being bad/ugly/guilty.
It pushes the true self of the child in shadow, and the child develops a mother pleasing self to survive.
It also creates co-dependence (that misattunement is the basis for co-depedence, because the child then stays hyper-vigilant of the mother expectations out of fear)
It also creates a primal wounding/primal heart-break/primal separation and loneliness from the void created by the lack of attunement.
Then later in life, if we continue to relate to people based on what they want us to be and simply mirror that, it leaves us permanently in the shadow.
Real connection never happens, and as a result real communication also never happens.

Knowledge is the substitute for love

Knowledge is needed when you cannot see the thing/person, when you are not connected to the thing, when you are not ATTUNED to that thing.
So in such a state, you are essentially blind, and you’ll therefore need all kinds of memorized knowledge, facts, rigid methods and theories about the thing and use that to RELATE with the thing, which looks like a “black box” to you.
Knowledge is not required however when you can directly SEE the thing/person.
I could say, DIRECT SEEING = LOVE = DIRECT KNOWING/APPREHENSION.
For imagination sake, it is like a superior sense organ that directly sees/perceives/knows instantly.
How is this achieved? – By ATTUNEMENT.

I read a very interesting fact in psychology which now makes a lot of sense:
“The overly solicitous mother is that way to her child, PRECISELY because of her inability to LOVE/CONNECT/SEE the child which makes her resort to such a behavior as a SUBSTITUTE.”

Imagine the situation of the blind men and the elephant.
The blind men are blind from their lack of willingness to SEE (in this analogy).
So each of them explores different parts of the elephant and makes up complex theories on its structure, say.
But supposing you come along and you are in the KNOW/SEEING, then you can directly see the elephant, you can also see the blind men, you can also see their strange theories/deductions and last of all, you can also see the entire elephant and its structure instantly and clear as daylight.
That is the difference that connection/attunement/love/’direct seeing’ make.