Are others responding to what you expect from them? OR Are you responding to what others expect from you?
Are you conditioning others’ behavior? OR Are others conditioning your behavior?
Are we being the way we are because we are that way? OR as a response to what the other expects?
Are we ACTING or REACTING?
Do you expect to be treated a certain way? and that is why the other is simply fulfilling your own request? OR Are you simply behaving in accordance and taking on a role based on the other’s expectation?
These questions are like koans that lead you beyond.
Both sides are true.
Between the self and other, there is total mutual inter-relationship.
Deep psychoanalysis will at times tell you that if you are constantly abused then somewhere you are playing a 50% role of enabling it. You allow and attract such people and even allow their behavior because you want them to do that to you.
And the converse can also be explained. That if the other is a narcissistic bully he conditions your role i.e. to be a hostage for his rageaholic monologues etc.
So what is the truth?
Is your own expectation attracting such treatment? OR Is the bad other forcing you to behave that way to protect yourself?
Is our role and behavior in life conditioned by what others expect from us?
OR are others simply complying with what we expect from them?
Both are true and are simultaneous.
Since the mind can only grok one side at a time, we may bias ourselves to either seeing the self as responsible or other as responsible.
But in truth, both are happening simultaneously.
This simultaneity of occurrence cannot be grasped in one thought, it goes beyond the capacity of the linear mind to hold.
So we can examine only 1 at a time, but both are true.
From that higher level, we can see that there is only god.
The self, the other, their relationship, who is doing whom etc. is like the perspective puzzle of “Do you see 6 cubes or 7 cubes?”
The truth is – it is 6, it is 7, it is both, it is neither, all of the above, neither of the above, all of the above and beyond, neither of the above and beyond etc.