Frozen Heart and the pain of unfreezing

When your hand is frozen from ice exposure,
It feels numb and there is no pain,
But once you put the hand in warm water,
The unfreezing happens and now there is severe pain.
This is until the hand returns to room temp,
And then there is a new normal and aliveness, the pain stops.

The same applies to the frozen heart.
Even if an encounter results in you opening up and getting rejected,
Feeling the pain and anguish of rejection,
Is still better than leaving the heart frozen.
At least some unfreezing, feeling, and aliveness happened.
It is still sometimes better than feeling numb.

Love precedes all becoming and also drives it

Love precedes becoming and also drives it.
The dark night of the soul is in a sense the dark night of love.
It is when love directs itself towards disintegration, sublimation, transformation, dissolution, unbecoming, being more of a nobody and nothing, fading/vanishing/falling away into obscurity, into higher entropy and complexity, and returning to the formless.
This is the opposite of becoming, specialization, perfection, reputation, fame, status, being important, revered, recognized, impressive, charismatic, a somebody, shining/rising into limelight.
The latter could be called the bright day of the soul.

But it is not that the bright day is much better than the dark night.
It is a matter of perspective too.
Is waking better than sleep?
Is birth better than death?

All becoming is connected to magnetization,
That is by definition, love directed towards the latter direction described above.
To demagnetize is to unbecome.

From another angle,
All becoming is a sacrifice, it is some kind of limiting of the infinite into the finite.
This is the cost or the price paid for taking on any form, at any level.
Becoming is actually the reduction of possibilities.
When the love for becoming gets exhausted, one goes back, returns to the formless, until a new inspiration sprouts from within, takes hold of the being, and ushers a new becoming.
Returning to the formless brings back infinite possibility.

Love is like this purely irrational/trans-rational force,
That makes one leave the infinite to manifest as form in the finite realms.
But this same love is also responsible for taking one back to the infinite.
The same energy that wakes you up in the morning also puts you to sleep at night.
Maybe this is part of the fabric of existence itself.
Maybe this is part of the cycle of:
formless undefined —->—- emergence into form
rejuvenation —->—- expenditure
ascension —->—– descension
potential —->—– actual
shiva —->—– maya

Time makes and ends all

This post is some of my ramblings/excursions/visions about the nature of time.
Please leave your thoughts in a comment if any of this sparked something in you.

Time is the creator and destroyer of all forms.
Time is the creator and dissolver of all worlds and all beings.
Time is like the great potters wheel,
From which multifarious forms/worlds emerge and dissolve.
Time is not a thing, or anything, it is a no-thing, because all things are transformed in time.
Time is change, and everything changes, so there are no real things in time except as passing phenomena.
Time is like the ultimate player of forms, time can make or dissolve any form as it pleases.
Time is like an LED screen, that can manifest or null anything it desires.

Time is not bound to linearity or process, it just chooses to appear as such.
Time is both continuity and discontinuity, and can abruptly change 100% of contents if it wills it so.
An example of that would be the way a dream spawns itself in experience.
In the dream at night, time makes a non-linear shift in experience and there is a distinct discontinuity.
Though, once the dream spawns it may appear to have somewhat of a linear fluid story,
But the stage and its starting contents emerge instantly.
One experiences a completely different time process when in the dream state vs the waking state, and both have their own sort of linear continuity, but emerge instantly when the shift happens.
All the laws of physics are like specific linear processes that time chooses to manifest itself as.
The appearance of time should not be mistaken as the essence of time anymore than the nature of the movie should be taken to be the nature of the LED screen that shows it.

Gravity bends the flow of time into cycles.
They say, gravity is the effect and not a cause.
Gravity is created by the dips in the space-time fabric.
Like the sun makes a massive dip in the fabric, and therefore creates a large cone of gravity causing all the 9 planets to revolve around itself as a result.
But what created the sun, and what placed the sun in that position, to create that kind of dip to make all the 9 planets orbit around it?
One can regress with a linear story about formation of stars etc.
But this would be an endless regression, a kind of endless backstory, and maybe in reality none of that actually happened.
Like if your long lost school friend suddenly appeared in your dream, and you go on questioning him about his back story, it may sound convincing in the dream, but all that time never happened, the dream simply emerged/spawned all at once with him suddenly instantly standing in front of you.

The deeper I think about it, I feel there is no causation in reality.
The causation back stories we make up are like a projection backwards or forwards from the mind stuff.
That is why stories often begin with “Once upon a time…”, and the elements are simply laid out as facts at that point.
That is the junction point where non-linear time suddenly took on a linear story appearance (like the dream example).

The idea of Agents, Agency, and the Exercise of Agency are all illusions/appearances.
The whole moves the whole, no part moves the whole.
All of these exist when not seeing the bigger picture.
We use these ideas for convenience because the bigger picture is too complex.
Initially there is no self in time, there is only the flow of time.
Then time hardens up its own section forming a Self (the formative years), and the later part of its own flow is experienced as the outside world wrt. that formed self.
So good times create a good self, bad times create a bad self.
Subsequent good times may dissolve the bad self etc.
In the larger picture, the self we think we are is the gathering of a certain time segment.
It is like how we go on trips and carry our video cam with us.
Once the trip is finished, our recorded footage + our own memories become the trip we carry with us in time.
Similarly the Self is the recorded memory of times.
Your gain or loss of anything is not personal, it is the time path that creates those things.
All will power is just movement upstream, and eventually all that is gained through upstream movement is nulled.
Of course even all that is gained through downstream movement is also nulled, but the consolation is at least you did not put any effort to get any of those things.
An agent feels a sense of defeat once the downstream of time starts to work against his dreams/goals/wishes etc.
Like say you admired your older cousin when you were 12 years of age and he was 25.
You wanted to become 25 and possess all that independence, freedom, knowledge, strength, power, pleasure possibilities etc.
Then as you grow to be 25, time may grant you the same stature, you are happy and you have become the self you desire.
But now if you want to endlessly keep growing that, then time will bring old age, infirmity, sickness, death, losses and make that same self suffer.
The same time bestowed those graces and that same time took all of it away too.
The ignorance here is that, the self is taken to be independent of time and subject to it,
While the knowledge is that, the self itself is nothing but a hardened version of a time segment itself.
Even ones becomings/gatherings of personality/memory/possessions/relations etc. also belong to the time path.
A good person is a gathering/aggregate of good times, a bad person is the gathering/aggregate of bad times.
Even ones potentials, proclivities, predelictions, tendencies, possibilities belong to time.

So the self we believe we are is time’s property.
We falsely believe we are that hardened piece of time.
Our true self is only the witness.

The idea of progress

The very idea of progress,
Is connected to the following:

[Goals, purpose, meaning, values,
vision, judgments, understanding,
imagination, ideals, and knowledge].

Your [vision, imagination, understanding, and knowledge] forms the basis.
From that, the other derivates are obtained like [goals, purpose, ideals, meaning, values, and judgments].

Where do you see yourself in your own [vision]?
Where do you see all of the others as fitting into your [vision]?

There is only the ‘perception flow’

The winds of life,
The way they blow…,
Take you along,
For that kind of ride.

What you are now,
Is the result of past winds,
What you will become,
Is the result of winds that are yet to be.

But all becoming is transient too.
We are ever-transforming,
Becoming and unbecoming various things,
And changing with the winds.

The winds of time,
Give all gain and loss.
Time is the giver and also the taker of everything.
But all that we experience as gain or loss, are only of illusions.

The real is the underlying substrate of everything,
Which is ‘nothing’.
Only ‘nothing’ actually exists,
All else are its appearances and creative potentials manifesting.

Everything will change,
Because all of it is ultimately the dance of ‘nothing’.
There is only the dream,
There is only the ‘perception flow’.
The ‘nothing’ is your true nature.

Acceptance is the basis of true free will

Only after there is total acceptance,
Can there be any real free will.
Destiny is the stage on which the dance of free will is played out.

Without acceptance, one is in fight with destiny itself.
Destiny being ‘that which cannot be changed’,
Free will being ‘that which can be changed with one’s power’,
There is only resistance/suffering in vain, if trying to fight with destiny,
And this could consume most or all of one’s available free energy.

So I pray for 2 things:
May I have the wisdom to know what I can change, and what I cannot.
In matters where I do have the power,
May I have the wisdom to know what is worth changing, and what is worth letting be.

Pleasure and Pain musings

# Pleasure is beginnings, pain is endings
# Pleasure is expansion, pain is contraction
# Pleasure is success, pain is failure
# Pleasure is to seek, pain is to withdraw
# Pleasure is to accelerate, pain is to brake
# Pleasure is to birth, pain is to put to rest
# Pleasure is growth, pain is retardation/regression
# Pleasure is wonder, pain is horror
# Pleasure opens possibilities, pain collapses possibilities

All ‘Change’ is ‘Death’

All ‘change’ is ‘death’. 
# Growth is additive change
# Decay is depreciative change
# Transformation is total change

All change is death.
All change is life too.
Change is both death and life,
When looked at backwards or forwards in perspective.
To die is to live.
To live is to die.