Category: Sex

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Deeper aspects about BDSM

bdsm

Spectrum: Polarization:
Delicate target -to- outside violent strong sadist ——— Strong violent sadist -to- outside vulnerable soft target
Submissive(2C), Controlled(3C) ———- Dominator(2C), Controller(3C)
Note: C = chakra
BDSM is a higher polarized version of regular domination and control facets, and it falls on the ends of the bell curve.
The dynamic is between the poles: [dominator – submissive], [controller, controlled].
But take it to the extreme and you get harcore BDSM.
And since this is a spectrum, there are mild, medium, high forms of it too before the extreme end.

The sadist denies his vulnerability while the masochist denies his strength.
So the 2 look for each other, to stabilize and balance their consciousness.

This game can be played until it is interesting.
The way to come out of it is to acknowledge your denied side.
For the dominator to accept his vulnerability.
For the submissive to accept his power.
The shadow of the submissive is the dominant.
The shadow of the dominant is the submissive.
You are seeing your own “projected repressed qualities” in the others you attract, and thereby completing the denied consciousness via consciousness of the attracted other who is lived through vicariously.

Submissive, controlled:
The image of self is cathected to a tender, vulnerable, soft target -> and the other is seen as the violent predator looking to attack and destroy you.
Dominant, controller:
The self is cathected to being strong, powerful, invulnerable -> and the other is seen as a weak vulnerable creature to be attacked.
Spectrums:
The submissive is trying to kill of his power ———————– The dominant is trying to kill off his vulnerability
Attachment to helplessness/powerlessness ———————– Attachment to total power and agency

To be in-between is painful.
So the tendency is mostly to polarize to any one end.
And since addiction works on denial primarily, each is addicted to the other.
So those denied aspects prevent wholeness and set up desires which can get overpowering, because ultimately they are a desire to bring the repressed part into consciousness via. the other.
So the more your deny yourself a pole, the more extreme the desire gets to obtain that pole through the other in consciousness.
The beauty is, both recognize each other.
The dominator lives the vulnerability vicariously through the submissive he/she attacks.
The submissive lives the dominator role vicariously by receiving his/her power.

Society and conventional relationships too function on some degree of polarization.
In the typical societal dynamic -> girl = submissive, guy = dominant.
This is acceptable and the norm. If the guy or girl is extremely dominant or submissive respectively, then one moves further from the norm but is still somewhat accepted.
However, to be a dominant girl or a submissive guy falls out-of-sync with the polarization of conventional/typical society.
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Talking to new sexual interests often diminishes the fantasy/lust

When talking to a person, you witness their context and their activity within it.
When only seeing a person, you only witness their body.
It leaves a hole of context, because you do not know anything else about them.
Therefore you can substitute this hole in context with your fantasy (fantasy is a context and the object is only the prop in it).
That is why often sexual desire can dissipate after talking to someone.
Because earlier, you would sharply objectify them and tie them to your fantasy context.
Now after talking to them, you witness their real context which displaces the fantasy context and ends the lust a lot of times.
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Cycles of sexual potentials

Sexualized images -> mobilize pleasure -> and modify all behavior towards the procurement of that pleasure.
However, the sexualization capacity is directly related to the sex hormone – testosterone.
The cycles of testosterone circling determine the cycles of sexualization/pleasure capacity from previously sexualized images (carry a momentum).
Once sexualization feeling-image combinations are tapped into -> there is a pressure created in the system to release -> and when desire gets aligned to that, it carries a momentum with it and pulls the emotions and mind towards its fulfillment/release.
This pressure to release sexual feelings, as it builds up each time from the testosterone cycle is the prison.
The prison is of the modification of behavior (thought and emotion) for its purposes in cycles.
Its not completely imprisoning since it creates a compelling potential for a pleasure peak, but then there is a tendency to give-in to it.
What could be wrong with giving in, to a natural pleasure that gives you a cycle (opportunity/potential) or 2 a day?
Another angle here is the whole dopamine-prolactin cycle created. Each time you peak in dopamine when an orgasm happens, it is followed by a period of relaxation and total lack of desire for any more sexual activity.
Interestingly the sexual activities literally almost get disgusting in this prolactin phase.
Studying this illuminates its illusion which is quite interesting. How can something that was so desirable just minutes ago, seem so uninteresting and disgusting just after orgasm. There is just total disinterest for the very same object.
It is so dis-interesting, you immediately put it out of your consciousness and pursue something else.
Being unconscious of something shows the extent of disinterest.
You are so disinterested, that you literally want to take your mind completely off it, only to repeat it again the next day with the same intensity.
The inference I have come to from observing 1000s of such cycles is that, the nature of all sexual activity is EMPTY.
It is just like a short acting natural drug like cocaine which gives a rush of pursuit/focus -> peak/orgasm -> release/relaxation/satisfaction/afterglow.
The mechanism seems to be the same.